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View Full Version : Newbie sci-fi writer looking for 1st chapter, 1st draft read-through



ProtoMatic
10-27-2010, 05:30 AM
Hello Writers,

Like the topic says, I'm looking for someone to read my first chapter 1st draft.

I would like to elaborate the events, but my English grammar skills are terrible, so I have a hard time going forward.

For now I'm mostly looking for a little help with the grammar, maybe I can learn something. I'm not expecting a correction, just a comment on my most usual mistakes. Also what I'm doing wrong with past and present tense would be helpful. But any comment or critique is highly appreciated.

Again, I'm not looking for a complete correction, just pointers as to what I should read up on.

Here are the specifics:
<2500 words
Sci-Fi, action/suspense.

Thanks in advance,

Protomatic.

Herman Munster
10-27-2010, 03:10 PM
I strongly suggest you find the SciFi SYW [Share Your Work] forum and post this request there.

What we normally do in SYW forums is post the piece you want comments on with a GOOD title.

Title, Words, Warnings about content [language, sex, violence, animal cruelty, child abuse]
Put a fair description in the title, cos some people won't read certain types of material. The one that surprised me was Animal Abuse. There are plenty out there who will not read that and if you fail to get a warning, they will fill your thread with unhelpful and even abusive comments about the lack of warning.
It is a big deal.

The next best advice is that to have others crit your work, perhaps you should SHOW them you are part of the "group" by critting other's work in the forum B4 you ask them to crit for you.

Everything else will be style you will pick up in your forum. In my SYW, we have a decent group of regulars who read and crit. I crit for them, even tho it is out of my genre, which is rather small and exclusive!

I expect a moderator to move this to the right SYW forum in double quick time!

Have a nice day, or ELSE!!!

H

Rowan
10-27-2010, 03:19 PM
I don't see a Mod shifting this to the SYW forum because that's a choice only the writer can make (whether to seek a beta or post in "Share Your Work" forum for critique/feedback).

Having said that, sounds like a good option for you, Protomatic, based on the type of feedback you've requested.

Good luck! :)

brainstorm77
10-27-2010, 04:23 PM
I don't see a Mod shifting this to the SYW forum because that's a choice only the writer can make (whether to seek a beta or post in "Share Your Work" forum for critique/feedback).

Having said that, sounds like a good option for you, Protomatic, based on the type of feedback you've requested.

Good luck! :)

Agreed! And this has been chatted up here before in this forum.

ProtoMatic
10-28-2010, 03:01 AM
I see. Thanks for the helpful replies.

I'd be happy to critique other peoples' work, but I'm not experienced enough to feel I have anything substantial to contribute.

I guess I'll have to work a bit on my English on my own, before going forward on this forum.

Thanks again for all your helpful comments. I'll be back.
ProtoMatic.

Herman Munster
10-28-2010, 03:12 AM
First error... THINKING!
If you are going to be any sort of writer that I have seen around here, that is the very first thing to remove from your daily visits.

DON'T go!
We need you!

Crit is not about expertise. Well, it is, but it isn't.
Some of the best crit's I have seen are very simple.
"I don't like this"
"Turned off in first paragraph"
"too [something]"
HONESTY is all that is important.

In my SYW postings I love to get a comment, any comment. Perhaps just a yes or no. Something simple i mean.
Everyone who has basic reading can do this.
Even explain that English is your second or 3rd or 4th language and that you find "understanding" what is written in the work, difficult or even impossible.


my English grammar skills are terrible

Mine are WORSE.
English is my only language.
Now, did you post your work in the genre SYW or are you going to post it here?
I wanna look, at least.

Post the thread LINK in here if it is in the genre SYW.

H

ProtoMatic
10-28-2010, 03:31 AM
I went straight to the SYW forum, to at least have a look. Thanks for the inspiring words. It's a bit scary coming to this forum, with all the accomplished writers hanging out, trying to post some of my own "amateurish" work. :D

I'm anxious to get some feedback on my work, but also a bit nervous about posting it publicly. And I couldn't go away completely. The grammar and syntax forum will become my second home from now on.

PS. Your signature taught me a lesson I've already applied. ;) Thanks.

Herman Munster
10-28-2010, 03:48 AM
I will be all big headed and assume ASS + U + ME
that you are referring to my current sig.

It is an edited version of a post I put in a crit thread in our SYW forums today. The writer unfortunately said "I don't know where the HOOK is"

That tempted me to go off, at least a fair bit.

Since that revelation, I saw a post where someone referred to MTS [Mystery/Thriller/Suspense] being the opposite structure to Com Literary where rushing into the action is "perhaps" not done or puts those readers off.

Please, get into your genre SYW and "see" what their normal is all about.
It maybe the opposite to what I am preaching.

You cannot know how you are doing until you know what is current in your genre. Check crits and add a "feeling" post, good/bad, even just a few words. THEN post yours and see what comes back.
I have found AW to be a more mature and FAIR place to post work. I went to another site, originally, and they were just mean for the sake of it.

Someone said post page 1, book 1.
I did. Within 24 hours I had 20 crits insulting me uphill and down dale. There was a few that were even, or fair.
I then came looking and found this as a home. It is not that I can't take it hard, and many may say I am too hard when I get wound up, but I am never MEAN and I attack the work, never the writer.

That may sound like pure common sense. You may be surprised to find that many of us think that common sense is quite uncommon!

"accomplished writers" - Whoops, I am in the wrong place, that is for sure!

"Definition" -amateur - some one not paid to work yet.
As in a soccer player at the local park. He plays his best, maybe very dedicated, even have FAIR skill, but if he is not paid to play, he is an amateur!
So are we all here, until we are paid.
Using the soccer analogy - half the swines drawing a paycheck from clubs are FRAUDS anyway, no talent! <GRIN>

Rowan
10-28-2010, 04:11 AM
I went straight to the SYW forum, to at least have a look. Thanks for the inspiring words. It's a bit scary coming to this forum, with all the accomplished writers hanging out, trying to post some of my own "amateurish" work. :D

I'm anxious to get some feedback on my work, but also a bit nervous about posting it publicly. And I couldn't go away completely. The grammar and syntax forum will become my second home from now on.

PS. Your signature taught me a lesson I've already applied. ;) Thanks.

ProtoMatic:
You don't have to offer "line by line" critiques so don't worry if you're grammar/syntax aren't perfect. Even if you just tell others what works for you--what you like about the characters, plot, writing or voice, etc.--that's also very helpful and most appreciated.

Good luck! And don't give up just yet--you still might find a beta reader!

ProtoMatic
10-28-2010, 04:23 AM
I will be all big headed and assume ASS + U + ME
that you are referring to my current sig.

It is an edited version of a post I put in a crit thread in our SYW forums today. The writer unfortunately said "I don't know where the HOOK is"


I would have answered the same thing. By sheer luck, however, I believe my hook is there from the first page. Like you said in the sig (paraphrasing), there are many types of hooks, for different types of fish. Like the Chapter 1 fish (native to the great barrier reef) requires a different hook than the Main Character fish, or the Whole Story fish. Or have I got my metaphors all in a snag?



Since that revelation, I saw a post where someone referred to MTS [Mystery/Thriller/Suspense] being the opposite structure to Com Literary where rushing into the action is "perhaps" not done or puts those readers off.

Please, get into your genre SYW and "see" what their normal is all about.
It maybe the opposite to what I am preaching.

In M/T/S I guess the hook would be called clues. I guess they're afraid to reveal too much too early, but I'd say they still need a hook to pull the reader on. The mystery itself should take care of that, and the mystery in and of itself is a hook, the way I understood you.



You cannot know how you are doing until you know what is current in your genre. Check crits and add a "feeling" post, good/bad, even just a few words. THEN post yours and see what comes back.


I already commented on a short story. I remembered, I do have a talent for spotting logic and continuity mistakes. All those hours being a tad annoyed at Hollywood movies finally paid off, I guess. :D



I have found AW to be a more mature and FAIR place to post work. I went to another site, originally, and they were just mean for the sake of it.

Yep. I hang around a lot of miniature painting forums, and I can tell you some stories.. Just have to be able to recognize a troll before the comments sinks in, I suppose.



Someone said post page 1, book 1.
I did. Within 24 hours I had 20 crits insulting me uphill and down dale. There was a few that were even, or fair.
I then came looking and found this as a home. It is not that I can't take it hard, and many may say I am too hard when I get wound up, but I am never MEAN and I attack the work, never the writer.
When critiquing miniatures I like to big them up a bit by pointing out something they did well before making my constructive remarks. Everyone were once new at everything. It's only when people become n00bs (making the same stupid mistakes over and over) that I can get a bit crass. If they don't want to listen, that's their problem, but then they shouldn't have asked for critique. [/rant]



That may sound like pure common sense. You may be surprised to find that many of us think that common sense is quite uncommon!
Check the Monty quote in my sig. :D



"accomplished writers" - Whoops, I am in the wrong place, that is for sure!

Lol. I used the word accomplished, because it's nice and vague, and means different things to different people.



"Definition" -amateur - some one not paid to work yet.
As in a soccer player at the local park. He plays his best, maybe very dedicated, even have FAIR skill, but if he is not paid to play, he is an amateur!
So are we all here, until we are paid.
Using the soccer analogy - half the swines drawing a paycheck from clubs are FRAUDS anyway, no talent! <GRIN>

Ain't that the truth! What're they doing on those football practices, anyway? $300m and eight hours on a football field per day, and Premier League is all we get? :D I agree, it's disgraceful.