Dear Content Producer for XYZ web site-
Allow me to introduce myself, I am the person your supervisor hired to insure you don't look like a drooling idiot in print and pixel. I am friend to your befuddled readers and to this language we supposedly share. Up until now, you haven't been very nice to my friends. Let's quickly go over the rules before any more blood is shed.
Best regards,
Carol whose brain is oogy because she's been editing your crap all day
Allow me to introduce myself, I am the person your supervisor hired to insure you don't look like a drooling idiot in print and pixel. I am friend to your befuddled readers and to this language we supposedly share. Up until now, you haven't been very nice to my friends. Let's quickly go over the rules before any more blood is shed.
- If you salt your content with jargon, I will pepper it with deletions. Ask yourself, "Would my mother know what the hell I'm talking about?" If you're still wondering, the answer is no.
- Don't make up acronyms. I check every one. There are better ways to get into Wikipedia.
- Don't use an acronym without defining it first. Putting something down that looks like a dyslexic attempt at the alphabet makes babies cry.
- Um, just stay away from acronyms. Play with knives instead.
- I check citations and credentials too. No fakies now.
- String beads. String daisies. String cheese, but don't string clauses. The last clause in a long string doesn't even have a nodding aquaintance with the subject. They should at least be Facebook friends.
- You gave me a sentence that contained seven elements in a compound subject AND 75 words. I've ordered your execution. Your mother agrees with me.
- Large or scrolly fonts piss me off.
- Left hand alignments make the world a better place. Right hand alignments make me throw up on my keyboard.
- Articles are good. Random punctuation is bad. Stay away from Mr. Exclamation Point, he's evil.
- Words have very distinct meanings and you don't get to change those meanings to suit your content. Yes, "Speed the death through the roller loophole" sounds really cool, but you can't use that to describe setting up a server. Your mother agrees with me on this point too.
- I don't care if your content is darling of Death Row inmates, no one will read a list containing 38 bullet points.
- Make one point per sentence. Yes, I realize your point looks lonely all by himself but he's really better off alone. Remember what happened with the Tribbles.
- Don't digress. Your lonely point doesn't need backstory. Save it for your mother. You should call her more often.
Best regards,
Carol whose brain is oogy because she's been editing your crap all day
