Bisexuals! Yes, you! Over here!!! :)

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 25, 2010

So, I was wondering....

All you AW Bisexuals, do you have a preference? As in, are you a man who's attracted to one of the sexes more than the other? Or vice versa? Or is this even possible?

I read an article the other day while browsing and some "researcher" thinks that if you have a preference you aren't a true bisexual. The Kinsey scale says different.

Being a not-so open bisexual girl, I don't even know if I can answer this myself because I've never had a relationship with a girl. What do you all think?

I would also like to here opinions of the gay and lesbian peeps on AW too

Shadow Dragon · Jul 25, 2010

I tend to go back and forth between prefering women or men. For a few weeks or a month I'll lean more towards girls, then start leaning more towards guys for a while.

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 25, 2010

I find that too. Some days I'm all about my boy then others I'm in the hankering for some female

maxmordon · Jul 25, 2010

I consider myself mostly straight, meaning I have mostly a preference for women (I guess that makes me something between 1 or 2 on the Kinsey Scale...), nonetheless there are days I feel more in the mood about males than females, though I have never fell in love with a male so I am not sure if you could consider me a "true bisexual", if I get turn on only by images and imaginary situations, but seldom to never in real life or with me involved...

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 25, 2010

Polenth said:
It depends what you mean by 'prefer'. If I had to choose a pinup for the wall, it'd be a woman. But when it comes to dating preference, I don't have one... looks aren't how I chose potential partners.

Saying "well, you've had male and female partners... but only one of them counts" isn't good science. It's pretending the evidence you don't like doesn't exist. I don't take researchers saying they've 'proven' bissexuality doesn't exist seriously for that reason.

Well I don't necessarily mean just looks. What about partnership? Like I said, I've never been in a relationship with a girl, but I imagine it would be different than being in one with a guy; girls TEND to be more emotional, ec. ec. (please no one kill me on that one, LOL really don't wanna get into a stereotyping discussion, people.)

Anyway, do you find serious relationships with men are different than those with women?

thethinker42 · Jul 25, 2010

"True" bisexual? So you don't get a membership card and the free gift (which is just a crappy toaster anyway)?

Pfft. I don't feel the need to define myself by someone else's definition. If I had to choose, I prefer men, but my preference for men doesn't diminish my attraction to women and doesn't make me any less bisexual.

Mara · Jul 25, 2010

Well, my research has shown that the researcher is a stupid jerk.

thethinker42 · Jul 25, 2010

Mara said:
Well, my research has shown that the researcher is a stupid jerk.

QFT.

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 25, 2010

Mara said:
Well, my research has shown that the researcher is a stupid jerk.

I agree Lol I wish I would have bookmarked the site or something that it was on for reference. Sorry guys

EFCollins · Jul 25, 2010

So, are we talking purely sexual or relationships here? These terms aren't mutually exclusive. I don't have to be in a relationship with anyone I have sex with other than a physical one. I have had sex with more women than men; however I prefer men. I usually find women more attractive, and take great pleasure in making love to one. I find men less attractive, but I enjoy the sexual experience more than with any woman I've slept with. I have no idea why. I'm just wired that way.

Relationships are a bit more complicated. It has more to do with the person and not their gender. That level of caring, understanding and compassion can come from anywhere. It doesn't really have a gender.

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 25, 2010

Polenth said:
I would say there's a difference in what's seen as acceptable behaviour in potential partners. Men will show interested in me. Most don't seem concerned that I'm androgynous with masculine leanings. Women show no interest at all. Maybe some of the bissexual/lesbian women on the forum will know if that's a common experience or just bad luck on my part.

Maybe I'm wrong (need to hear from more people) but could it be that they just don't know you're interested? Maybe they just assume you are heterosexual. I think this COULD be it because I never flirt with the same sex unless I know 100% that they're interested.

Also because I have the same experience as you.

Icedevimon · Jul 25, 2010

To me, being bisexual means that someone has the capacity to find love or attraction in either of the sexes. What bisexual does not mean is that that attraction has to be split down the middle and rest comfortably at 50/50.

I identify as bisexual and do not take gender into consideration at all. I know that I have the capability of falling in love and being attracted to either sex.

However, I've found that I am more romantically attracted to women, while I'm more immediately physically attracted by men.

That doesn't mean I can't fall in love with men, or find women sexually attractive, though. I find plenty of women good looking.

My first love was a girl. I've never been in such deep love as with her since, but I've had a few minor crushes who have been guys. I think I'd enjoy being with a woman more in the long run, but that I won't be able to tell until I meet someone who loves me back and I have the chance to find out who is right for me.

As of now, that has yet to happen. But overall I think sex won't matter. Personality is what affects me the most. If I meet a girl who's perfect for me, I'll go with her. If I meet a guy who's perfect for me, I'll go with her.

So, bottom line, more immediate attraction to women, but overall it doesn't matter to me which sex I end up with =P

DancingMaenid · Jul 26, 2010

It seems like a lot of bisexual people have some preference. Expecting people to be attracted to each gender equally and exactly the same just isn't realistic. Some people do fit that description, but you don't have to in order to be bisexual. In my opinion, what makes someone bisexual is that their attraction to each gender is significant enough that it plays into their perception of their sexuality.

My preferences have changed with time, and I'm not attracted to men and women exactly the same. Right now, I'm mainly interested in relationships with women. I really don't want to date men, but, well, if the right one came around, I'd definitely give him a chance. I prefer women sexually, too.

However, when I am attracted to a man, it can be very intense. However, a lot of that attraction feels nonsexual and non-romantic to me.

Wayne K · Jul 26, 2010

I've found that I have no prefernce gender-wise. I've been married twice, and been in three long-term relationships with men. But I do like dark skinned people. I've caught more flak for that than teh gay thing.

Meh, I like people for their spirit and ability to love. One of you said looks aren't important, and that's been my esxperience too. I've been with what society deems 'ugly' people, but fuck society. Society didn't see their souls--I did.

For the purpose of S&M I'm straight. I like for the husband to watch. Not so much for humiliation as I like that someone likes me doing it with their wife/girlfriend. The husband can play too, but on my terms.

Hey, I'm the daddy

scarletpeaches · Jul 26, 2010

If you let a report or survey tell you about your own sexuality, you've got bigger problems than a mere 'preference' either way.

jennontheisland · Jul 26, 2010

I've resisted the title of Bi because I can't see myself in a permanent committed relationship with only a woman, but I could with a man. To me, that leaves me leaning a bit too much. But others have insisted.

I've always been attracted to females, since I was very young, but never had any issues with my own gender. I've also always been attracted to males. It's been suggested that things might have turned out differently for me had it not been for cultural heteronormativity but I'm not sure. However, it wasn't until my step-sister came out as a lesbian that I started getting a little more willing to look at that side of me as something that could be external. Of course, my mom's trademark snideness prevented me from doing anything about it. And then my half-sister (my mom's daughter) came out too. What fun.

I've had relationships with a couple women but they were very casual, for fun. And both while I'm with my current guy. Our relationship is a little open, in that I am able to decide if I want to pursue other women, and possibly introduce them as a third partner (transient or permanent).

It's scary, the idea of flirting with other women. I'm in a very small city, and don't come in contact with eligible women on a regular basis, and the two I've been with were friends whom I'd confided in. One I'm still friends with, the other ended spectacularly horribly, and has left me a little gunshy.

Deleted member 42 · Jul 26, 2010

Ya know, it's a little distressing to hear adults talking about other adults like pieces of meat, or cars.

jennontheisland · Jul 26, 2010

Medievalist said:
Ya know, it's a little distressing to hear adults talking about other adults like pieces of meat, or cars.

Um, your post is after mine and not quoting anyone... are you talking about my comments?

The casual-ness of my relationships were reciprocal. Everyone was aware of the situation before it became a "relationship".

And yes, I do base some decisions on physical attractiveness, but I don't think that means I'm treating people like meat. Physical attraction to a partner is a component in any relationship.

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 26, 2010

Medievalist said:
Ya know, it's a little distressing to hear adults talking about other adults like pieces of meat, or cars.

Who is? I don't think anyone has talked about anyone in a negative way like that.

Deleted member 42 · Jul 26, 2010

kaitiepaige17 said:
Who is? I don't think anyone has talked about anyone in a negative way like that.

I'd hit that? I'd do that?

MacAllister · Jul 26, 2010

Nope. Wasn't a baseless accusation. I deleted the offending posts.

Not here with the "I'd totally do ___", people. This thread already sounds more than enough like an unpleasant cliche.

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 26, 2010

MacAllister said:
Nope. Wasn't a baseless accusation. I deleted the offending posts.

Not here with the "I'd totally do ___", people. This thread already sounds more than enough like an unpleasant cliche.

Well it wasn't intended in that way at all. I was genuinely curious.

jennontheisland · Jul 26, 2010

I think one of the few ways people who generally identify as hetero are able to openly state their curiosity about what a same sex relationship would be like is to admit that they'd "switch teams" for a specific person, usually a celebrity. It's not meant to be offensive, it's sometimes meant to be a conversation opener, or casual admission that can be easily taken back if it's met with ridicule or censure.

It's not always unpleasant cliche. Sometimes it's a little bit of self-protection.

And in addition to bi-phobia is bi-erasure. Something I encountered in the GLBT club at university. A certain subset of the membership stopped communicating with me after they found out that my relationships with women are not taken as seriously as theirs.

MacAllister · Jul 26, 2010

See, but if you don't take your same-sex relationships seriously, why do you expect they should take you seriously, Jenn?

I'm trying to tread lightly, here, folks -- and deal with my own subcultural prejudices, as well.

The ugly stereotypes around bisexuality that I've encountered in the lesbian subculture mostly have to do with (primarily straight, in spite of the fact that they always call themselves bi) women trying to pick up lesbians to treat them more as essentially disposable sex-toys rather than as human beings having actual relationships, especially for the entertainment of husbands and boyfriends. Then these women are all surprised and hurt to be met with resistance and hostility.

I personally do not believe for a moment that's primarily what bisexuality is, or is about -- but I'll admit this thread is pissing me off, and coming terribly close pushing those tired old buttons. People are saying things that very much sound like "I'm really all about my guy, but I'd love to get a little strange pussy on the side."

kaitiepaige17 · Jul 26, 2010

MacAllister said:
See, but if you don't take your same-sex relationships seriously, why do you expect they should take you seriously, Jenn?

I'm trying to tread lightly, here, folks -- and deal with my own subcultural prejudices, as well.

The ugly stereotypes around bisexuality that I've encountered in the lesbian subculture mostly have to do with (primarily straight, in spite of the fact that they always call themselves bi) women trying to pick up lesbians to treat them more as essentially disposable sex-toys rather than as human beings having actual relationships, especially for the entertainment of husbands and boyfriends. Then these women are all surprised and hurt to be met with resistance and hostility.

I personally do not believe for a moment that's primarily what bisexuality is, or is about -- but I'll admit this thread is pissing me off, and coming terribly close pushing those tired old buttons. People are saying things that very much sound like "I'm really all about my guy, but I'd love to get a little strange pussy on the side."

Well all threads push SOMEONE'S buttons. There have been a few that have seriously pissed me off the point I logged off AW. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't be discussed.

And I completely agree with you; too many people look at bisexuality as a sex game for chicks who only date men but like to do women occasionally, or who make out with girls to get guys' attention. That's messed up, and I would hope no one would disagree with that. But I don't think anyone is saying what you're assuming: "I'm really all about my guy, but I'd love to get a little strange pussy on the side." If you're referring to what I said, you completely took it out of context. I'm engaged, so of COURSE I'm going to be all about my guy. But I've also never dated a woman which is something I've always WANTED to do, but the opportunity never presented itself.

I'm interested to hear other people's opinions on bisexuality and intimate/sexual partner selection, and if they think this thread is just f-d up.

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