Requesting outside eyes for an 83k UF, specifically focusing on pacing, style, and overall improvements to make it marketable. Spelling/grammar, as well as line-by-line, not necessary unless you really want to. I prefer honest, professional crits that target what is and is not working. I understand time commitments, so am willing to send in chunks rather than one huge, honking document.
Below is the query for a snapshot of the MS. Feel free to PM if interested:
The plan was simple: decapitate the undead, receive payment, pay the mortgage. Marcus Shifter, son of an influential, magically Skilled family, followed the plan perfectly.
The corpse, however, did not.
Now there’s a body on the loose and the evidence points towards Simeon Franks, a reformed dark-Necromancer. But Marcus knows he’s innocent. After all, he was the one who asked Simeon for help.
Unfortunately for Simeon, the ruling council for the Skilled is more concerned with maintaining their unsteady peace with the non-magical Normals than they are in the facts. In the wake of being declared guilty without trial, Simeon flees to the Underground where anonymity is the key to survival.
Feeling responsible, Marcus pursues him only to discover his path riddled with obstacles. Not only have his powers atrophied due to years away from his trade, but something has scared his usual informants into hiding. Worse, the only remaining source for guidance is a drunken Oracle whose visions of death and dismemberment are not helping. But when his search places him directly between an unknown force causing chaos and his peace-obsessed council, Marcus finds that Simeon is not the only one being hunted.
UNDEAD CHAOS an energetic, 83,000 word urban fantasy set in present-day Washington D.C. It follows Marcus’ attempt to not only fix a crisis of his own creation, but also keep his head on his shoulders despite uncovering a decades-old secret, falling in lust, and burning down a bar.
Below is the query for a snapshot of the MS. Feel free to PM if interested:
The plan was simple: decapitate the undead, receive payment, pay the mortgage. Marcus Shifter, son of an influential, magically Skilled family, followed the plan perfectly.
The corpse, however, did not.
Now there’s a body on the loose and the evidence points towards Simeon Franks, a reformed dark-Necromancer. But Marcus knows he’s innocent. After all, he was the one who asked Simeon for help.
Unfortunately for Simeon, the ruling council for the Skilled is more concerned with maintaining their unsteady peace with the non-magical Normals than they are in the facts. In the wake of being declared guilty without trial, Simeon flees to the Underground where anonymity is the key to survival.
Feeling responsible, Marcus pursues him only to discover his path riddled with obstacles. Not only have his powers atrophied due to years away from his trade, but something has scared his usual informants into hiding. Worse, the only remaining source for guidance is a drunken Oracle whose visions of death and dismemberment are not helping. But when his search places him directly between an unknown force causing chaos and his peace-obsessed council, Marcus finds that Simeon is not the only one being hunted.
UNDEAD CHAOS an energetic, 83,000 word urban fantasy set in present-day Washington D.C. It follows Marcus’ attempt to not only fix a crisis of his own creation, but also keep his head on his shoulders despite uncovering a decades-old secret, falling in lust, and burning down a bar.
