The terrifying power of genteel speech

While I'll admit that a tracksuit-wearing punk could Jersey Shore a rant three inches off my nose and scare me half to death, there's a colder, more precise way to cause my bladder considerable and ill-timed pressure.

Think Hannibal Lecter. Just him saying hello is more frightening than a carny breathing in my ear. If you cross the 'c' in 'civil' with its adjacent 'i', well, that looks a lot like an 'e' and that spells 'evil'. Coincidence? I think not.

While gathering together a few links for this evening's AuthorScoop book review feature, I came across this gem. It's a quote from a letter written by Cornelius Vanderbilt and circulated to a few of his cronies who had swindled him while he was away on other business. Ultimately, they pirated one of his companies. Here's what he said:

Gentlemen: You have undertaken to cheat me. I won't sue you, for law takes too long. I will ruin you.

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Eeep. That was all he said. Apparently, he made good on his threat, too. He's been dead for 133 years and I'm still going to have nightmares about him.

I know. How can you be such a badass in so few words?

I think Cornelius Vanderbilt was Haskins' great granddaddy. Don't tell him I said so.

Ahhhh, a little iambic threat will always do nicely.