Why Is It Always a Fight? ;)

It might be "things in general" that are making people grumpy; the weather, winter, the after Christmas blahs, colds and flu, the economy, not enough sunshine . . . after a while it can get to people.

Button said:

Any other pushovers who allow themselves to be pushovers just to avoid the fighting and do it yourself?

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Yep. All the time.

RedWritingHood said:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Button
Any other pushovers who allow themselves to be pushovers just to avoid the fighting and do it yourself?

Yep. All the time.

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Nope. Decided to be single instead


Otherwise, that's always my job. I fix or point out what folks screw up or can't do right, basically. I'm damned good at it and get to learn a lot about a ton of things What can I do from beginning to end? Nobody ever cares

Button said:

Any other pushovers who allow themselves to be pushovers just to avoid the fighting and do it yourself?

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Allowing yourself to be manipulated by others in an effort to be diplomatic or "easy going" can be as unproductive as taking on every confrontation with a defensive stance. It is an art to know when to let something go and when posturing is the most appropriate course of action. However, if someone is snapping at you for their own mistakes, allowing it to continue without protest or calling attention to the matter is inadvisable.

It can also depend on if you want to be friends more than you want to do their work for them.

Maybe they're just used to you taking care of things for them. I say, persevere!

DeaK said:

Maybe they're just used to you taking care of things for them. I say, persevere!

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Exactly. I used to "take care of things" because it was easier than getting other people to do their part. When I finally got tired of it, it took everyone (including me!) by surprise. There was a definite readjustment period but now people know that I'm not going to do something that isn't my 'job' - unless they ask really nice and I damn well feel like it.

Button said:

Lately, though, I've been asking for help fixing these errors, sending back work that wasn't done right.

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Button, editing coworker's writing is a big part of my job. If changes are minor and for obvious errors, I just fix them and go on without mentioning it to the author. I don't think anyone wants, or needs to hear "You put that apostrophe in the wrong spot." But for article-length pieces with lots of changes (say, the entire thing was riddled with redundancies and written in snore-bore passive voice) I edit it thoroughly in MSWord with Tracked Changes. I then send it back to them and tell them they can accept or reject my changes themselves.

I save my own copy separately though, in case I need to re-insert any changes they might be too ignorant to accept.

Even if something is awful, I don't send it back and ask them to fix it. I fix it, because they had their chance when they wrote it, and because it's my job to make our company sound smart to the outside world. If these people wrote and edited at the level I do, the company wouldn't need me.

DeaK said:

Maybe they're just used to you taking care of things for them. I say, persevere!

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Yep. You've changed the game on them and people don't like that.

I'm a pushover when it comes to chores around the house.

I've bitched on AW a number of times about how I'm the only one in the house who cleans up after himself, yet everyone always turns to me to clean up when their mess gets too in-your-face. Previously, I would've cleaned all of it up at request. Now, I accept stuff like vacuuming and wiping over surfaces, but make the messy people clean up their own trash. Sometimes it's a matter of cleaning an entire room, except for the mugs left in the wrong places, the empty beer bottles from sis scattered about, and the various magazines/letters/pieces of trash that are covering most surfaces.

So I'm a total pushover in that sense, because I still clean a good portion of the house even though I don't really make the mess myself. And I do it to avoid an argument. The one time I pointed out that I made less mess than anyone else and put in more effort, sis called "Bullshit" falsely, and mum called "We work, you don't". I didn't bother arguing with them. Total pushover.

Leaving their litter in places is my passive-agressive response.

...

In much lighter news, sis and her boyfriend (who practically lives here, though doesn't clean or contribute to rent and bills) are moving out in just under a week. So hopefully the house won't get quite so messy anymore, at least not as fast as before.

And I'll actually have a chance to use the washing machine when I need to, instead of sis doing laundry 3 days a week, and mum doing it all weekend. Even on days when the machine is free, the clothes line isn't. Grr.

And no more of sis's boyfriend's peanut butter-covered knives! I mean, seriously! How hard is it to make a sandwich, and wipe the excess peanut butter onto the bread OR back into the jar? That's what I do - knives you can barely tell have been touched by peanut butter. But sis's boyfriend (the only other peanut butter eater in the house - he eats more of it than I do, and has he ever replaced a jar? No!) leaves knives with enough peanut butter on them that it really makes you step back and wonder if he has any sense left.

...

Oh, and it seems I'm the only person who has ever taken out the garbage in this house. Mum will sometimes come home and say to me, "It's bin night!" and then promptly sit on her arse and watch TV. Oh yes, I forgot - I always take out the bins. Can't you tell I just love doing so? Smelly garbage really brings out my loving side... *headdesk*

/rant

But yes, I'm a pushover because I don't want to have arguments.

Clifface, I'm exactly the kind of housework pushover you are. The problem is, I care whether the house is clean. Nobody else does. I don't know how to make them care. So I clean.

I happen to be a nice person... but I think I'm a pushover out of genuine uncomfortableness with any sort of confrontation or argument. Fear, instead of niceness.

Who wants to marry Cliff now?

I used to be a huge pushover, but I got sick of it. And I wouldn't ASK the person if they checked for errors, I would just send the shit back and say "YOU NEED TO CHECK THIS FOR ERRORS. THERE ARE MANY ERRORS"

Seriously. You teach people how to treat you. If you take their crap, you will have to take it FOREVER. Or kill them and make sure you hide the body well. <-- see? smiley face. Now you would never suspect me.

Oh, and I care what the house looks like too, but I'm actually bordering on a cleaning phobia. I can only clean happily when I'm alone. This past week I wanted to clean the house up real nice, but sis was home from work the 3 days I wasn't working, and she was almost constantly in the lounge room, which is right by the kitchen, and those 2 areas are the most needing a good cleaning...

I couldn't bring myself to clean while she was there. Ah, the joys of phobias...

No idea what that stems from. Perhaps it's because they expect me to clean, and I feel like they'd just sit there looking smug if I did it while they were home? I don't know... but it's a real problem.

I very much look forward to living on my own. I don't make much mess, clean up after myself as I go, won't be having children or pets with me... and then if things do get dirty (say, if I don't have a dishwasher, or if I get a bit sloppy in the process of cooking something like pasta sauce...) I'll be alone, so I'll happily clean up ASAP.

I'm a very complicated little Smurf.

Button said:

I'm still trying to be super nice to people.

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Could be a mistake. Super-nice people don't need to try, they're just super-nice and it shows. When I sense someone who isn't naturally super-nice trying to be super-nice, I get a ringing in my ears. It sets me on edge.

Just relax and be yourself, and don't worry so much.

I'm not a pushover. I used to be, but eventually I got sick of running my ass off while everyone else sat around and chatted. I really got sick of it when they started expecting me to run my ass off so they could sit around and chat. I do my job well and there are people that I volunteer to help out (because they work hard too). I will not go out of my way to help a lazy person. I don't ask people to do my job for me and I don't ask for help unless I genuinely need it. I expect the same from my co-workers. If they think this makes me a bitch, so be it.

backslashbaby said:

Nope. Decided to be single instead

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Ha! Ditto. (Life is just much easier that way)

Devil Ledbetter said:

Button, editing coworker's writing is a big part of my job. If changes are minor and for obvious errors, I just fix them and go on without mentioning it to the author. I don't think anyone wants, or needs to hear "You put that apostrophe in the wrong spot." But for article-length pieces with lots of changes (say, the entire thing was riddled with redundancies and written in snore-bore passive voice) I edit it thoroughly in MSWord with Tracked Changes. I then send it back to them and tell them they can accept or reject my changes themselves.

I save my own copy separately though, in case I need to re-insert any changes they might be too ignorant to accept.

Even if something is awful, I don't send it back and ask them to fix it. I fix it, because they had their chance when they wrote it, and because it's my job to make our company sound smart to the outside world. If these people wrote and edited at the level I do, the company wouldn't need me.

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^ What DL said.

Cliff Face said:

Leaving their litter in places is my passive-agressive response.

Ha! Actually, now that you're working they can't say use the "Well, we work and you don't line" anymore.

In much lighter news, sis and her boyfriend (who practically lives here, though doesn't clean or contribute to rent and bills) are moving out in just under a week. So hopefully the house won't get quite so messy anymore, at least not as fast as before.

He's sis's problem now. She'll see. Then maybe she'll appreciate you more once she realizes she's going to be taking over the "cleaning" role once they live together for awhile.

Oh, and it seems I'm the only person who has ever taken out the garbage in this house. Mum will sometimes come home and say to me, "It's bin night!" and then promptly sit on her arse and watch TV. Oh yes, I forgot - I always take out the bins. Can't you tell I just love doing so? Smelly garbage really brings out my loving side... *headdesk*

Actually, that one's reasonable. My bro and I take out the garbage so mom doesn't have to. That specific shore is your duty as her child.

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Oooo...fancy italics ^

bettielee said:

Who wants to marry Cliff now?

I used to be a huge pushover, but I got sick of it. And I wouldn't ASK the person if they checked for errors, I would just send the shit back and say "YOU NEED TO CHECK THIS FOR ERRORS. THERE ARE MANY ERRORS"

Seriously. You teach people how to treat you. If you take their crap, you will have to take it FOREVER. Or kill them and make sure you hide the body well. <-- see? smiley face. Now you would never suspect me.

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Same here. I don't tolerate the stuff I used to, especially at work. However, I can still be too much of a "people-pleaser" sometimes since I just like avoiding confrontations anyway no matter where I am, whether it's work, home, dating, etc. But I'm not a doormat anymore.

kayleamay said:

I'm not a pushover. I used to be, but eventually I got sick of running my ass off while everyone else sat around and chatted. I really got sick of it when they started expecting me to run my ass off so they could sit around and chat. I do my job well and there are people that I volunteer to help out (because they work hard too). I will not go out of my way to help a lazy person. I don't ask people to do my job for me and I don't ask for help unless I genuinely need it. I expect the same from my co-workers. If they think this makes me a bitch, so be it.

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Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I have a coworker who's more like you, She's been with the company over 20 years so she doesn't take crap from anyone anymore, including our supervisors. lol. She tells it like it is. I wish I could be more like that actually, but even though I'm more assertive these days, I'm still too submissive or overly accommodating with coworkers sometimes. She's my role model. Maybe one day.

I used to have some rude coworkers when it came to sidework at the restaurant where I worked. I would get lower tips because I'd actually make up more than one creamer set, for instance (little creamer pitcher, sugar cubes, etc, for folks who ordered coffee). So I started coming in early, making 15 of them, and then warning folks that 5 were mine and only mine. (I did this with the bar station for lemon zests, etc, too, lol).

You should have seen me if if someone wanted my fifth while we were in the weeds Wasn't gonna happen!!