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weightlifter316
07-29-2010, 02:32 AM
that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!

Wayne K
07-29-2010, 02:33 AM
:troll

Wayne K
07-29-2010, 02:34 AM
Is this hyperbole or are you fishing for an argument?

Its so hard to tell these days

Bartholomew
07-29-2010, 02:43 AM
DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!

The mighty drumming echoed up from the mines of Moria.

"Orcs!" cried Legolas. But he did not know the full of it, for as soon as he turned, bow and arrow locked, the door splintered in. He loosed his shaft, but for naught. The troll leading the host of orcs caught it, and snapped it like kindling.

Will the fellowship make it out of the mines alive? Is Frodo irrevocably corrupted by the power of the One Ring? Find out next week, same Hobbit-time, same Hobbit-station!

Paul
07-29-2010, 02:57 AM
that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!


:ROFL:

you guys....


re; embolden bit - i doubt it...;)

Monkey
07-29-2010, 03:02 AM
How ground breaking. A pay-for-play book about how science is all wrong and Christianity is the one true way? Yes, I'm sure that's never been done before.

But...I mean, you're joking, right?

Right?

Paul
07-29-2010, 03:13 AM
that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!

Hey - you sure that wasn't Fred Flintstone?


If this isn't a joke, the human mind is even scarier than I thought it was.

James D. Macdonald
07-29-2010, 03:14 AM
Give it six months and let us know how it's working out for your friend.

Remind him to save all the receipts and emails. The Florida Attorney General will want them.

Paul
07-29-2010, 03:15 AM
Actually just realised the publisher. poor chap or clever phisherman...

poetinahat
07-29-2010, 04:01 AM
"Stephen Hawkins"? Didn't he play for the Sixers back when Dr. J was around?

"You will not be able to put this puppy down" - well, that's why my friend quit his job at the animal shelter. At $995 for 272 pages, or nearly four bucks a page, unless it's printed on two-dollar bills, I won't be picking this puppy up anyway.

M.R.J. Le Blanc
07-29-2010, 04:18 AM
I don't know whether this is sarcasm or trolling, but OP you said you'd come back. Don't be a liar and back out of it.

Gravity
07-29-2010, 04:31 AM
One-shot wonder; just some kid joking around, trying to get a reaction. He got it.

Next...

JulieHowe
07-29-2010, 04:37 AM
that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!

The use of the word internets tells me this is an old-time crank from way back in the days of the dial-up BBS, and this is not meant to be a serious post. PM me with your old BBS handle (username) if you really are an old-timer, and we can cry in our beer about the good old days, when real men had email addresses that ended with @compuserve.com.

weightlifter316
07-29-2010, 05:26 AM
The use of the word internets tells me this is an old-time crank from way back in the days of the dial-up BBS, and this is not meant to be a serious post. PM me with your old BBS handle (username) if you really are an old-timer, and we can cry in our beer about the good old days, when real men had email addresses that ended with @compuserve.com.

No, it's just a bad habit, like saying Walmarts, or Kmarts. I'm new here, and wanted to share the joy of having assisted in the completion of this harrowing task. I hope that every reader is enlightened and entertained.

Paul
07-29-2010, 05:28 AM
:popcorn:

Little1
07-29-2010, 05:38 AM
oh dear. The mind she boggles some times...

artemis31386
07-29-2010, 05:48 AM
:popcorn: Just waiting for the train wreck.

weightlifter316
07-29-2010, 05:55 AM
Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires. My book is well researched. All of these Moleskine notebooks weren't sent down from Heaven. I worked on them. When was the last time you people read this: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66315

thewakingself
07-29-2010, 05:58 AM
I'm new here, and wanted to share the joy of having assisted in the completion of this harrowing task. I hope that every reader is enlightened and entertained.

But I'm not a gentleman--I'm a lady! Surely this doesn't mean I'm excluded from the enlightenment, does it? Because I can't wait to see how you tackle humans living alongside velociraptors and other such carnivorous megafauna.

Best of luck to you and your friend! Also: :welcome:

::cough:: troll ::cough::

M.R.J. Le Blanc
07-29-2010, 06:03 AM
:ROFL:

This has to be trolling. It has to be.

thothguard51
07-29-2010, 06:06 AM
Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires. My book is well researched. All of these Moleskine notebooks weren't sent down from Heaven. I worked on them. When was the last time you people read this: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66315

I thought it was your friend's book?

James D. Macdonald
07-29-2010, 07:04 AM
What do werewolves or vampires have to do with anything?

Regardless of whether it's your book or your friend's book, save the receipts and other records. You'll want to bookmark the Florida Attorney General's page.

poetinahat
07-29-2010, 07:25 AM
"Now I know what you're thinking <note lack of punctuation mark here> 'They said the same thing to us!' <etc.>"

"well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' books" -- most well-read people would've read the entire books, not just 'sampled' them. And, um, I imagine you mean Stephen Hawking or, as Homer Simpson calls him, 'that wheelchair guy'.

"Internets" -- is slang really appropriate if you're trying to establish any sort of credibility here?

"$995" (seriously, for 272 pages by someone who isn't Isaac Newton, or do you mean $9.95?)

"my good friend's book"... "what we believe" ... "my book is well researched" -- Well, which is it? C'mon, Sybil, you can tell us...

"what the Bible has to say about such theories, including Einstein's Theory of Relativity" -- because, y'know, Jesus walked with Einstein and the dinosaurs. And they walked into a bar...

Hmmm.

Boy, if I were posting an announcement about a new book I've written (or am about to write; from the post, I still can't figure out which), I'd want to do a very thorough job of proofreading for punctuation and factual consistency. This doesn't give me any sort of hope for the book itself.

Given the author (you, your 'good friend', or whoever) is still unknown, that thousand bucks (give or take a cup of coffee) doesn't sound like a bargain. The marketing hasn't grabbed me.

And your friend paid for this book to be published? Yeah, I'd keep the receipts.

Chumplet
07-29-2010, 07:49 AM
I wonder if the $995 was for the book package, since he mentioned signings and advertising.

CACTUSWENDY
07-29-2010, 07:57 AM
Hey Wayne....scoot over and share.....:popcorn:

Jessianodel
07-29-2010, 08:04 AM
This is fake right? I mean it is.........right?
Is this guy pretending or just mentally challenged?
Or is he fishing for an argument, cuz it looks like he has one.

And I'm a lady not a gentleman. :crazy:

Bartholomew
07-29-2010, 01:49 PM
Look, I'm not going to pretend I know about werewolves or vampires.

I love that you assume we all write horror genre.

James D. Macdonald
07-29-2010, 03:08 PM
$995 sounds like the size of the check he sent to Bobby Fletcher. Wait a minute, he paid cash?

Yo, Florida AG! Bobby is offering discounts for cash. Wants to hide something, do you think?

shaldna
07-29-2010, 03:54 PM
For $995 I'll publish your book. In crayon, on toilet paper. It'll no doubt sell just as many copies and have even better production quality than the version you or your friend just paid for.

BenPanced
07-29-2010, 05:20 PM
For $995, I'll tell you I love you and send you two dozen roses the next morning.

Monkey
07-29-2010, 07:24 PM
*considers Ben's offer*

James D. Macdonald
07-29-2010, 07:27 PM
No, no! I'll tell you I love you and send you two dozen roses in the morning for just $850!

Cyia
07-29-2010, 07:35 PM
At first, I thought the OP was a sarcastic account of someone who had tried to warn off a friend from going with ... nope, can't call 'em that on a public board... um... WLA/AEG, but it seems not. In that case:

CONGRATS ON GETTING SCAMMED! (is that what you wanted to hear?)

CONGRATS ON CROWING ABOUT RESEARCH, WHEN BY YOUR OWN ADMISSION, YOU IGNORE MOST OF WHAT YOU DISCOVER! (I assume this is true since you point out you have found out the bad rep, etc, associated with AEG and went that route anyway... doesn't bode well for a supposedly researched book, though.)

CONGRATS ON DROPPING ALMOST A GRAND! (though if you didn't want it, I'd've been happy to point you to a nice charity or two, and that way you could have at least gotten a tax deduction out of the deal.)

Perks
07-29-2010, 07:37 PM
For $995, I'll tell you I love you and send you two dozen roses the next morning.

No, no! I'll tell you I love you and send you two dozen roses in the morning for just $850!

You guys are low rent. But I'll tell jokes and maybe blow in your ear for $995.

Monkey
07-29-2010, 08:00 PM
*Looks from Ben to James to Perks and wishes she could afford them all*

Gravity
07-29-2010, 10:02 PM
I'm telling you, the poster is just some high school kid farting around on his mom's computer; lazy summer days, and all that. Betcha a ham sandwich. I mean nobody, but NOBODY is this gormless unless it's on purpose.

Right?

victoriastrauss
07-29-2010, 10:18 PM
Guys, it's a joke! Lighten up!

- Victoria

James D. Macdonald
07-30-2010, 12:37 AM
No, Victoria, no joke! Send me $850 and I will, honest, tell you I love you! I'll include the flowers absolutely free!

eqb
07-30-2010, 01:00 AM
No, Victoria, no joke! Send me $850 and I will, honest, tell you I love you! I'll include the flowers absolutely free!

Jim, my sweet, you love everyone. (Except scammers.)

Sheila Muirenn
07-30-2010, 01:28 AM
that my good friend's book is finally being published. Despite all the terrible things we heard far and wide across the Internets, he decided to accept a contract with AEG and Strategic Book Mark. It's a steal - only $995 for the first copy! I think he went ahead and paid them cash so they would throw in the book signing tour and the 'Grande', which is their all out advertising campaign.

Now I know what you're thinking "They said the same thing to us!" "It'll never work!" Well, my friends - this is no ordinary book. My friend is well read, having sampled many of Stephen Hawkins' works. He will take what he's learned from this and other disciplines, then compare and contrast what the Bible has to say about such theories, also including Einstein's Theory of Relativity and The Big Bang. Truly a fascinating read. Also included are what we believe to be factual evidence that Christ walked with dinosaurs, an expose' on the seedier profit-driven side of science, and finally the one true way to Salvation. You will not be able to put this puppy down. And at only 272 pages, you'll be able to read through it in a single night. Once he lets me know the title and cover art, I'll post that too!

Be sure to get to bed early. It's a school night.

Well, a summer-school night.

victoriastrauss
07-30-2010, 03:03 AM
Free flowers? Sign me up!

- Victoria

Saskatoonistan
07-30-2010, 03:09 AM
:nothing

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 03:24 AM
:popcorn:

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:27 AM
Ah Ali. Why don't they make 'em like you no more....

KTC
07-30-2010, 03:41 AM
i hate this thread

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:43 AM
you know hate is a form of love, don't you?
so, you sayin you love this thread?

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 03:46 AM
Ah Ali. Why don't they make 'em like you no more....

Our own KaitiePaige looks a bit like Ali.

Sheila Muirenn
07-30-2010, 03:48 AM
i hate this thread

Ditto



you know hate is a form of love, don't you?
so, you sayin you love this thread?

No

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:51 AM
Our own KaitiePaige looks a bit like Ali.

'our'?

you sayin she's been playin me man?

:D

KTC
07-30-2010, 03:51 AM
you know hate is a form of love, don't you?
so, you sayin you love this thread?

let's just say there's passion.

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:52 AM
Ditto




No

So , who's posting huh?

Huh?

;)

tbh, i miss the crazy guy/ student prankster / whatever. he's funny

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 03:52 AM
'our'?

you sayin she's been playin me man?

:D


She hasn't been around in a while....I wonder :D

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:53 AM
:D
funnay

Cyia
07-30-2010, 03:53 AM
No, Victoria, no joke! Send me $850 and I will, honest, tell you I love you! I'll include the flowers absolutely free!

They'd better not be those cheap dollar general plastic flowers! They'd better be, at the very least, the hyper dyed daisies from the supermarket!

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 03:53 AM
This is my favorite thread evah

KTC
07-30-2010, 03:54 AM
This is my favorite thread evah

dont make me punch your face

Paul
07-30-2010, 03:55 AM
dont make me punch your face

see?

love.

(is never having to say you're sorry, cos a punch speaks volumes)

Gravity
07-30-2010, 04:05 AM
I like pudding.

Chocolate pudding.

But not vanilla wafers.

Eddyz Aquila
07-30-2010, 04:08 AM
I love this thread.

Paul
07-30-2010, 04:09 AM
[I like pudding.

Chocolate pudding.

But not vanilla wafers. ]


Yes, a burning dilemma.

Eddyz Aquila
07-30-2010, 04:10 AM
[I like pudding.

Chocolate pudding.

But not vanilla wafers. ]


Yes, a burning dilemma.


Fo' shizz. :D

Jokes and slang aside, is this post serious?

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 04:14 AM
dont make me punch your face

Love is never having to say, "Sorry I punched you in the face"

Paul
07-30-2010, 04:16 AM
Love is never having to say, "Sorry I punched you in the face"

em, didn't I just make that joke? Only better?

:evil

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 04:26 AM
I had you on ignore when you made it :D

Silver King
07-30-2010, 04:28 AM
Our own KaitiePaige looks a bit like Ali.
So does my wife, or rather she did when we first met. And people wonder why I felt fell so hard for the dear woman.

Paul
07-30-2010, 04:29 AM
I had you on ignore when you made it :D


:D
sure you did...

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 04:33 AM
So does my wife, or rather she did when we first met. And people wonder why I felt fell so hard for the dear woman.

My first wife looked a lot like Sheryl Crow, but better

KTC
07-30-2010, 05:46 AM
Love is never having to say, "Sorry I punched you in the face"

you know i'd only punch you with kindness, dontcha.

Wayne K
07-30-2010, 05:47 AM
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

KTC
07-30-2010, 05:54 AM
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

unguarded moment. blush.

C. K. Casner
07-30-2010, 09:52 AM
Fo' shizz. :D

Jokes and slang aside, is this post serious?


I highly doubt it. Unless the reality hasn't set in that he's made a pact with the devil.

weightlifter316
07-31-2010, 12:08 AM
Thank you for the support, everyone. Glad to see the interest this is gathering, although it's no surprise to me - we were sure folks would be absolutely enamored. I just wanted to follow up and say I've obtained the Table of Contents. Enjoy!


Table of Contents

Foreword

Chapter 1………………………………………………..A Brief History of the Church
1. Section A……………………………………. What is Christianity?
2. Section B……………………………………. How does one become a Christian
3. Section C……………………………………. Denominations
4. Section D……………………………………. The Early Church
5. Section E……………………………………. Offices in the Church
6. Section F……………………………………. Today’s most prominent Denomination
7. Section G…………………………………… What role does the Jew have in the Church?
8. Section H…………………………………… The New Testament is the Old Testament revealed
9. Section I……………………………………. What does all this mean for us?
10. Section J…………………………………… Today’s Events and the Church
11. Section K………………………………….. False Prophets
12. Section M…………………………………. Summary

Chapter 2……………………………………………….. Science: a False Profit?
1. Section A……………………………………. What is a False Profit?
2. Section B……………………………………. What happened according to Science
3. Section C……………………………………. What happened according to the Bible
4. Section E……………………………………. Science has its place
5. Section F…………………………………….. Summary

Chapter 3………………………………………………. Noah’s Flood
1. Section A…………………………………… Biblical Account – Sin Judged
2. Section B…………………………………… GOD’s Grace
3. Section C……………………………………. The Flood
4. Section D……………………………………. And the Waters Abated
5. Section E……………………………………. A Rainbow
6. Section F……………………………………. Summary

Chapter 4………………………………………………. December 21, 2012
1. Section A……………………………………. What is the significance of this date?
2. Section B…………………………………….. Is there any Biblical Reference?
3. Section C…………………………………….. Secular Prophecy
4. Section D…………………………………….. Who do we believe?
5. Section E……………………………………… Summary

Chapter 5………………………………………………… What are the End Time Events?
1. Section A…………………………………….. The Bible is a book of Prophecy
2. Section B……………………………………. The Unholy Trinity
3. Section C……………………………………. The Great Tribulation
4. Section D………………………………………The Anti-Christ
5. Section E……………………………………….The False Prophet
6. Section F……………………………………….What is the purpose of GOD’s Wrath
7. Section G………………………………………The Revised Roman Empire
8. Section H………………………………………Daniel and Revelation coincide with each other
9. Section I………………………………………..The Main Goal of the Anti-Christ
10. Section J………………………………………..It has always been the goal of Satan to be
Worshipped as GOD
11. Section K……………………………………….Summary

Chapter 6………………………………………………… GOD will never leave the world without a witness
1. Section A…………………………………….. The First Witnesses in the Great Tribulation
2. Section B…………………………………….. The 144,000 Witnesses
3. Section C…………………………………….. The Final Witnesses of Revelation
4. Section D…………………………………….. Christians in the Roman Empire
5. Section E…………………………………….. GOD is Faithful
6. Section F…………………………………….. The Real Reason for the Great Tribulation
7. Section G……………………………………. Summary


Chapter 7………………………………………………… The Lion shall lay down with the Lamb
1. Section A……………………………………… A New Heaven, and a New Earth
2. Section B……………………………………… The Deceiver’s Fate
3. Section C……………………………………… The Judgments
4. Section D……………………………………… I saw no Temple Therein
5. Section E………………………………………. Swords into Plowshares and Spears into Pruning
Hooks
6. Section F……………………………………… Summary

Chapter 8………………………………………………… The Church has Great Power
1. Section A…………………………………….. Preach the Gospel
2. Section B…………………………………….. Casting out Devils
3. Section C…………………………………….. Heal the Sick
4. Section D…………………………………….. Speak in Tongues
5. Section E……………………………………… What are the tools of the Christian?
6. Section F………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 9………………………………………………… Take up your Cross and Follow Me
1. Section A…………………………………….. Take up your Cross
2. Section B……………………………………… Roman Executions
3. Section C……………………………………… Roman Crucifixions
4. Section D…………………………………….. Psalms 22
5. Section E……………………………………… Why do we take up our Cross?
6. Section F………………………………………. Be Faithful to Christ Jesus our Lord
7. Section G………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 10………………………………………………… Violence in the world today
1. Section A……………………………………… Separation of Church and State
2. Section B……………………………………… GOD in Society
3. Section C……………………………………… Abortion
4. Section D……………………………………… Marriage
5. Section E………………………………………. Children
6. Section F………………………………………. Homosexuality
7. Section G……………………………………… Being a Christian has responsibilities
8. Section H……………………………………… Living in the World Today
9. Section I……………………………………….. Summary

Chapter 11………………………………………………… Judge not – Lest you be judged
1. Section A……………………………………… Thou Hypocrite
2. Section B……………………………………… First Cast out the Beam out of thine own eye
3. Section C……………………………………… A New Commandment I give unto You
4. Section D……………………………………… Once more, Judge Not
5. Section E………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 12………………………………………………. The Enemy Christians Face
1. Section A……………………………………… Lucifer
2. Section B……………………………………… Causing Man to Sin
3. Section C……………………………………… GOD punishes him and sin itself
4. Section D…………………………………….. The first prophecy of Jesus
5. Section E…………………………………….. Hell – Prepared for the Devil and His angels
6. Section F…………………………………….. Summary

Chapter 13………………………………………………. A Godly Man
1. Section A……………………………………… Living a life of Faith
2. Section B……………………………………… Head of the Home in Love
3. Section C……………………………………… A Good Provider
4. Section D……………………………………… Summary

Chapter 14……………………………………………….. A Godly Woman
1. Section A………………………………………. What is acceptable in today’s society
2. Section B………………………………………. What does GOD say?
3. Section C………………………………………. A Woman in Prayer
4. Section D………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 15……………………………………………….. Be not forgetful to entertain Strangers
1. Section A……………………………………… What are “Angels”
2. Section B……………………………………… Angels appearing to Men
3. Section C……………………………………… Give to those who ask
4. Section D…………………………………….. Summary


Chapter 16…………………………………………………Living in today’s world
1. Section A………………………………………. What is “OK” in Society Today
2. Section B………………………………………. Gambling
3. Section C………………………………………. Prostitution
4. Section D………………………………………. Homosexuality
5. Section E……………………………………….. Adultery
6. Section F……………………………………….. Divorce
7. Section G………………………………………. Abortion
8. Section H………………………………………. Gossip
9. Section I………………………………………… Alcoholism and Drug Addiction
10. Section J……………………………………….. Summary

Chapter 17………………………………………………. Dealing with people who wrong you
1. Section A……………………………………… Seventy times Seven
2. Section B……………………………………… Being Wronged by Others
3. Section C……………………………………… Revenge is a dish best served cold
4. Section D……………………………………… Blessed are the Peacemakers
5. Section E………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 18………………………………………………. Why do bad things happen to good people?
1. Section A……………………………………... What does Jesus say about this?
2. Section B……………………………………… How should we respond to Tribulation?
3. Section C……………………………………… Some will turn away
4. Section D……………………………………… The Spiritual Realm
5. Section E………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 19………………………………………………. Commandments from GOD
1. Section A……………………………………… Christ and the Law
2. Section B……………………………………… What is sin according to the Law?
3. Section C……………………………………… His Commandment to us
4. Section D…………………………………….. Beatitudes
5. Section E……………………………………… Do Unto Others
6. Section F……………………………………… Summary

Chapter 20………………………………………………. In My Father’s house are many Mansions
1. Section A……………………………………… Let not your heart be Troubled
2. Section B……………………………………… What can we look forward to?
3. Section C……………………………………… One thing about Heaven is sure
4. Section D……………………………………… St. John Chapter 14
5. Section E………………………………………. The GODHEAD
6. Section F………………………………………. Summary

Chapter 21………………………………………………. Living the Christian Life
1. Section A……………………………………… You are the light of the world
2. Section B……………………………………… There shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth
3. Section C……………………………………… Doing all things in love
4. Section D……………………………………… I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me
5. Section E………………………………………. Summary

A Final Word

Reference

waylander
07-31-2010, 12:43 AM
Congratulations on being thoroughly scammed

Paul
07-31-2010, 01:04 AM
Chapter 17………………………………………………. Dealing with people who wrong you
1. Section A……………………………………… Seventy times Seven
2. Section B……………………………………… Being Wronged by Others
3. Section C……………………………………… Revenge is a dish best served cold
4. Section D……………………………………… Blessed are the Peacemakers
5. Section E………………………………………. Summary


I so want to read this book. I'm quivering with laughter already.

Gravity
07-31-2010, 01:08 AM
Guys, this is a kid. An increasingly wearisome kid, I'll grant you, but still. Whatever humor was had has long since been milked, and at this point the cow is thoroughly drained.

Anybody who wants to keep encouraging this silly bumblef**k can have at it.

But for me...nope.

JulieHowe
07-31-2010, 01:09 AM
Chapter 15……………………………………………….. Be not forgetful to entertain Strangers

I'm on probation for this. Turns out it was an undercover cop. Could have fooled me.

weightlifter316
07-31-2010, 01:12 AM
Guys, this is a kid. An increasingly wearisome kid, I'll grant you, but still. Whatever humor was had has long since been milked, and at this point the cow is thoroughly drained.

Anybody who wants to keep encouraging this silly bumblef**k can have at it.

But for me...nope.

<member's pic deleted>

Paul
07-31-2010, 01:14 AM
Guys, this is a kid. An increasingly wearisome kid, I'll grant you, but still. Whatever humor was had has long since been milked, and at this point the cow is thoroughly drained.

Anybody who wants to keep encouraging this silly bumblef**k can have at it.

But for me...nope.

Thanks.

'Homosexuality' so good they names it twice...

:D


I reckon there's a good sup left.

M.R.J. Le Blanc
07-31-2010, 03:16 AM
:nothing

:popcorn:

Paul
07-31-2010, 03:19 AM
<member's pic deleted>

Hmmmm.

suddenly this fun thread has lost all appeal.

Sheila Muirenn
07-31-2010, 05:08 AM
Thank you for the support, everyone. Glad to see the interest this is gathering, although it's no surprise to me - we were sure folks would be absolutely enamored. I just wanted to follow up and say I've obtained the Table of Contents. Enjoy!


You need to learn to line stuff up better.

Signing off from the Time Vampire Thread.

(sucks up and wastes time)

Oh, and tell your mom you need a smaller allowance.

Tippecanoe1841
07-31-2010, 05:20 AM
Christ walked with dinosaurs? And the earth is flat, right?

This has to be a joke.

CaoPaux
07-31-2010, 05:21 AM
If we're being played, we're not the only ones.

http://www.saintsreport.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155708

http://www.saintsreport.com/forums/showthread.php?t=168440

If not, the author can't say folks didn't try to warn him. Despite his claims, AEG/SBP was indeed on Writer Beware's list back in March.

Monkey
07-31-2010, 09:58 AM
Yes, it will. It will also be on Barnes and noble's web site as well. Along with just about everything else with an ISBN. They have already told me - and we are still in negotiations at this point - that I will be doing book signing tours If you, yanno, pay for it and arrange it and everything. And if bookstores will have you, considering you're vanity pubbed. and there will also be a big marketing campaign Um hum. Let us know how that works out for ya. on various media's like TV and U tube. I have a tentative name right now as "Living the Christian Life" but that is not the finished name. I kinda kid around that it is more like "Christianity for Dummies" though that is not entirely true either. It is not a book about my views, but a book on Worldly views like Science and Biblical views as compared to what the Secular community believes.If you take out "and Biblical views", does this sentence still mean what you think it means? If so, I'm confused, and if not, it's badly written.

I didn't want to write a normal book you might see a Baptist Minister write where it is more preaching the gospel. I wanted to make a more objective book that would explore modern views like the Big Bang, Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Steven Hawkins theory of Everything and so on compared to what the Bible says on each of these subjects. Will you EVER get that name spelled right?

After this, I put in what the bible has to say on other subjects that are considered basic to Christian beliefs compared to world view that might be considered Politically correct. My publisher was impressed as that they hadn't seen this type of work before and thought that it was unique and would be a really good seller once it got out to the public. And if only you'd send them about a thousand dollars, they'd give it the chance it deserved.

Man. If this is serious, why would the author seek out the subforum specifically telling the world that his publisher was a scam? Why would he consistently misspell Stephen Hawking's name? Why would he say such obviously trollish things, and then when we laugh, react as if that was what he was hoping for all along?

I have to believe this is a joke. It has to be.

If not, it's very sad. I'm sorry that you got scammed, Weightlifter. I hope that you're satisfied with the experience you get from this, and that, in the end, what you learn is worth the expense.

But I'm also reminded of a query I read on Slushpile Hell (http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/page/1):


God told me to write this book and that it would become a bestseller.

I talked to God. He said he was just messing with you.

M.R.J. Le Blanc
07-31-2010, 11:28 AM
Reading that other thread, I have only one thing to say:

if this guy ever writes a book about hobbits, Christopher Tolkien is going to have a field day with him.

James D. Macdonald
07-31-2010, 10:13 PM
My publisher was impressed as that they hadn't seen this type of work before...


The guy's publisher must be blundering around with his eyes closed. Self-publishing books exactly like this is almost a cottage industry.

For that matter, I bet you could find that this isn't even the first "book like this" that SBP has printed.

Bufty
07-31-2010, 10:31 PM
He who believes he writes with God sitting on his shoulder will find only he and God read what is written.

James D. Macdonald
07-31-2010, 10:48 PM
Man. If this is serious, why would the author seek out the subforum specifically telling the world that his publisher was a scam?

I've just read the threads over at Saintsreport.com

My guess: The OP isn't the author. It's one of the other folks at saintsreport, trying to stir s***.

Cyia
07-31-2010, 10:56 PM
Reading that other thread, I have only one thing to say:

if this guy ever writes a book about hobbits, Christopher Tolkien is going to have a field day with him.


I don't know, maybe he could have some luck with a mash-up book:


Once upon a time, a hobbit climbed out of his hobbit hole in the Shire and decided to move to Washington. Not long after he'd arrived in the odd little town full of beautiful sparkly people (he picked this town on purpose because none of these people ate, which meant more food for him!), an owl flapped through his window and dropped a letter on his head. He was to attend a magicality school in Scotland.

But then, zombies attacked the train, which ticked off the werewolves because the rotting flesh smelled bad, and by the time the train got to Scotland, everyone on board either had fangs, fur, or was now a semi-dessicated corpse and none of them were happy to discover that they were all eternally bound to attend school over, and over, and over, and over....

Oh yeah, and they're pretty sure the completely plain and unassuming guy that no one really likes is descended from a Greek/Roman/Norse deity and will most likely hook-up with the really hot girl who's now eternally grateful that he knew how to tie her shoe.

James D. Macdonald
08-01-2010, 12:33 AM
You left out the part where the sparkly vampire catches the golden snitch, hocks it, and uses the money to buy a bridge in Madison County so his Pokemon can get back and forth across the river without getting wet.

Cyia
08-01-2010, 12:48 AM
That's the sequel. It's best not to throw too much into one volume.

M.R.J. Le Blanc
08-01-2010, 01:13 AM
Absolutely not. As I understand it, hobbits specifically are something created solely by Tolkien and are therefore covered by his rights. They're not like elves or orcs, which you can find in many places. Christopher WOULD go after that if he got wind of it. Little people you can write about (Dennis L. McKiernan is a good example); hobbits you cannot.

Cyia
08-01-2010, 01:34 AM
Absolutely not. As I understand it, hobbits specifically are something created solely by Tolkien and are therefore covered by his rights. They're not like elves or orcs, which you can find in many places. Christopher WOULD go after that if he got wind of it. Little people you can write about (Dennis L. McKiernan is a good example); hobbits you cannot.

*pokes*

It was a joke

:tongue

shaldna
08-01-2010, 01:40 AM
I like pudding.

Chocolate pudding.

But not vanilla wafers.


ugh. I HATE vanilla wafers.

AC Crispin
08-01-2010, 03:06 AM
Where is someone claiming Robert and his SBP aren't on Writer Beware's "Thumbs Down" publisher list?

I'm confused.

-Ann C. Crispin

M.R.J. Le Blanc
08-01-2010, 03:13 AM
*pokes*

It was a joke

:tongue

Oh I know :P I was just being an optimist, hoping that if we couldn't save author from mistake no. 1, I could at least try to stop him from making mistake no. 2.

That'd be a good story to send to PA though :evil

shaldna
08-01-2010, 03:56 AM
My first wife looked a lot like Sheryl Crow, but better


i look like a cross between kate winselt and a chicken.

Jessianodel
08-01-2010, 03:58 AM
Hobbits (I think) are only for Tolkien, but halflings can pretty much be used anywhere right?

Or are they under the rights of D&D?

shaldna
08-01-2010, 03:59 AM
Thank you for the support, everyone. Glad to see the interest this is gathering, although it's no surprise to me - we were sure folks would be absolutely enamored. I just wanted to follow up and say I've obtained the Table of Contents. Enjoy!


dude you spelled prophet wrong. several times.

shaldna
08-01-2010, 04:05 AM
<member's pic deleted>



holy shit it's my dad!!]


























not really

M.R.J. Le Blanc
08-01-2010, 04:53 AM
Hobbits (I think) are only for Tolkien, but halflings can pretty much be used anywhere right?

Or are they under the rights of D&D?

I think you can use halflings. I know hobbits are referred to as halflings in his books, and if D&D uses the term also it probably means it's not exclusive to anyone.

Cyia
08-01-2010, 05:43 AM
Where is someone claiming Robert and his SBP aren't on Writer Beware's "Thumbs Down" publisher list?

I'm confused.

-Ann C. Crispin

In CaoPaux's links.

Someone tried to warn the person on that thread that they needed to check the list and the OP there said he'd checked it and "his publisher" wasn't on it.

weightlifter316
08-01-2010, 05:52 AM
That is indeed my friend Dr. Obbins at SaintsReport. It's a wasteland over there, so I figured I'd spread the news and come spitball here with some folks that are more in our intellectual weight class.

M.R.J. Le Blanc
08-01-2010, 06:26 AM
That is indeed my friend Dr. Obbins at SaintsReport. It's a wasteland over there, so I figured I'd spread the news and come spitball here with some folks that are more in our intellectual weight class.

......

Um...yeah. So, because folks on a board for a football team don't respond with the responses you wanted they're below you intellectually? Rather harsh and disgusting if you asked me. What did you expect from an NFL sports forum? Sorry a few of them started saying the same thing we said to you.

And because I felt it needs to be said, I think people in this thread are here because they simply can't believe you/your friend is dealing with a crook - not because of the book and its subject matter.

Jessianodel
08-01-2010, 06:48 AM
......

Um...yeah. So, because folks on a board for a football team don't respond with the responses you wanted they're below you intellectually? Rather harsh and disgusting if you asked me. What did you expect from an NFL sports forum? Sorry a few of them started saying the same thing we said to you.

And because I felt it needs to be said, I think people in this thread are here because they simply can't believe you/your friend is dealing with a crook - not because of the book and its subject matter.


Pretty much. Couldn't care less about the book. I'm not Christian, and it doesn't interest me so.....yeah.

blinddoughboy
08-01-2010, 09:46 PM
I'm not sure which is funnier . . . the post itself or the fact that so few people realize that Weightlifter is being satiric.

Bufty
08-01-2010, 09:52 PM
Some character appears out of the blue and we're supposed to know he's being satiric? Sorry - he's not the first to post stuff like this with apparent sincerity and he won't be the last.

James D. Macdonald
08-01-2010, 10:02 PM
I'm not sure which is funnier . . . the post itself or the fact that so few people realize that Weightlifter is being satiric.

On-line you can't see expressions or hear tone of voice, so it's best to take everything at face value, as written.

And we get people exactly that clueless every day.

BTW the term isn't "being satiric." The term is "trying to stir sh*t." At which he notably failed.

Paul
08-01-2010, 10:07 PM
Well, I've decided to stop feeding the dragon. so this will be my last post here. :)

James D. Macdonald
08-01-2010, 10:36 PM
Where is someone claiming Robert and his SBP aren't on Writer Beware's "Thumbs Down" publisher list?

I'm confused.

-Ann C. Crispin

It's over in the Saintsreport.com forum. Specifically here (http://www.saintsreport.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2876702&postcount=70).

shaldna
08-02-2010, 02:54 AM
That is indeed my friend Dr. Obbins at SaintsReport. It's a wasteland over there, so I figured I'd spread the news and come spitball here with some folks that are more in our intellectual weight class.


Except it's not. It's a pic of John Robinson (don't ask me how I know this) who I belive is also a member here/

C. K. Casner
08-02-2010, 03:08 AM
You left out the part where the sparkly vampire catches the golden snitch, hocks it, and uses the money to buy a bridge in Madison County so his Pokemon can get back and forth across the river without getting wet.


I was born and raised in Madison County, Land of 1,000 Rednecks. No sparkly vampire would have a chance!

CaoPaux
08-02-2010, 07:45 AM
And on that note, I'm putting this thread to bed.