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brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 04:16 PM
Buyer beware. Always know what you are getting into, before signing a contract.

What things have you learnt in life? :D

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 04:24 PM
Shoot the hostage

KellyAssauer
09-15-2010, 04:32 PM
Always wash from the top down.

kayleamay
09-15-2010, 04:33 PM
Shoot the hostage



:Clap:


If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck you're going to make a fortune. Talking ducks are really rare.

brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 04:35 PM
Never underestimate the climbing skills of a cat.

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 04:36 PM
Never trust someone who says, "C'mere a minute"

Jersey Chick
09-15-2010, 04:42 PM
Never trust anyone who says, "Trust me."

If it seems to good to be true, chances are it is too good to be true.

Never pee into the wind.

Cella
09-15-2010, 04:46 PM
Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
From The Jerk

KellyAssauer
09-15-2010, 04:50 PM
Never volunteer information...

:D

Priene
09-15-2010, 04:52 PM
If you go in the away end at Newcastle United, don't make rude gestures at their star player.

kayleamay
09-15-2010, 04:54 PM
Never walk into a bar with a Rabbi and a Priest.

Mr Flibble
09-15-2010, 04:59 PM
Don't eat yellow snow

Don't say anything in front of your kids you don't want repeating because they will say 'Uncle X, is it true what mummy says, that you're an idiot?'

KellyAssauer
09-15-2010, 05:04 PM
Never get him wet,
keep him away from bright light,
and never - ever, feed him after midnight...

milly
09-15-2010, 05:18 PM
that llamas really do spit

Adam
09-15-2010, 05:27 PM
Never sit down with a lightbulb in your back pocket.
Say 'please' and 'thank you.' It won't kill ya.
Never drop a 6 inch, shaving sharp dagger into your thigh.
If someone tells you tattoos don't hurt, punch them.
Don't eat before swimming.
Don't eat during swimming. The bread gets soggy.
If your puppy barks in the night, ignore her. Damn animal...
Turns out tongues can cramp, and it's bloody painful.
ALWAYS backup your writing.

Shadow_Ferret
09-15-2010, 05:29 PM
To get a good job, you need a good education.

brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 05:30 PM
ALWAYS backup your writing.


I second this. :tongue

Silent Rob
09-15-2010, 05:34 PM
Elephants are actually quite forgetful.

scarletpeaches
09-15-2010, 05:36 PM
I've learned if people work too hard to appear 'nice' in public, it's because they're actually poisonous.

Silent Rob
09-15-2010, 05:37 PM
*bats eyelashes at SP*

Yah, yah, that is so true.

Adam
09-15-2010, 05:39 PM
The Newfoundland accent is one of the coolest on the planet. :D

brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 05:42 PM
The Newfoundland accent is one of the coolest on the planet. :D

It's a mash of many, all rolled into one.

Adam
09-15-2010, 05:43 PM
Yup, the good ones. ;)

Adam
09-15-2010, 05:50 PM
Ooh, got one.

When travelled transatlantic, more than one hour's sleep the night before can be a boon. :D

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 05:57 PM
Stay away from negative people

DeleyanLee
09-15-2010, 06:06 PM
If you feed it (whatever it is), it will grow.

You get what you focus on.

Talent only takes you so far; you've got to work for it the rest of the way.

Sometimes the nicest compliment is the one you give.

kayleamay
09-15-2010, 06:37 PM
Be picky. You'll be much happier with what you end up with.

Mr Flibble
09-15-2010, 06:40 PM
When someone says 'I dare you to press that button so we can find out what it does', remember, it will cut the power to the whole bakery, no one has the key to switch it back on and you will not be flavour of the month.

Silent Rob
09-15-2010, 07:19 PM
White men can jump.

Williebee
09-15-2010, 07:25 PM
The more serious you take yourself, the less serious others will take you.

The cause of something harmful is much more likely to be stupidity than it is sinister.

If you don't write today you are that much less likely to write tomorrow.

robeiae
09-15-2010, 07:35 PM
You can't judge an apple by looking at a tree,
You can't judge honey by looking at the bee,
You can't judge a daughter by looking at the mother,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover.

You can't judge sugar by looking at the cane,
You can't judge a woman by looking at her man,
You can't judge a sister by looking at her brother,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover.

You can't judge a fish by lookin' in the pond,
You can't judge right from looking at the wrong,
You can't judge one by looking at the other,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover...

Ken
09-15-2010, 07:36 PM
... for the most part, people are kind and caring and truly wish the best for everyone they know, as evidenced right here on this site. It's so nice to see all the support and concern for others. So my advise is to trust others, completely, unless you have good cause not to in rare and isolated instances. Now how about a group hug ;-)

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 07:38 PM
:roll:

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 07:39 PM
Oh...you were serious

kayleamay
09-15-2010, 07:41 PM
If a charge nurse with a British accent ever asks you for a favor, run.

Ken
09-15-2010, 07:44 PM
... so I take it you won't be participating in the group hug :-(

-----------------

:-)

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 07:49 PM
:) I'm always in with teh hugs

rhymegirl
09-15-2010, 07:50 PM
Don't skinnydip in the wintertime.

brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 07:50 PM
Don't spit against the wind.

rhymegirl
09-15-2010, 07:52 PM
don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and don't mess around with Jim.

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 07:54 PM
Never shout out your own name during sex

kayleamay
09-15-2010, 08:07 PM
Never shout out your own name during sex

...unless you're alone.

Ken
09-15-2010, 08:13 PM
...unless you're alone.

... and don't have a jealous nature.

DeleyanLee
09-15-2010, 08:15 PM
... and don't have a jealous nature.

...and can remember it

Greenify13
09-15-2010, 08:21 PM
Everything starts beautiful. Ugly is beauty all bent out of shape. (dunno where I heard this)
Create the chance for opportunities, it will not knock on your door if it doesn't know where you live!
Failure can be good, except when it comes to finances.
Somethings are unforgiveable and more so can not be forgoten.
Money can make you happy.
If everybody took naps, everything would be better. Everything.

DeleyanLee
09-15-2010, 08:26 PM
Meet luck halfway--buy a lottery ticket

brainstorm77
09-15-2010, 08:44 PM
If it goes down hot, it comes out hot.

Yeshanu
09-15-2010, 08:49 PM
Your kids are always watching you and listening to you.

They will learn what you have to teach, whether you want them to or not.

If you don't like who and what you are, you won't end up liking your kids either, because they'll turn out just like you.

I must be a good person. My kids (who really are just like me) have turned out to be wonderful people.

Lavern08
09-15-2010, 08:52 PM
Never, ever ask your hubby if he thinks you've...

* Gained weight

* Lost weight

* Finally made Spaghetti better than his Mom

backslashbaby
09-15-2010, 08:58 PM
If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make with anyone anyhow.

rhymegirl
09-15-2010, 10:07 PM
Never, ever ask your hubby if he thinks you've...

* Gained weight

* Lost weight

* Finally made Spaghetti better than his Mom

Yeah. And don't (after you've had your hair done at the hairdresser) ask him:

Notice anything different about me?

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 10:45 PM
Anything is better with bacon

robeiae
09-15-2010, 10:50 PM
If it looks okay, eat it.
If it smells okay, eat it.

Wayne K
09-15-2010, 10:56 PM
When you come to a fork in the road, take it

KellyAssauer
09-16-2010, 01:45 AM
Never ask directions from someone who owns a ton of forks.

PoppysInARow
09-16-2010, 03:46 AM
Do not punish yourself just to prove a point, stubbornness is not always a virtue.

Rowan
09-16-2010, 03:55 AM
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean they necessarily want the truth. :e2shrug: (They can't handle the truth! ;) )

ETA: and dogs are better company than most humans! ;)

Alvah
09-16-2010, 04:07 AM
You can't judge a daughter by looking at the mother,

That is true in a literal sense, but there is a lot of our
parents in most of us. So observing how the mother
behaves and what her world-view is, will often
give a good indication about the daughter's character
and habits. The same is true for fathers and sons.

LilliCray
09-16-2010, 04:12 AM
Do NOT read a book with graphic depictions of Ebola virus if you have ever in any way, shape, or form exhibited hypochondria-like tendencies.

...don't read a book with graphic depictions of Ebola unless you're a pathologist, period. Seriously. It's depressing. >.<

Don't try to say "hello" in any language if the person who taught you the word has ever exhibited a sense of humor. It's far too tempting for them to teach you a much, MUCH different phrase...

tiny
09-16-2010, 04:18 AM
I've learned everything works out eventually. It may not work out the way I want, but it eventually works out.

Silver King
09-16-2010, 05:37 AM
When I acted like a jerk, my dad would say, "Don't be an asshole."

I still strive to live by those words each day, though I'm not always successful.

Yeshanu
09-16-2010, 05:41 AM
...I'm smarter than the average bear.
















And that bears aren't very smart, really.

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 05:42 AM
When you're to your eyes in shit, keep your mouth closed.

A cop told me that :D

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 02:46 PM
Pink is the new black.

Black is the new beige.

And finally...

Beige never had a chance.

kayleamay
09-16-2010, 02:55 PM
If anyone asks to see your boobs, show them your ass and your elbows. (Dating advice from my mother.)

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 02:59 PM
If a woman tells you it's okay to use the Women's Toilet, go for it. You'll get a chance to leave the toilet seat up and really confuse the next user. (Happened today, actually!)

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 03:09 PM
This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFYHu_Vf_P4) is the most important life lesson of all

Rebekkamaria
09-16-2010, 03:11 PM
1. Kindness doesn't cost anything.
2. Mom was (and still is) mostly right.
3. Writing will always be difficult, except when it isn't
4. Resist the urge to explain doesn't mean that MC should sound like a robot
5. Ask good questions and listen more; it's far more difficult to sound stupid that way

I know I have funny ones too, but I can't remember any of them now. :P

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 03:12 PM
Never tried crack.

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 03:13 PM
1. Kindness doesn't cost anything.
2. Mom was (and still is) mostly right.
3. Writing will always be difficult, except when it isn't
4. Resist the urge to explain doesn't mean that MC should sound like a robot
5. Ask good questions and listen more; it's far more difficult to sound stupid that way

I know I have funny ones too, but I can't remember any of them now. :P

I thought number 5 was funny.

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 03:14 PM
Never tried crack.

You'd relate to this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w)then :D

Rebekkamaria
09-16-2010, 03:19 PM
I thought number 5 was funny.

Sweet. :)

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 03:21 PM
That reminds me of most of my dreams. Weird images and high-pitched craziness.

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 03:21 PM
I :roll:'d at number two :D

Ken
09-16-2010, 03:30 PM
... to get a cat to come up and let you pet it bend down on one knee and call it over by saying pss. It'll be much more likely to do so if you do that than if you remain standing.

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 03:35 PM
To get RID of a cat who has just clawed you? Flamethrower. Seriously.

robeiae
09-16-2010, 03:50 PM
I :roll:'d at number two :D:ROFL:


What? Wayne said "number two."

:ROFL:

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 03:54 PM
:tongue

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 03:55 PM
To get RID of a cat who has just clawed you? Flamethrower. Seriously.

:flamethrower

Cliff Face
09-16-2010, 03:57 PM
In lighter news, my cat is staring at me right now. He has evil plans, I just know it...

Adam
09-16-2010, 04:10 PM
To get in the good books of a dog fast, extend your hand slowly, palm in, fingers curled towards the palm and let them sniff/lick your hand. Be ready to pull back just in case they take a dislike (hence the hiding of the fingers). ;)

KellyAssauer
09-16-2010, 04:18 PM
When possible, put shoes on after the pants.

brainstorm77
09-16-2010, 04:23 PM
To get in the good books of a dog fast, extend your hand slowly, palm in, fingers curled towards the palm and let them sniff/lick your hand. Be ready to pull back just in case they take a dislike (hence the hiding of the fingers). ;)

Or feed them treats all day long, when the owner isn't looking...

Adam
09-16-2010, 04:34 PM
:D

JoeEkaitis
09-16-2010, 04:45 PM
Turn signals are too complicated for drivers of luxury cars, minivans and SUVs.

robeiae
09-16-2010, 05:38 PM
Money can't buy you love, but you can sure as hell park your yacht next to it and walk right over.1











1 Words of wisdom paraphrased from the great twentieth-century philosopher, David Lee Roth.

Wayne K
09-16-2010, 05:43 PM
When Fiddy Cent asks you where something is, it's not a good idea to say "You're a block past it."

If you do, speak clearly :D

writeronfire
09-16-2010, 06:52 PM
You can get far in a good pair of boots.

kayleamay
09-16-2010, 06:55 PM
Never listen to people who quote David Lee Roth for his wisdom.

DeleyanLee
09-16-2010, 07:04 PM
Never trust people who know what a David Lee Roth is.

Adam
09-16-2010, 07:22 PM
Never David a Lee while Rothing.

Lavern08
09-16-2010, 07:22 PM
Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.

kayleamay
09-16-2010, 07:29 PM
Stay in the van.

LaurieD
09-16-2010, 07:49 PM
The first step to getting out of any hole is to just put the shovel down.

brainstorm77
09-16-2010, 09:45 PM
Always poke a hole in a potato before microwaving it.

LaurieD
09-16-2010, 10:38 PM
An acutal mouse hole in your baseboard actually looks like Jerry's on the old Tom and Jerry cartoons.

I can't say what ours had for furniture in there, it was too dark to see.

shadowwalker
09-16-2010, 10:56 PM
When someone says "Just listen for a moment", time will stop.

When someone says, "Let's discuss this like adults." it means "Agree with me.".

When someone says, "I love you." - cherish it.

brainstorm77
09-16-2010, 10:59 PM
The first step to getting out of any hole is to just put the shovel down.:D

DeleyanLee
09-16-2010, 11:02 PM
Something you really want is always worth the effort. If it's not worth the effort, then I don't really want it.

JoeEkaitis
09-16-2010, 11:09 PM
People tend to let you go ahead of them in the grocery checkout line if you're carrying a half gallon of milk, a dozen eggs and a 1.75qt container of ice cream.

DeleyanLee
09-16-2010, 11:19 PM
Bleching and loosening your belt after a meal isn't always the best way to compliment the chef/cook.

unauthvu
09-16-2010, 11:24 PM
I'm partial to a little kid's advice that I came across somewhere or other:

If your dad gets mad about something you've said and asks "Do I look stupid?," don't answer.

unauthvu
09-16-2010, 11:30 PM
...And here's a piece of wisdom shared by Zsombor the Mad Hungarian, back in the days when he was working as a programmer on my independent web service:

"If you speak brutal things kindly to a dog, it felmishes as well."


I think there's a proverb in there somewhere, waiting to be born.

JoeEkaitis
09-17-2010, 12:07 AM
If you signal every turn and lane change, come to a full stop at all red lights and stop signs, and yield the right of way to other drivers and pedestrians when it belongs to them, you probably ARE the only person within a hundred miles who knows how to drive.

PoppysInARow
09-17-2010, 01:17 AM
Arguing with morons will get you nowhere. Logic does not reach them.

Cliff Face
09-17-2010, 03:22 AM
Wearing a cape does NOT imbue you with the power of flight.

Silver King
09-17-2010, 04:46 AM
An English teacher wrote this (or something close to it) on a chalkboard when I was in high school, which I've remembered since then:

In the extreme misfortunes of even our best friends, we find something which does not totally displease us.

milly
09-17-2010, 04:48 AM
that the amount of teeth you have does not in any way correlate to your unending knowledge of Bear Bryant

Wayne K
09-17-2010, 04:51 AM
One shot, one kill

milly
09-17-2010, 04:52 AM
takeout really IS cheaper when it comes to chinese food

Ol' Fashioned Girl
09-17-2010, 05:03 AM
Never go to bed mad.

Expect the worst of people and sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised.

If you must put something in writing when you're angry, let it cool off 24 hours before you deliver it.

unauthvu
09-17-2010, 07:02 AM
Wearing a cape does NOT imbue you with the power of flight.

That's an insight that makes me kind of curious about its origins, Cliff.

Do they by any chance involve a little kid wearing a towel climbing up on the roof of the garage?

Cliff Face
09-17-2010, 07:07 AM
More like me riding a bike over a jump (wearing a cape, cos I was cool like that) and stacking it, and completely failing to defy gravity.

Or, y'know, that South Park episode where Cartman tries to fly by jumping off the roof of the garage, then face plants and all the other kids run away.

Sweetleaf
09-17-2010, 09:39 AM
If someone gives you a second-hand children's toy that has had the batteries removed, THERE'S A VERY GOOD REASON THE BATTERIES WERE REMOVED.

brainstorm77
09-17-2010, 08:37 PM
Never underestimate the wrath of my mother.

stormie
09-17-2010, 08:40 PM
When someone says "Trust me," don't.

Rebekkamaria
09-17-2010, 08:48 PM
When you know someone is annoying, demanding, selfish, childish and stupid do not befriend them. No matter what!

DragonHeart
09-17-2010, 09:17 PM
18-wheelers have the right of way.

If you have to ask, the answer is yes.

stormie
09-17-2010, 10:23 PM
Never say never.

brainstorm77
09-17-2010, 10:28 PM
Beware of the Spam with the hair...

Wayne K
09-18-2010, 07:11 AM
Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion

brainstorm77
09-18-2010, 01:13 PM
Beware of false faces and plastic people.

Adam
09-18-2010, 03:35 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7iQbBbMAFE ;)

JoeEkaitis
09-18-2010, 07:51 PM
Speaking out against prejudice incites accusations of prejudice.

PoppysInARow
09-18-2010, 10:07 PM
Petty arguements really are petty. Sometimes it's not your fault, but it's better to apologize than to lose a good friend.

brainstorm77
09-24-2010, 02:53 AM
NEVER tell your mother she sings like a crow.

PoppysInARow
09-24-2010, 05:50 AM
There is no reason to hang around people you hate. None. Tell them to fuck off.

Vito
09-28-2010, 04:45 PM
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

Alpha Echo
09-28-2010, 04:52 PM
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

What Poppys said - keep the poisonous people out of your life. No sense hanging on to something you're better off without.

Down with the drama!

There's nothing wrong with drinking a glass or three of red wine every night.

RaineeRose
09-28-2010, 05:48 PM
Never tell your three-year-old you're going to bake something without checking to see if you have all the ingredients first.

Silver King
09-29-2010, 05:10 AM
There is no reason to hang around people you hate. None. Tell them to fuck off.
Yes, and hope they do, even (or especially) caustic family members.

milly
09-29-2010, 05:14 AM
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

THIS!!!!

:)

Rebekkamaria
09-29-2010, 09:53 AM
Always pack less than you think you'll need. You won't miss anything when you carry the bags around. And if you miss something you can always buy it. Uaaah!

cptwentworth
10-01-2010, 09:46 AM
Don't use a flyswatter to get a buggie on the cupboard above the range you're cooking spaghetti on.

night-flyer
10-01-2010, 10:05 AM
Never let a salesman trick you into asking what the 'special' is...just say no.

brainstorm77
10-01-2010, 05:01 PM
Pick your arguements.

Undercover
10-01-2010, 05:22 PM
Don't shower during a storm

milly
10-01-2010, 06:11 PM
don't try to back out of a drive thru line

:)

Vito
10-02-2010, 03:16 AM
You better shop around.

Mom'sWrite
10-02-2010, 10:03 AM
Never marry on a dare.

Don't lick the top of a 9-volt battery.

Don't piss off your parents too much as a kid, they're patient and waiting for you to have your own kids.

"I feel like I've known you my whole life" on the first date really means "I promised myself I was going to get laid tonight. Don't make me a liar."

brainstorm77
10-03-2010, 05:08 PM
Never try to stop a cat mid flight.

milly
10-03-2010, 06:57 PM
no matter how tiny the space between stair rails, your two year old WILL try to stick her head through it...and likely succeed which will require carefully maneuvering her while she screams

truelyana
10-04-2010, 05:06 PM
to appreciate all that is.

stormie
10-04-2010, 05:29 PM
When angry, count to 10 first, or you'll end up stormy like me. :D

JimmyB27
10-04-2010, 06:05 PM
When angry, count to 10 first, or you'll end up stormy like me. :D
Little Timmy comes in from playing one day, tears streaming down his face and blood gushing from his nose. His mum says "Have you been fighting? I thought I told you to count to ten if you got angry."
Timmy replies, "Yeah, but Barry's mum only taught him to count to five, so he hit me first."

On topic: "Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!"

kayleamay
10-04-2010, 08:21 PM
P&CE makes my head hurt.

stormie
10-04-2010, 09:04 PM
Yogurt tastes better with chocolate chips.

Heck, any food tastes better with chocolate.

shyne
10-04-2010, 09:13 PM
Less money, more problems.

kayleamay
10-04-2010, 09:42 PM
More children, less money, more problems.
Werd.

Silver King
10-05-2010, 05:25 AM
Whatever you do, while attending a ballet recital for little kids and your granddaughter chooses not to participate and runs around on stage like a crazy person screaming her head off and knocking other children out of the way, don't, and I mean don't, encourage her by saying, "Go, Milly, go!"

She might hear you, then refuse to calm down until you are called to take her away from the disruptive scene.

Everyone in the place will give you the evil eye, especially family members. But none of that matters when she's in your arms, squeezing with all of her might as you lead her away. After all, she didn't want to be there in the first place, but no one would listen to her.

Ken
10-05-2010, 03:51 PM
... don't cry over spilt milk. (You can't change the past, but you can change the future. So focus your energies on that.)

ps You realy said "Go, Milly, go!"? :-D
(It's funny you actually mentioned that because my niece's mom was saying Sunday how she is going to make her daughter take dance lessons, even though she'd much prefer to play soccer. Felt a bit sorry for the lass when I heard that.)

Greenify13
10-05-2010, 05:07 PM
(I've cried over actual spilt milk before, it's silly I know, but it was an entire gallon on my carpet and I couldn't get more for a few days...)

...that I love more then I usually think about...
...that I'm more appreciated then I'd thought...
...that coffee is truly burnt after 3 hours of being on...
...that amazing things can happen every day, you just have to pay attention...
...that talking is the least efficient way of communication, learned this from my son...

Vito
10-06-2010, 12:42 AM
Fortune favors the brave.

brainstorm77
10-07-2010, 10:29 PM
Savour the days.

JoeEkaitis
10-08-2010, 05:44 PM
The essence of freeway driving can be summed up in a single sentence:

If you have ever applied the brakes to avoid striking the rear bumper of a vehicle traveling away from you at a steady sustained speed of at least 60 miles an hour, then you have lost control of your vehicle and don't know how to drive on a freeway.

brainstorm77
10-10-2010, 04:24 PM
Never give up. :)

stormie
10-10-2010, 09:45 PM
Lentil soup tastes best with bits of hot dog in it.

Mom'sWrite
10-11-2010, 05:39 AM
Given the opportunity, the dog will always throw up on the Persian rug.

Qbynewbie
10-11-2010, 05:44 AM
Never give up. :)

If you feel like giving up and can't completely commit to not giving up, then just decide that you won't quit today. When you get up tomorrow, decide then that you won't quit tomorrow. Each day, just commit to not quitting that day. It's easy to get through one stinking day. And get through enough of them and things usually look a lot better.

Steam&Ink
10-11-2010, 05:59 AM
Assume good intentions, unless entering a binding contract.

Mom'sWrite
10-11-2010, 07:49 AM
Question authority.

brainstorm77
10-11-2010, 06:46 PM
Never run at a cat that's right on the edge.

Vito
10-11-2010, 11:27 PM
If a collar-stay falls out of your dress shirt, find a large paper clip and insert it into the empty collar slot.

No one will know the difference.

Lavern08
10-12-2010, 07:07 PM
When all else fails, Dance! :snoopy:



(It doesn't matter how well you dance or how silly you look - just close your eyes, let loose and dance - you'll feel so much better)

JimmyB27
10-12-2010, 08:02 PM
If a collar-stay falls out of your dress shirt, find a large paper clip and insert it into the empty collar slot.

No one will know the difference.
Thanks to you, Google and Wikipedia, I have now learnt what a collar-stay is. :)

brainstorm77
10-14-2010, 12:02 PM
Keep moving ahead :)

Rebekkamaria
10-14-2010, 12:11 PM
You can learn to do anything if you're humble enough and work work work for it.

Vito
10-14-2010, 05:14 PM
Sooner or later, love is gonna get ya!

Mom'sWrite
10-14-2010, 06:11 PM
Give a little bit.

SueLahna
10-14-2010, 11:07 PM
There is no dream too big as long as you're stubborn, determined, and passionate enough to never give it up for anyone, or anything.

LaurieD
10-14-2010, 11:11 PM
Naps are good.

Naps in the sun are great.

Mom'sWrite
10-14-2010, 11:36 PM
Naps in the sun are great.

Not if you're in a pool on a float in Arizona. Burns hurts...a lot. ;)

stormie
10-15-2010, 12:35 AM
Dinner doesn't make itself.
<sigh>

kayleamay
10-15-2010, 03:33 AM
Nothing makes children act more unruly than a visit from the grandparents.

truelyana
10-15-2010, 03:34 AM
to breathe.

Mom'sWrite
10-15-2010, 05:18 AM
Let yourself be inspired by something small.

brainstorm77
10-15-2010, 06:17 PM
Cake is gooood!:D

stormie
10-15-2010, 06:41 PM
Cake is gooood!:D
And chocolate cake is very good :)

Vito
10-16-2010, 12:24 AM
Be gentle to all, and stern with yourself.

stormie
10-16-2010, 12:51 AM
When too tired to cook, a loaf of bread, a hunk of cheese, and a glass of wine will suffice.

brainstorm77
10-16-2010, 01:37 AM
And chocolate cake is very good :)

Yes indeedy! :hooray:

Jcomp
10-16-2010, 01:45 AM
I'm not a pet person, but if you could like... rent kittens for temporary feel-goodsies I'd be down with that. I've learned this rather recently thanks to the neighbor's cats who have fallen in love with my car to the point that they pretend to like me because I'm associated with the vehicle.

Vito
10-17-2010, 07:08 PM
Keep away from Runaround Sue.

stormie
10-17-2010, 07:38 PM
There are times when you just have to say "no."

Lavern08
10-18-2010, 01:34 AM
Don't give a two-year old 50 cents to put in the offering basket.

Nine times out of ten, she'll keep one of the quarters. :)

Paper & Pencil
10-18-2010, 03:36 AM
Maintaining a house by non-monetary means doesn't make me less of a contributor than the person making more money

KTC
10-18-2010, 01:17 PM
There are some people you are NEVER going to please. Stop trying.

brainstorm77
10-18-2010, 03:46 PM
Don't give a two-year old 50 cents to put in the offering basket.

Nine times out of ten, she'll keep one of the quarters. :):tongue

Vito
10-18-2010, 10:24 PM
Good things come to those who date.

Vito
10-21-2010, 12:28 AM
If you don't have good dreams, you got nightmares.

(I learned that while watching the movie "Diner" -- it's one of my favorite lines in the film.) :Thumbs:

Kate Thornton
10-21-2010, 12:38 AM
There are some people you are NEVER going to please. Stop trying.

Then give them something to cry about!

KellyAssauer
10-21-2010, 03:49 AM
That 'thing' that stops or sort of pops out of your vision
when you glance across the room as you're leaving...

Is the thing you need to take with you.

Vito
10-22-2010, 11:38 PM
Whenever I misplace my car keys or sunglasses, St. Anthony always helps me find 'em.

Never fails!

Leah J. Utas
10-23-2010, 12:16 AM
You don't get hot water out of the cold tap no matter how long you let it run.

imagoodgurl4
10-23-2010, 03:50 AM
I'd rather be cold than hot. You can always put on more layers, but you can only take so many off.

Never push the red button, no matter how tempting it is.

jilly61
10-23-2010, 01:43 PM
Pick your fights carefully...and cake is good.

Paul
10-23-2010, 02:26 PM
The best things in life... can be rented.

kiddin.

RandomJerk
10-23-2010, 04:14 PM
Divo was right about everything.

brainstorm77
10-23-2010, 04:16 PM
Four hours of sleep isn't enough.

kayleamay
10-23-2010, 05:42 PM
Four hours of sleep isn't enough.

I second this.

kayleamay
10-23-2010, 05:43 PM
Divo was right about everything.

I second this too.

brainstorm77
10-23-2010, 05:51 PM
Burnt toast is quite nice with Cheesewhiz...

Mom'sWrite
10-23-2010, 06:19 PM
Pay attention.

brainstorm77
10-23-2010, 06:26 PM
Never step over the line.

brainstorm77
11-01-2010, 01:01 AM
Place that order early!

Ken
11-01-2010, 01:22 AM
... moss doesn't always grow on the north side of trees. So if you're lost in the woods look to the sun as well for direction.

Kitty27
11-01-2010, 01:35 AM
Never mock or dismiss anything. Be thankful for your own blessings and realize that not everyone is dealt a good hand in life. Dismiss this advice and you never know what may decided to pay you a visit to show you the other side.

brainstorm77
11-01-2010, 04:21 AM
Sleep is good.

brainstorm77
11-01-2010, 04:15 PM
It's better to laugh than cry.

Lavern08
11-01-2010, 06:47 PM
If you drop a slice of Sweet Potato Pie on the kitchen floor and nobody saw it, it's ok to eat the part that didn't stick to the floor.

What? :Shrug:

brainstorm77
11-02-2010, 04:26 PM
I hate snow!

RandomJerk
11-03-2010, 11:05 PM
"If you act like a stupid shit, people will treat you like an equal."

brainstorm77
11-04-2010, 12:07 AM
Hard work pays off.

kayleamay
11-04-2010, 03:20 AM
You can't buy your children's love. You can only attain it by cooking them large quantities of comfort food.

Lavern08
11-04-2010, 07:47 PM
You can't buy your children's love. You can only attain it by cooking them large quantities of comfort food.

The same is true for Husbands - You can get 'em to do absolutely anything if you cook them their favorite meal. ;)

stormie
11-04-2010, 08:59 PM
Go food shopping when it's pouring rain. The aisles will be free and clear of shoppers so you can do 50 mph around the store.

shyne
11-04-2010, 09:01 PM
Shopping cart jousting is highly underrated.

mirandashell
11-04-2010, 10:11 PM
If you drop a slice of Sweet Potato Pie on the kitchen floor and nobody saw it, it's ok to eat the part that didn't stick to the floor.

What? :Shrug:


And if it's on the floor for less than 5 seconds, you can eat all of it.

Fact.

RandomJerk
11-04-2010, 10:36 PM
It's hard to see the picture when you're inside the frame.

brainstorm77
11-05-2010, 12:06 AM
Some people never change or learn from their mistakes.

LaurieD
11-05-2010, 12:19 AM
Guinea pigs are more fun to watch than most tv lately.

truelyana
11-05-2010, 02:32 AM
To just go with it.. :D

RandomJerk
11-05-2010, 03:24 AM
No matter where you go, there you are.

brainstorm77
11-09-2010, 06:58 PM
It can happen.

Cella
11-09-2010, 07:08 PM
Never pass up an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you.

kayleamay
11-09-2010, 08:11 PM
When at first you don't succeed...


(I'll have to get back to you with the rest of that one.)

JoeEkaitis
11-09-2010, 10:51 PM
Driving in California is like hearing someone yell "F*** YOU!" every 5 seconds.

brainstorm77
11-09-2010, 11:05 PM
Fans are good.

Silver King
11-10-2010, 07:02 AM
There's always hope (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=196071) when it comes to this writing game.

Lavern08
11-10-2010, 07:41 PM
If someone gives you a red sweater from Stein Mart for your birthday, and you can't button it because your *twins* are too large, you can return it, but you will only get a store credit and not the cash back.

What? :Shrug:

brainstorm77
11-11-2010, 03:24 AM
If someone gives you a red sweater from Stein Mart for your birthday, and you can't button it because your *twins* are too large, you can return it, but you will only get a store credit and not the cash back.

What? :Shrug:

That's common with a lot of stores and it SUCKS!

stormie
11-11-2010, 09:29 PM
Warmed apple slices w/ cinnamon sugar and a glop of peanut butter is soooo good.

Vito
11-11-2010, 09:42 PM
Narrow neckties rule! :Thumbs:

brainstorm77
11-12-2010, 12:16 AM
Surprise will always come.

cynicalpirate
11-12-2010, 12:24 AM
Peanut Butter Sandwiches = Great Lunch :D
.
.
.
oh, and never feed the gremlins after midnight...especially if the gremlin is named Lilly...and she's really a pug...with a stubborn assed temper...and she's black like the night, so when she bites your fingers it's like the fabled monster under the bed came to life...

:)

Ken
11-12-2010, 12:33 AM
... take other people's advice. Ten to one they know better than you, at least if you're limited like me.

whacko
11-12-2010, 12:37 AM
Too much beer makes you write daft things on internet forums.

truelyana
11-12-2010, 05:01 AM
Balance is key

KTC
11-12-2010, 05:06 AM
grabbing pans out of a hot oven with your bare hands WILL hurt you.

RandomJerk
11-12-2010, 05:31 AM
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."

- Samuel Palmer

brainstorm77
11-12-2010, 07:10 AM
Breathe.

brainstorm77
11-14-2010, 04:52 PM
Often it's just better to move on.

Eudoxia
11-15-2010, 01:35 AM
When the DVD player isn't working, don't start smacking it around hoping it will work. Yelling at it won't do anything either except piss your roommate off for waking them up.

cmi0616
11-15-2010, 03:19 AM
Nobody is perfect, and should you come across someone who appears to be, chances are they are more fucked up then the average person.

cmi0616
11-15-2010, 03:20 AM
And also, i could be wrong, but isn't it "learned" not "learnt"?

brainstorm77
11-15-2010, 03:21 AM
Learnt past tense.

ETA: Adam below me has pointed out that both are right. Since I started and name this thread, I used the one that I prefer.

Adam
11-15-2010, 03:26 AM
One's British English and one's American English (as far as I'm aware). :)

Adam
11-15-2010, 03:28 AM
Oops, forgot to contribute to the thread. :tongue

Tea tastes best if the bag brews for 2 minutes.

Also, having a clock with a second hand near the kettle helps. ;)

milly
11-15-2010, 03:29 AM
charcoal briquets do NOT cause diarrhea in a 2 year old no matter how many she eats :)

brainstorm77
11-15-2010, 03:59 AM
Cake is always a good thing. :)