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- Feb 6, 2011
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In gratitude for the many, many “Pet Peeves” and “Helpful Hints” columns that agents like to post for writers, here’s one just for them. The following Top Five Helpful Hints for Agents is the result of both my own querying experiences and trolling writers' forums while drinking too much red wine.
Querying Writer: Never heard from Agent A-list, so I’ll close this one out.
[Opens database, decides to check NYC weather first]
QW: There was that snow storm last month. Maybe my email didn’t go through, and since I’ve been reworking my query anyway…
One month later…
QW: Still haven’t heard from Agent A-list-- but then again that lunar eclipse may have gotten in the way, and I did add a catchy new subtitle….
Note to non-responding Agent A-lists everywhere: writers earn a living by making things up. No means no, but silence is the fertile ground in which dark and twisted re-queries come back to life again… and again… and again…
- Agent Bios
- The Vague “Wish” List
- The Faux Personalized Rejection
- Snail Queries Only
- No Response = No Interest
Querying Writer: Never heard from Agent A-list, so I’ll close this one out.
[Opens database, decides to check NYC weather first]
QW: There was that snow storm last month. Maybe my email didn’t go through, and since I’ve been reworking my query anyway…
One month later…
QW: Still haven’t heard from Agent A-list-- but then again that lunar eclipse may have gotten in the way, and I did add a catchy new subtitle….
Note to non-responding Agent A-lists everywhere: writers earn a living by making things up. No means no, but silence is the fertile ground in which dark and twisted re-queries come back to life again… and again… and again…