Open Letters Thread

MissMacchiato

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I don't think I've seen one of these. I'll start!

Dear Editing Process,

I hate you. I really do. And apparently, the feeling is mutual. And yet, there is love there too. I know you're good for me, for our novel, but you are totally overwhelming me.

Please stop.

Love, Miss M.

-----

Dear New Novel Idea,

You're so bright and shiny. Not to mention, totally alluring. But I have a novel already. We're in the process of finishing up, but until that time, well, you'll just have to wait. I can't offer you the kind of commitment you deserve until then.

Love, Miss M
 

Uncarved

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Oooh I can play this one.


Dear Perfect Fiction Plot,
Yes, you're intricate and exciting and totally unlike anything I've ever read. Yes, beta-listeners say its bold and THEY'VE never read anything like it. However there is just one small tiny nearly-non-noticeable thing....I can't write fiction. So please, either go away and infest someone who can write you to the level you deserve or become a truly kick-ass nonfiction idea that I could actually DO.
Thanx OK bi
t
 

KTC

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Open Letter of Adoration to Gordon Downie...

Do the white clouds of autumn
drown you down just a little
inside yourself, Gordo?
Or do you, like other icons,
leave them all behind you?
Do the great October leaves
not speak to you, Gordo,
in soft aves? Do they not
blister your mind with a harvest beauty
that beckons you back Muskoka bound, Gordo?
Does the long cold highway north
not send you reeling in a trill of notes, Gordo?
Does the boy under the overpass,
softly strumming acoustical notes
in a spitting wind not scream
you back to your Ontario, Gordo?
Do the constellations, hushed at night
in frozen sky, not whisper love
and adoration to your ear, Gordo?
All for you in silent wonder, Gordo,
this aching Canada awaits your willing words
with bated wings about to fly the northern skies.

Much Love,
Your Biggest Fan
 

KTC

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Another Open Letter of Adoration to Gordon Downie

Did you ever see a hypothetical sky, Gordo?
The kind that strips the grays away,
swallows clouds and shivers stars to focus?
Did you ever rest supine, dockside
midnight hush,
or did you simply like the way
it fell from your iconic tongue,
beautiful, sublime and free,
filled with nostalgia and tears
of Bobcaygeon love?
Did you ever hypothetical, Gordo?
Twist your words to night
and black and white?
Or did you simply like the way
they fell, iconic from your tongue?
You fill your lungs with melancholy, Gordo,
and send it on its way,
bright the night with shivered sound,
delivering one star at a time.
 

MissMacchiato

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lol KTC, did you get lost on the way to the minimalist workshop thread? Very evocative, I must say!
 

Wayne K

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Dear Kevin,

I hate you. I really do. And apparently, the feeling is mutual. And yet, there is love there too. I know you're good for me, for our novel, but you are totally overwhelming me.

Please stop.

Me
 

KTC

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lol KTC, did you get lost on the way to the minimalist workshop thread? Very evocative, I must say!

I'm sorry...what can I say. I love the man. (-: I have a WHOLE series of Open Letters to him. The thread title was too enticing to pass up. (-;
 

Wayne K

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Dear Kevin,

You're so bright and shiny. Not to mention, totally alluring. But I have a novel already. We're in the process of finishing up, but until that time, well, you'll just have to wait. I can't offer you the kind of commitment you deserve until then.

Love

Me
 

KTC

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Dear Kevin,

I hate you. I really do. And apparently, the feeling is mutual. And yet, there is love there too. I know you're good for me, for our novel, but you are totally overwhelming me.

Please stop.

Me

I don't know what this means. I mean to unravel the puzzle, though. I'm afraid there might be nothing at the bottom of it, though...like one of those balls that you want to unravel because you're certain it contains the secret of the universe...and when you get to its core and unravel the last outer later of stringy rubber...all it does is emit a little fart of stale trapped air.


Hello Wayne.
 

KTC

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Dear Kevin,

You're so bright and shiny. Not to mention, totally alluring. But I have a novel already. We're in the process of finishing up, but until that time, well, you'll just have to wait. I can't offer you the kind of commitment you deserve until then.

Love

Me

Dear Wayne,

Your last correspondence felt like a promise you couldn't possibly keep. Know before you attempt to lure certain people that they are extremely high maintenance. When the novel is ready, please know that it better sell at auction for a great deal of money. I will await the 'proper' kind of commitment I have come to expect.

Flatulently Yours,
K to the C
 

Wayne K

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Dear Abby,

Why are some people so difficult?

Sincerely

Me
 

KTC

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Dear Abby,

Why are some people so difficult?

Sincerely

Me


Dear Abby,

Why do some people continue to insist on writing to you when you're dead? Do they not know there is no postal delivery in hell?

Sensationally,
Me
 

Uncarved

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Dear Abby,

When will someone write about me? I mean, other than me of course.

Paranoidly,
Me
 

KTC

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Dear Abby,

Tinasamuels is writing about herself again.

Panacealy,
Me
 

kayleamay

I'm on the phone.
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Dear God,

It's me, failure. What? You don't remember me? Figures. Never mind.
 
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KTC

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Dear Kayleamay,

You are no longer in our record books. We just weren't that into you.

Unenchantingly,
Your God and Savior
 

Wayne K

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Dear Prudence,

Would you come out to play?

Best wishes

Me
 

KTC

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Dear God,

hope you got the letter, and...
I pray you can make it better down here.

Singcerely,
X to the T to the C
 

KTC

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Dear Ben's Bum,

Stop writing cheques that Ben can't cash.

Flatulently Yours,
Hefty Load, CEO Depends Undergarments
 

Uncarved

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Dear Liza,

There's a hole in the bucket.

Signed,
Not gonna fix that damn hole no more
 

KTC

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Dear Barney Miller,

I'll never huff glue again, thanks to you. You stinking bastard.

Inhalingly Yours,
#16yearoldself
 

Button

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Dear guys that honk at me and then wave while driving by while I am trying to walk down the street,

Please stop.

Sincerely,

The girl who keeps rocks in her pockets now.