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View Full Version : It's Robert Burns' birthday. Would anyone care to address a Haggis?



Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:22 AM
I'll be here waiting.

cray
01-26-2011, 12:23 AM
:e2moon:

Mr Flibble
01-26-2011, 12:26 AM
I ate Haggis for my tea. Was yummy. My hubby reckons he tastes better with whiskey sauce though.

Medievalist
01-26-2011, 12:27 AM
Herewith I offer you the etymology of Haggis (http://morphemeaddict.com/news/haggis), and a discussion of Burns Night (http://poetry-talk.com/news/burns-night).

Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:27 AM
That's not very nice.

Guards, seize him.

eta: cray, that is. Seize cray. I'm certain defenestration is called for.

Chris P
01-26-2011, 12:30 AM
Hello Haggis. There, I've addressed you.

And I was hoping to try haggis when I was in England, but didn't get a chance. Sort of like chitlins here; everyone know about it, but nobody will get me any.

KellyAssauer
01-26-2011, 12:32 AM
A yellow, yellow, arse

O that Cray’s like a yellow yellow arse
that’s newly sprung in June
O that Cray’s like flatulence
and fouls thy room with fumes...

:D

cray
01-26-2011, 12:33 AM
Hello Haggis. There, I've addressed you.

And I was hoping to try haggis when I was in England, but didn't get a chance. Sort of like chitlins here; everyone know about it, but nobody will get me any.

chris,...

oh, wait. can you hold on a sec?


That's not very nice.

Guards, seize him.

eta: cray, that is. Seize cray. I'm certain defenestration is called for.


:e2moon:



thanks for holding, chris. yeah. um, as i was saying,....
there's a reason why no one will get you any.

Cella
01-26-2011, 12:33 AM
I don't know what you want from me.

eta: cray butted.

Chris P
01-26-2011, 12:35 AM
I don't know what you want from me.

eta: cray butted.

The bottle of wine you have for grandma is probably high on the list.

Priene
01-26-2011, 12:35 AM
And I was hoping to try haggis when I was in England, but didn't get a chance.

Any haggis that tries to cross the Scottish border is butchered by our Inedible Foodstuffs Extermination Squad. There's a big pile of decomposing sheep stomach and offal in a field near Berwick-upon-Tweed.

dpaterso
01-26-2011, 12:36 AM
Dear Mr. Haggis,

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!

-Derek

cray
01-26-2011, 12:37 AM
A yellow, yellow, arse

O that Cray’s like a yellow yellow arse
that’s newly sprung in June
O that Cray’s like flatulence
and fouls thy room with fumes...

:D

nice!

*looks around*


this kid has chops.
which are way better than any haggis. ever.

*ports post the poetry subforum*

Mr Flibble
01-26-2011, 12:38 AM
Any haggis that tries to cross the Scottish border is butchered by our Inedible Foodstuffs Extermination Squad. There's a big pile of decomposing sheep stomach and offal in a field near Berwick-upon-Tweed.


I get mine smuggled in over the border from Fort William. Costs a fortune in backhanders.






Or my local deli does them too - proper ones.

alleycat
01-26-2011, 12:39 AM
Sure, I'll address Haggis, and mail him too. "Return to Sender"

Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:42 AM
Herewith I offer you the etymology of Haggis (http://morphemeaddict.com/news/haggis), and a discussion of Burns Night (http://poetry-talk.com/news/burns-night).

The difficulty of the dialect has in some cases obscured the bawdy nature of many of his lyrics, in other cases editors have neatly excised the lyrics to remove "obscene language."
My bold.

Sounds like a similar indignity a certain dead American author has recently been forced to endure.

milly
01-26-2011, 12:42 AM
awry

:)

yes, that's the only Burns I can think to insert here...tried to think of a way to squeeze in Tam O Shanter but...well, nevermind me people....hehe

Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:43 AM
Dear Mr. Haggis,

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!

-Derek
*ports post to foreign language forum*

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 12:47 AM
Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie snout
Great chieftain o' MacBuster's louts?

Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:49 AM
Close, Peachpits, close. But not quite.

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 12:50 AM
How about a kick in the nuts instead?

alleycat
01-26-2011, 12:51 AM
It's also Virginia Woolf's birthday.

I'm afraid of her.

Haggis
01-26-2011, 12:57 AM
How about a kick in the nuts instead?

Can you say that with a Scottish dialect?

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 12:57 AM
Ye wantin' a boot in the nuts, ye fuckin' mangy bastard ye?

dpaterso
01-26-2011, 12:59 AM
Oy! Family forum! Your potty mouth!

-Derek

alleycat
01-26-2011, 01:00 AM
Ye wantin' a boot in the nuts, ye fuckin' mangy bastard ye?
I might have to put that in my signature.

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 01:00 AM
I should have said canine testes?

KellyAssauer
01-26-2011, 01:24 AM
No shorter life a thread 'as lived
Then when our Peaches
proclaims it swyv'd...

(I got a million of 'em)

Haggis
01-26-2011, 01:24 AM
How would Rabbie have said it?

I mean, considering family forum and all. :D

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 01:41 AM
I know what this thread needs!
http://i980.photobucket.com/albums/ae287/scarlettparrish/Gerard%20Butler/GerardButler90.jpg

alleycat
01-26-2011, 01:43 AM
It was only a matter of time . . .

cray
01-26-2011, 01:43 AM
meh. i think she should grow her hair out a bit.

Haggis
01-26-2011, 01:44 AM
Ugly gal, that.

alleycat
01-26-2011, 01:46 AM
Nice shoes though.

Don Allen
01-26-2011, 01:49 AM
Ye wantin' a boot in the nuts, ye fuckin' mangy bastard ye?



Y:Hug2:ou never cease to excite me.

rhymegirl
01-26-2011, 02:19 AM
I always get Robert Burns and Robert Frost mixed up.

Which is which?

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-26-2011, 02:20 AM
I had a pome all writ... and then I saw Gerry and it flew plumb outter m'head.

Oh! Wait... I think it's comin' back.

I think that I shall never see
A Haggis who does not have to pee.
Indeed, the rocks and trees and flowers
All show evidence of his showers.

Translate that one into Gaelic, somebody. I bet it'd be a smash hit... somewhere.

alleycat
01-26-2011, 02:21 AM
I always get Robert Burns and Robert Frost mixed up.

Which is which?
Robert Burns talks funny.

rhymegirl
01-26-2011, 02:23 AM
Robert Burns talks funny.

Oh.

That clears it all up.

scarletpeaches
01-26-2011, 02:30 AM
Cometh the man, cometh the hour,
Cometh the peeing, mangy chihuahua.

Is he in Heaven? Is he in Hell?
Probably both, if you judge by the smell.

I thank you.

KellyAssauer
01-26-2011, 02:38 AM
Cometh the man...


Do you ever worry that your opening scenes are becoming predictable?

:D

Cliff Face
01-26-2011, 03:25 AM
Aye.

Haggis
01-26-2011, 05:52 AM
I always get Robert Burns and Robert Frost mixed up.

Which is which?
Burns has been dead longer.

Haggis
01-26-2011, 05:54 AM
Cometh the man, cometh the hour,
Cometh the peeing, mangy chihuahua.

Is he in Heaven? Is he in Hell?
Probably both, if you judge by the smell.

I thank you.
As long as you roll your Rs in this, it's quite passable. :)

rhymegirl
01-26-2011, 06:10 AM
Burns has been dead longer.

As the Horror mod, I guess you would know that. :)

dolores haze
01-26-2011, 06:18 AM
Dear Haggis,

"Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner..."

Love,
Dolores

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 06:20 AM
I'll pass on the haggis; however, Hubby and I will celebrate his birth this evening with a toast of single malt scotch (Lagavulin 12 for me).

Sla'inte, Bobby.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot ...

BenPanced
01-26-2011, 06:24 AM
OFF THE COUCH, DOG!

OFF!
THE!
COUCH!

Haggis
01-26-2011, 06:43 AM
Dear Haggis,

"Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,
Detested, shunn'd by saunt an' sinner..."

Love,
Dolores

This brought a tear to me eye. It certainly did.


I'll pass on the haggis; however, Hubby and I will celebrate his birth this evening with a toast of single malt scotch (Lagavulin 12 for me).

Sla'inte, Bobby.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot ...

Lagavulin's me poison as well. I'll have to see if I can find any tomorrow. Missed it tonight.


OFF THE COUCH, DOG!

OFF!
THE!
COUCH!
:(
*makes a statement in BP's shoe*

Haggis
01-26-2011, 06:58 AM
I can't help you either, only Belvenie and Macallan here...
I'll make due. :D

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-26-2011, 07:01 AM
What? You didn't like my offering?

Haggis
01-26-2011, 07:07 AM
What? You didn't like my offering?

Sorry Ol' Broad. I'm back and forth watching political TV, yelling at what's being said and then coming back here, but,



I think that I shall never see
A Haggis who does not have to pee.
Indeed, the rocks and trees and flowers
All show evidence of his showers.

That one is precious. I'll always treasure it. As long as I have me some whisky.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-26-2011, 07:13 AM
That's better.

And since we're Moving Buddies, I'll even share my stash.

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q172/liadano/scotch.jpg

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 07:14 AM
Lagavulin's me poison as well. I'll have to see if I can find any tomorrow. Missed it tonight.


Went with Talisker Distiller's Edition.

Listening to Robert Burns' music on CDs. Ooohh, yeahhhh.

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 07:16 AM
That's better.

And since we're Moving Buddies, I'll even share my stash.

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q172/liadano/scotch.jpg

Whoa. Puts my 72 expressions to shame! :Hail:

Haggis
01-26-2011, 07:23 AM
That's better.

And since we're Moving Buddies, I'll even share my stash.

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q172/liadano/scotch.jpg

:e2thud:

BenPanced
01-26-2011, 10:26 AM
OFF THE COUCH, DOG!

OFF!
THE!
COUCH!


:(
*makes a statement in BP's shoe*
I'm barefoot tonight, dorg.

cryaegm
01-26-2011, 10:57 AM
I'll be here waiting.
D: Off-topic, I know, but why is your avatar so scary? I glance at it and I think it's something else besides a little doggie that doesn't like its picture taken.

alleycat
01-26-2011, 10:58 AM
That's not a little doggie, that really is a photo of Haggis.

bettielee
01-26-2011, 12:20 PM
I have no Haggis, but I do have this week old sausage that's starting to look funny. And smell funny.

Yer welcome to it.

Bmwhtly
01-26-2011, 01:44 PM
Haggis Haikus? Surely not!

Is it little dog?
Is it delicious eating?
Both shall now be cooked.

*reads that back. Tears up poeting license.*

alleycat
01-26-2011, 01:46 PM
I have no Haggis, but I do have this week old sausage that's starting to look funny. And smell funny.
That IS Haggis!

dpaterso
01-26-2011, 01:58 PM
Mayhap ye'll be able to taste it yersel' soon.

Scots government bid to overturn US haggis ban
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-12259126

-Derek

RobJ
01-26-2011, 02:05 PM
I heard people talking yesterday about vegetarian haggis.

It's a funny old world, innit.

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 02:07 PM
Well, then, they'll be talking about a lite scotch whisky next.

alleycat
01-26-2011, 02:11 PM
Well, then, they'll be talking about a lite scotch whisky next.
How about ankle-length kilts for those formal occasions?

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 02:13 PM
Gah!

alleycat
01-26-2011, 02:24 PM
What about, instead of bagpipes, they develop a tuba bagpipe? Maybe a little tuba on the end of each pipe.

Snowstorm
01-26-2011, 02:29 PM
I'm trying to imagine that instrument in a marching band ...

alleycat
01-26-2011, 02:32 PM
Bagpipers march slow. It's hard to keep that bag blown up and march quickly.

Cliff Face
01-26-2011, 03:12 PM
That's why we need more swimmer-bagpipers in the marching bands. Those swimmers can really move while out of breath!

Haggis
01-26-2011, 04:02 PM
Mayhap ye'll be able to taste it yersel' soon.

Scots government bid to overturn US haggis ban
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-12259126

-Derek
:snoopy:

Haggis
01-26-2011, 04:05 PM
D: Off-topic, I know, but why is your avatar so scary? I glance at it and I think it's something else besides a little doggie that doesn't like its picture taken.
<----This is not scary.

This is scary:

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/hello_kitty.gif

Bmwhtly
01-26-2011, 05:00 PM
This is scary:http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/frontsquare/d415_hello_schroddy.jpg

*watches tumbleweeds*

Hey, Burnsy, Birthday surprise!
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Matt/Its-like-that-scene-from-Aliens,-but-with-more-cake.png

kayleamay
01-26-2011, 05:41 PM
I'm reporting this entire thread to PETA.

And if they don't do anything, I'm telling God.

And if nothing happens then, I'm calling the RNC.

cray
01-26-2011, 05:52 PM
i agree with kayleamay,....
haggis is immoral.

Bmwhtly
01-26-2011, 07:44 PM
haggis is immoral.Idiot, that's not how you spell delicious!

Haggis
01-26-2011, 08:14 PM
i agree with kayleamay,....
haggis is immortal.

Why, thank you, cray. Nice of you to notice.

rhymegirl
01-26-2011, 08:45 PM
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/hello_kitty.gif

Oh, that's so cute.

Haggis
01-26-2011, 09:14 PM
Oh, please.

*spews in the corner*

rhymegirl
01-26-2011, 09:20 PM
Oh, please.

*spews in the corner*

Would you prefer a nice big photo of Stephen King in a Speedo?

Haggis
01-26-2011, 09:35 PM
I'll pass, thank you.

cray
01-26-2011, 10:13 PM
wait.
....aren't chihueys obligated by some biological mandate to always spew into someone's shoe?

dolores haze
01-26-2011, 10:22 PM
My dog used to love chowing down on vomit. Even his own. So, go clean up your mess, Haggis.

cray
01-27-2011, 01:24 AM
Okay, now you guys have me curious(er)

Where on the East coast can I find Lagavulin?
It doesn't look like I can find it Pennsylvania...




where are you?
it's around here. and you know i'm like, right here, yanno, in PA.

KellyAssauer
01-27-2011, 01:27 AM
Just west of "Paternoville" so the state stores can get it?

cray
01-27-2011, 01:31 AM
are you sure you live in pennsylvania? :D






check the link i put in your reps. ;)

Haggis
01-27-2011, 01:46 AM
I'm pretty sure if you come out of your den and see your shadow you can get Lagavulen. If not, you'll have to go to Jersey.

Haggis
01-27-2011, 02:03 AM
He better have left. If I see that little sucker next week he's a goner.

BenPanced
01-27-2011, 05:01 AM
My dog used to love chowing down on vomit. Even his own. So, go clean up your mess, Haggis.
What separates man from animals

Human: Oh, no! I just vomited! I'd better call a lawyer and sue that restaurant where I had dinner!

Dog: Oh, no! I just vomited and HEY! LOOK! MORE FOOD!

Haggis
01-27-2011, 05:06 AM
It ain't just the vomit either. :)

Bmwhtly
01-27-2011, 01:29 PM
Okay, now you guys have me curious(er)

Where on the East coast can I find Lagavulin?
It doesn't look like I can find it Pennsylvania...
Don't buy Lagavulin!

Unless you've got a shed that needs tarring.

Buy Bowmore 12 instead. It's so good that if you drink it, you start to grow wings and a halo.

Priene
01-27-2011, 03:37 PM
Where on the East coast can I find Lagavulin?


Try Morrisons in Lowestoft. Oh, not that East Coast.



Don't buy Lagavulin!

Unless you've got a shed that needs tarring.


You're a heretic and unbeliever who's going to burn burn burn.

Haggis
01-27-2011, 04:14 PM
You're a heretic and unbeliever who's going to burn burn burn.
QFT. And I'm going to toast marshmallows in the fire.

Bmwhtly
01-27-2011, 04:47 PM
You're a heretic and unbeliever who's going to burn burn burn.


QFT. And I'm going to toast marshmallows in the fire.Marshmallows?

If I'm to be eaten after my mild burning, wouldn't it be better to cook some bacon?

Haggis
01-27-2011, 05:00 PM
Good idea. Bacon, not unlike Lagavulin, has that nice, smokey taste.

Bmwhtly
01-27-2011, 05:06 PM
Bacon, not unlike Lagavulin, has that nice, smokey taste.You compare something as gewd as bacon with that gutrot?

May your dogdish remain empty, you absolute monster.

Haggis
01-27-2011, 05:32 PM
Bite your tongue, sir. Lagavulin is the ambrosia of the Dogs.

Bmwhtly
01-27-2011, 05:42 PM
Lagavulin is the ambrosia of the Dogs.This I agree with.

I, however, prefer the ambrosia of the Gods. Bowmore 12!

Haggis
01-27-2011, 05:46 PM
I did have a Bruichladdich once that I highly admired.

Snowstorm
01-27-2011, 08:42 PM
Don't buy Lagavulin!

Unless you've got a shed that needs tarring.


And I'll bring the chocolate to snack on with the marshmallows while we watch ... you ... squirm ... in ... the ... flames .....