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View Full Version : Seeking a Beta Reader for a Fantasy short story...



Terzi McJoy
09-19-2010, 05:51 PM
As the title states, I'm looking for a few, if not more Beta Readers who can help me with my story. My main problems seem to be grammar, sentence flow (I'm fine with story flow, but individual sentences are too choppy), I can't seem to make my readers care about the main character, I'm not doing enough show - don't tell, and in begining I have too much detail that needs to be cut out.

The story is a short story, and is at seven pages. I'm also trying to make the story as realistic as possible.

Below is a summary...


When her parents go out of town, Alessa is left to care for her two old dogs. But what happens when it's the time of one of the two dogs to go home?

Here is a quote for the story. Warning, there is language in this story.


Big, fucking lie from a young woman who prided her herself on keep her word. I wondered what excuse my parents would accept when I called them from the veterinary hospital? Perhaps grounds for a trip to a nearby therapist.

If intrested, please post or PM me. Thank you for your time.