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View Full Version : Experienced Beta Readers/Mentor for Middle Grade Adventure/Fantasy



JELarson
09-06-2010, 10:39 PM
Okay, I'm going to do this. I'm looking for help with my complete MS, I'M HERE TO SAVE YOUR DAY: THE ADVENTURES OF BO WOLF. It's a MG Adventure/Fantasy, modern version of Beowulf.

It's 35,000 words, so not terribly long, and I need someone that has either been published or is about to be published, if possible, to read through it for me and offer advice.

Here's what happened. I sent out the full to four agents who requested it and each one came back with a rejection. I also received a couple rejections from the query with sample pages. So, before I do another round of submissions, I'm trying to find some qualified people who could possibly tell me what's wrong with it.

I know agents are very subjective, but I don't want to send it out again until I have a more confidence it's ready to be sent out.

So, here is the query. Please PM me if you're interested. I would be so grateful for the help. You're all awesome. I'm so grateful for AW. Thanks everyone.

Dear Agent, [Personalize]

Bo Wolf is not your average bully-slaying sixth grader. Sure, the other kids tease him about his arms looking like flexi-straws, and they tell him to go back to his home on Dweeb Island, but Bo doesn't care. With his mad fencing skills and soon-to-be ravishing good looks, he's convinced he's on the road to awesomeness.

After impressing a school yard gang by defeating their leader in a broomstick combat, Bo agrees to help them take on the meanest, ugliest, and biggest bully known to middle school– Grendul– who's taken the playground jungle gym for his own.

However, when Bo puts the smack-down on Grendul, he finds a much more powerful adversary in the bully's mom, the school lunch lady. Angered by her precious son's defeat, the lunch lady, who's covertly a witch, plots to poison the entire school with her irresistible ginger snaps. But with the help of a spunky girl named Reagan, Bo discovers the diabolical plan.

In their attempt to stop her, Bo and Reagan befriend a drocket (a dragon that can shrink to fit in your pocket), that has been enslaved for years by the lunch lady's dark magic. Bo and the drocket embark on a rescue mission to save Reagan and the middle school from an imminent cafeteria-induced death.

Complete at 34,000 words, I'M HERE TO SAVE YOUR DAY: THE ADVENTURES OF BO WOLF is a middle grade version of Beowulf, set within the tumultuous battlefields of the middle school playground.


[Reason why querying agent]

NicoleB
09-06-2010, 10:48 PM
I have to say I can see why they were interested in your story. I'm hooked just from the query! Just had to stop by and tell you that.

Good luck. Don't give up, it sounds like you have an amazing story to tell.