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Aimless Lady
10-26-2010, 06:35 PM
Title: The Chain

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Rating: Mature (language)

Summary: Set in 1988, Steave and Dominique have been dating for two years. Dominique is not happy with their “high school” style romance and wants a commitment from Steave, who is reluctant to take their relationship to the next level, now that they’ve graduated and are moving into adulthood. Both are 18 in the story.

What I Need Help On: My characters are very flawed. They are the former King and Queen of the Skidders, the most popular clique at school. Dominique has taken a good look at herself and her earlier motivations for dating Steave. She is not happy with what she sees and how shallow their relationship is/was.

I need a character check to make sure they are not too dislikeable. Also, I’m seeking POV, pacing, dialogue, setting, conflict, grammar and syntax.

As for the ending, I need to know if it works, or should they seal the deal in bed.

Editing: I would prefer if you highlight a glaring problem, and then use a bold font in another colour to comment. I also need to know why this is a problem.

Length: 3,262 Words.

Return the Favour: I’ll gladly crit your short story. I do lots of crits and have judged a contest.

PM me if you're interested.