Advice? i'm writing to many: "he said:"

Most people read past the word "said." Look at a page of dialogue from a book you admire, and actually count all the "saids" in it -- you may be surprised. Certainly using said is better than forcing other kinds of tags onto your dialogue("ejaculated" and "uttered", etc.) which can seem amateurish.

You can also sometimes write dialogue without using any dialogue tags at all, if it is clear who is speaking from the context.

For example:
Paul grabbed his coat off the chair. "I'm leaving now, and you can't stop me."
I stared at him. "What the hell?"
"I just can't take it any more, okay? I have to get out of here."

You don't have to tag every line of dialog. That will help you cut down on some "he said"s for starters. Here's an example:

"I like your boat," Libbie said.
"Thanks," Paul said. "It's not bad, for a boat."
"Let's take it out and go for a ride!"
"Not today. The water's too choppy, and the hull is leaking."
"What a disappointment."
"Maybe on a calmer day."

Try not to use too many words in place of said (i.e., avoid using words like cried, shouted, growled, etc.) Said and asked are words that disappear for the reader (unless you use them with every line of dialog), while substitute words will just distract the reader from what's really going on in the scene.

Ooh...BrooklynLee beat me to it!

I'd rather read a page full of said than read one line of ejaculated dialogue.

Carpinttas said:

I'm not an English native speaker, so excuse me for the OMG so noob question...

Click to expand...

Not a noob question. It's a good question. Dialogue takes practice, reading, and listening to people's speech.

My advice: ignore the saids and keep writing. It's something you can edit later. Mostly, you seek and destroy those 'said's that aren't needed, for example, when it's obvious who's talking.

You can add 'beats', which are descriptions of action mixed into the dialogue.

"Maybe you'll get to tell that to God sooner than you think." He cocked the pistol next to my ear.

You can use another verb, but not too many of them. It works best when someone is not simply talking, but whispering, shouting, crying, choking, etc.

She loosened another button on her blouse. "Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer," she whispered.

Finally, there are adverbs. ["...." she said, seductively.] But in some quarters, adverbs, or too many of them, will get you sent straight to hell.

dangerousbill said:

Finally, there are adverbs. ["...." she said, seductively.] But in some quarters, adverbs, or too many of them, will get you sent straight to hell.

Click to expand...

An example of when you might use an adverb to describe a line of dialog is when the "default" intended meaning isn't the meaning you want.

To use your example:

She loosened another button on her blouse. "Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer," she whispered [seductively].

The seductively is already implied by the removal of her clothes and the whispering and is therefore unnecessary.

But if it were instead:

"Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer," she whispered seductively. She cocked the pistol next to my ear.

The dialog doesn't necessarily tell you how she said it. Could be it was a dry, firm voice. Could be it was coy. But it's still possible to write that paragraph without the adverb.

"Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer." The cocked pistol against my ear belied the seductive whisper.

seun said:

I'd rather read a page full of said than read one line of ejaculated dialogue.

Click to expand...

But it really sticks to the page.

Adverbs or a different word may be useful when the way the character says it is different than the surface meaning of the words:

"I'm going to f*** you," he whispered.

If you can move away from adverbs, however, do it. Adverbs fall in the "tell" category. A writer should be challenged to "show" via the dialogue or body language of the character instead of resorting to telling through adverbs. There are, however, occasions when it's not possible, especially since we don't have "tone of voice" or facial expressions to rely on as with actors in movies.

"Why don't you come to my apartment? Drink a little wine..." he whispered, caressing her arm.
is more seductive than
"Come to my apartment," he said seductively.


Others have given great advice on how to reduce tags or use action/body language.

You can also use (sparingly) one of the character's name's in the dialogue, thus identifying who is speaking. I say sparingly because it has to work with the dialogue or it will seem too obvious.

For example, one character might order another "I told you stay in the house, John."

Or use the other's name for seduction, "I really love you, Jill."

Or a parent might use a child's name, "Be home by twelve, Joseph."

DeadlyAccurate said:

"Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer," she whispered seductively. She cocked the pistol next to my ear.

Click to expand...

I like your version better...

maestrowork said:

Adverbs or a different word may be useful when the way the character says it is different than the surface meaning of the words:

"I'm going to f*** you," he whispered.

Click to expand...

I can't believe you said it again.

BrooklynLee said:

You can also sometimes write dialogue without using any dialogue tags at all, if it is clear who is speaking from the context.

For example:
Paul grabbed his coat off the chair. "I'm leaving now, and you can't stop me."
I stared at him. "What the hell?"
"I just can't take it any more, okay? I have to get out of here."

Click to expand...

Those are called beats, and while your example here is fine, you have to be cautious about overusing them. A combination approach is best, leaning toward an extra "said" or two. Worse is to force the reader to backtrack to figure out who said what.

whimsical rabbit said:

I can't believe you said it again.

Click to expand...

A good line of dialogue bears repeating.

Carpinttas said:

How come I have read the sentence:

over ten times in the seven hours I have been registered? LoL

Click to expand...

Highly likely because I've been online at various points throughout these seven hours, possibly posting at the same threads you have.

Carpinttas said:

How come I have read the sentence:

over ten times in the seven hours I have been registered? LoL

Click to expand...

Welcome to the Water Cooler, mi amigo!

Carpinttas said:

How come I have read the sentence:

over ten times in the seven hours I have been registered? LoL

Click to expand...

"I never believed the letters to Penthouse were true until I registered at AW...."

DeadlyAccurate said:

"Perhaps you'd like to stay a little longer," she whispered seductively. She cocked the pistol next to my ear.

Click to expand...

Perhaps "cocked" isn't the word you want to use in this context. Could be ambiguous....

Make dialog easier by keeping most conversations between two people. Then you can have fewer tags.

Warm regards,

Lucie