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scarletpeaches
09-24-2010, 07:31 PM
...across the way from my flat. Whenever I go to my kitchen, I see him sitting at the back door of the tenement across the green (that's what we call the council-maintained patch of grass masquerading as a back garden).

At first I thought his Mrs had sent him out to smoke because she wouldn't let cigarettes in the house, but me, being an insomniac, got up one 'night' at 5am to make a hot drink and...he was still there. Would someone send a man out at 5am because they didn't let smoking in the house?

Just went to put the kettle on. There he is, at the back door.

I'd think he was dead but I could swear he just moved, and he wasn't wearing that beige cardigan yesterday...

I never see him get up and walk away, nor arrive. But every time I go to my kitchen, he's there. Plotting something. I know it.

Kateness
09-24-2010, 07:33 PM
He's your secret admirer.

He's just not very good at the 'secret' part.

Silent Rob
09-24-2010, 07:34 PM
He might be a womble.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2010, 07:34 PM
Maybe I should prod him with a stick to see if he moves.

CACTUSWENDY
09-24-2010, 07:35 PM
I bet he's hoping to catch a peek of you. You might make him some cookies and take them over. Bet he gets lonesome. ;)

kayleamay
09-24-2010, 07:59 PM
He's not really there. You've finally snapped.

Vito
09-24-2010, 08:03 PM
I once had a neighbor who was a retired night-worker. He had worked the night shift for more than 40 years, so of course he stayed on his night-worker schedule long after retirement.

One evening I saw him haul several huge barrels of recyclable aluminum cans into the old camper van he kept on the side of his house, right across from my bedroom window. A few minutes later I saw him carrying a rubber mallet and a handful of empty Hefty bags into the trailer. He spent the entire night crushing the cans with his mallet, one-by-one. There must have been hundreds of 'em, maybe thousands. The noise wasn't very loud but I heard the steady maddening crushing sound throughout the night while I was trying to sleep.

Retirement -- the Golden Years.

CaroGirl
09-24-2010, 08:07 PM
It's a mannequin. Whoever lives there changes the cardigan every morning.

Silent Rob
09-24-2010, 08:10 PM
I blame the conservatives.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2010, 08:11 PM
I like the mannequin idea.

Unless it's like...a real man, given the ol' taxidermy treatment. That'd be morbid, yet strangely cool.

CheekyWench
09-24-2010, 08:16 PM
Fashion a long poking device and poke him.

scarletpeaches
09-24-2010, 08:18 PM
Made from taped-together spoons? :D

sassandgroove
09-24-2010, 08:41 PM
He's not really there. You've finally snapped.
Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish the heck he'd go away.*

*Not sure who wrote that, my dad recites it.

dclary
09-24-2010, 09:04 PM
...across the way from my flat. Whenever I go to my kitchen, I see him sitting at the back door of the tenement across the green (that's what we call the council-maintained patch of grass masquerading as a back garden).

At first I thought his Mrs had sent him out to smoke because she wouldn't let cigarettes in the house, but me, being an insomniac, got up one 'night' at 5am to make a hot drink and...he was still there. Would someone send a man out at 5am because they didn't let smoking in the house?

Just went to put the kettle on. There he is, at the back door.

I'd think he was dead but I could swear he just moved, and he wasn't wearing that beige cardigan yesterday...

I never see him get up and walk away, nor arrive. But every time I go to my kitchen, he's there. Plotting something. I know it.


Am I bothering you there, luv?

scarletpeaches
09-24-2010, 09:09 PM
He's still there!

(Deek, wear a bra for God's sake).

BenPanced
09-24-2010, 09:12 PM
Made from taped-together spoons? :D
http://pics.livejournal.com/benpanced/pic/000bsg89

Jess Haines
09-24-2010, 11:44 PM
Maybe I should prod him with a stick to see if he moves.

This.

And make sure you set up a video camera somewhere nearby so you can YouTube the results.

CheekyWench
09-24-2010, 11:46 PM
Made from taped-together spoons? :D

Yes!!!

Button
09-25-2010, 12:14 AM
Flash him. See what happens.

KTC
09-25-2010, 01:15 AM
baboon. missing face chunk. scream. proof of his breathing. make your tea. leave kitchen.

scarletpeaches
09-25-2010, 01:47 AM
Kevlar wins this thread. I declare it.

writernow
09-25-2010, 02:00 AM
Sounds like the beginning of a story if you wanted it to be. Who (or what) is he? Why is he there?

scarletpeaches
09-25-2010, 02:01 AM
He's there...

...because he lives in that block. :D

Kaiser-Kun
09-25-2010, 02:10 AM
There's a very creepy woman across the way of my house. Last night I went for a smoke after my night shift, and she was like, doing this weird dance... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=799e7RFesrI)

backslashbaby
09-25-2010, 02:26 AM
:D

I once saw a man (from a distance) who didn't move, but I thought he was sleeping, probably drunk.

He was quite dead.

I wish folks wouldn't bum my day like that, sheesh ;)

Sophia
09-25-2010, 02:36 AM
You should call him over and ask if he'll get rid of your spider. :D

And if he's willing to do it, he sounds like the perfect neighbour to have, to me! :)

Kaiser-Kun
09-25-2010, 02:38 AM
You should call him over and ask if he'll get rid of your spider. :D

I thought that the standard female procedure when dealing with neighbours was asking them to come over to fix the leaky showerhead and then- no, wait. That was the NSFW procedure.

scarletpeaches
09-25-2010, 02:38 AM
You should call him over and ask if he'll get rid of your spider. :D

And if he's willing to do it, he sounds like the perfect neighbour to have, to me! :)Twitterstalker!

(:D)
I thought that the standard female procedure when dealing with neighbours was asking them to come over to fix the leaky showerhead and then- no, wait. That was the NSFW procedure.Orshole.

Cliff Face
09-25-2010, 03:43 AM
Be careful. Just the other day I was watching an episode of Becker where there's some old man pacing the street outside the diner. When Becker finally makes him come inside to tell everyone just what the frig he's doing, he's a really sweet old man, and winds up getting a couple of hugs. He leaves. BAM! Everyone's had either their watch or wallet stolen.

So when I say be careful, what I mean is perhaps if you do go talk to him, it'd be best not to have anything on your person that he might be able to steal.

Naked works. :D

Death Wizard
09-25-2010, 05:24 AM
He's a Buddhist monk gone bad.

jennontheisland
09-25-2010, 05:48 AM
Would someone send a man out at 5am because they didn't let smoking in the house?
Yup. My ex smoked outside only. No matter what time of day or how cold out it was. -45 and he was out there in his pajamas and parka puffing away.

Susan Littlefield
09-25-2010, 06:47 AM
There's a very creepy woman across the way of my house. Last night I went for a smoke after my night shift, and she was like, doing this weird dance... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=799e7RFesrI)

:roll:

KTC
09-25-2010, 07:08 AM
Kevlar wins this thread. I declare it.

you just made my reckless day, Dearie.


oops. i just spoke a little Mrs. Fry. oops. (-:

scarletpeaches
09-25-2010, 06:11 PM
You can't go wrong with Mrs Fry. Here, have a chocolate hob nob, dear.

Snowstorm
09-25-2010, 07:38 PM
Maybe he's the Neighborhood Watch guy and takes his responsibilities a bit too seriously?

AnonymousWriter
09-25-2010, 07:54 PM
Neighbourhood Watch in Dundee? Seriously?

MrWrite
09-26-2010, 02:25 AM
Rob, are you stalking Peaches now? :D