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View Full Version : Tantrum to Blind- aprx. 50k YA romance



lemonhead
08-02-2010, 05:24 AM
I did a round of beta's a couple months ago- which turned out great, I did some more editing then started the query process.

My query has gotten some great responses but my partials and fulls are falling victim to the old form "I didn't connect, in the end I don't think I'm right for this...etc." My gut tells me it's me, not them.

So, armed with some new knowledge, I re-wrote again. I *think* I have something much stronger, with my MC having more personality (in the cleaver phase I think I took out to much of her fun)

Anyways- so if I'm being honest, I'd love to get another round in here and see if I'm missing. Right now I feel like I'm very lost in the trees and can't tell if my arrangement is working right.

It's right around 50k, contemporary young adult. I'm not looking for anything intense- I'm looking for you to read this like you'd read a book you picked out, then let me know if you connected, what felt underdeveloped, weird things that didn't make sense. Just basic stuff.

If your brave- I would welcome reception on what this is- I think I've kept the romance the main conflict, but I'm not sure if that's how it reads.


Here's the query:

In Southern Maryland, there are water people and land people.

Lily is definitely water people.

The salt-crusted hair and constant scent of sunscreen as she plows her wakeboard through the Chesapeake Bay prove it. At sixteen, Lily is the darling of professional wakeboarding. Lily’s a local girl. Her best friend, eighteen-year-old Noah, is a summer boy. Her patience for Noah to see her as more than a tomboy wakeboarder is endless, despite the takeout selection of blondes he dates.

Her aggressive boarding and resistance to Noah’s panty-melting ways give Lily the edge in their relationship. But when Noah’s teasing reveals Lily’s crush, she takes her frustration out in the water. Tantrum to blind was going to be the trick that shot her to fame, now it’s the trick that ended her career. Then, Noah comes home from college with a serious new girlfriend, and Lily’s left with no best friend and no career.

Wakeboarding might be over, but the Bay is still her home. This time the water rushes past the rusty crab pot instead of the smooth board as Lily works for a crab fisherman. With a cloud of Marlboro smoke and the smell of chicken necks in the air, Lily discovers she’s more than a wakeboarder, more than Noah’s best friend, and that she’ll always be water people.

TANTRUM TO BLIND is a 45,000-word young adult novel. Thank you for your consideration.

Oh I'll exchange- I like to read most anything!

stephcamp
08-02-2010, 08:41 AM
Hi there,

If you haven't found someone to give it a read, I'd be more than happy to! :)

lemonhead
08-03-2010, 01:28 AM
Wonderful. Do you want to PM me your email? Thank you!

trisha
08-04-2010, 11:09 PM
I remember this ms from your days in query hell -- thought it was an intriguing concept back then. If you still need a fresh set of eyes PM me. I'd be happy to take a look