Need to Rant

Can you call/go to her house/email her and say hey, let's hash this out?

I'm sorry. It's hard when a friend backs off, esp. if you're not totally sure why.

More

All you can do is try. If she won't respond to an email saying 'I don't want to lose the friendship. Let's talk about this and deal with it so we can move on,' then it becomes her problem.

You've tried, she won't come to the party, there's nothing more you can do about it. She's the one with the issue. If she really wants to save your friendship, she'll have to face up to it eventually.

But on the other hand, give her a bit of time. I don't know what the issue is or what her personality is like, but she may be having a hard time working up the courage to talk about it. I find it very hard to talk about some things face to face. I'd just let her know that you'll leave communication open for when she's ready. I'd never say 'this is it, I don't want to speak to you again,' because that helps nothing.

Anyway, there you go, that's my two cents for this early in the morning.

Good luck. And it's good to have a rant. We all need that sometimes.

M.R.J. Le Blanc said:

Okay, a friend of mine and I are having an issue...

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It might be easier for some of us to offer advice or encouragement if we knew what the issue was about. So come on, spill the beans and tell us what happened.

M.R...

I once lost a friend and I could never understand why or what happened, though I suspected what the problem was. It seemed the more I pressed the issue, the worse things got. This went on for months and months. I had a talk with a mutual friend of ours who took no sides in the issue. She explained that while she understood I needed closure, that does not mean the other person is ready to give closure. I let it go because we are godparents to each others kids. We both stayed cordial at social events, but there was always a difference other people could see...

A year later, my lost friend shows up at my door one night and asked if we could talk. We sat in the kitchen till the wee hrs drinking coffee and talked about many things. Was it fair I had to wait till she was ready? Was it fair for her to return after all that distance and expect me to understand? The truth is, I didn't care because she was my best friend. She had problems to work out and this was not about me, though at times it sure as hell felt like it. Today, we are once again the same good friends we used to be, but with a better understanding of each other than before...

This event made us and our families even closer...

Not sure if this helps, but I hope it gives you some insight...

Don't give up. She may have a good reason why she couldn't meet. Are you able to meet up face to face?

Hope it works out for you, M.R.J. I'd send her a nice "thinking of you card."

M.R.J. Le Blanc said:

Sorry guys for waiting, I hate leaving responses unreplied to. I've been trying to keep occupied.

Basically the issue was that I went through a depressive period for nearly a month, and because of the way our chats had started going I stopped talking about things that were bothering me. I didn't feel like I had the time, she'd come on, talk about what was bothering her and then she'd have to go. Other times I plain out didn't feel like it. So she stopped talking to me, wouldn't answer messages, etc. and I thought she was mad. Well it turned out she was just upset that I stopped talking about my problems and her way to deal with it apparently was to avoid me. I'm not sure why she thought that was ideal. She finally messaged me back a week ago to my message that we should talk, but the two times she suggested we meet online to chat she's not shown up.

This whole thing has drained me, I feel like I don't even have the energy anymore to put into discussing this issue. It still bugs me, but I'm at the point where I just want to move on from it now.

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Can you tell her exactly what you've said here? Maybe leave out the part about her not having time to listen to you ("she'd have to go") but if I were in her shoes and was offered this explanation (going through a funk where you couldn't talk about stuff) I would understand completely. Or at least that would get us talking again.