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View Full Version : "Mommy doesn't have a real job." (A rant)



heyjude
12-01-2010, 06:06 PM
So my kid was on the phone with my hubby (who travels often) and I overheard her say "Well, Mommy doesn't have a real job." I almost fell out of my chair.

Listen, I wanted to say, I cook three meals a day. I clean the house. I do all the laundry. I pay the bills. I manage the accounts. I hire people to do the things around the house that I can't. I chauffeur two kids hither and yon, to school and back every day and to events. I bathe the kids, make sure their homework is done correctly, attend conferences, volunteer at the school at least once a week, and make time to have lunch with each kid once a week. I care for three elderly animals, one with special needs who needs a lot of attention. I run the children's ministry at church. I work out every day. I grocery shop and make sure everyone has shoes that fit. I cram in my writing on the side, when it won't interfere with anyone else's schedule. And I do it all with very little help. Usually no help at all, since dear hubby is often gone, and I do my best to do it all with a smile.

I'm no saint, and I'm not looking for praise. It's what all SAHMs do. I just needed to vent.

Any other SAHMs out there sometimes feel unappreciated?

Wayne K
12-01-2010, 06:19 PM
I didn't appreciate my Mom till I was on my own. I think most kids dont.

I'd rather work a rock pile 10 hrs a day than be a SAHM. I'm lazy :D

cray
12-01-2010, 06:20 PM
kids are kids. they won't know to appreciate you until they become people.



and husbands are idiots. we don't know what the hell to say or do around chicks so yanno.....

we're confused. we want to say and do the right thing but the truth is that we have no clue. see what i wrote up there about the kids? i know it's probably the wrong thing. i said it anyway. i'm an idiot around women.




*walks on hands across the thread*


did you see that!!!!

Undercover
12-01-2010, 06:22 PM
OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God you are so right on the mark on this one. I totally feel unappreciated. I cook, clean, pick-up after everyone, cabbing the kids around. Laundry, dishes, making the beds, food shopping...and now decorating on top of all that. And then when I sit down to write, it's like "Oh, God, Mom's on the computer again." I am like HOLY SHIZZ, that's when they notice me? When I am quote on quote "not doing something" when really mom is over there typing her brains out to make money for them????

Yeah honey, I am totally in the same boat with you.

Hey, I'll say it first, I appreciate you! I appreciat the fact you can relate and that I am not alone.

Excellent post, I'd say!

stormie
12-01-2010, 06:26 PM
All I can say is, "Yep, been there, heard that." Makes you want to cry, doesn't it? They'll realize all you do sometime down the road.
:Hug2:

heyjude
12-01-2010, 06:31 PM
Aw, guys, thanks so much. :Hug2: I felt bad about posting this, like I'm a whiner. I wouldn't trade my "not a job" for a million dollar a year position. Really. But boy, it felt so good to let off some steam.

And did you guys see Cray walk across the thread on his hands? Way cool!

Wayne K
12-01-2010, 06:33 PM
Plus, you get to hang this over their heads when you get older. It goes a long way if you play it right

I'll send ya my mother's number if ya want

rhymegirl
12-01-2010, 06:37 PM
i'm an idiot around women.

I think you should make this your sig line.

CheyElizabeth
12-01-2010, 06:41 PM
For what it's worth, I could never be a stay at home mom. I'm simply not that talented. What you do is WAY harder than any day job I've ever had. Your kiddo will appreciate it when he's older. =)

NewKidOldKid
12-01-2010, 06:42 PM
I'm sorry, but the truth is that you don't have a real job. Not in the traditional definition of going to work and getting paid for it. I'm not saying being a stay-at-home mom is not a lot of work. I'm sure it is. But it's not a job. If you volunteered at a local animal shelter for six hours a day, you wouldn't be able to call that a job. It's a volunteer position. Being a SAHP is the same thing. Sort of a volunteer position. I know people want to call it a job, but it's really not.

ETA: Sorry, maybe that didn't come out right. What I meant to say is that "mom doesn't have a real job" is true. In fact, it's completely, 100% accurate. That doesn't necessarily mean your work at home and as a mom is not being appreciated. To kids, things are clear: a job is when you make money doing something. You don't, so it's not a job. I wouldn't take the comment as meaning your child doesn't appreciate what you do.

robeiae
12-01-2010, 06:44 PM
SAHM?!?!?!

Bloody sexism! (from a SAHF ;))

rhymegirl
12-01-2010, 06:46 PM
Aw, guys, thanks so much. :Hug2: I felt bad about posting this, like I'm a whiner. I wouldn't trade my "not a job" for a million dollar a year position. Really. But boy, it felt so good to let off some steam.


I was a SAHM for quite a few years. I felt the same way you do. What was that Rodney Dangerfield line, "I don't get no respect, no respect at all!"

My feeling was my family would have been lost without me, totally lost. Sometimes I used to say, "I'm moving to Alaska, you guys are on your own!"

You can't put a price on the things a mom does for her family. No paycheck. But some thank yous are always nice to hear.

Maybe you could design a name tag to wear that says HOUSE MANAGER. Then the kids would see you have a title and might tell other kids, "My mom is a house manager."

quickWit
12-01-2010, 06:46 PM
I'd just like to point out that you aren't supposed to cram your writing in 'on the side' as you stated in your OP, jude.

At least, the people who've read my writing have told me to cram it...elsewhere. Perhaps that's the trouble?

Don't mention it. I'll see myself out.

Undercover
12-01-2010, 06:47 PM
I'm sorry, but the truth is that you don't have a real job. Not in the traditional definition of going to work and getting paid for it. I'm not saying being a stay-at-home mom is not a lot of work. I'm sure it is. But it's not a job. If you volunteered at a local animal shelter for six hours a day, you wouldn't be able to call that a job. It's a volunteer position. Being a SAHP is the same thing. Sort of a volunteer position. I know people want to call it a job, but it's really not.

Well I didn't volunteer to be a mom, it just happened. And you're right, it isn't a job...it is a gift to be a parent and yes it is alot of work, but I disagree on not getting paid, we as parents reap much more value and worth than money can ever give.

Williebee
12-01-2010, 06:47 PM
I'd like to make you feel better about your kid's perception problem (and that really is all that it is; it's completely normal).

But the "why don't you get a real job?" is just the beginning. It comes around the same time as the "no money? Just go to the bank and get some more or use that card thingie." and the "Well, DUH!s". It will be followed by a dozen or so other equally frustrating "insightful" observations.

Those will be punctuated by moments of almost unbearable cuteness and acts of love so sweet -- that are so overwhelmingly powerful -- you will be struck with a profound thankfulness that you did not throttle the little urchin earlier.

:)

NewKidOldKid
12-01-2010, 06:50 PM
Well I didn't volunteer to be a mom, it just happened. And you're right, it isn't a job...it is a gift to be a parent and yes it is alot of work, but I disagree on not getting paid, we as parents reap much more value and worth than money can ever give.

Oh, I don't doubt that at all. I'm just saying that it's not a job by the true definition of the word, so the kid is not actually wrong and the OP shouldn't really be upset. I don't think it's an insult because... well, it's true.

robeiae
12-01-2010, 06:52 PM
On the kids' perception thing: mine get it. They really do. They like telling people that I stay at home and that I write. I think the biggest reason why they get it, however, is my wife. She never plays the "I've had a tough day at work" card. She works late often, travels all the time, and takes work home with her, but when she walks in the door it's all about being a mom until the kids hit the sheets and that means letting me switch gears and write (which my kids refer to as me going "to work").

tjwriter
12-01-2010, 06:54 PM
I am deeply jealous of SAHPs, though I know they get no love.

And I'll second the comments that kids don't often appreciate what their parents did for them until they are older. I didn't really understand until I had kids of my own.

I did make sure to tell my mom how grateful I was and still am. Parenting can be such tough job at times.

stormie
12-01-2010, 06:55 PM
Maybe you could design a name tag to wear that says HOUSE MANAGER. Then the kids would see you have a title and might tell other kids, "My mom is a house manager."
Good one!

Or you can keep repeating at least once a day, "I'm a writer."

Adam
12-01-2010, 06:56 PM
My dad was a SAHF for most of my childhood. If I'd ever said he didn't have a real job, he'd have smacked me round the head. So I didn't. ;)

robeiae
12-01-2010, 06:58 PM
My dad was a SAHF for most of my childhood. If I'd ever said he didn't have a real job, he'd have smacked me round the head. So I didn't. ;)

Yeah, there's that too.

heyjude
12-01-2010, 07:05 PM
SAHM?!?!?!

Bloody sexism! (from a SAHF ;))

Many, many apologies. :) I bet you're an awesome SAHF.

quickWit
12-01-2010, 07:08 PM
I bet you're an awesome SAHF.

you must be new...

CheyElizabeth
12-01-2010, 07:08 PM
SAHM?!?!?!

Bloody sexism! (from a SAHF ;))

My dad was a SAHF for several years of my life, and it many ways he was better at it than my mom could ever be.

Wayne K
12-01-2010, 07:12 PM
My mom had eight kids and no help, and we were a tough bunch. She's mad as a meat axe these days, but now I understand why

dpaterso
12-01-2010, 07:17 PM
I'm just saying that it's not a job by the true definition of the word, so the kid is not actually wrong and the OP shouldn't really be upset. I don't think it's an insult because... well, it's true.
I'm not sure if I get this. How come when other people (e.g. carers) do this same work, for pay, it's a job? But just because you're doing it for your own family, unpaid, it's not a job? Is it being paid that makes it a job? Is it doing it for your own family that stops it from being regarded as a job? What's the logic?

-Derek

Undercover
12-01-2010, 07:24 PM
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/job

"By definition" it is a job. Read number one. Hey, I paid the price, now I am committed to it. Make sense?

Lyra Jean
12-01-2010, 07:38 PM
I hope to be a stay at home mom. Not because I think it is easier but I was basically raised by babysitters for the majority of my younger years and well I don't want that for my own children.

tjwriter
12-01-2010, 07:42 PM
My mother cares for my children while I work, so it's not as bad, but yeah, I'm with Lyra Jean, I hate to think of my kids being raised by someone else, which they basically are.

Cella
12-01-2010, 07:42 PM
I'm at SAHM and it is more work than any "job" I've ever had and I'm not even all the good at it. When you're a SAHP every time someone cries, coughs, sneezes, pisses, poops, pukes, falls, screams, barks, or chokes it's your problem. It's putting out fires, literally and figuratively, while trying to protect and mend feelings when they're hurt, encourage little hearts, teaching responsibility and maintaining a good attitude. When you give and give and give some more, then detect a hint of ingratitude, it hurts.

Oh, I don't doubt that at all. I'm just saying that it's not a job by the true definition of the word, so the kid is not actually wrong and the OP shouldn't really be upset. I don't think it's an insult because... well, it's true.
insults can be true or untrue... doesn't matter. it feels the same.

Lyra Jean
12-01-2010, 07:58 PM
My mother cares for my children while I work, so it's not as bad, but yeah, I'm with Lyra Jean, I hate to think of my kids being raised by someone else, which they basically are.

My dad was a single Dad so as an adult I understand now why it was the way it was. But growing up no I didn't really understand that my dad was doing the best he could with Child Protection Services always breathing down his neck waiting for him to mess up.

Gretad08
12-01-2010, 08:02 PM
I feel for ya Jude. My husband and I both work outside of the home, but when the kids are sick, or the sitter needs a day off I stay home. Those days are much more difficult than the days I go to work. No lie, when I'm at work I can relax more than at home. I'd still rather be home, but it is nice to get out of the house and be around adults who don't want you to cook them something or change the baby's diaper. Hang in there girl, you sound like you're pretty good at your job. :)

Williebee
12-01-2010, 08:05 PM
On the kids' perception thing: mine get it. They really do. They like telling people that I stay at home and that I write. I think the biggest reason why they get it, however, is my wife. She never plays the "I've had a tough day at work" card. She works late often, travels all the time, and takes work home with her, but when she walks in the door it's all about being a mom until the kids hit the sheets and that means letting me switch gears and write (which my kids refer to as me going "to work").

That's awesome.

*makes note to kill Rob out of envy.*

Haggis
12-01-2010, 08:15 PM
I dried the dishes once.

Oh, and I almost always toss my dirty clothes in near the clothes basket.

JimmyB27
12-01-2010, 08:40 PM
And I'll second the comments that kids don't often appreciate what their parents did for them until they are older. I didn't really understand until I had kids of my own.
I understand just how hard it is to be a parent, stay at home or otherwise. And that's precisely why I plan to never do anything so daft as have kids.

Jax3683
12-01-2010, 08:59 PM
The original post was one I could have written. My husband is a truck driver, and he's gone for six weeks at a time. (Then home for six days.) When he's home we forget about things really. The house doesn't get cleaned, bedtime is out the window, as is anything else that resembles a routine.

So he takes that thought and thinks that I do that all the time, that I don't clean or cook. That I don't care when my 2 year old goes to bed. That I just sit on the couch and watch tv.

It drives me absolutely batty. I know he really thinks I'm lazy and don't do anything, and it has been a HUGE stress on our marriage.

heyjude
12-01-2010, 09:06 PM
The original post was one I could have written. My husband is a truck driver, and he's gone for six weeks at a time. (Then home for six days.) When he's home we forget about things really. The house doesn't get cleaned, bedtime is out the window, as is anything else that resembles a routine.

So he takes that thought and thinks that I do that all the time, that I don't clean or cook. That I don't care when my 2 year old goes to bed. That I just sit on the couch and watch tv.

It drives me absolutely batty. I know he really thinks I'm lazy and don't do anything, and it has been a HUGE stress on our marriage.

:Hug2: I'm sorry. That's really rough. But you have a 2-year-old and won NaNo? ::jealous:: I'm in awe!!!

About being appreciated--I guess I really don't expect the kids to appreciate much, yet. They're young. The concept of appreciation will get beat into them come later. A pat on the back from dh would go a long way, though.

stormie
12-01-2010, 09:14 PM
.... It drives me absolutely batty. I know he really thinks I'm lazy and don't do anything, and it has been a HUGE stress on our marriage.
Get a pen and paper, and throughout the day, make a running list of all that you do, with the time of day next to each item. That might help him see exactly what it is you do.

And if you can, on his day off when he's home, you take off for the day. Go somewhere, anywhere. Just be gone for the day. You know the saying (and I paraphrase) "Walk a mile in my shoes...."

Soccer Mom
12-01-2010, 09:14 PM
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/job

"By definition" it is a job. Read number one. Hey, I paid the price, now I am committed to it. Make sense?

This. "Job" does not require compensation to meet the definition. Seriously.

And yes, the kids won't truly appreciate until they have kids of their own. You think you know how much work it is to run a household, but until you do it, you don't. It's both a joy and an obligation. But it's still a job.

Cella
12-01-2010, 09:14 PM
I remember one year my Mom overheard me (I was about 11, I guess) and my brother complaining about the Christmas presents we got. My dad came to us and told us how it hurt her feelings because they wanted to get us the nicer things, but the money wasn't there.

I was so embarrassed and felt SO bad for having my bad attitude exposed--it really changed my outlook on things.

Jax3683
12-01-2010, 09:51 PM
Get a pen and paper, and throughout the day, make a running list of all that you do, with the time of day next to each item. That might help him see exactly what it is you do.

And if you can, on his day off when he's home, you take off for the day. Go somewhere, anywhere. Just be gone for the day. You know the saying (and I paraphrase) "Walk a mile in my shoes...."

I definitely am planning this the next time he comes home, a full day where he has her ALL day. And I plan on leaving a grocery list so he can experience the two yaer old in the grocery store! LOL!

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 09:53 PM
Reminds me of a joke where the husband comes home from work to see coats hung over the banister, shoes all over the hall carpet, dirty laundry dumped on the kitchen floor, nappies piled up on a chair, television blaring, sink full of dishes, baby crying, and wife sitting on the settee in her dressing gown, hair unwashed and pyjamas stained.

He asks, "What the hell happened?"

His wife says, "You know how you come home every evening and ask what I did all day?"

"Yes?"

"Today I didn't do it."

rhymegirl
12-01-2010, 09:55 PM
I also want to mention that what I did (taking care of kids and household) was taken very lightly by women friends who had paying jobs. (usually they were single women, no kids)

Every time I went to an extended family get-together, all of their questions were about my kids, never about ME. I, apparently, had no interests or career goals. (Even though I was a freelance writer.)

It made me want to wear a name tag that said, "I AM A WRITER." OR "ASK ME ABOUT MY WRITING."

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 09:57 PM
I also want to mention that what I did (taking care of kids and household) was taken very lightly by women friends who had paying jobs. (usually they were single women, no kids)

Every time I went to an extended family get-together, all of their questions were about my kids, never about ME. I, apparently, had no interests or career goals. (Even though I was a freelance writer.)

It made me want to wear a name tag that said, "I AM A WRITER." OR "ASK ME ABOUT MY WRITING."I don't understand the logic. You say they took it lightly, but they asked about your kids?

You can't complain that people treat homemaking as 'not a job' and also when they talk to you about it. After all, other people talk about their jobs to break the ice. Either being a SAHM is a job and people ask you about it in that regard, or it isn't and they don't.

I bet if no-one ever spoke to you about the work you do at home for your family, you'd be hurt and say they didn't appreciate you.

rhymegirl
12-01-2010, 10:01 PM
I don't think you're getting the point.

People are multi-faceted. I loved being a mom, but it was only ONE part of who I am.

kayleamay
12-01-2010, 10:02 PM
I had a SAHM and now I have four kids and work nights so I can pretend to be a SAHM and still earn a paycheck. I thought it would be the best of both worlds. But, I can't say I'd recommend it. Half of the time I don't know what day it is.

Hang in there, HJ. Someday, when your kids are grown and experiencing the complications of life with children, they'll get it. Then, when they ask you to babysit the grandkiddies, you can say, "No thanks. I'm retired."

(Man, I'm really looking forward to that day. Of course, I'll watch the grandkiddies occasionally. At least for long enough to load them up on Mountain Dew and Rocket chocolate.)

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 10:03 PM
I am getting the point.

If someone asks me about my job, I don't complain that they don't see me as anything other than a writer.

If someone asks a SAHM about what they call their job, why get pissy and say "That's not all I am?"

Well no, it isn't, but a job is one of the most popular icebreakers in conversation. It's pretty easy to steer the talk in any other direction if you participate.

Cella
12-01-2010, 10:09 PM
my single friends seem to not really know what to ask about my kids and I really don't mind it because I get tired of talking about them... It's the other moms who only want to talk about their kids that get on my nerves.

kinshipknight
12-01-2010, 10:09 PM
I know its a full time job and one I never could do. Props to all the SAHM's out there.

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 10:11 PM
When people say "I could never do that," I don't believe it. Human beings are stronger than they realise.

So yeah, I could do it. I just don't want to. I can't think of anything I'd like to do less. The SAH part isn't bad, but the M? No thanks!

Cella
12-01-2010, 10:14 PM
Some days I feel like opening the door and letting all the children and animals wander away as they like, however, I love it. I love it and hate it at the same time. :)

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 10:15 PM
Having a hamster is about enough for me. He didn't eat much (God rest him) and was quiet while I slept.

Didn't think much of his penchant for middle-of-the-road jazz and shouting the answers at quiz shows, though.

Soccer Mom
12-01-2010, 10:16 PM
When people say "I could never do that," I don't believe it. Human beings are stronger than they realise.

So yeah, I could do it. I just don't want to. I can't think of anything I'd like to do less. The SAH part isn't bad, but the M? No thanks!

I think sometimes it isn't just that they don't want to, but they know they would suck at it. They could do it, but not very well.

My husband would suck at being a SAHF. He doesn't have the patience. My brother-in-law would rock at it.

rhymegirl
12-01-2010, 10:16 PM
What I always noticed was that women who worked at XYZ Company outside the home AND had children, were normally asked questions about their jobs, along with some questions about their kids.

I was ONLY asked questions about my kids, as if that was all I did. I remember one time, a number of years ago, my mother-in-law was telling me about a gift she was buying for her daughter (some clothing item) for Christmas. She said, "Well, SHE works." I thought, "Oh, I guess that means I don't need nice clothes because I stay home.") People have a way of saying things that can hurt even though they might not intend them that way. I always felt as if what I did just didn't seem to measure up to what working women were doing.

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 10:19 PM
I think sometimes it isn't just that they don't want to, but they know they would suck at it. They could do it, but not very well.

My husband would suck at being a SAHF. He doesn't have the patience. My brother-in-law would rock at it.I think in my case, the "I don't want this," would show a mile off. Children aren't stupid. They know whether or not they're wanted. And my lack of wanting this would drain me and make me exactly the kind of mother a child does not deserve.

I'm a writer, not an actress. I couldn't spend 20 years pretending I was happy with a life I wanted to avoid.

heyjude
12-01-2010, 10:36 PM
Some days I feel like opening the door and letting all the children and animals wander away as they like, however, I love it. I love it and hate it at the same time. :)

+1. Especially before kindergarten started a few months ago. My little one clings to me. They all do. I've constantly got at least two kids (two or four footed) pulling at my skirts, so to speak. It gets frustrating, and draining. And yet I wouldn't trade it...

tjwriter
12-01-2010, 10:38 PM
I can understand that one. There are days where I'd pay for five minutes alone so I could clear my head and I can't even pee without at least one kid and one dog coming to visit and hang out in the bathroom.

But I do love them all dearly.

quickWit
12-01-2010, 10:38 PM
Children aren't stupid.

Clearly, you haven't met mine.










I kid, I kid...I kid because I love.

Haggis
12-01-2010, 10:43 PM
Clearly, you haven't met mine.










I kid, I kid...I kid because I love.
I thought cray was their dad.

kayleamay
12-01-2010, 10:44 PM
Don't you just love it when you're in the bathroom and you think you're all alone...then you see chubby little toddler fingers sticking out from under the door?

CheyElizabeth
12-01-2010, 10:45 PM
What I always noticed was that women who worked at XYZ Company outside the home AND had children, were normally asked questions about their jobs, along with some questions about their kids.

I was ONLY asked questions about my kids, as if that was all I did. I remember one time, a number of years ago, my mother-in-law was telling me about a gift she was buying for her daughter (some clothing item) for Christmas. She said, "Well, SHE works." I thought, "Oh, I guess that means I don't need nice clothes because I stay home.") People have a way of saying things that can hurt even though they might not intend them that way. I always felt as if what I did just didn't seem to measure up to what working women were doing.


Perhaps your feelings are getting hurt because you are insecure about your lifestyle or because you don't feel that you measure up? Maybe you could start believing in yourself and your abilities that way you won't feel insulted when people ask these things.

Just say, "Oh I've been great! The kids are great too, man it's a full time job raising them to be respectful, caring people, and teaching them skills, etc. I'm also balancing my writing aspirations, so life has been very busy lately! How about you?"

quickWit
12-01-2010, 10:45 PM
I thought cray was their dad.

:roll:

awesome.

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 10:47 PM
I always felt as if what I did just didn't seem to measure up to what working women were doing.The last sentence of your posts suggests you saw a separation between what you did and 'working women'.

heyjude
12-01-2010, 10:58 PM
Don't you just love it when you're in the bathroom and you think you're all alone...then you see chubby little toddler fingers sticking out from under the door?

Door?

kayleamay
12-01-2010, 10:59 PM
Door?

Me thinks you have a problem.
Buy door. Close door. Lock door.

cray
12-01-2010, 11:03 PM
Clearly, you haven't met mine.










I kid, I kid...I kid because I love.


I thought cray was their dad.





check 'em for pips, qw.

tjwriter
12-01-2010, 11:03 PM
My door never gets closed either. They're hot on my heels as soon as they figure out where I'm headed.

scarletpeaches
12-01-2010, 11:04 PM
Nope, still not seeing any good reason to have kids.

Even if I am astonishingly good looking and any ankle-biter would be lucky to have my genes.

Definitely don't see the attraction.

Wayne K
12-01-2010, 11:11 PM
I dont even have friends that have kids

kayleamay
12-01-2010, 11:15 PM
The attraction is hard to understand until you have them. And even then it's hard to understand at times. Although they do tend to drive parents insane with their clinging and goobers and whining, they are also little human beings that parents feel more intensely connected to than any others on the planet.

Just my two pesos...

heyjude
12-01-2010, 11:22 PM
Me thinks you have a problem.
Buy door. Close door. Lock door.

You know, I have a door. But it's weird. As soon as it clicks shut, the world ends. Minimum of two people/animals need something, urgently. They don't hear the click? No issue.

Also, one of my cats panics when I shut the door. Literally starts to hyperventilate. Neurotics, all of them. :rolleyes:


I dont even have friends that have kids

:ROFL:

quickWit
12-01-2010, 11:43 PM
Nope, still not seeing any good reason to have kids.

I needed someone to take the trash out when my wife is too busy ironing to do it.

Gretad08
12-02-2010, 12:34 AM
The attraction is hard to understand until you have them. And even then it's hard to understand at times. Although they do tend to drive parents insane with their clinging and goobers and whining, they are also little human beings that parents feel more intensely connected to than any others on the planet.

Just my two pesos...

That, and they can be freakin' funny...I crack up all the time at things they say or faces they make.

I had a guy at my desk yesterday who is on his 3rd divorce...he mentioned his 18 year old daughter and said "She's the only woman in the world that actually loves me." That about sums it up. You're (usually) loved unconditionally by your children and that's a pretty big reward for the work.

backslashbaby
12-02-2010, 12:37 AM
I used to be a nanny. It's a job, folks! Other people get paid when it needs doing. And I didn't have to do cleaning (other than the obvious with kids), book-keeping, shopping, driving, etc, etc.

The thing that gets me the most is how one spouse comes home from his/her job and the other's job doesn't end. I'd think the unpaid nannies would get some time off! I have a friend who had the most guilt (at first) about her hubbie when we'd go out to eat and have fun after the family dinner. He had to watch the kids, etc. Well, can't she ever get off work? We started making it a habit about twice a week, and it was awesome. She got to wear her cute clothes around adults :D

I had a free (points) ticket to Europe and half a room free, and she couldn't quite pull that off with me because of the kids, dammit. Nannies get a vacation. I totally would have made hubbie figure something out (he doesn't think of her work as a job, either ;) ).

robeiae
12-02-2010, 12:55 AM
Well, he seems to be allowing the night outs twice a week. That's something. A big something, really.

I think there are many different situations and perceptions possible here, and while I agree that taking care of the kids and the house is as a much of job as anything else, that doesn't mean everyone doing such work is getting the shaft. I know stay at home parents that don't do jack shit. They really don't. They keep appearances up with a quick once-over, but manage to have most of their days free, often thanks to play dates and the like (I recognized this pattern some time ago, when I noticed that I always seem to be the host for play dates when my kids were much younger).

And I can tell you that I've heard stay at homes parents bitch to no end about how they never, ever get to go out (sometimes while they're actually out).

It can go the other way. It really can. Things would be great if everyone was thoughtful and appreciative, but alas...

Steam&Ink
12-02-2010, 01:05 AM
Listen, I wanted to say, I cook three meals a day. I clean the house. I do all the laundry. I pay the bills. I manage the accounts. I hire people to do the things around the house that I can't. I chauffeur two kids hither and yon, to school and back every day and to events. I bathe the kids, make sure their homework is done correctly, attend conferences, volunteer at the school at least once a week, and make time to have lunch with each kid once a week. I care for three elderly animals, one with special needs who needs a lot of attention. I run the children's ministry at church. I work out every day. I grocery shop and make sure everyone has shoes that fit. I cram in my writing on the side, when it won't interfere with anyone else's schedule. And I do it all with very little help. Usually no help at all, since dear hubby is often gone, and I do my best to do it all with a smile.



Jude, you forgot to say that you spend countless hours and oodles of energy in mothering, propping up, supporting, encouraging, and keeping sane the Mystery/Thriller/Suspense folks...

And I think I speak for all of us when I say we TOTALLY appreciate it!
:e2flowers

heyjude
12-02-2010, 01:30 AM
::blush:: Thanks, steam. :Hug2:

scarletpeaches
12-02-2010, 01:32 AM
Anyone want to adopt me? I'm obsessively tidy and you can keep me happy with a bowl of rhubarb crumble and a dirty book.

Cella
12-02-2010, 01:48 AM
pay your room and board in dirty stories and we'll see about working something out :D

backslashbaby
12-02-2010, 01:49 AM
Well, he seems to be allowing the night outs twice a week. That's something. A big something, really.

I think there are many different situations and perceptions possible here, and while I agree that taking care of the kids and the house is as a much of job as anything else, that doesn't mean everyone doing such work is getting the shaft. I know stay at home parents that don't do jack shit. They really don't. They keep appearances up with a quick once-over, but manage to have most of their days free, often thanks to play dates and the like (I recognized this pattern some time ago, when I noticed that I always seem to be the host for play dates when my kids were much younger).

And I can tell you that I've heard stay at homes parents bitch to no end about how they never, ever get to go out (sometimes while they're actually out).

It can go the other way. It really can. Things would be great if everyone was thoughtful and appreciative, but alas...

I agree with the vast majority of your post, but I can't agree that there is anything noble in 'allowing' the dinners out. The trip to Europe was pushing it, I even think. But I will never understand how one spouse is allowed to do what he/she likes after 5pm and the other is somehow chained to the house every single day. No, no, a million times no ;)!

He wanted her to not work outside the home. They both agree that they want their kids raised that way, in general. But that does not mean that she gets to work 24/7 with no breaks and little freedom, frankly, while he is free after he leaves the office every day and all weekend. It even sends a bad message to the kids, imo.

Yes, I'm single, btw ;)

scarletpeaches
12-02-2010, 01:51 AM
pay your room and board in dirty stories and we'll see about working something out :DI'll do anything for a bowl of rhubarb crumble.

Which is probably a thread all of its own.

Cella
12-02-2010, 01:57 AM
it ought to be...I've never had it.

NewKidOldKid
12-02-2010, 04:38 AM
I'm not sure if I get this. How come when other people (e.g. carers) do this same work, for pay, it's a job? But just because you're doing it for your own family, unpaid, it's not a job? Is it being paid that makes it a job? Is it doing it for your own family that stops it from being regarded as a job? What's the logic?

-Derek

Yeah, to me, the true definition of a job is you do something, you get paid. That's why volunteering is not a job. Neither is an internship. You don't get paid, so it's not classified as a job. Just to be clear, I don't think being an at-home-parent is any easier than having an outside job. It's just not the same thing. I was just trying to say that maybe what the kid said shouldn't be taken as a lack of appreciation, because technically, he's right.

Cliff Face
12-02-2010, 05:22 AM
I thought I'd add my 2 cents to the side-line topics being discussed here.

First of all, a few people have said basically the same thing, being "When your kids have kids they'll understand and start to appreciate you."

I resent that. I don't have, nor want, kids, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my parents. In fact, I think just knowing precisely why I don't want kids has shown me exactly what a good job my parents did. (And knowing a guy who had a kid and was a total slob really cemented that fact. He would leave diapers on the bathroom floor and never clean. Living with my parents, the house was almost always clean, or in the process of being cleaned.)

Second point. Scarlet said that humans can do more things than they think they can, and it's more that they don't want to. I have mixed opinions of this. On one hand, I agree. I know I don't want kids because I don't WANT TO do all the stuff associated with raising them. But I have to disagree with the fact that I could do it if I had them. I could do an average job, but not good enough to satisfy people's reasonable standards.

I can cook all of 3 meals (because I'm a fussy eater, and have never learned to cook other meals that I don't eat myself - a crucial part of good cooking is learning the routine, and then tasting the end result to commit any changes in routine to memory) but I wouldn't expect my kids, if I had any, to only eat those 3 meals.

I can clean reasonably well, but I gag at gross stuff. It's no good having a clean shower if there are dirty diapers in the hallway that I'm afraid to touch for fear of vomiting.

I can help with some homework, but not all of it. Anything hands-on I'm pretty inadequate, but thinky stuff I can do alright. Most of the time. If it's history, art, religion or geography, you may as well just search google instead of asking me.

And most importantly why I couldn't do this well enough - I don't like children. I strongly think that children gain their temperament from reading cues from their parents' faces and body language. If I'm always frowning or sighing, or turning my back on them (which would happen, I just know it - like Scarlet, I'm just not good enough an actor) then the kids will probably grow up to be bad people. Raising bad people = obviously I couldn't do the job well enough.

And I also agree that it is a job. Anything you are obligated to do is a job, in my opinion. This is a big reason why I don't want kids OR pets when I'm finally living my own life instead of living with mum. Living things being dependent on me = responsibility. I don't need that in my life.

/ramble

Silver King
12-02-2010, 06:55 AM
Yeah, to me, the true definition of a job is you do something, you get paid. That's why volunteering is not a job. Neither is an internship. You don't get paid, so it's not classified as a job...
Okay, we'll just call those other jobs something different, such as "tasks" from now on. So the job of running a household, and all that it entails, will henceforth be labeled as a task, lest anyone confuse it with "paid" labor.

Happy now?

Jax3683
12-02-2010, 07:00 AM
Yeah, to me, the true definition of a job is you do something, you get paid. That's why volunteering is not a job. Neither is an internship. You don't get paid, so it's not classified as a job. Just to be clear, I don't think being an at-home-parent is any easier than having an outside job. It's just not the same thing. I was just trying to say that maybe what the kid said shouldn't be taken as a lack of appreciation, because technically, he's right.

I have to argue. I may not collect a paycheck as a stay at home parent, but it is very much a job. (I've had this discussion with my husbands many times before.) I would fully expect to be "Fired" from my job if I were not doing my job appropriately.

How do you fire a stay at home mom? Easy!

If my husband were to come home to a messy house, an empty refrigerator and a child who has not been cared for then I am not doing my job. Therefore I would lose my "job" and I would have to find a caretaker (daycare) for my daughter and a job outside the home so that I am pulling my weight.

Harsh? Maybe. But that is how I see it. I take pride in my job as a SAHM/Housewife. Just as I would any other job.



Okay, we'll just call those other jobs something different, such as "tasks" from now on. So the job of running a household, and all that it entails, will henceforth be labeled as a task, lest anyone confuse it with "paid" labor.

Happy now?

:ROFL:

Lyra Jean
12-02-2010, 07:38 AM
I have to argue. I may not collect a paycheck as a stay at home parent, but it is very much a job. (I've had this discussion with my husbands many times before.) I would fully expect to be "Fired" from my job if I were not doing my job appropriately.



How many husbands do you have? :)

robeiae
12-02-2010, 03:56 PM
I agree with the vast majority of your post, but I can't agree that there is anything noble in 'allowing' the dinners out. The trip to Europe was pushing it, I even think. But I will never understand how one spouse is allowed to do what he/she likes after 5pm and the other is somehow chained to the house every single day. No, no, a million times no ;)!
"Allowing" may be a poor word choice. How 'bout "agreeing to"? See, my wife agrees to let me have a poker night once every month or so and agrees to watch the kids some evenings so I can write. And I agree to her GNOs and work-outs, etc. Obviously, I don't know your friends; you do. But it struck me that you said she was going out to dinner a couple of nights every week. Nothing in your post suggested he got to do whatever he wanted to do at night. So, all I'm saying is that giving the realities of taking care of children and work, a couple of nights out every week sounds pretty good, pretty fair. He might bitch about it but apparently it happens, no?

Jax3683
12-02-2010, 05:52 PM
How many husbands do you have? :)

:wag:

Just one (typo) But I watched Sister Wives, and I have no desire for more than one husband! (Nor do I have any desire for another wife - unless her sole purpose is to clean, cook, and care for the kids so I can do nothing but write and hike around in the mountains.)

shadowwalker
12-02-2010, 07:04 PM
I know stay at home parents that don't do jack shit. They really don't. They keep appearances up with a quick once-over, but manage to have most of their days free, often thanks to play dates and the like.

I'm afraid my experience with SAHPs has been this - I was a single parent who worked FT and believe me, I envied those women who stayed home "with their kids". I put that in quotes because basically the kids ran rampant and the women griped when hubby complained about the dirty house. Then again, if I did what they did all day, I would've been bored stiff in a week. So yeah, not all SAHPs deserve the word "job"...

Oh, and having a babysitter/daycare is NOT having someone else raise your kids, btw. Just thought I'd put that misconception on notice while I'm here ;)

Lyra Jean
12-02-2010, 07:19 PM
I'm afraid my experience with SAHPs has been this - I was a single parent who worked FT and believe me, I envied those women who stayed home "with their kids". I put that in quotes because basically the kids ran rampant and the women griped when hubby complained about the dirty house. Then again, if I did what they did all day, I would've been bored stiff in a week. So yeah, not all SAHPs deserve the word "job"...

Oh, and having a babysitter/daycare is NOT having someone else raise your kids, btw. Just thought I'd put that misconception on notice while I'm here ;)

I didn't mean it like that but when I was growing up yeah I was during my early years because my dad was working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet. He did the best he could and I love him for that. I just don't want the same for my own kids when I do have them.

aruna
12-02-2010, 09:14 PM
I hope to be a stay at home mom. Not because I think it is easier but I was basically raised by babysitters for the majority of my younger years and well I don't want that for my own children.

I'm a similar case. See, it's all a question of perception. My mother was one of my country's first feminists and she went to work soon after I was born, leaving me in the care of various Aunties and Grannies. I can't remember her ever, not once, cooking a meal for me. As a result, I was very envious of "real mummies" and adored my best friend's mother, who did everything you say and was one of those big-bosomed, warm women who hold the world in their hearts. I found my own mother cold, and vowed to be a "real Mum" to my children. So I guess a lot of "working" mothers could feel insulted by that.

Truth is, that upbringing gave me a deep love and commitment to home life and appreciation for those unappreciated but invaluable things a mother does for her children, and when my turn came I never cared what people thought: I KNEW how worthwhile it was.

And yes, I got "those" comments from friends. One friend told me that being a SAHM meant that the roof would fall on my head, that I'd be bored, my brain would go soft. She said these things to my face, as a warning, because I enjoyed being at home so much. I never told her that I was secretly writing a novel; so you can imagine how she stared when it got published! Not that I think that being a published author is somehow more worthy than being "only" a SAHM. I don't believe that what you do, what job you have, how much money you earn, is a measure of your worth. But that's how the world sees it, and I did derive some pleasure in sticking it to that friend!

My children have always appreciated me. We are very close and they turned out, well, perfect. They are my best friends, now that they're grown up. Oh, and I love my mother too. She' nearly 92 and still going strong! She did love me, she just wasn't domestically inclined.

aruna
12-02-2010, 09:35 PM
Having a hamster is about enough for me. He didn't eat much (God rest him) and was quiet while I slept.

Didn't think much of his penchant for middle-of-the-road jazz and shouting the answers at quiz shows, though.

We kept two goldfishes once. They are very quiet and easy, but the water does need changing sometimes. Finally, one ate the other up.



The attraction is hard to understand until you have them. And even then it's hard to understand at times. Although they do tend to drive parents insane with their clinging and goobers and whining, they are also little human beings that parents feel more intensely connected to than any others on the planet.

Just my two pesos...
For me, the attraction is quite clear: the oppotunity to form two human beings to be good, responsible, solid, loving people. It's like a a work of art, watching them grow, learn, develop, become themselves, but guided by you. I had one difficult child and one easy child, and with both the process was amazing. (Says she, having finished the job!)


Anyone want to adopt me? I'm obsessively tidy and you can keep me happy with a bowl of rhubarb crumble and a dirty book.

I'll adopt you, SP! Any time you like. I'm obsessively untidy and need someone to run my household. I've inherited non-domesticity from my mother, I think! (I try, I do try; but I just don't notice things being out of place.) Both my children are tidier than I am.

Ambrosia
12-02-2010, 10:41 PM
So my kid was on the phone with my hubby (who travels often) and I overheard her say "Well, Mommy doesn't have a real job." I almost fell out of my chair.

Listen, I wanted to say, I cook three meals a day. I clean the house. I do all the laundry. I pay the bills. I manage the accounts. I hire people to do the things around the house that I can't. I chauffeur two kids hither and yon, to school and back every day and to events. I bathe the kids, make sure their homework is done correctly, attend conferences, volunteer at the school at least once a week, and make time to have lunch with each kid once a week. I care for three elderly animals, one with special needs who needs a lot of attention. I run the children's ministry at church. I work out every day. I grocery shop and make sure everyone has shoes that fit. I cram in my writing on the side, when it won't interfere with anyone else's schedule. And I do it all with very little help. Usually no help at all, since dear hubby is often gone, and I do my best to do it all with a smile.

I'm no saint, and I'm not looking for praise. It's what all SAHMs do. I just needed to vent.

Any other SAHMs out there sometimes feel unappreciated?

First, I know how difficult it is and how often a SAHM is devalued and hurtful comments are made by others who don't understand. Know that what you are doing has great value to your children, your husband, and your family as a whole and without your willingness to do all the jobs you are doing in not only childcare but in keeping your home running, your family would be struggling financially to pay for those services. You are not unpaid help. The money is going straight into the bank account for your services. Just not crossing your hand before it goes there. Never lose sight of that. You have value.

Second, I want to know what your husband said to your child. Did your husband let your child know in a gentle way that you do have an important job, the most important job, in raising your child to be a responsible adult? Did your husband address the comment at all? Did you? Just because your child said it, does not mean you have to let it stand without comment. Or that your husband does. I hope you have his support and understanding. If not, that is where the conversation needs to start, with him.

Third, rants are good for the soul. ;)

scarletpeaches
12-02-2010, 11:16 PM
I'll adopt you, SP! Any time you like. I'm obsessively untidy and need someone to run my household. I've inherited non-domesticity from my mother, I think! (I try, I do try; but I just don't notice things being out of place.) Both my children are tidier than I am.Deal!

Just keep me supplied with rhubarb crumble and I'll be happy.

Steam&Ink
12-03-2010, 12:11 AM
... and without your willingness to do all the jobs you are doing in not only childcare but in keeping your home running, your family would be struggling financially to pay for those services. You are not unpaid help. The money is going straight into the bank account for your services. Just not crossing your hand before it goes there.

QFT. All SAHPs should memorise this, because it perfectly sums up the financial value of a SAHP.
(I think the emotional/social/community value might take a bit longer to summarise)

heyjude
12-03-2010, 12:55 AM
I've read a couple of places that the salary value placed on SAHPs is $130K, and that we work an average of 91 hour weeks. (No sick days, haha.)

COchick
12-03-2010, 01:04 AM
I think there are many different situations and perceptions possible here, and while I agree that taking care of the kids and the house is as a much of job as anything else, that doesn't mean everyone doing such work is getting the shaft. I know stay at home parents that don't do jack shit. They really don't. They keep appearances up with a quick once-over, but manage to have most of their days free, often thanks to play dates and the like (I recognized this pattern some time ago, when I noticed that I always seem to be the host for play dates when my kids were much younger).

And I can tell you that I've heard stay at homes parents bitch to no end about how they never, ever get to go out (sometimes while they're actually out).

It can go the other way. It really can. Things would be great if everyone was thoughtful and appreciative, but alas...

I know quite a few mothers like this. I had one tell me that she would fold a basket of laundry and put it out where hubby could see it so he would think she was more productive than she was, although it was the only thing she'd done. I'm not quite sure how she got away with that, because if I didn't do anything at all around the house the place would be destroyed by my three monsters. It's constant upkeep. They're all getting old enough that I can use them as my housekeeping minions, however.

I actually work from home, but some people (including family) have the impression that I don't do anything at all. If my sister calls she expects that I will always answer...because I don't have anything else going on, right?

Vito
12-03-2010, 06:07 AM
My mom was a SAHM. Raising six kids and taking care of her own elderly mother (my grandma, who came to live with us when I was in elementary school), I'm sure that she put in a lot more total work hours than my dad ever put into his various "paycheck" jobs.

Long ago I noticed that most husbands choose the once-a-week outdoor jobs -- mowing the lawn, washing the car, etc. -- and leave the daily indoor tasks to their wives. Cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and other housework chores simply can't be put off until the weekend; they need to be done every day or several times a week. They also take up lots of time and lots of energy. Most women, whether they're SAHMs or not, usually get stuck doing these kinds of chores and receive little if any credit or praise.

One thing that really annoys me is when I see a dude who spends all of his weekend hours doing low-priority, non-urgent chores such as washing & waxing a car, motorcycle, or boat...or playing with his power tools in the garage...or repairing his guitar...while his wife is slaving over a hot oven, taking care of the kids, mopping the floor, etc., for hours on end.

Belle_91
12-03-2010, 06:11 AM
My mom is a "housewife" too but I hate using that term because that makes me think of a woman dripping in jewely lounging on a sofa, sipping wine, while she watches Oprah.

My mom works as hard as you do, also with very little help, and it frusterates her when people think she "doesn't have a real job" when in fact she does. She just doesn't get paid for it.

Bubastes
12-03-2010, 06:13 AM
Long ago I noticed that most husbands choose the once-a-week outdoor jobs -- mowing the lawn, washing the car, etc. -- and leave the daily indoor tasks to their wives. Cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and other housework chores simply can't be put off until the weekend; they need to be done every day or several times a week. They also take up lots of time and lots of energy. Most women, whether they're SAHMs or not, usually get stuck doing these kinds of chores and receive little if any credit or praise.


Ha, you noticed this too? I noticed this as well. Or the husbands will do home improvement projects (which are highly visible and have a definite beginning and end) instead of the invisible, endless day-to-day chores.

KTC
12-03-2010, 06:14 AM
So my kid was on the phone with my hubby (who travels often) and I overheard her say "Well, Mommy doesn't have a real job." I almost fell out of my chair.

Listen, I wanted to say, I cook three meals a day. I clean the house. I do all the laundry. I pay the bills. I manage the accounts. I hire people to do the things around the house that I can't. I chauffeur two kids hither and yon, to school and back every day and to events. I bathe the kids, make sure their homework is done correctly, attend conferences, volunteer at the school at least once a week, and make time to have lunch with each kid once a week. I care for three elderly animals, one with special needs who needs a lot of attention. I run the children's ministry at church. I work out every day. I grocery shop and make sure everyone has shoes that fit. I cram in my writing on the side, when it won't interfere with anyone else's schedule. And I do it all with very little help. Usually no help at all, since dear hubby is often gone, and I do my best to do it all with a smile.

I'm no saint, and I'm not looking for praise. It's what all SAHMs do. I just needed to vent.

Any other SAHMs out there sometimes feel unappreciated?

What you SHOULD do is get a real job!




Now that you've already killed me with your eyes...and possibly with your ban button...



That is more a job than I would ever be able to pull off. I applaud you. Hopefully, one day, people will realize that the homemaker (male or female) has the biggest weight to carry. They are amazing. Maybe your other half will be the best one to sit down with your daughter and explain this...as in, "Honey, you said something today on the phone that was ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Mommy has the most real job anyone could ever have. She has the IMPORTANT one." It would probably be better if HE were to correct her error, as she said it to him...and it might have a bigger impact if he were to explain it to her.

I bow to your ultimate power and organizational skills and everything else you do.

heyjude
12-03-2010, 06:18 AM
What you SHOULD do is get a real job!



:ROFL:

That'd learn 'em!

Hubby probably said something vague along those lines... I'll have to ask.

Still chuckling at the thought of getting a real job... Gah, they'd all fall over. Of course, then I'd have to come home and still do all that other stuff... ::shudder::

Vito
12-03-2010, 06:36 AM
Ha, you noticed this too? I noticed this as well. Or the husbands will do home improvement projects (which are highly visible and have a definite beginning and end) instead of the invisible, endless day-to-day chores.

Exactly! Highly visible vs. invisible, short-term "projects" vs. endless chores. You're exactly right.

I once read an interview with the wife of the late great Dodgers baseball pitcher Don Drysdale. In the interview, she mentioned that Don always helped her out with the housework, sometimes doing all of the major chores by himself when she was out shopping or visiting. The time period that she was talking about was the 1950s/1960s, if I remember correctly. Pretty impressive behavior, for a 50s-60s husband. When I was growing up in the 60s and the 70s, I rarely saw my dad or any of the other dads in the neighborhood doing housework.

Silver King
12-03-2010, 06:58 AM
It's amazing how much Vito and I share in common, so it's not too surprising to learn that he was also raised among five other siblings.

It was tough work for my mom raising all of us, but she trained her children (not to be confused with taught) at a young age how to help around the house. We each had our chores to do (mine were vacuuming, helping with cooking and doing the dishes and yard work). We also had to keep our bedrooms tidy and pick up after ourselves at all times, as well as watch over our younger siblings when needed.

Sometimes we'd swap chores among ourselves, which was allowed as long as the work was done in an acceptable fashion. And there was no whining or shirking of our duties allowed. We simply had to work around the house, which was not only expected of us but demanded as well.

Maybe we need more of that among families these days, the distribution of household labor to help relieve frazzled parents whose kids wouldn't know the business end of a vacuum hose even if it tried to suck them into a vortex.

backslashbaby
12-03-2010, 09:54 AM
"Allowing" may be a poor word choice. How 'bout "agreeing to"? See, my wife agrees to let me have a poker night once every month or so and agrees to watch the kids some evenings so I can write. And I agree to her GNOs and work-outs, etc. Obviously, I don't know your friends; you do. But it struck me that you said she was going out to dinner a couple of nights every week. Nothing in your post suggested he got to do whatever he wanted to do at night. So, all I'm saying is that giving the realities of taking care of children and work, a couple of nights out every week sounds pretty good, pretty fair. He might bitch about it but apparently it happens, no?

Fair enough :) It was the 'given' freedom of one over the other after 5pm that irked me so much, and I didn't mention that. Yeah, 2 nights is pretty cool, I think. He wasn't cool with it, though; she just did it. His kids hardly knew him with all the stuff he did away from them after work. And she never went anywhere without the kids. He's only happy about it because he realizes how little interaction he was having with the kids, but he's the grumpy sort in general ;)


When I was a young kid, my mom stayed at home and my dad got off work at 5. He then went out for a couple of drinks with his coworkers. When he got home, we had to take off his shoes and bring him his slippers* and something to drink!! Mom was in the kitchen making sure dinner was the perfect temperature. They were terribly influenced by the fifties, and the man was king of the castle and all that.

I've rebelled against authority ever since!

* and physically put his slippers on his feet! A grown man! I was like 7 maybe and still couldn't grasp how that made any sense.

RobJ
12-03-2010, 12:34 PM
So my kid was on the phone with my hubby (who travels often) and I overheard her say "Well, Mommy doesn't have a real job." I almost fell out of my chair.
I'm sure your daughter loves you, but she probably won't fully appreciate you until she's a mother herself, then she'll develop a respect for you that no-one else can ever hope to match. It's beautiful to watch.

heyjude
12-03-2010, 06:22 PM
Thanks again, all. :Hug2:

So I finally asked hubby what he said when the girl told him I don't have a real job. He said Mom takes care of us, which is way more than a full-time job, and she writes, too, which is also a job. Very sweet of him, since I don't (yet) get paid for either. :)

quickWit
12-03-2010, 06:30 PM
He said Mom takes care of us, which is way more than a full-time job, and she writes, too, which is also a job. Very sweet of him, since I don't (yet) get paid for either. :)

So...you don't have a real job, then, eh?











No need to call security. I'm going. :)

Ambrosia
12-03-2010, 06:31 PM
Thanks again, all. :Hug2:

So I finally asked hubby what he said when the girl told him I don't have a real job. He said Mom takes care of us, which is way more than a full-time job, and she writes, too, which is also a job. Very sweet of him, since I don't (yet) get paid for either. :)

:Clap:

Now I really like your husband. I am very glad he supports you and understands. :)

Jax3683
12-03-2010, 09:37 PM
Thanks again, all. :Hug2:

So I finally asked hubby what he said when the girl told him I don't have a real job. He said Mom takes care of us, which is way more than a full-time job, and she writes, too, which is also a job. Very sweet of him, since I don't (yet) get paid for either. :)


Talk about the perfect response!! I'd say he's a keeper ;)

Vito
12-04-2010, 10:35 PM
It's amazing how much Vito and I share in common, so it's not too surprising to learn that he was also raised among five other siblings.


Yes, we seem to have a lot of similar viewpoints, possibly because of our family backgrounds. Overall I have very positive memories of sharing one bedroom with my three brothers (two sets of bunkbeds), "inheriting" my older brother's hand-me-down clothes and toys, and getting homework help from my older sisters. Looking back, it was a lot of fun. Except for waiting in line to use the bathroom -- that really sucked!

BeatrixKiddo
12-05-2010, 08:44 AM
Thanks again, all. :Hug2:

So I finally asked hubby what he said when the girl told him I don't have a real job. He said Mom takes care of us, which is way more than a full-time job, and she writes, too, which is also a job. Very sweet of him, since I don't (yet) get paid for either. :)


I'm glad he said that. When my parents were still married, my dad traveled a lot for work and it was just me, my brother and my mom. She did a dang good job of taking care of us, and as I grew up I always appreciated that. After the divorce (and dad split the country) her job became even harder. She was there for us when he wasn't and it made me appreciate her even more.

I don't have kids and never will (due to some past health issues), but I've always known that being a parent is the hardest job out there, bar none.