Need Help Moving a Scene

Status
Not open for further replies.

Hannah

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 29, 2005
Messages
305
Reaction score
27
Hello, I don't normally write fiction (i'm a non-fiction writer), but I started a story about two months ago. The first three pages just came out really quickly, but now one of my characters is stuck in a diner and I can't seem to get her out of there.

Brief synopsis;

The story is a thriller/suspense. In the opening scene, a loud scream comes from an alley in the inner city. Three friends were hanging out on a street corner and heard the screams, but later on, a naked woman with blood curdling down her face ran towards them. One of the women (Lola) noticed that it was their friend, Rachel. She (Lola) sent the other character to a diner to get help. The character walks into the diner, becomes paralyzed with shock, and informs a waitress that her friend needs help. Meanwhile, the other character, Lola, is still with Rachel (the bloody character).

I can't move my character out of the diner or move the scene along. Do you have any tips? :flag:
 
Last edited:

Hannah

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 29, 2005
Messages
305
Reaction score
27
I'm sorry, that should read: I can't move my character out of the "diner" not dinner.
 

alleycat

Still around
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 18, 2005
Messages
72,891
Reaction score
12,242
Location
Tennessee
Have a fat cop be in the diner having coffee and a doughnut (make that three doughnuts) and he grabs the character and tells her to take him to the woman bleeding.

or

Instead of a waitress, have it be a short order cook and he takes the character out with him to see what happened.

or

Just have the woman scream "I've got to go back and help Lola (or Rachel). Please, call the police. Please." and run out of the diner.

ac
 

Cathy C

Ooo! Shiny new cover!
Kind Benefactor
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 5, 2005
Messages
9,907
Reaction score
1,834
Location
Hiding in my writing cave
Website
www.cathyclamp.com
The character walks into the diner, becomes paralyzed with shock, and informs a waitress that her friend needs help

Okay, let's ask a few "whys" here:

1. WHY does she tell a waitress? Does she expect the waitress to call someone and, if so, who?

2. If she doesn't have money for a pay phone that's fine, but why not have her ask if she can use the office phone?

3. I don't know about the paralyzed with shock thing. If you need her for the next scene badly enough that you can't leave her in the diner hanging out and being shocky, then you need to make her more action oriented. Why not have the pay phone be out of commission, and the waitress freaked out at her appearance so that she has to go beyond the diner to find help? Can the character run out again, looking for a policeman?

4. Is this the character's town, or is she unfamiliar with her surroundings? That would make a big difference in how she approaches an emergency like this.

Edited to add:

Alleycat's suggestions are all terrific. Any of these would work too.
 
Last edited:

Julie Worth

What? I have a title?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
5,198
Reaction score
915
Location
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hannah said:
I can't move my character out of the diner or move the scene along. Do you have any tips?

If it's me, and the character digs in her heels, refusing to leave, it might be that she's right. Maybe the scene isn't finished. Maybe more things need to happen in there before she can leave. Maybe the entire book!

So listen to your characters.
 

Hannah

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 29, 2005
Messages
305
Reaction score
27
Thank you all for the great advice.

The character in the diner (I still call her "character" because I haven't decided on a name yet) did try a pay phone but it didn’t work. That's when she ran into the diner. They are in a big city where most of the street phones don't work (especially in a bad neighborhood).

Lola (the woman outside with bloody Rachel) had to tell XXunknown nameXX to run for help. She was in shock. The character is weak and suffering from multiple personality disorder, but no one knows it at first.

In the end, there will be revelations about the "no-name character". She will turn out to be the serial killer who is preying on these women, but with a twist (she's not really a she, she's a man in drag, but she has them all fooled). So, her dazed and confusion state is when she switches personalities, but doesn't know if she committed the crime, but she thinks she did.

Why do I keep typing in "dinner" and it's "diner" :Hammer:
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.