Jokes

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

that's funny, ac!

(nevermind that I had to read it 3xs before I got it)

Two hunters from New Jersey are out in the woods when one of them falls suddenly to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back.

The other one pulls out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator “My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?”

The operator says “Okay, calm down. I'll help you. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

The operator hears a moment of silence, then a gun shot. The hunter comes back on the line and says “Okay, now what?”

A brunette goes into an emergency room and tells the nurse, "I have to see a doctor right away! My entire body is in terrible pain and I don't know why!"

The nurse says, "Okay, come right in to the examination room."

A few minutes later, the doctor comes in and says, "Okay miss, tell me what the problem is."

The brunette says, "Well, everywhere I touch, I feel jolts of terrible pain! Everywhere!," and then proceeds to touch different spots on her body, letting out a loud "ouch" each time.

The doctor looks at her, steps back and looks at here, again. "Tell me miss," he says," are you a natural brunette?"

The brunette says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"Ah, I thought so," says the doctor. "I know exactly what your problem is, you've got a broken finger!"

Cray.

RedWritingHood walks into a bar with cray under one arm and quickWit under the other.

The bartender says, "Hey, does that rabbit take batteries?"

Red says, "Only if I get him drunk first."

My favourite joke is in my sig.

There are a ton of jokes in this older thread.