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Elwyn
09-07-2005, 09:45 PM
I've read that one is supposed to have a line that grabs an agent's attention when submitting querries.

Would this one work - or would it scare them off?

Hello!

Did you know that the Bible teaches that demons took the form of human males, had sex with human women and produced a super race called the Nephilim? Reference Genesis, Chapter 6, Verses 1 - 4, New American Standard Bible.

I'm not using the line just to get attention - the story is actually the basis of my book.

smallthunder
09-08-2005, 02:17 PM
I've read that one is supposed to have a line that grabs an agent's attention when submitting querries.

Would this one work - or would it scare them off?

Hello!

Did you know that the Bible teaches that demons took the form of human males, had sex with human women and produced a super race called the Nephilim? Reference Genesis, Chapter 6, Verses 1 - 4, New American Standard Bible.

I'm not using the line just to get attention - the story is actually the basis of my book.

Elwyn, to be honest, the answer depends on what type of book you've written (and assuming that the agent you're querying handles that type).

If your book is a non-fiction work on religion(s) and/or the Bible, then starting off with "the Bible teaches" may be appropriate.

If your book is fiction -- fantasy, or contemporary mainstream, or thriller -- starting off this way may smack of pendantism or religous zealotry, and thus not a very appealing opening line for the average agent of those genres. For these genres, I would suggest something less "instructive" and more "sexy." For example -- just off the top of my head:

Humanity had been warned of the rise of the race of Nephilim -- a super race created through the carnal couplings of demons disguised as men, and ordinary women. But the Bible passages were considered either allegories, Apocrypha, or nonsense by people until one day ...

Hope this helps --

Elwyn
09-08-2005, 04:57 PM
Many thanks Thunder! Your "just of the top of my head" line should definitely get someone’s attention! (But, according to my research, there was no warning.)

The book is fantasy / sci-fi but my story runs "somewhat" parallel to the Biblical account. And, since I want it to be read by young folks, I left out the sex. Maybe I should write another "adult" book and use a line similar to yours!?

smallthunder
09-09-2005, 04:03 AM
Hi, Elwyn --

Now, that would be a "first," I believe -- writing a whole novel to fit the opening line of a potential query!

:idea:

Feel free to post other possible opening lines (or more) of your query letter for feedback --

and good luck! Sounds like an interesting YA book.

Elwyn
09-09-2005, 07:46 AM
YA = Young Adult? If you have a spare moment, feel free to critique the Web site at http://www.thequeenofparadise.com/

Since I'm brand new at this, I don't know why an entire novel couldn't be written from your opening line. With my knowledge of the Bible, history of the occult and of what's happening in certain areas of science today, I think it would be pretty easy - and make fascinating reading. Maybe you should give it a try?

smallthunder
09-11-2005, 09:26 AM
YA = Young Adult? If you have a spare moment, feel free to critique the Web site at http://www.thequeenofparadise.com/

Since I'm brand new at this, I don't know why an entire novel couldn't be written from your opening line. With my knowledge of the Bible, history of the occult and of what's happening in certain areas of science today, I think it would be pretty easy - and make fascinating reading. Maybe you should give it a try?

Hello, again --

I'd be glad to check out the website. As for writing that novel -- my genre is historical fiction (set in China), plus an additional WIP non-fiction book on tea. I know diddly about the Bible, I'm afraid. Ditto for the occult. So, please feel free to take my line/idea and run with it yourself -- if you're so inclined. You are welcome to it!
:welcome:

MadScientistMatt
09-12-2005, 04:38 PM
Was anyone else thinking of Madeline L'Engle's Many Waters when they read this thread? It's a YA novel I read a long time ago that involved Nephilim. It's quite an interesting take on them. The reference to the Nephilim is so vague that it's hard to put any sort of definite interpretation on it, which is bad for theology writers, but good for fantasy novels.

LloydBrown
09-12-2005, 04:56 PM
The reference to the Nephilim is so vague that it's hard to put any sort of definite interpretation on it, which is bad for theology writers, but good for fantasy novels.

In those circles, the Nephilim are well-known. I know that there have been at least one trading card game and several role-playing games that feature them either in the title or as a major subject of the game. They make great antagonists, if used intelligently.

smallthunder
09-12-2005, 05:09 PM
YA = Young Adult? If you have a spare moment, feel free to critique the Web site at http://www.thequeenofparadise.com/


Hey, Elwyn -- NICE website. Very nice.

Good luck with it all!