Show, dont tell...

I feel there's a deep flaw in the 'show, don't tell' mantra.

Yes, it is an axiom because there is truth in it, but new writers are not told what it means. It is presented as an all-or-nothing approach, as if all telling is always wrong and showing never is, but there are times when you do need to tell, to use narrative and exposition, in order to provide information quickly, that if presented by showing, or revealing, the information would be dull and boring and slow the story down too much.

As for when to show and when to tell? That is more subtle and, as with many things, there are no hard and fast answers. Each writer must just do what feels right to him or her. With time and experience, the knowledge of what works and what doesn't will come.

Birol's reply is pretty much the same comment I would have made.

ac

What can I say, Venom? Occasionally I almost know what I'm talking about.

I agree with Birol as well, and would go so far as to say if you know the axiom, and are actively considering its place in your own work (as well as studying it in others' works), then you're probably on the right road. All you need at that point is the afore-mentioned time and experience -- and maybe a few of those personal "ah ha!" moments we all get from time to time.

I think the more difficult issue is with new writers who aren't aware of it and again, as Birol mentioned, aren't often given concrete examples of what it is. That, in my opinion, takes a good critique partner or mentor who can point out specific examples and drive the point home. (Or, a lot of critical reading and a good message board.)

You might want to consider expanding your question, Venom. Perhaps there is some other areas of your writing that is not satisfying the judges (I don't know that there is since I've never read any of your work; and it might just be that the competition level is high in the contests you've entered). For example, many times when I read a story by someone who hasn't been writing long, the writing is "flat" (sometimes almost to the point of plodding) whether they are "showing" or "telling".

Just a thought.

ac

Venom,

I have won and been asked to judge a number of writing contests, and your question about what judges are looking for is a good one

Most writing contests use a criteria sheet for judging purposes, especially when there are multiple judges. Even in the case of a single judge, there are many many things that make one story stand out above the rest--the show don't tell adage is just one example of the time-honored criteria for developing a story with "winning" potential.

As one example of a criteria sheet I have used for judging, you might want to look at the checklist I have posted in another area of the AW cooler. http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10225

For me, the key to winning writing contests has been relentless
revision work addressing a multitude of story crafting points.

__VeNoM__ said:

lol, so you want to read one? Although I may have said I was new, I really meant I'm new to writing for competitions. I've already finished an 80,000 word novel and working on 8 others currently, one is a quarter finished and it will be a 100,000+ word novel by the end. I've written over twelve short stories already and a lot in between so although I'm new in that I haven't been writing properly for much longer than two years, I don't think I'm at the flat stage anymore. Oh and don't think I'm trying to be defensive or anything, I'm just giving you some idea of my experience. See I find, it doesn't really matter how long you've been doing something (Given that it's over two years), what matters most is how often you do it during that time. I worked every night and some nights I would write 7,000+ words on a novel that I was really enjoying working on. Then of course there are those days when I need music to motivate me while writing.
lol Alleycat, I think you could be trusted if you read one of my short stories...I'll send one to you if you l like, then we will have a better understanding of where I'm going wrong and more importantly what your take is on what the judges want...(sigh) long sentence.

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Oops, I wasn't implying that your writing was flat; only that I've seen that a lot with newer writers (and I certainly still have problems with my own writing). I was just thinking that if you were already fully aware of the maxin of "show, don't tell" that maybe it was some other problem area that was affecting how you were placing in the contests you were entering.

I'd be glad to read one of your stories and give you a personal opinion; I don't claim to be a writing expert however. Just let me know.

ac

I'm lazy, so to me "show, don't tell" is a good reminder that I (as writer) should do the hard work of visualisation rather than dumping 99% of the task on the reader. Instead of telling the reader "Nancy was angry", I show them Nancy running out of the room, standing on the back veranda and screaming, maybe she even pounds the veranda railing.

Actually, my biggest problem isn't writing style or description (though I hate it, description, that is) but plot. James Ritchie said something once about plot being the biggest weakness for new writers, and he sure got that right with me. So, I guess, before you send in your story, ask if you've drawn out the tension; more than that, have you ratcheted it up?

New writers seem to fall into the habit of telling and not showing. For example, "He is fat." Instead of showing that he is fat, making the reader decide if he is. For example, "He pulls through the fast food drive thru every day for lunch. He orders the same thing, a number 2, super sized with a large Coke. With correct change, he drives up to the window, saying hello to the teen at the window. After, instead of hitting the gym, he falls into a food coma only to wake up feeling more tired than he actually is." Even though it's not said, the reader can imagine this out of shape man who needs to lose weight.

As for showing and not telling, I never try to just tell. If I do tell, then I show it afterward. For example, "He is fat. He pulls through the fast food drive thru every day for lunch. He orders the same thing, a number 2, super sized with a large Coke. With correct change, he drives up to the window, saying hello to the teen at the window. After, instead of hitting the gym, he falls into a food coma only to wake up feeling more tired than he actually is."

This probably didn't answer anything. But, I just described my neighbor to you. R-r-r-roah!!!

show don't tell

In case this helps anyone, some of my writing students found the following useful as they struggled with 'show don't tell'.

'When you are telling (writing) the story you are showing it to the reader.'

__VeNoM__ said:

JAlpha, that is extremely useful, thanks.

Perhaps you could have a look at one of my stories and make notes on the side where you find necessary.
To be honest, in this situtation, I don't think there is a better contender for a critique than a judge. I'll be sending this one in early next year, so there is no major rush, but seeing's as I didn't even get shortlisted last year, I want to take it to them and win this time round.

Let me know, cheers.

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Venom,

You can PM me the first 500 words of your story--honestly, that's all I will need to see in order to determine if you have a piece that is a serious contender for a writing contest. Also, have you considered posting your piece in the the Share Your Work Forum?

__VeNoM__ said:

Too risky, I wanted to send you the whole piece. It's only around 1900 words. Hey it's up to you though, right now I'm just transfering it from laptop to PC.

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Risky

Some elaboration for you.

'When you are telling (writing) the story you are showing it to the reader.'

So my students - who are usually film buffs or keen TV watchers - hear this statement and begin to understand that 'show' means make a moving picture for the reader. They must write as if they are a camera and select their shots and describe them as they happen. (But they do understand that happen = action) We discuss their takes on this then they go away and write the rough first draft of the story's beginning. Usually around two pages.

If they have understood the analogy they will have tried to tell their story by showing what happens. We come together, read their work and discuss what makes a good opening. Impact! Then we look for examples of showing and they begin to explore the difference between showing through lots of adjectives, adverbs and static descriptions and showing through using the one perfect word or action. We check out active and passive verbs.

They go away, rewrite and write on to the mid point of their story. Doing this most of them usually find that showing is more than 'picturing' the action. It's letting the reader learn the story through the character's actions and reactions. We re-read and discuss. They discover how using the five senses and the character's inner thoughts help show the readers what is happening. They rush off to rewrite and finish their stories.

Hopefully by the time they finish most of them understand that for a writer 'showing not telling' isn't just about making pictures it's about the letting the reader 'see' the story through the actions, reaction, speech and behaviour of their main character.

The sad fact is that as a writer you only learn to understand 'Show not Tell' by actually writing lots of stories.

If you have had judges grizzling 'show don't tell' at you it might help to look at the story again and strengthen your character's inner thoughts, actions and reactions.