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_Sian_
11-26-2010, 02:08 PM
My father, brother, uncles, and male friends are obsessed with that sport of mad dogs and English men. So, I was wondering if there were any barny army people out there in AW.

Because we are so going to cream you ass this Ashes :D

So - sporting insults, various cheers, and taunts that are in good nature, to do with the current ashes tournament. If there's anyone here that's interested. Just figured it was worth a shot.

So, to start with:

Aussie aussie aussie, oi, oi, oi :D

PS: Make sure they are good natured please. I've been practising on my pommy friend over MSN, and we had a blast. Just like we're going to blast you out of the...

Anyway. Reps to who gets the most lame :D

Priene
11-26-2010, 03:03 PM
I might start watching the Ashes in a while. Right now I'm still savouring England's slaughter of Australia at Twickenham. Poor things.

Caitlin Black
11-26-2010, 03:21 PM
The Aussies will drive the English into the ground like so many golf tees.

Do I win for lame imagery?

Priene
11-26-2010, 03:25 PM
Five wickets down and forty runs in arrears in the first innings doesn't quite sound like creaming or driving. Still, you just keep on putting up those hostages to fortune.

Bmwhtly
11-26-2010, 04:24 PM
It does seem bizarre, if not perverse, that some stumps were burned in Australia to signal the death of English cricket. Yet Australia and England play cricket to decide who gets the ashes of those stumps.

*Wanders out of thread look philosophical*

Parametric
11-26-2010, 04:31 PM
I am already weeping for our inevitable humiliating defeat. :tongue

Silent Rob
11-26-2010, 04:32 PM
^spot the closet Australian.

Mr Flibble
11-26-2010, 05:49 PM
Because we are so going to cream you ass this Ashes :D


Them thar's fightin' words, Bub. But you could be right.


I might start watching the Ashes in a while. Right now I'm still savouring England's slaughter of Australia at Twickenham. Poor things.


It's worth savouring. *savours with a grin* South Africa are going to be well grumpy, after their last loss. Could get gritty.

Priene
11-26-2010, 06:33 PM
South Africa are going to be well grumpy, after their last loss. Could get gritty.

South Africa aren't known for their good humour at the best of times. They looked like cack against the Scots, and they usually lose their rags when England start beating them. Could be an entertaining match.

Mr Flibble
11-26-2010, 06:51 PM
South Africa aren't known for their good humour at the best of times. They looked like cack against the Scots, and they usually lose their rags when England start beating them. Could be an entertaining match.

If by 'entertaining match' you mean 'bloody warfare' I suspect you could be right. I'm not working tomorrow, so I may even get to see it as it happens, rather than the highlights.

mirandashell
11-27-2010, 07:34 PM
I love the Ashes. And I hate when it's in Australia cos there is no way I can stay up all night to listen to TMS.

All though I'm quite glad as last night's performance sounded a good one to miss.

And OP, no way you are going to grind us. This will be 2005, not 2007!

As for Australian rugby... can you get lots of ashes from a burning rugby ball?

Shakesbear
11-27-2010, 08:25 PM
I love the Ashes. And I hate when it's in Australia cos there is no way I can stay up all night to listen to TMS.

All though I'm quite glad as last night's performance sounded a good one to miss.

And OP, no way you are going to grind us. This will be 2005, not 2007!

As for Australian rugby... can you get lots of ashes from a burning rugby ball?


No - just a lot of hot air.

errrr.... Bmwhtly IIRC no stumps were burnt ... see here: http://www.lords.org/history/the-ashes/

rhymegirl
11-27-2010, 08:52 PM
I have no idea what this thread is about.

Priene
11-27-2010, 08:54 PM
I have no idea what this thread is about.

Day One: England bat badly
Day Two: Australia bat OK
Day Three: Australia bat fantastically
Day Four: we all watch 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' while poking Andrew Strauss voodoo dolls.

rhymegirl
11-27-2010, 09:37 PM
And the sport IS?

mirandashell
11-27-2010, 09:53 PM
Rhymegirl - It's cricket.

There is a long standing rivalry between England and Australia when it comes to cricket. Goes back over a hundred years or so. It's not your normal cricket match.....

rhymegirl
11-27-2010, 10:17 PM
Rhymegirl - It's cricket.

There is a long standing rivalry between England and Australia when it comes to cricket. Goes back over a hundred years or so. It's not your normal cricket match.....

Thank you! That helps!

Williebee
11-27-2010, 10:23 PM
Thank you! That helps!

Probably not as much as you might think.

Cricket is too weird to be called a sport; the matches are too long to call it a game.

I love it.

Shakesbear
11-27-2010, 10:29 PM
The rules are really very simple ...



You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.

When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

mirandashell
11-27-2010, 11:52 PM
The rules are really very simple ...




You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man thatís in the side thatís in goes out, and when heís out he comes in and the next man goes in until heís out.
When they are all out, the side thatís out comes in and the side thatís been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.


I expect Rhymegirl now looks like this: :Wha:

As amazing as it sounds, when you know the game the above makes perfect sense.

No, it does. Honestly.

Sophia
11-27-2010, 11:58 PM
As amazing as it sounds, when you know the game the above makes perfect sense.


No, it does. Honestly.


It does, except for the last paragraph, which isn't strictly correct:


When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.(Have been out).

But also, both sides don't have to be out twice, if one side wins heavily in the first innings and enforces the follow on. And not all the men who are in go out - there is always at least one not out.

mirandashell
11-28-2010, 12:08 AM
Ah but it does say:



When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.


Which covers your last point.

And I think the other mistake was a typo....

BTW, have this, Elara

:Hug2:

I do love a pedant......

Priene
11-28-2010, 12:24 AM
More to the point, why is it every time England cross the equator they start playing like Hogwarts Potions Under-13 Second XI? Does the ball only reverse spin in the northern hemisphere?

mirandashell
11-28-2010, 01:04 AM
Hold on a second.... we've got a few matches to go yet. Let's not get too pessimistic.

Or up yourself if you're Australian.

Caitlin Black
11-28-2010, 03:21 AM
*retracts from being up himself*

Better? :D

Caitlin Black
11-28-2010, 03:23 AM
Oh, and I still prefer Bill Bryson's explanation of cricket, in his Australian book. Here it's called Down Under, elsewhere I believe it's called Notes From A Sunburnt Country.

I'm too lazy to find where it is in that book and type it out here. But it is a fantastic book (comedic travel) so you should read the whole thing anyway. :)

Priene
11-28-2010, 09:33 AM
More to the point, why is it every time England cross the equator they start playing like Hogwarts Potions Under-13 Second XI WG Grace once more walks the earth? Does the ball only reverse spin in the northern hemisphere? These clueless Aussies can't cope with our plundering batsmen.

Updated for Sunday morning. Take that, you floppy-capped kangaroo-bothering larrikins.

Izz
11-28-2010, 09:53 AM
Go you good english things!

(i'm a kiwi, which means that i support any team playing against australia in any sport, and especially when it's cricket and especially when it's the ashes)

Caitlin Black
11-28-2010, 12:55 PM
I hate to be the one to tell you, Izz, but right this moment I have 3 Australian secret agents entering New Zealand to "deal" with you.


(My mum, nanna and grandad. They're totally badarses. Yeah.)

Shakesbear
11-28-2010, 01:40 PM
It does, except for the last paragraph, which isn't strictly correct:

(Have been out).

But also, both sides don't have to be out twice, if one side wins heavily in the first innings and enforces the follow on. And not all the men who are in go out - there is always at least one not out.


So ... does that mean that those who are not out are in?

Caitlin Black
11-28-2010, 01:46 PM
Not necessarily. It depends on if their side has just gone out or in.

_Sian_
11-28-2010, 01:47 PM
Double Century - talk about moping the floor anyone?

Despite who wins, England never lets Aus take the ashes home with them - we just get a punny little trophie instead, while England gets to keep the big one.

Overcompensation anyone? I mean, surely you have the confidence that you'll get it back eventually....:evil

ETA: I'm catching up, so rep points are going out now. Sorry about the delay, I was watching the thrashing I mean, the ashes. :tongue

Update for Sunday - you've got to keep optimistic

Priene
11-28-2010, 01:52 PM
And not all the men who are in go out - there is always at least one not out.

Ah, but what if the number 10 skies his shot, the number 11 down the other end runs down the wicket and karate chops silly mid-off in the oesophagus at the exact moment the wicket keeper takes the catch? One gets given out caught while the other goes for obstructing the field.

It could happen. Maybe.

Priene
11-28-2010, 01:54 PM
Despite who wins, England never lets Aus take the ashes home with them - they just get a punny little trophie instead, while England gets to keep the big one.

Wrong. The original trophy is small and crappy as well.

Izz
11-28-2010, 02:18 PM
Overcompensation anyone? I mean, surely you have the confidence that you'll get it back eventually....:evilCurrently England does have the victor's right to the ashes ;)

And Aussie supporters have gotta be worried about the Aussie bowling attack. Apart from Siddle's three balls of magic on day 1, they've all looked pretty pedestrian. I think Johnson's mustache is messing with his sense of balance and accuracy. :D

Caitlin Black
11-28-2010, 02:19 PM
In 100 years time, someone will wind up buying the original Ashes trophy at a garage sale.

Just to keep things in perspective. :)

Izz
11-28-2010, 02:25 PM
In 100 years time, someone will wind up buying the original Ashes trophy at a garage sale.

Just to keep things in perspective. :)And then they'll take it on Antiques Roadshow and be told that it's actually the holy grail, and was the reason for many crusades in the 20th and 21st centuries. And then they'll get told it's only worth tuppence and a bottle of milk.

Because in 100 years AR will still be around and going strong. <-- that's a dead serious comment, people. Mark my words.

Priene
11-28-2010, 02:25 PM
I think Johnson's mustache is messing with his sense of balance and accuracy. :D

I disagree. Australian cricket is nothing without its comedy facial hair.

Izz
11-28-2010, 02:27 PM
I disagree. Australian cricket is nothing without its comedy facial hair.You're right. Perhaps Merv Hughes is having an influence on this current batch of bowlers. Pretty soon you'll see Hilfenhaus begin his run-up from wide long-off when he's bowling around the wicket and deep cover when he's bowling over.

Priene
11-28-2010, 02:38 PM
I'm pretty sure the whole of Australian sport takes its fashion tips from watching Gangs of New York.

Sophia
11-28-2010, 02:52 PM
I was wondering if several of them were taking part in Movember (http://www.movember.com/) (grow a moustache in November to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer charities.)

Priene
11-28-2010, 03:11 PM
I was wondering if several of them were taking part in Movember (http://www.movember.com/) (grow a moustache in November to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer charities.)

That's just what they want you to think. The Australian male can't bear to turn down the chance to moustache themselves.

_Sian_
11-28-2010, 03:17 PM
That's just what they want you to think. The Australian male can't bear to turn down the chance to moustache themselves.

Very true. If the guys at my work place are anything to go by.

Strauss and Cook.... I need to find myself some assassins for these two. How dare they replicate the double century!

*storms off in a huff*

Sophia
11-28-2010, 03:55 PM
Strauss and Cook.... I need to find myself some assassins for these two. How dare they replicate the double century!

Ooh, really?

*Hides eyes against spoilers before watching the highlights, but is secretly very pleased :D *

mirandashell
11-28-2010, 11:04 PM
More to the point, why is it every time England cross the equator they start playing like Hogwarts Potions Under-13 Second XI? Does the ball only reverse spin in the northern hemisphere?


Ahem..... you were saying?


:tongue

Izz
11-29-2010, 05:55 AM
And here's a double-century for Cook. KABOOM!

_Sian_
11-29-2010, 06:02 AM
:e2cry:

.
.
.
.
.



:guns:

Ahh well, that fixed you all :D

Izz
11-29-2010, 06:05 AM
:banana:

_Sian_
11-29-2010, 06:15 AM
you know it's dire when you start praying for a draw

Izz
11-29-2010, 06:16 AM
Only two sessions left. If the Aussies rip through the English line-up in the first hour after lunch they might still have a chance to win it.

_Sian_
11-29-2010, 06:47 AM
you're sweet you are Izz. Thank you :)

Izz
11-29-2010, 06:51 AM
Secretly (or not so secretly, seeing as i'm typing it 'n' all), i'm hoping the English will slap leather with willow really hard for an hour after lunch, get a lead of 300, and then run through the Aussies in 3 hours to win...

Priene
11-29-2010, 11:05 AM
Let's hope Australia remember to pack some bowlers for Adelaide. Wouldn't want England to get 517-1 again. Lord, no.

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 11:25 AM
Adelaide's my home town. That means Australia's going to forfeit the game to go play guitar.

At least, that's what I would do...

Mr Flibble
11-29-2010, 01:06 PM
I seem to recall a rep regarding a bitter taste in my mouth....my mouth, she is tasting sweet :D*



*Note. This is some kind of aberration, surely. Or possibly black magic?

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 01:09 PM
Black magic or purple rain? Who can really tell when the world is abuzz with cricket?

_Sian_
11-29-2010, 02:15 PM
*sian cries softly*

well, at least we didn't loose :D Technically anyway

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 02:21 PM
*is glad he hasn't been watching*

Parametric
11-29-2010, 02:22 PM
You know, by drawing the first Test, we've already done better than the last Ashes series in Australia.

Mr Flibble
11-29-2010, 02:29 PM
*sian cries softly*

well, at least we didn't loose :D Technically anyway


Not yet, no. But I've got a goat here just begging to be sacrificed....

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 02:36 PM
I might watch the Adelaide test just in case I need to battle IRU's voodoo...

Surely a local source of energy will win the day?

*gathers live chickens*

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 02:37 PM
*settles for the 2 thigh fillets in the freezer*

Less squawking. *nods knowledgeably*

Mr Flibble
11-29-2010, 02:39 PM
Tsk tsk. Everyone knows it's not a proper blot if you buy it at the supermarket. No blood, no magic.

I'll see your chickens and raise you a chav.

Caitlin Black
11-29-2010, 02:44 PM
I'll see your chav and raise you a chauvanist AND a chauffer!

Haha! Human blood FTW.

*winds up in jail*

Winning the Ashes was totally worth spending 50 years in the electric chair!

Mr Flibble
11-29-2010, 03:25 PM
I'll see your chav and raise you a chauvanist AND a chauffer!



I can probably find a royal around somewhere that's not doing anything. *plays royal blood trump*

Hmm, what's the penalty for High Treason these days?

poetinahat
11-29-2010, 03:44 PM
Hats off to the England top order -- what a show! Great match. You know times have changed when the Aussies weren't unbackable favourites (and maybe not favourites at all) to win the Ashes on home soil.

eta: That was meant equally to be a comment on the rise of the England team, and a general hope that, with the generational change, cricket will become more about cricket again, and less about sledging. I'm really very tired of reading about 'mental disintegration' as a tactic.

Priene
11-29-2010, 03:51 PM
Strauss 110
Cook 235 not out
Trott 135 not out

Damn, that's a performance. With Strauss' duck and that hat-trick in the first innings, I had visions of another England walloping.

Cook 235 not out
Cook 235 not out
Cook 235 not out

weird.

poetinahat
11-29-2010, 04:10 PM
I was wondering why England batted so long - surely they'd have liked to have more of a chance of bowling Australia out - but I'm thinking that

a) Strauss gave the Australians credit for having the potential to chase down a couple of hundred runs in two sessions (well, one or two of them anyway);
b) he wanted to put some mental scarring on the Australian bowlers for the rest of the Series;
c) because they could. Why declare when it's just so much fun to bat like that all day?

Priene
11-29-2010, 04:39 PM
Five hundred and odd for one, flat pitch, not much time left: I would have left them in and gone for seven hundred.

cray
11-29-2010, 05:32 PM
i'm going to have this thread translated into english later.
*bookmarks page*


...and then i'll leave a post here.






:D

Torgo
11-29-2010, 05:39 PM
I was wondering why England batted so long - surely they'd have liked to have more of a chance of bowling Australia out - but I'm thinking that

a) Strauss gave the Australians credit for having the potential to chase down a couple of hundred runs in two sessions (well, one or two of them anyway);
b) he wanted to put some mental scarring on the Australian bowlers for the rest of the Series;
c) because they could. Why declare when it's just so much fun to bat like that all day?


Pitch was way too flat for us to run through them; it was a pitch where a total of two wickets fell on the last two days. I think we had to bat them definitively out of the game, and then the only decision was who could do with a net more - the batsmen or the bowlers.

As it turned out, probably would have been an idea to bat serenely on for a bit longer, and perhaps get KP out there to continue his return to form, but I think the declaration probably came at the right time under the circumstances.

Priene
11-29-2010, 05:42 PM
i'm going to have this thread translated into english later.


Finding yourself on a sticky wicket, huh? You've been bowled a doosra.

poetinahat
11-30-2010, 05:02 AM
Finding yourself on a sticky wicket, huh? You've been bowled a doosra.
Heh. Best to play a straight bat and push it to silly point. And watch for the yorker next ball - might trap you LBW.

Izz
11-30-2010, 05:19 AM
Heh. Best to play a straight bat and push it to silly point. And watch for the yorker next ball - might trap you LBW.Or if they've set two men back behind square, watch out for the bouncer and resist the urge to hook it to fine leg.

Not that an off-spinner should be bowling bouncers, but he could throw in an arm-ball to trick you into a pull, and you might end up holing out to cow-corner, or trapped LBW.

poetinahat
11-30-2010, 09:41 AM
Or if they've set two men back behind square, watch out for the bouncer and resist the urge to hook it to fine leg.

Not that an off-spinner should be bowling bouncers, but he could throw in an arm-ball to trick you into a pull, and you might end up holing out to cow-corner, or trapped LBW.
Bowled, Izz! Four leg-byes past third man!

Izz
11-30-2010, 12:34 PM
Bowled, Izz! Four leg-byes past third man!Right between slip and gully, you reckon? Deep point had no chance of getting around and stopping the boundary.

Priene
11-30-2010, 01:32 PM
Four leg-byes past third man!

You've been watching Mitchell Johnson.

Izz
11-30-2010, 01:32 PM
You've been watching Mitchell Johnson.:D

_Sian_
11-30-2010, 04:34 PM
I love you all. There's nothing better than just listening to cricket talk. Makes one feel part of a family.

Group Hug! (put aside the regional differences for a post, then go back to the animal sacrifice and such)

Priene
11-30-2010, 05:33 PM
I love you all.

That's what our Alastair put on his Thank You card to the Aussie bowlers.

mirandashell
11-30-2010, 10:44 PM
Did you hear about that American woman whose Twitter account is called @theashes?

Her account got swamped by cricket fans, she complained, it got in the news, and now Qantas are flying her to Adelaide and she gets to be on TMS!

Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh! Not fair!

Caitlin Black
12-01-2010, 03:02 AM
The joke's on her. She has to come to ADELAIDE, the dullest city in the world. (I'm talking from personal experience here... I live in bloody Adelaide.)

Leg bye!

mirandashell
12-02-2010, 01:18 AM
I doubt she'll see much of the city. She's being feted by the BBC.....

Gah!

Priene
12-03-2010, 12:20 AM
And Mitchell Johnson's been dropped (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/other_international/australia/9249347.stm). A sad day for all Poms.

Parametric
12-03-2010, 04:08 AM
Oh dear. 0 for 2 in the first over, and England are already well on their way to another epic collapse the likes of which --

Oh, wait. That would be Australia. :tongue

Parametric
12-03-2010, 04:14 AM
Wow. Australia are now 2 for 3 in the second over. I feel bad for them, losing the toss and being forced to --

Oh, wait. They won the toss and opted to bat. :tongue

Parametric
12-03-2010, 04:15 AM
(I can keep this up forever, by the way.)

Izz
12-03-2010, 06:48 AM
That damn Hussey...


;)

Caitlin Black
12-03-2010, 07:24 AM
Right, time to sacrifice some middle management...

"Bob? I'm afraid it's time to go."
"But..."
"No, don't say anything. Just make this easy on yourself."
"Are Australia really playing that poorly?"
"Yours will be a worthy sacrifice."
"Can I call my wife to say goodbye?"
"No. She's watching the cricket."

(I could do that all day.)

NoGuessing
12-03-2010, 07:39 AM
If North gets to 20, he will score a hundred. That's how he rolls.

NoGuessing
12-03-2010, 07:42 AM
Also, why did they drop Hauritz for Doherty? It's not like Doherty is any better. O'Keefe>>>>>>>>>>>>>Than the lot of them.

Priene
12-03-2010, 10:30 AM
If North gets to 20, he will score a hundred. That's how he rolls.

North c Prior b Finn 26

This is the thread where predictions come to die.

Izz
12-03-2010, 11:23 AM
Kapow! Jimmy the Kid leads England to a dominant position on the first day.

Priene
12-03-2010, 01:43 PM
Day One, Adelaide:

Australia 245 all out (Hussey 93, Haddin 56, Watson 51; Anderson 4-51)
England 1 for 0

(and a special mention to Katich for getting himself run out for 0.)

Izz
12-03-2010, 01:44 PM
(and a special mention to Katich for getting himself run out for 0.)without having faced a ball. I hate to think how many holes his crazy eyes burned in the dressing room walls after that.

Caitlin Black
12-03-2010, 01:49 PM
245 all out?

We're gonna get thumped!

/pessimistica

_Sian_
12-04-2010, 04:06 AM
:~( that was pathetic. I mean, really. 3 for 2!

However, England is already 1 for 3, so it might not be too bad.

I iz hopeful

*hopeful smile*

It's either that or cry, anywho

Izz
12-04-2010, 04:06 AM
Yeah, what was Strauss thinking, leaving that?

Priene
12-04-2010, 11:32 AM
...and several hours later, the mighty England batting machine has rumbled past Australia's total. Good news for the Aussies, though: this time round they've doubled the number of wickets taken before England reached 300. To two.

Priene
12-04-2010, 11:38 AM
Adelaide Day 2:

ENGLAND 1st Innings 317 for 2 (Cook 136 not out, Pietersen 85 not out, Trott 78)

AUSTRALIA 1st Innings 245 all out

Caitlin Black
12-04-2010, 01:39 PM
That's it - I'm leaving Adelaide. Our local football teams have been losing in recent years, and now this cricket stuff...

But where do I move?

Parametric
12-04-2010, 01:54 PM
...and several hours later, the mighty England batting machine has rumbled past Australia's total.

A phrase I so rarely hear. :tongue

waylander
12-04-2010, 02:23 PM
Even KP is in the runs, looks like a big total on the way.

Priene
12-04-2010, 03:44 PM
Shock news: that nasty bully Jimmy Anderson has been sledging (http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/dec/03/england-jimmy-anderson-brad-haddin) the poor wee Aussie batsmen.

Coming up next: The pot tells our reporter 'that bastard kettle's blacker than me, and I can prove it'

mirandashell
12-04-2010, 08:35 PM
That did make me laugh! Ponting getting upset about sledging......

I don't agree with sledging by anybody but .... that was funny!

Caitlin Black
12-05-2010, 01:21 AM
I wouldn't be any good at sledging.

I'd just walk out onto the field to bat and tell the fielders, "Those pants make your butt look big."

*shrug*

NoGuessing
12-05-2010, 06:09 AM
Doherty is a chump

BeatrixKiddo
12-05-2010, 07:45 AM
I have no idea what this thread is about.

Ditto.



Rhymegirl - It's cricket.

There is a long standing rivalry between England and Australia when it comes to cricket. Goes back over a hundred years or so. It's not your normal cricket match.....

Ah, cricket. (Clueless American)

I know some folks play over here (usually colleges and such) but other then that, I'm not very familiar with it. It always reminded me of a golf-baseball combo.

I think Australia and England are both lovely countries so I'll have to stay neutral and root for both at any given time.

Caitlin Black
12-05-2010, 07:48 AM
You should root for Australia. ;)

My own loyalties aside, in Australia "root" is another word for "have sex".

This has been a public service announcement.

BeatrixKiddo
12-05-2010, 07:52 AM
You should root for Australia. ;)

My own loyalties aside, in Australia "root" is another word for "have sex".

This has been a public service announcement.


I'll only have sex with Australia then. (Sorry England)

Caitlin Black
12-05-2010, 08:01 AM
You've made a wise choice. :)

Priene
12-05-2010, 09:32 AM
You've made a wise choice. :)

England now on 551-4, KP walloping his way through the 200s. Wise choices probably don't include rooting for Australia.


(Incidentally, that pitch at Adelaide is gorgeous. It's like tuning into an alien world of weird primary colours and brutal heat.)

Priene
12-05-2010, 01:43 PM
Adelaide Day 3:

ENGLAND 1st Innings 551 for 4 (Pietersen 213 not out, Cook 148, Trott 78; Harris 2 for 84)

AUSTRALIA 1st Innings 245 all out

_Sian_
12-05-2010, 02:06 PM
I've given up watching - I can't be neutral, and there's not much point in watching us get whalloped.

*sigh* and I was such looking forwards to teasing you all.

Ahh well, I get updates from the bro, so if things turn around, I will be there :D

poetinahat
12-05-2010, 02:15 PM
Shock news: that nasty bully Jimmy Anderson has been sledging (http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/dec/03/england-jimmy-anderson-brad-haddin) the poor wee Aussie batsmen.

Coming up next: The pot tells our reporter 'that bastard kettle's blacker than me, and I can prove it'

Yep. I think it's only fair to the English that Australians be properly miserable at the thrashing we're getting - otherwise, where's the fun of gloating? So, yes, I hate every minute of this.

But, once it's all over, I'll tell you that I wish some of Ponting's old mates, like Hayden and Waugh, could be copping some of this too. Bullies.

Last week, ex-selector Merv Hughes argued against dropping Mitchell Johnson despite his failure to perform, arguing that would be bad for his fragile ego right now, and he needed support. Worst reason EVER to keep someone in the Test side. Far better, I suppose, to keep good players out. We did this long enough with folks like Mark Taylor (nice bloke that he is).

_Sian_
12-05-2010, 03:09 PM
Yep. I think it's only fair to the English that Australians be properly miserable at the thrashing we're getting - otherwise, where's the fun of gloating? So, yes, I hate every minute of this.

But, once it's all over, I'll tell you that I wish some of Ponting's old mates, like Hayden and Waugh, could be copping some of this too. Bullies.

Last week, ex-selector Merv Hughes argued against dropping Mitchell Johnson despite his failure to perform, arguing that would be bad for his fragile ego right now, and he needed support. Worst reason EVER to keep someone in the Test side. Far better, I suppose, to keep good players out. We did this long enough with folks like Mark Taylor (nice bloke that he is).


Good point. Have you notice that our selectors are struggling a bit? I mean, they don't seem to have the ability to find new talent, they keep on praying some of the old will turn up.

Not that I liked Shane Warne as a person, but he was a bloody good bowler. That's what they want atm, it seems, a magic player.

I just get the feeling they're trying to hang onto an era at the expense of a new one

waylander
12-05-2010, 03:44 PM
How's that Aussie raindance coming on?

_Sian_
12-05-2010, 04:05 PM
:p

Not very well, and you know it, you cheeky devil :D

mirandashell
12-05-2010, 06:11 PM
I've given up watching - I can't be neutral, and there's not much point in watching us get whalloped.

*sigh* and I was such looking forwards to teasing you all.

Ahh well, I get updates from the bro, so if things turn around, I will be there :D


Tut, tut! Call yourself a supporter? Part of it is going through the pain of being humilated.

I'm English, I know!.

Priene
12-05-2010, 08:52 PM
Good point. Have you notice that our selectors are struggling a bit? I mean, they don't seem to have the ability to find new talent, they keep on praying some of the old will turn up.

Great teams don't last forever, thankfully. Australia had fifteen years of teams that picked themselves. Now the Aussies have to grub around for talent just like England used to. Incidentally, your new spinner looks like he's wandered in from the local park and is hoping his mum will come and take him home soon.

waylander
12-05-2010, 10:46 PM
Incidentally, your new spinner looks like he's wandered in from the local park and is hoping his mum will come and take him home soon.

Bit of a misnomer to call him a spinner, don't you think?

Sophia
12-06-2010, 03:54 AM
A few minutes ago, watching Doherty signing an autograph by the boundary (I'm not as bitchy as I sound, honest!) :

Me: Why would anyone want Doherty's signature?
Hubby: Maybe they go to school with him.

Caitlin Black
12-06-2010, 03:59 AM
Incidentally, your new spinner looks like he's wandered in from the local park and is hoping his mum will come and take him home soon.

Best sledge ever.

Priene
12-06-2010, 01:32 PM
Adelaide Day 4:

AUSTRALIA 2nd Innings 238 for 4 (Clarke 80, Watson 57; Swann 2 for 72)
AUSTRALIA 1st Innings 245 all out

ENGLAND 1st Innings 620 for 5 declared (Pietersen 227, Cook 148, Trott 78; Harris 2 for 84)


AUSTRALIA, with six second innings wickets remaining, need 137 to avoid an innings defeat.

waylander
12-06-2010, 02:54 PM
Pietersen's dismissal of Clarke looks like a key moment.
What's the weather forecast for tomorrow?

Priene
12-06-2010, 07:07 PM
What's the weather forecast for tomorrow?

A big shower. And that's just the Australian bowlers.

Meanwhile, 71% of Aussies (http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/sport/cricket/ashes-shocker-drives-the-army-barmy/story-e6frectl-1225966066648) want Shane Warne to make a comeback. Presumably the other 29% are either Poms, too shellshocked to reply, or holding out for the return of Dennis Lillee.

Izz
12-07-2010, 04:45 AM
Well, i think that thar be a collapse. 9 down, still trailing by 80. 5 wickets lost in just over an hour.

Caitlin Black
12-07-2010, 04:49 AM
I can bowl like Shane Warne. I even had the special cricket balls with the fingerprints on it which told me where to hold the ball so that I could bowl like Warnie.

They should put me on the team.

Of course, I don't have a moustache, so I might not fit in...

waylander
12-07-2010, 04:58 AM
It's all over. Australia 304 all out
England win by an innings
Swann is the man

_Sian_
12-07-2010, 10:51 AM
well, I'm still watching, even though I thought I couldn't.

If I wasn't so wrapped up in Australia, I would actually admire you lot. I mean, after all those years of being all out for under 150...

:D

Still, I feel for Ponting. I see the front page of every newspaper everyday in my job, because I sell them.

And good god, I would not like to be Ponting at the moment. The Australian Press does not take a Ashes trashing well

Parametric
12-07-2010, 12:42 PM
In my heart of hearts I suspected England might find a way to snatch defeat (or at least a draw) from the jaws of victory. Glad to be proven wrong. :tongue

Priene
12-07-2010, 01:41 PM
Still, I feel for Ponting. I see the front page of every newspaper everyday in my job, because I sell them.

And good god, I would not like to be Ponting at the moment. The Australian Press does not take a Ashes trashing well

You know, I actually feel sorry for Ricky...

Oh no I don't. Four years ago, he and his team were insufferable.

Izz
12-07-2010, 01:46 PM
You know, I actually feel sorry for Ricky...He earns just under $4,000,000 a year. I don't feel sorry for him one iota.

waylander
12-07-2010, 05:01 PM
So what changes will we see in the Australian side for the next match?

Priene
12-07-2010, 05:50 PM
So what changes will we see in the Australian side for the next match?

Well, they've already tried panicking, and it wasn't a success. If I were them, I'd work out who I thought Australia's best XI are and tell they're all safe for the series. Their press will berserk, though, if they play remotely like this in the next test.

Sophia
12-07-2010, 10:46 PM
Did they actually play badly, or were England just very good? There were some terrible early dismissals (Ponting, Harris - but we had them too (Strauss) ) but I don't remember ever thinking that Australia had lost it; just that England were on their top form and it had become a question of low morale for the Aussies. They had a decent start in Brisbane - I wouldn't count them out just yet.

Much sympathy for Broad. :(

Priene
12-08-2010, 09:01 AM
Did they actually play badly, or were England just very good?

I would say both. The Aussie bowlers looked awful.

Anyway, the exciting news is Ian Botham and Ian Chappell had a fight (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ipad-application/cricket-grudge-gets-a-bit-beefy/story-fn6bfkm6-1225967378607) in the car park. Take him out, Beefy.

waylander
12-10-2010, 05:33 PM
So what do we think of the changes in the Australian squad? Is Beer any good?

waylander
12-16-2010, 03:16 AM
3rd Test starts in about 3 hours.
Predictions anyone?

Caitlin Black
12-16-2010, 04:36 AM
3 batsmen will get heat stroke and the game will be cancelled.

The flies on the field will offer more entertainment than the players.

And Richie Benaud will swear profusely and hand in his resignation.

;)

Izz
12-16-2010, 05:22 AM
3rd Test starts in about 3 hours.
Predictions anyone?MIchael Beer will take 10 wickets for 25 runs in 15 overs...

Or he'll get Dougherty-ed...

poetinahat
12-16-2010, 05:39 AM
3rd Test starts in about 3 hours.
Predictions anyone?
Sunburn on Peter Siddle's forehead.

By the end of the series, the return of sportsmanship to Test cricket.

And India to succeed Australia as Test cricket's most, er, self-confident side.

Priene
12-16-2010, 10:43 AM
Australia make a terrible start, hussey and Haddin get a stand together, then Hussey loses his wicket just when the Aussies are starting to look respectable. I'm getting deja vu.

Priene
12-16-2010, 02:35 PM
Perth, Day One:

AUSTRALIA 268 all out (Johnson 62, Hussey 61, Haddin 53; Anderson 3-61, Tremlett 3-63)
ENGLAND 29-0

poetinahat
12-17-2010, 07:54 AM
Dear England:

I'm back. Miss me?

.4W..W,

Mitchell Johnson

P.S Hey KP: *quack*

Parametric
12-17-2010, 01:42 PM
I'm just going to put my head down on my arms and cry for a while.

Priene
12-17-2010, 01:53 PM
Dear England:

I'm back. Miss me?

.4W..W,

Mitchell Johnson

P.S Hey KP: *quack*

Dear Ricky

Any chance you'd become the official face of our association? Your ability to return to the pavilion seconds after leaving has been an inspiration to us.

Sincerely

The Boomerang Manufacturers Guild of Australia.

Priene
12-17-2010, 03:18 PM
Perth, Day Two:

AUSTRALIA Second Innings 119 for 3 (Watson 61 not out; Finn 2-48)
First Innings 268 all out (Johnson 62, Hussey 61, Haddin 53; Anderson 3-61, Tremlett 3-63)

ENGLAND First Innings 187 all out (Bell 53, Strauss 52; Johnson 6-38, Harris 3-59)

poetinahat
12-18-2010, 02:34 AM
Dear Ricky

Any chance you'd become the official face of our association? Your ability to return to the pavilion seconds after leaving has been an inspiration to us.

Sincerely

The Boomerang Manufacturers Guild of Australia.

If he keeps on at this rate, he'll be a better fit for the Australian Anchor Company very shortly.

Caitlin Black
12-18-2010, 03:01 AM
Woo Australia! The original come-back-country!

waylander
12-18-2010, 03:14 AM
So what did you do with Mitchell Johnson, other than shave off that moustache? He looked a completely different bowler.

Caitlin Black
12-18-2010, 03:19 AM
We gave him a stern talking to, and a beer.

It always works.

Caitlin Black
12-18-2010, 03:20 AM
Though of course, he's more aerodynamic without the moustache, which probably helps.

Sophia
12-18-2010, 10:49 PM
Even though I was watching that with a strangely unfamiliar sinking feeling (oh how quickly a couple of good matches gets you feeling complacent!) I have to admire Australia for coming back fighting. I hope England get steely and go out on a cracking total.

Steven Smith reminds me of a blond Kurt from Glee.

Izz
12-19-2010, 12:17 AM
Looks like it's a-gonna be 1-1 going into the 4th test... just in time for Shane 'Pie' Warne to make his comeback ;)

NoGuessing
12-20-2010, 01:05 PM
Mitchell Johnson is so mercurial.

Ryan Harris the unsung hero. Such a good bowler, and so consistent in his small test career so far.

If Dougeh Bollinger is back to his best then he should come in for Hilf or Siddle. They shoot themselves in the foot by bowling short all the bloody time. Especially Hilf. If he pitched it up another foot all those play-and-misses would become edges.

waylander
12-26-2010, 02:04 PM
Anyone out there?
Australia 98 a.o.
England 157-0

Izz
12-26-2010, 02:07 PM
Anyone out there?
Australia 98 a.o.
England 157-0Stunning.

Watched some of it this afternoon. When England went out to bat it was as if a completely different pitch had been dropped in during the innings break. Cook's in the form of his life. And Jimmy, too.

_Sian_
12-26-2010, 03:42 PM
Yeah, I'm here. It's in my bloody state.

*cries in front of the TV*

mirandashell
12-26-2010, 03:58 PM
Woke up this morning and turned on TMS and guess what?

A late Christmas present!

Well done England! Keep it up now.

Priene
12-26-2010, 05:12 PM
What? I didn't think it started until tonight.


Edit: All ten wickets were caught behind. Thanks for the Xmas pressie, you Aussies.

mirandashell
12-26-2010, 07:04 PM
I know, I didn't think it was on until tonight. Just happened to see the highlights on the EPG.

Caitlin Black
12-27-2010, 01:12 AM
Hmm. I better have a little chat to the Aussie team.

No. No good at all...

NoGuessing
12-27-2010, 01:04 PM
That was some seriously sexy bowling from England the other day. I really rate Tremlett. Not quick but with his height and accuracy pace doesn't matter.

Good to see Trott tonning up as well. Hope Harris gets some wickets though. Doesn't quite have Johnson's ability to rip the joint up (though I think Harris's strikepower is underrated), but he bowls well every innings rather than once a blue moon.

Pretty sad story this test though. I always want blood in the Ashes, because as a kiwi I grew up learning by rote what ****s they are.:tongue

Have been crowing to all my Aussie mates that our middle order (Taylor, Ryder, Williamson, Vettori) would walk into the Australian side*. It's been fantastic.

*though to be fair, Lolstralia make Pakistan's batting look stable at the moment.

Caitlin Black
12-27-2010, 01:09 PM
Ah, the Aussies can't get no love...

Just you wait until the Commonwealth Games! Mwuaahahahaaa!!!

_Sian_
12-27-2010, 01:22 PM
Ah, the Aussies can't get no love...

Just you wait until the Commonwealth Games! Mwuaahahahaaa!!!


Yes :D Cricket isn't a commonwealth sport :D

*dances around in happiness*

And anyway, weren't you lot in this position like 5 years ago or something? There's always a suckish period of time.

And surely you wanted at least a contest on your hands for the ashes. This is a walk in the park for you lot. Lazy poms for not trying harder to create a contest


~Sian.... trying very very hard

Caitlin Black
12-27-2010, 01:49 PM
Maybe if the Aussies had a handicap to even the odds... say, 5 extra players. :D

Yes, I think I'm onto something...

Priene
12-27-2010, 02:06 PM
our middle order (Taylor, Ryder, Williamson, Vettori) would walk into the Australian side*.

Only if the Aussies were so thirsty they needed four drinks trays.

mirandashell
12-28-2010, 01:18 AM
I hear Ponting lost his marbles yesterday......

Bless!

LOL!

waylander
12-28-2010, 01:44 PM
This one is all over, superb knock by Trott
Tough luck on Ryan Harris.

Priene
12-28-2010, 04:26 PM
How could this happen? We were facing the fearsome Wolf Pack (http://www.public88.com/sports/cricket/australia-cricket-the-ashes-2010-australia-bowlers-hoping-for-melbourne-feeding-frenzy/), after all. The name has me gibbering with terror.

mirandashell
12-28-2010, 11:53 PM
:ROFL:

Sorry sorry ..... but :roll:

Izz
12-29-2010, 12:01 AM
Another excellent article from the Guardian...

Priene
12-29-2010, 08:04 AM
..and England mop up the tail to retain the Ashes (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/9325266.stm). Victory by an innings and 157 runs, and the Barmy Army made up several inventive songs about Mitchell Johnson.

Caitlin Black
12-29-2010, 08:10 AM
Congrats England.

Perhaps this is a good time to tell you that the Ashes are cursed?

Yeah. *nods knowingly*

Priene
12-29-2010, 03:07 PM
Apparently Kevin Pietersen hoodwinked (http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2010/dec/28/what-next-for-ricky-ponting) Ricky Ponting into his anti-umpire tirade by telling him he'd nicked the ball when he hadn't. I'm not saying I approve, but 'ha ha ha' comes to mind.

waylander
01-03-2011, 03:50 AM
Does anyone in Aus still care about this?
Last Test just started, Australia batting with 2 debutants

mirandashell
01-04-2011, 12:14 AM
I missed the first day again!

Caitlin Black
01-04-2011, 02:05 AM
I haven't watched any of the airing, but I'm enjoying reading about the results here.

Well, as much as you can enjoy reading how your country is getting its butt kicked, anyway...

:)

Priene
01-05-2011, 01:29 PM
Well, that's probably it. A very pink crowd watched Cook (series average: 127) ease England into a winning position. Hats off to the Aussies who booed their new captain to the crease (apparently it wasn't just the Barmy Army). Bit of a hint: support him next time, especially if you don't think he's up to the job.

Priene
01-06-2011, 10:35 AM
The score is now so painful our Aussie members will probably start sobbing if I post it. Tremlett's currently on a hat-trick as England look to wrap up the match tonight.

poetinahat
01-06-2011, 10:57 AM
Does anyone in Aus still care about this?
Last Test just started, Australia batting with 2 debutants
Yes. Justice is being done - this is the right result.

England's playing magnificently. Australia just don't have the guns, and England bloody well do. What, three innings defeats? Are you kidding me? Hats off, England.

Fair play, well done to the better side. The wheel has turned. It'll turn again someday.

I wish the media would stop behaving as though it's the Apocalypse. It's not. It's just our turn to cop it and show we actually can be good sports about it.

Caitlin Black
01-06-2011, 01:48 PM
On a sports-related note, the other day I saw Jelena Dokic playing tennis (on TV) and she got knocked out 6-0 6-1. :( A couple of years ago, she came pretty close to stealing the Australian Open. Now she's just lost it.

Regarding tennis... BRING BACK MARTINA HINGIS DAMN IT!! She was my favourite player. She used to win a lot, but she did it with such style. You could tell she was really giving it her all, and you never knew if she was going to win. Tennis lost a great player when she left.

/tennis aside

Back to the cricket! So... Australia lost huh? How 'bout that... *kicks a bucket full of Vegemite*

Priene
01-06-2011, 01:50 PM
Back to the cricket! So... Australia lost huh?

Nope. Your plucky boys can still tough it out for a game draw and a series loss.

Izz
01-06-2011, 01:51 PM
Back to the cricket! So... Australia lost huh? How 'bout that... *kicks a bucket full of Vegemite*Almost lost. They're still hanging on by a ripped fingernail, attempting to maintain some dignity. If they bat all day tomorrow and salvage a draw Steven Smith might end up being the new Aussie captain.

Caitlin Black
01-06-2011, 01:52 PM
Hmm. Maybe next time Australia should field a team they didn't find hanging around at the bus station. :D

Priene
01-06-2011, 05:03 PM
Blast from the past: Will Swanton explains (http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/cricket/reasons-why-poms-wont-win/story-e6frey50-1225955985591) why England won't win the Ashes.

waylander
01-07-2011, 11:38 AM
Blast from the past: Will Swanton explains (http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/cricket/reasons-why-poms-wont-win/story-e6frey50-1225955985591) why England won't win the Ashes.


Thanks for posting that, gave me a good laugh, particularly the worship of Mitchell Johnson.

3-1

Can I say that again?
England won the series 3-1 with 3 innings defeats of Australia

Caitlin Black
01-07-2011, 11:49 AM
Bah!

I'm giving up cricket as a national pastime. Next for Australia? The Running Of The Bulls - in the Sydney Opera House!!!

Tickets are $150 per person. You can just go ahead and send me the money... I'm totally official and represent the people of Australia. ;)

waylander
01-07-2011, 05:40 PM
Maybe you should play a mixed team
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/womens_cricket/9348661.stm