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redsoxboy123
02-20-2011, 10:32 PM
Hey guys! Whats up? :D

I have an outline and I'm looking for feedback and a MENTOR.
The story involves 4 teenage friends (3 boys and a girl) who are rebelling against society.

The 1st chapter is an introduction to the characters. Look for any spelling errors/grammar/prose(?) and anything else.

If I get a few responses I will post the 1st chapter. See you later! :D

BlackBriar
02-20-2011, 10:49 PM
You're looking for feedback on your outline or first chapter?

redsoxboy123
02-20-2011, 10:53 PM
1st chaper.

BlackBriar
02-20-2011, 11:17 PM
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=133279

That might be the better option. You'll need 11? more posts though.

dancingandflying
02-21-2011, 01:06 AM
If you're just looking for feedback on your first chapter, it might be best to post it in SYW (depending on how long it is; if it's long, you might post excerpts from it...). Or are you looking for a beta reader for the entire work?

If it's just the first chapter and you do end up posting it in SYW, post a link and I'll take a look.

d&f.

abctriplets
02-21-2011, 07:30 AM
You also might want to be a bit more specific about your project. It sounds like Young Adult. If it is, mention that it is YA. Some people are specific about the age/genre of what they read/write.

redsoxboy123
02-25-2011, 01:11 AM
Thanks guys! :D

It is a YA novel. There is a lot of drama, some action, some romance, and a whole lot of other stuff.

Right now I'm re editing the first 4-5 chapters because other people have said that I lacked details and to give my main character a voice. :D

The 4 friends are only 14 years old and they make some bad choices later on in the story. They do drugs/alcohol and other stuff... I'm trying to make my story as realistic as possible.

The four friends are a diverse group:
The leader of the team is named James.
His friend Chris like anime and is a Karate black belt.
His other friend loves computers and he has a girlfriend.
What do you think of my character's personalities?

What if I post the 1st chapter here or somebody gives me a PM if they want to take a look? :D

See you later!

redsoxboy123
09-11-2011, 09:01 AM
Hey guys its me. Is anyone interested in giving me feedback on my plot outline?

heidirebecca
09-22-2011, 12:40 PM
I'll have a look at it. I don't really check my PMs but it actually sounds like the same sort of thing I'm working on (but not tooooo similar) with YA, group of kids, bit of romance, adventure, etc.etc. If you still need someone, maybe we could exchange some pieces (when I get my beginning up to scratch). hit me up anyway, i'd love to help. -> icountsheep@gmail.com

Hirvan
09-26-2011, 08:48 PM
The 4 friends are only 14 years old and they make some bad choices later on in the story. They do drugs/alcohol and other stuff... I'm trying to make my story as realistic as possible.


Sounds like a pretty good concept, however the bit I quoted is the only bit I have a problem with.

You say you're trying to make it realistic. Firstly, not all teens do drugs (and this is coming from a 17 year old). I think it'd be interesting if all of them but one did drugs, and they made fun of him for being 'scared'. Also, 14 is slightly young to start taking drugs. Yes, some of the people who start taking drugs younger may start at 14, but most, if they took them at all, would start at around 16.

I think it'd be cool if they were all different ages. What if one was 14, who started taking drugs at a young age, one was sixteen, the one who likes computers I think you mentioned, and he can be the one who doesn't do drugs, and the leader could also be sixteen but older than the other or maybe seventeen. I think it'd be kind of cool if they were a mixture of teenage ages and not all fourteen, especially if you want to make them do drugs.

Also, you may want them to come clean from drugs as the plot nears it's end, as it can show they're not as 'bad' (but you can keep them slightly rebellious) and having people who take drugs achieving something great could be frowned upon by being seen as a 'bad influence' to teens (who I assume are you target audience). I'm not saying be afraid, and you could maybe keep one doing drugs or make them 'recover' near to the end, I'm just saying you don't want parents to see your book as TOO MUCH of a bad influence.

Other than that, I think the concept sounds pretty good. J was just suggesting ideas and you don't need to take them all on board, or you don't need to listen to any of them at all, they're just suggestions.