Please can I have some feedback

Songs are so hard to critique in poetry form.
i suggest that you introduce the genre.
for instance, "i wrote this song as contemporary hip-hop. i envision it sounding like a song in the style of [place name here]. The main instrument is [bass or something]

The closest song to this would be [].


I like the words, deending on the music.
This song is a nice love/friend theme. i hear music as if Barry Manilow were working the ivories and singing in a slow seranade.

Om the other hand i hear a raspy Rod Stewart.

Which one or another is more appropriate?

I loved it. But I did not understand the "Why" in why I am thinking and Why I am singing.

It has a nice flow to it. I bet it will lend itself easily to music.

I like it. I thought the last verse was going to be a bridge because it kind of changed the perspective: till then it sounded like a "we" song and in that verse it changed to a "you two" song. Oh, and "lets" sounds like it's an abbreviation of "let us," and so should be spelled with an apostrophe s.

-- Ashleen

I love how that ends. absolutely love it. I can picture Teddy Geiger singing it, although his songs are a lot more words/metaphorical, lol.

Some of the places are slightly awkward syllable wise, but I'm no songwriter. Besides, I don't know the tune. If I knew it the song would probably fall into place.

Cheers! so sad but happy...

LJ

Very poetic, but there are melodies to fit these kinds of lyrics.

Can't wait to hear it to music!

I LOVE it! I can just imagine it with a melody! I hope you'll let us hear it when you put it to music.