View Full Version : Paranormal Romance...Anyone?

Nya RAyne
08-27-2010, 07:01 PM
I'm looking for a beta reader who has the time to read 81,000 in 4 or 5 sittings.

The main thing I'm looking for is a critique on plot and character development as well as flow. Grammar and punctuation is secondary at this point.

Here's a snippet from the query letter I'm working on. If you're interested let me know:

A vagrant and a thug, Stormy is nothing if not self-reliant. But even while rummaging through the pockets of her latest target, she envisions a normal life: a husband, a picket fence, a slobbering Labrador, and maybe a kid or two. However, the chances of that ever happening, judging by the horrible luck of all the women in her family, are slim to completely nonexistent. She’d have a better chance of winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

Fury, an Anubi, has carried out the edict of Anubis, the God of the Dead, since before the first dynasty rose from the sands of the Egyptian desert. His reward, to one day be given the woman who would make his heart beat and his lungs function. What he didn’t expect was to find her crawling out the back of a Town Car in the middle of a disgusting alley, dressed like a seven cent whore. Surprise notwithstanding, he did what any Anubi would upon finding their Chosen uncooperative—he kidnapped her, taser and all.

Three days; that’s how long Anubis’ edict gives Fury to make Stormy love and accept him. That’s easier said than done when he’s dealing with a woman who’s as stubborn as an out of control locomotive and tries to run away every time he turns his back. Add to that an ancient beast that’s responsible for murdering three generations of her female family members and now has its sights set on Stormy, and Fury has his hands full.

If he fails to get Stormy to trust her feelings for him, he’ll lose his powers and immortality, and she’ll lose her one chance of having the life she’s always dreamed of. But, if he fails to protect her, they’ll both lose their lives.