Cops don't have a sense of humour; do they?

CaroGirl

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These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers that were taken off police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
 

Clair Dickson

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Ha!

Though, I almost didn't click to read the thread since I thought it was about how cops really don't have a sense of humor (you know, another generalization based on profession, like how teaching is easy, etc.)
 

regdog

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The Boston PD does

twitter-zombie.png
 

writerterri

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How funny!

And I just got off the phone with my brother who's a cop (NHP). He was in his patrol car going 80 and this guy comes up his rear and then passes him. My brother, poddy mouth, ex-marine that he is, starts cussing and tells me what this guy just did. My brother always lets me hear his pull overs, so he tells me to hang on. The first thing he says to the guy is "You know I'm a cop, right?"

Guy: yes
Brother: you got any weapons in here?
Guy: I'm a dentist. No.
Brother: You take any drugs while you were at work today?


I tried not to laugh the whole time.
 

KTC

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I loved them all, Caro...thanks for the afternoon laugh. BUT the winner for me was #1!
 

Caitlin Black

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Nice.

Although I like my own personal story.

Okay, so I was being questioned by some cops (long story - I was innocent) and I was wearing a skirt. At the end of the questioning, one cop says to me, "You got anything under that skirt?"

Here I am, thinking he's asking if I've got a weapon under there or something, so I say No. He starts snickering. Then I clue in to what he meant. Intelligently, I did NOT say what was on my mind, which was basically, "Screw you."

Of course, that particular cop's sense of humour I didn't find very funny, but it's a true story from my early adult years, so I thought I'd share. Maybe someone here will find it funny.
 

Paul

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Nice.

Although I like my own personal story.

Okay, so I was being questioned by some cops (long story - I was innocent) and I was wearing a skirt. At the end of the questioning, one cop says to me, "You got anything under that skirt?"

Here I am, thinking he's asking if I've got a weapon under there or something, so I say No. He starts snickering. Then I clue in to what he meant. Intelligently, I did NOT say what was on my mind, which was basically, "Screw you."

Of course, that particular cop's sense of humour I didn't find very funny, but it's a true story from my early adult years, so I thought I'd share. Maybe someone here will find it funny.

I want to applaud your bravery Cliff. Em, wait, are you female?
EDIT Opps, read your profile. So as I said, I applaud your bravery.

My favs are 9, 11, 14 and 15
 
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poetinahat

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Er, not to be a wet blanket, if this is someone else's text, there really ought to be a credit for it.
 

Silver King

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Er, not to be a wet blanket, if this is someone else's text, there really ought to be a credit for it.
Good catch, Rob. And as writers, we all should understand, and appreciate, the need for attribution when we "borrow" the work of others to share here.
 

CaroGirl

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Good catch, Rob. And as writers, we all should understand, and appreciate, the need for attribution when we "borrow" the work of others to share here.
Okaaayy, but nobody "wrote" it. It says the quotes came from actual officers, recorded while speaking in the line of duty.

Didn't occur to me there could even be attribution for such a thing. I just got it in an email and thought it was funny. You can delete it or lock it or whatever if you need to.
 

Silver King

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Okaaayy, but nobody "wrote" it. It says the quotes came from actual officers, recorded while speaking in the line of duty.
But someone did transcribe the audio and offered the text of those comments. Who is it? If you don't know, then you simply could have noted in the OP that you received the quotes in an e-mail, author unknown, and wanted to share it here. That's all.

It's not a big deal, in this case, just something we want to keep in mind whenever we share written material that may be copyrighted. And even if it's not, every effort should be made to name the original source.
 

Silver King

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Are email forwards copyright-able or public domain? ;)
I'm surprised that would be an issue, on this site of all places. I know you're joking, but seriously, we cite our sources whenever possible. It's a rule that can't be bent or broken or otherwise skewed to serve our purposes, even while posting.
 

poetinahat

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Okaaayy, but nobody "wrote" it. It says the quotes came from actual officers, recorded while speaking in the line of duty.
Okaaaayyyy, somebody "wrote" it, and that somebody wasn't you.

Dino's covered it very well.
 

Silver King

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While hunting around for some attribution, I'm pretty sure the source of the OP's e-mail originated here more than a year ago.
 

benbradley

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Nope, just a guy who likes women's clothes. :)

I never thought of it as bravery... more like "I'm so trendy, I'm not popular."
I thought there was more to the story, but ... whatever!
Okaaayy, but nobody "wrote" it. It says the quotes came from actual officers, recorded while speaking in the line of duty.

Didn't occur to me there could even be attribution for such a thing. I just got it in an email and thought it was funny. You can delete it or lock it or whatever if you need to.
It says this "turn four dollars into $262,144!!!" letter is perfectly legal in all fifty states. I can trust that, right???

I know of a semi-decent attribution finder, if you like looking for needles. I forget what its called, a searchlight? Or search motor? Something like that.
But someone did transcribe the audio and offered the text of those comments. Who is it? If you don't know, then you simply could have noted in the OP that you received the quotes in an e-mail, author unknown, and wanted to share it here. That's all.

It's not a big deal, in this case, just something we want to keep in mind whenever we share written material that may be copyrighted. And even if it's not, every effort should be made to name the original source.

Are email forwards copyright-able or public domain? ;)
It depends. Was the original email written since 1925? If it was before, you can be pretty sure it's public domain.

Actually I think it would be the ORIGINAL EMAIL that would be "copyrightable" not the forwards.
While hunting around for some attribution, I'm pretty sure the source of the OP's e-mail originated here more than a year ago.
Sorry, I only saw the first three, then I clicked on that red link directly under those three.

But now, all of a sudden my computer's running like molasses on a cold winter's day - what's up with that???
 

Button

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I was kidding. Sometimes people forward emails and then post the forward online. I guess, technically, even the Nigerian scam letters are copyright-able. Technically.

Attribution is a lost art online at times. Thanks for finding the original source, SilverKing.