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tko
11-17-2010, 05:33 AM
I have no experience with guns, I wrote the below based on internet research. How does it sound? Dan said it all, I need a rifle that can be carried under a long coat, medium accuracy. Oh yeah, it should be available in Bangkok, legally or not.http://absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon11.gif


Dan said, “I'd like a rifle with a short barrel, something I can carry but is still accurate mid range, what do you have?"
“Well, I've got this Rock River Arms AR15 short barreled rifle with the original Rock River Upper, 7 inch Barrel, Quad Rail, A2 Front Sight, Vltor, GGG flip up rear sight and H&K magazine with Magpul."
The man took a breath, waiting.
Dan drooled. The M16 he’d used in the United States military was based on the AR-15. The AR-15 rifle was highly configurable, he could get it set up anyway he wanted. "A 7-inch barrel is too short, I think I can carry the 10 inch. I want the options for either laser or telescopic sights. Thirty round box magazines. Stainless 1 in 9 barrel, right?”

tko
11-17-2010, 05:36 AM
Again, only based on internet research, stop me from embarrassing myself please!



Acala gave him an exaggerated smile right back, tongue almost sticking out. “Well, Tommy, this is kind of cute.” She pointed towards a tiny gun in the glass cabinet.
Dan said, “That’s a Ruger LCP Pistol in .380 ACP. It's called a lightweight compact pistol for good reason. It only weighs 9 oz, it's made of plastic, a toy, why would you want that?”
Acala didn't look offended. “It's only polymer framed, not entirely plastic. It has a length of about five inches and a width of under an inch. It's perfect when you want something easy to carry and light.”
“It's a toy,” Dan repeated.
Acala smile at him. “Actually, it has a machined extractor, a titanium firing pin, and a blued through-hardened steel slide. The pistol is a lock breech design, not a simple blow back, and the frame is tough glass filled nylon. It's one of the lightest and smallest 380 ACP pistols on the market today.”

Rowan
11-17-2010, 05:58 AM
Hey, TKO. :)
Check out this Firearms Thread (in this forum)--the AR15 was just being discussed:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=195912&page=8

Drachen Jager
11-17-2010, 06:15 AM
Dan said, “I'd like a rifle with a short barrel, something I can carry but is still accurate mid range, what do you have?"
“Well, I've got this Rock River Arms AR15 short barreled rifle with the original Rock River Upper, 7 inch Barrel, Quad Rail, A2 Front Sight, Vltor, GGG flip up rear sight and H&K magazine with Magpul."
The man took a breath, waiting.
Dan drooled. The M16 he’d used in the United States military was based on the AR-15. The AR-15 rifle was highly configurable, he could get it set up anyway he wanted. "A 7-inch barrel is too short, I think I can carry the 10 inch. I want the options for either laser or telescopic sights. Thirty round box magazines. Stainless 1 in 9 barrel, right?”

What's Mid-range? If I were talking I'd say the range I intended to use it at "good out to 200 yards" (or metres if he's not American).

You wouldn't say "telescopic sights" you'd say "scope".

On the whole it reads like a technical manual. People don't talk that way.

Cut the explanation, first off, he wouldn't drool, the M16 is a tool, it's a good rifle but I don't know anyone who thinks it's the best assault rifle available, secondly you're leading your audience by the nose. Those who know the M16 and AR 15 are essentially the same rifle will think it's stupid to point out the obvious, those who don't probably won't care either way. But, anyone interested in reading the sort of thing it sounds like you're writing would know.

Drachen Jager
11-17-2010, 06:17 AM
Acala gave him an exaggerated smile right back, tongue almost sticking out. “Well, Tommy, this is kind of cute.” She pointed towards a tiny gun in the glass cabinet.
Dan said, “That’s a Ruger LCP Pistol in .380 ACP. It's called a lightweight compact pistol for good reason. It only weighs 9 oz, it's made of plastic, a toy, why would you want that?”
Acala didn't look offended. “It's only polymer framed, not entirely plastic. It has a length of about five inches and a width of under an inch. It's perfect when you want something easy to carry and light.”
“It's a toy,” Dan repeated.
Acala smile at him. “Actually, it has a machined extractor, a titanium firing pin, and a blued through-hardened steel slide. The pistol is a lock breech design, not a simple blow back, and the frame is tough glass filled nylon. It's one of the lightest and smallest 380 ACP pistols on the market today.”

Again, nobody talks this way. Is she a Ruger salesperson?

Stanmiller
11-17-2010, 06:25 AM
Dan said, “I'd like a rifle with a short barrel, something I can carry but is still accurate mid range, what do you have?"
“Well, I've got this Rock River Arms AR15 short barreled rifle with the original Rock River Upper, 7 inch Barrel, Quad Rail, A2 Front Sight, Vltor, GGG flip up rear sight and H&K magazine with Magpul."
The man took a breath, waiting.
Dan drooled. The M16 he’d used in the United States military was based on the AR-15. The AR-15 rifle was highly configurable, he could get it set up anyway he wanted. "A 7-inch barrel is too short, I think I can carry the 10 inch. I want the options for either laser or telescopic sights. Thirty round box magazines. Stainless 1 in 9 barrel, right?”

Holy infodump, Batman. That's a ton of unnecessary information. How about something like...

"Well, I have a seven-inch AR with rails. How about that?"
"The seven-inch barrel is too short. How about a ten-inch?"
"I can do that. Laser and scope both?"
"Sure. And a couple thirty-round mags."

That's how gun people talk. BTW, 16 inch is the shortest legal barrel length for civilian use in the States. Dunno about Thailand.

Stan

Summonere
11-17-2010, 08:34 PM
What others have said. Or, just give your guy one of these:

http://www.knightarmco.com/images/pdw1.html

Four-and-a-half pounds total weight, 8-inch barrel. Stock unfolded, you're looking at 26 inches overall length. Fold that stock, you're looking at a compact 17.5-inches OAL. That'll fit under a coat. Sure, it fires a proprietary cartridge, 6x35mm, but the round has 300-meter effectiveness behind it. Besides, it takes a 30-round magazine and is operationally very much like the M-16 your guy is familiar with.

Whatever the weapon, I'd expect the sales pitch to come from the seller, not the buyer. Unless, of course, the buyer requires certain specifications.

Next to the KAC PDW, the LWRC PDW occurs to me, which can be had in standard 5.56 trim or 6.8 SPC. At 6.1 pounds, with an 8-inch barrel, it compacts to 25” OAL and stretches to 28.25". Have a look here: http://www.lwrci.com/p-111-psd.aspx

Drachen Jager
11-17-2010, 09:14 PM
Summonere: I think he's looking for something that would be readily available on the black market in Thailand. Those wouldn't fit the bill.

RJK
11-17-2010, 09:45 PM
Summonere: I think he's looking for something that would be readily available on the black market in Thailand. Those wouldn't fit the bill.

Then He'd probably be looking at an AK-47. There are tens of thousands of them in Asia.

Summonere
11-17-2010, 10:00 PM
Summonere: I think he's looking for something that would be readily available on the black market in Thailand. Those wouldn't fit the bill.

I always reckon in fiction our characters can get whatever they want. :)

Nonetheless...

Ferfrans Specialties provides weapons for the Philippine National Police and armed forces. They're based in Cebu, so it shouldn't be too hard to rustle up, say, one of these:

http://www.ferfrans.net/p_pdw.htm

The Ferfrans SBR can be had with either a 6-inch or 8-inch barrel, fires 5.56, has an OAL of 22.1 – 25.3 inches (6-inch barrel with telescoping butt stock; weight 5.7lbs), and 24.1 – 27.3 OAL (8-inch barrel version, same stock; weight 6.2lbs).

tko
11-18-2010, 02:51 AM
When they're trying to show off for each other. Neither one thinks the other knows anything about guns. In particular, he doesn't think she knows anything about guns, so she quotes the entire specifications to set him down. It's meant to be slightly humerus.

(little women, that's a toy gun.)

I've seen this technique used before and it fit in here.

I was more concerned about the technical specifications being correct, so I didn't include all the interplay leading up to the scene.

Rowan
11-18-2010, 03:07 AM
When they're trying to show off for each other. Neither one thinks the other knows anything about guns. In particular, he doesn't think she knows anything about guns, so she quotes the entire specifications to set him down. It's meant to be slightly humerus.

(little women, that's a toy gun.)

I've seen this technique used before and it fit in here.

I was more concerned about the technical specifications being correct, so I didn't include all the interplay leading up to the scene.

I have to agree with Drachen Jager on the first post (AR-15 one)--I'd use more slang and "gun speak" there. Make it sound more casual and natural, to include Dan's thoughts.

The second post (Ruger one), I see your point. The two characters are having a pissing contest of sorts and it works in that instance. Humor is good here, but I'd lose some of the more detailed info. For example, you could just stick with "That's a Ruger LCP" and lose the "pistol in .380 LCP" portion, etc. and make it sound more street/slang! :)

Drachen Jager
11-18-2010, 03:08 AM
Real people under eighteen or real autistic people talk that way. (no offence meant to autistic people, it's just they're more inclined to deliver detailed minutiae like that without realizing it's not a normal social thing to do)

But whatever, it's your book. It just makes them seem like wanna-bes and I get the impression you want to make them look cool. I'm just telling you it's having the opposite effect from what I perceive as your objective.

Nivarion
11-18-2010, 03:39 AM
I like the Ruger LCP quite a lot. My normal response when someone is calling it a toy is to ask them if they want to stand in front of it.

I have yet to get a yes.

Anyways, loaded with magitech (http://www.magtechammunition.com/store/p14details571.php) it'll put a hole big enough to get your fist in.

But listing the specs, that just seems unnatural. I mean hell, nutnfancy didn't even mention them when he did his review, and he's a colonel that does firearms reviews.

He's a big time guy guy, knows a lot about them. Listen to the way he talks about the systems. Here's one he's got about small guns (http://www.youtube.com/user/nutnfancy#p/search/10/_4CuHBro1ek) and why they are good. I'd use his arguments for those guns over larger ones because they're more natural, and he backs them up.

Use his stuff and pay attention to the stuff he says and how he says it. I really have never found a guy who fits the epitome of "that guy with the guns" better than him.

hammerklavier
11-19-2010, 05:34 AM
BTW, 16 inch is the shortest legal barrel length for civilian use in the States.


That's a common misconception, a 7 or 10 is legal in the US (provided you fill out the paperwork and pay the $200).

Drachen Jager
11-19-2010, 05:39 AM
The paperwork and $200 can be avoided if you buy the rifle and then purchase the short barrel as an after-market mod.

Stanmiller
11-19-2010, 05:50 AM
That's a common misconception, a 7 or 10 is legal in the US (provided you fill out the paperwork and pay the $200).

Yeah. Forgot about the FFL.