Bad Writing - The Other Kind - Please Help Me!

Kate Thornton · Dec 3, 2010

I don't know what to do. Please keep in mind that I like these people a lot and hope the best for them.

I have been encouraging a friend-of-a-friend to complete a manuscript, chatting with said author on rare instances and delighted to find out we belong to the same writer's groups.

The author's significant other and I see each other professionally fairly often - that's how we came to be acquainted- and I like them both very much.

I'm being deliberately vague to spare feelings, although I very seriously doubt the author posts here. (Pretty sure, in fact)

The self-published book is now out, and is well, dreadful. Not just clunky-writing dreadful, but plot-makes-no-sense-at-all dreadful. To make matters worse, the commercial description on the Well Known Book Supplier's page reads like a nightmare and will more than likely discourage any sales at all other than the one to me. This could be fixed by the author with a bit of nudging, I think. I am just not inclined to nudge. They are both over the moon to have a book out.

Today the Author's Significant Other asked if I had read it yet. I said I was still going through it. They are expecting a nice review, but I will not be able to do that. Please help me, what can I say?

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelers.

.

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

You could be vague and noncommittal while still being honest -- "You certain have a unique storyline and writing style . . . I can tell you've put a lot of yourself into the book . . . I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it . . . it reminds me somewhat of the early work of Jane Austen" (when she was six years old) . . .

Kate Thornton · Dec 3, 2010

Thank you - yes, I plan on being vague, I just needed a push. I like your phrases a lot.

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

Filter your review through me.

"Girl, it's shite."

For a small fee, I will run interference between you and this person. Yes, I'll upset them but hey, might as well get paid for what I'm good at, huh?

For a few extra chocolate bars and a Colin Farrell DVD I'll throw in some insults like, "This was so bad it made me vomit until my eyeballs bled. How many trees died for this shit? I mean, really? This made my head ache worse than that time I jammed it in a fucking door and skinned my forehead. I felt stupid then, but reading even the first page of this sorry excuse for a novel made my IQ drop by 100 points. Now I feel like I'm only capable of holding a conversation with a fucking cabbage. Good DAY to you, Madam!"

Et voila. Problem solved. They hate you, never speak to you again, no more reviews expected. You're welcome.

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

Kate Thornton said:
Thank you - yes, I plan on being vague, I just needed a push. I like your phrases a lot.

Or you could use the "active listener" technique. Mostly just quote parts of the book back to the writer, with very minor comments interspersed about the images and feelings they're suppose to convey (you don't have to say that they didn't, just that you understood what the writer wanted to say). The writer will probably hear what he or she wants to hear.

Or just ask questions, typical of what a book reviewer might do on TV. "How did you come up with the idea of the handsome prince actually being a toad frog instead of the other way around? It certainly came as a surprise to me."

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

In all seriousness...will being vague help this person improve? Do they want to improve? If not, isn't your time too valuable to spend on a writer who's already happy as they are?

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

scarletpeaches said:
In all seriousness...will being vague help this person improve? Do they want to improve? If not, isn't your time too valuable to spend on a writer who's already happy as they are?

The answer to both is probably no.

The point is just to get out of this without causing a lot of damage to a friendship.

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

In which case I should leave the advice to other people, what with me not being too good at keeping friends...

*cough*

What?

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

scarletpeaches said:
In which case I should leave the advice to other people, what with me not being too good at keeping friends...

*cough*

What?

Irregardless, I still love you.

;-)

backslashbaby · Dec 3, 2010

I'd say that, since I started writing myself, I always want to change everything I read

Then I'd quickly add something small that I did like a lot.

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

alleycat said:
Irregardless, I still love you.

;-)

Please die now.

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

scarletpeaches said:
Please die now.

Someone needs a hug.

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

Don't make me hurt you all in the nice lady's thread.

Susan Coffin · Dec 3, 2010

scarletpeaches said:
Filter your review through me.

"Girl, it's shite."

For a small fee, I will run interference between you and this person. Yes, I'll upset them but hey, might as well get paid for what I'm good at, huh?

For a few extra chocolate bars and a Colin Farrell DVD I'll throw in some insults like, "This was so bad it made me vomit until my eyeballs bled. How many trees died for this shit? I mean, really? This made my head ache worse than that time I jammed it in a fucking door and skinned my forehead. I felt stupid then, but reading even the first page of this sorry excuse for a novel made my IQ drop by 100 points. Now I feel like I'm only capable of holding a conversation with a fucking cabbage. Good DAY to you, Madam!"

Et voila. Problem solved. They hate you, never speak to you again, no more reviews expected. You're welcome.

Oh Scarlet, you are incorrigible! :Hug2:

quicklime · Dec 3, 2010

scarlett, unpleasant?

surely, you jest.....

bottom line is you will need to run your own equation and balance your desire to help, conscience from lying, conscience from honesty, possible fallout, etc. I see plenty here I consider less than stellar, and some I walk away from the monitor in a jealous fit over.....folks are all over the bored. But that does mean there's some who are just not good, and you either tell them or don't, but there's no easy "yes" or "no" to that question.

Peaches does get points though; I may rip her rant off for my exit interview someday when I quit work.

Kate Thornton · Dec 3, 2010

OMG, you guys make me laugh!

I have been worrying too much about this. Thank you for your help. Alleycat & SP, you are both right. No reviews. And I'm not interested in helping the author improve, either, just didn't want to lose them as friends over their"baby" -

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

quicklime said:
Peaches does get points though; I may rip her rant off for my exit interview someday when I quit work.

Let me know when you're leaving; I'll write the script. Payment will come in the form of satisfaction of a job well done, a resignation well tendered and an ex-boss well pissed off.

Susan Coffin · Dec 3, 2010

Kate,

I had a similar problem- my friend published a novel that really was a good story, it's just that is writing was poor. He had someone edit it for him who did not know what he/she was doing, also, which made matters worse.

He was rejected by two agents and decided to self publish. I tried to talk him out of it and into doing more work on his book, but he was dead ready to go forward.

I told him it was a fun story (it was) and what I liked about it, because there were some things I did like. I did not mention the poor grammar or anything like that. I don't know what I would have done if he asked for a review.

Susan Coffin · Dec 3, 2010

quicklime said:
scarlett, unpleasant?

surely, you jest.....

Never! Just an outrageous sense of humor!

Kate Thornton · Dec 3, 2010

Susan Littlefield said:
I told him it was a fun story (it was) and what I liked about it, because there were some things I did like.

I wish the story made sense. I will try to find something about it to like (other than it is mercifully short...)

.

alleycat · Dec 3, 2010

Susan Littlefield said:
Never! Just an outrageous sense of humor!

She just needs a visit from the Care Bear.

(Ignore the incoming death threats.)

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

Right, you. Outside.

Susan Coffin · Dec 3, 2010

Kate Thornton said:
I wish the story made sense. I will try to find something about it to like (other than it is mercifully short...)

Honesty is the best policy, though, no matter how you choose to say it. When the time is right, you will figure out what to say.

Susan Coffin · Dec 3, 2010

scarletpeaches said:
Right, you. Outside.

Who? I want to know, because if you are sending me out I need my jacket, gloves, scarf, beanie, long underwear, warm socks, and my mother's quilt she made me while I was a meanie teenie. It's really cold!

scarletpeaches · Dec 3, 2010

alleycat and me are gonna have words. Mostly "Ow," "Ouch," and "Please stop hitting me with that shovel, SP."

Bad Writing - The Other Kind - Please Help Me!

Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere

Still around

Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere

Still around

Still around

Still around

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Still around

Tell it like it Is

all out of fucks to give

Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere

Tell it like it Is

Tell it like it Is

Still Happy to be Here. Or Anywhere

Still around

Tell it like it Is

Tell it like it Is

*