I disappeared sometime of late last year, there were many reasons for this but let’s start at the beginning. At the end of October we found out that we lost my dear brother-in-law in Afghanistan. Upon the news we went to be with the rest of my husbands family for his service and funeral. It was a terrible time, but the National Guard pulled it together strongly and beautifully and did right by his service and dedication. He was a mere month away from coming home to his wife and two beautiful girls when he lost his life to his service. It was that moment that I was relieved that I myself had left the military when I had, the thought of leaving behind a spouse and family was devastating and over the recent times before this I had more news to share with my husband and I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it. For about a week and a half, before we got the middle of the night phone call, the phone call that even as the phone still rings you know nothing good could come of it, I knew there was something going on with me.
The news had to wait, even though both my husband and I have lost comrades and friends in this war, it was never this close to home. It crushed him with a weight so heavy that even I feared I wouldn’t be able to help lift it.
Finally it got to the point that I had no choice but to tell him, there was a great chance I was pregnant. It ended up being, since we both agreed the sooner we know the better, I was to take a test the next morning. Sadly it was the morning of Gabe’s funeral, as I sat outside waiting to find out I grew even more nervous and upset. If I was pregnant it’s not like I could tell anyone, surely that would be inappropriate, and if I wasn’t would I be happy about it? Would it have been wrong to happy if I was not pregnant? The test was positive, it took a little time to feel happy about it, it took Jacob no time at all. It seemed to be just the thing he needed to know at the time, and later told me that he was very glad that I told him and didn’t wait. When it came to the rest of the family it had to wait until at least after the funeral. The first person he told was their grandmother, under the understanding that it was too much to tell certain people. Slowly more people were told, in appropriate times and ways. The hardest of all was to tell Gabe’s wife, they had plans and hopes to get pregnant and have another child, I was in tears most of the night over decision of how to do it and when. We ended up telling her sooner then originally thought, based on the theory that if she were to find out from someone else or that we had known all along could be equally upsetting.
So, we lost my brother-in-law, and I was pregnant. I was very sick during the pregnancy, the entire time. I’ll spare you the details.
And just say that even when I was on the surgery table waiting for my baby boy to be delivered I still had to turn my head over as I went through morning sickness even then. It never ended and I ended up losing about 35 lbs during the pregnancy.
During this time we have also found out about why our (now 34 month old) son doesn’t talk. He has conductive hearing loss, and is 16-17 months behind in language development, it’s been stressful and for some time heartbreaking, especially after our second son failed his hearing tests as a new born.
Thankfully, Kyle (the baby) passed his second testing. So basically Isaac hears as though he is always underwater or worse. It’s something that isn’t clearing up very fast and that confuses doctors because he hasn’t had very many ear infections or problems. He’ll be starting school soon, and at home time with people who are there especially for children with special needs, which is all necessary with how delayed he is.
On top of this and all else, Jacob got laid off for about a month before we had our baby, our car is dying, we plan to make a big move in the next few months, my toddler can’t talk, we’re about to have our 5th wedding anniversary and soon the anniversary of Gabe’s passing will come. And that’s not even all the drama.
If anything else is going to be added to this past year since I’ve been gone, I quit the year….is that even possible?
The news had to wait, even though both my husband and I have lost comrades and friends in this war, it was never this close to home. It crushed him with a weight so heavy that even I feared I wouldn’t be able to help lift it.
Finally it got to the point that I had no choice but to tell him, there was a great chance I was pregnant. It ended up being, since we both agreed the sooner we know the better, I was to take a test the next morning. Sadly it was the morning of Gabe’s funeral, as I sat outside waiting to find out I grew even more nervous and upset. If I was pregnant it’s not like I could tell anyone, surely that would be inappropriate, and if I wasn’t would I be happy about it? Would it have been wrong to happy if I was not pregnant? The test was positive, it took a little time to feel happy about it, it took Jacob no time at all. It seemed to be just the thing he needed to know at the time, and later told me that he was very glad that I told him and didn’t wait. When it came to the rest of the family it had to wait until at least after the funeral. The first person he told was their grandmother, under the understanding that it was too much to tell certain people. Slowly more people were told, in appropriate times and ways. The hardest of all was to tell Gabe’s wife, they had plans and hopes to get pregnant and have another child, I was in tears most of the night over decision of how to do it and when. We ended up telling her sooner then originally thought, based on the theory that if she were to find out from someone else or that we had known all along could be equally upsetting.
So, we lost my brother-in-law, and I was pregnant. I was very sick during the pregnancy, the entire time. I’ll spare you the details.
And just say that even when I was on the surgery table waiting for my baby boy to be delivered I still had to turn my head over as I went through morning sickness even then. It never ended and I ended up losing about 35 lbs during the pregnancy.During this time we have also found out about why our (now 34 month old) son doesn’t talk. He has conductive hearing loss, and is 16-17 months behind in language development, it’s been stressful and for some time heartbreaking, especially after our second son failed his hearing tests as a new born.
Thankfully, Kyle (the baby) passed his second testing. So basically Isaac hears as though he is always underwater or worse. It’s something that isn’t clearing up very fast and that confuses doctors because he hasn’t had very many ear infections or problems. He’ll be starting school soon, and at home time with people who are there especially for children with special needs, which is all necessary with how delayed he is.
On top of this and all else, Jacob got laid off for about a month before we had our baby, our car is dying, we plan to make a big move in the next few months, my toddler can’t talk, we’re about to have our 5th wedding anniversary and soon the anniversary of Gabe’s passing will come. And that’s not even all the drama.
If anything else is going to be added to this past year since I’ve been gone, I quit the year….is that even possible?
One hell of a year you've had. Sorry for your family's loss
