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Soccer Mom
09-05-2006, 05:52 AM
Unfortunately, Bill Gates saw the squares and incorporated them into Microsoft.

persiphone_hellecat
09-05-2006, 06:12 AM
Fortunately, Bill Gates now has the corner on the hentai market.

Tre
09-05-2006, 06:30 AM
Unfortunately, as a result, the world soon learns of Bill's preoccupation with bishōnen.

persiphone_hellecat
09-05-2006, 06:47 AM
Fortunately, Melinda doesnt give much of a crap as long as she has the money.

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 12:26 AM
Unfortunately Melinda's been crapping on the money...and flushing it too.

MidnightMuse
09-06-2006, 12:44 AM
Fortunately, for sewer workers, the drains got clogged.

Angelinity
09-06-2006, 12:50 AM
unfortunately, the notes turned out to be counterfit - what do you know! so that's why she flushed them?

persiphone_hellecat
09-06-2006, 01:17 AM
Fortunately, she also has Bill's Black ATM card.

K1P1
09-06-2006, 07:18 AM
Unfortunately, Bill's identity was stolen and he's put a stop on all his credit.

persiphone_hellecat
09-06-2006, 11:06 AM
Fortunately, it was Melinda who stole his identity -- although it's doubtful Bill Gates really has much of an identity or a personality for that matter.

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 05:47 PM
Unfortunately Bill and Melinda decided to take a vow of poverty and silence. After cashing in everything they have for mountains of $500.00 bills, they move into a mountain cave in the Andes where they burn all their money in an obscure ritual

MidnightMuse
09-06-2006, 06:33 PM
Fortunately, the obscure ritual is one that provides untold wealth to those who practice it.

Tre
09-06-2006, 07:43 PM
Unfortunately, during the ritual Melinda gets the words of the incantation wrong and Bill turns into a spermophile.

(Spermophile - new word I learned. It means squirrel-like rodents!)

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 08:37 PM
Fortunately a wacky otter with an unusual bass voice runs off with the improved Bill and they star in a Las Vegas strip show.

persiphone_hellecat
09-06-2006, 09:01 PM
Unfortunately, the audience soon discovers that Bill is about as exicting as a stripping spermophile as he was when he was a Microsoft executive and someone falls asleep during the show, their head falling into a plate of linguine, choking them.

K1P1
09-06-2006, 09:09 PM
Fortunately, the choking victim was a serial murderer, so the detective at the next table shadowing him could eat a relaxed dinner for a change.

persiphone_hellecat
09-06-2006, 09:14 PM
Unfortunately, before he fell into the plate of linguine, he kidnapped Celine Dion and now that he is deceased, he can't tell anybody where she is.

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 11:15 PM
Fortunately, Celine Dion was waiting in the car and when Orlando Bloom drove by she opened the door and he gave her a lift home.

MidnightMuse
09-06-2006, 11:16 PM
Unfortunately, he took a wrong turn and ended up in the Caribean. How he drove there is still a mystery.

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 11:24 PM
Fortunately, everyone who's been posting here today was in the trunk of the car and he was sooo embarassed that he'd taken us all to the Carribean Island of Tortuga that he sprung for a week long vacation stay at an exclusive villa for us, and gave us each $500.00 Am Exp Gift cards to make us happier, and wants to star in the movies that are made from our writing.

MidnightMuse
09-06-2006, 11:25 PM
Unforunately, Tortuga only accepts Visa and Mastercard.

Jaycinth
09-06-2006, 11:33 PM
Fortunately we encountered some Rwandan tourists who were eager to exchance their Rwandan Francs for the Amercian Express Gift cards and we got 300,000. RWF's for each gift card.

persiphone_hellecat
09-06-2006, 11:45 PM
Unfortunately, there was nothing in Tortuga worth spending them on.

DamaNegra
09-07-2006, 04:23 AM
Fortunately, the pirates kidnapped Orlando Bloom :D

Tre
09-07-2006, 05:01 AM
Unfortunately, for Orlando, the pirates are short of swag and pimp him out to the tourists.

persiphone_hellecat
09-07-2006, 05:17 AM
Fortunately, you still have those 300,000 RWF's. Enough for about ten minutes with Orlando.

Tre
09-07-2006, 06:04 AM
Unfortunatley, Orlando only takes five.

persiphone_hellecat
09-07-2006, 06:45 AM
Fortunately that leaves you some RWF's left over for a roll in the hay with Johnny Depp.

DamaNegra
09-07-2006, 04:45 PM
Unfortunately (for you) Johnny's already taken by me :D

Jaycinth
09-07-2006, 07:44 PM
Fortunately (?) Tom Cruise shoes up on a battleship with Geroge H.W. Bush and they take everyone except Orlando and Johnny on a cruise to the Cape Verde Islands.

persiphone_hellecat
09-08-2006, 12:37 AM
Unfortunately they convert everyone to Scientology

Tre
09-08-2006, 12:48 AM
Fortunately, I have a dufflebag full of psychotropic meds which block the effects of Scientology and I share with everyone.

Jaycinth
09-08-2006, 10:56 PM
Unfortunately, you smell Tom Cruise's SHOES and pass out before you can take your meds.

MidnightMuse
09-08-2006, 11:08 PM
Fortunately, so does everyone else, so the indoctrination has to wait.

persiphone_hellecat
09-09-2006, 02:29 AM
Unfortunately, John Travolta lands his plane on the deck of the ship, wakes everyone up and forces them to watch Battleship Earth ten times in a row. Several jump overboard.

Tre
09-09-2006, 06:22 AM
Fortunately, the pirate ship picks up the survivors and opens fire on the Battleship.

persiphone_hellecat
09-09-2006, 06:42 AM
Unfortunately, Kirstie Alley shows up with a batch of Jennie Craig Scientologists and prove that old addage "an army travels on its stomach". They eat all the rations, end the battle.

Rolling Thunder
09-09-2006, 05:46 PM
Fortunately, Green Peace arrives by helicopter; to deal with the inevitable binge of gastrointestinal purging that is about to take place

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 12:36 AM
Unfortunately, they learn that an animal was hurt in the making of Tom Cruise's last move and they set up a picket line with members of PETA.

Rolling Thunder
09-10-2006, 01:02 AM
Fortunately, Kirstie Alley infiltrated the picket line with members of a clandestine group, People Eating Tasty Animals, allowing Tom to swipe the chopper and fly away.

Tre
09-10-2006, 01:54 AM
Unfortunately, a rain of frogs falls from the sky and clogs the chopper blades, causing Tom to wonder why he hasn't had a good role since Magnolia as he hits the water.

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 06:54 AM
Fortunately, the Mission Impossible music starts from somewhere - and Tom bursts into action -- swimming ashore while tugging the boat by his teeth.

Tre
09-10-2006, 07:53 AM
Unfortunately, Tom is no Jack LaLanne and the Mission Impossible theme is being played on kazoo. He only manages to run the ship into a coral reef.

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 08:31 AM
Fortunately, it is long enough for Katie to take baby Suri and escape from the clutches of the evil Scientologists and start life over on the top of a mountain in Tibet.

Tre
09-10-2006, 08:52 AM
Unfortunately, she soon discovers that is where L. Ron Hubbard has been hiding all these years, along with Elvis.

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 09:03 AM
Fortunately, she takes along a Kodak disposable camera and snaps off a few shots of Elvis (currently looking much like Marlon Brando in Apocolypse Now) and she sells them to the Enquirer. John Travolta buys the pics of L Ron for his personal shrine - and now Katie is worth more than Tom.

writerterri
09-10-2006, 09:10 PM
Unfortunatly I haven't had my coffee yet so I can't think of any good to post.


ZZZ!

Bartholomew
09-10-2006, 09:33 PM
The fleas, unfortunately, were a genetically altered breed of super-louse put on Earth to help initiate the conquest of humanity.

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 10:44 PM
Fortunately, I have no clue what Bart is referring to, thanks to my medication.

Fortunately, the fleas only like Iraquis, Iranians and North Koreans dissidents, so we unleash them over there and bring our troops home. Katie remains on the mountain in Kathmandu with baby Suri.

Are we back on track now?

Rolling Thunder
09-10-2006, 11:54 PM
Unfortunately, no. I suddenly feel very itchy

Tre
09-11-2006, 01:56 AM
Fortunately, I live in the mountains of northern Nevada and we don't have fleas here.

Back at sea, the pirates head east to help bring the troops home.

persiphone_hellecat
09-11-2006, 04:22 AM
Unfortunately, the Scientologists joined forced with the Hare Krishnas and the Branch Davidians - forming a large army and set out to obliterate the pirates and kidnap Katie and Suri.

Rolling Thunder
09-11-2006, 06:19 AM
Fortunately, --Kool and the Gang-- appear in a hot air balloon, causing the Scientologists to flee, the Hare Krishnas to play their finger cymbals along to 'Celebration', and the Branch Davidians ....well, they just stare at the flames of the puffer in the hot air balloon; mesmerized.

Jaycinth
09-11-2006, 08:57 PM
Unfortunately, the flames flare and catch the balloon on fire, causing it to crash in a field, igniting the Beltane flames much, much, much, too early, and all of the druids cry.

Tre
09-11-2006, 11:27 PM
Fortunately, Obsequion, leader of the druids, invokes the undines who put out the flames.

Rolling Thunder
09-12-2006, 03:14 AM
Unfortunately, the undines use a case of 7up (the uncola), leaving a sticky mess for someone else to clean up.

persiphone_hellecat
09-12-2006, 07:25 AM
Fortunately Kool and the Gang are wearing very absorbent polyester leisure suits.

Jaycinth
09-12-2006, 11:36 PM
Unfortunately, polyester leisure suits still make everyone puke.

persiphone_hellecat
09-13-2006, 04:50 AM
Fortunately, while everybody is puking, Tom Cruise secretly sends out the Scientology God Squad to track down Katie and Suri and bring them back.

Rolling Thunder
09-13-2006, 06:29 AM
Unfortunately, the Scientology God Squad is led by Larry, Curly and Moe.

persiphone_hellecat
09-13-2006, 07:22 AM
Fortunately, Tom goes into Top Gun mode and flies to Tibet, using the GPR device sewed into Suri's diaper to guide him.

Jaycinth
09-13-2006, 06:59 PM
Unfortunately, the Tibetians have just installed 'Spin Dizzies'('Cities in Flight', James Blish) under Tibet and it lifts up, up, up, and away on it's long strange trip......

Matthew Warner
09-14-2006, 12:32 AM
Fortunately, Tibetian Buddhism and Spin Dizzies are a "pseudo-science," just like psychology, so Tom remains free to continue on his Dianetically self-assured flight plan.

Tre
09-14-2006, 01:02 AM
Unfortunately, Tom remains free to continue on his Dianetically self-assured flight plan.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 02:21 AM
Fortunately, on his way to Tibet, the North Koreans set off another experimental nuclear warhead, knocking Tom out of the sky and turning him into Scientology's first mutant.

Wordworm
09-14-2006, 02:52 AM
Unfortunately, Katie decides that a mutant could never be a very good husband or father, and files for divorce.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 03:01 AM
Fortunately, Katie returns to Hollywood and the mutant Tom disappears into the Himalayas seeking the meaning of life.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 03:13 AM
Unfortunately Tom has a run-in with the yeti and a mutant mountain goat while soul searching.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 03:24 AM
Fortunately, a Mongolian Yak hunter rescues Tom and makes him his love slave.

Wordworm
09-14-2006, 03:26 AM
Unfortunately, one part of being a love slave involves a yak.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 03:29 AM
Fortunately, in his new mutant form, being a love slave to a yak is the least of Tom's problems.

Wordworm
09-14-2006, 03:33 AM
Unfortunately, Tom's new mutant infatuation makes the Mongolian yak hunter extremely jealous.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 03:41 AM
Fortunately for the yak, most mutants wouldn't touch Tom with a barge pole after they saw him on Opera that time

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 03:46 AM
Unfortunately, Paramount won't touch him either which is why he is a current unemployed actor.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 03:50 AM
Fortunately being out of work gives Tom lots of spare time to fantasise about mutants and "service" his mongolian yak.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 03:55 AM
Unfortunately, the yak starts glowing - the result of catching radiation sickness from Tom.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 03:59 AM
Fortunately it is not a long sickness

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 04:06 AM
Unfortunately, it spreads through all the yaks in Upper Mongolia and part of Lower Mongolia too.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 04:09 AM
Fortunately all the yaks need to do to recover is to meditate and take some vitamins, according to Tom. He said they don't need western medicine to help as the sickness is all in their imagination.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 04:35 AM
Unfortunately, Brooke Shields gets word of Tom's prescribing vitamins and meditation again. She goes to Mongolia, tracks him down like a dog (which isnt too hard since he is glowing) and beats the sh!t out of him.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 04:37 AM
Fortunately Tom forgives her, as his Scientology guru always taught him to do.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 04:40 AM
Unfortunately, Brooke doesnt forgive him and continues to beat the snot out of him.

littlewriter
09-14-2006, 04:50 AM
Fortunately he deserves it!

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 05:24 AM
Unfortunately, Quentin Tarentino passes by and likes Tom's new look. He hires him for Frankenstein2006.

Jaycinth
09-14-2006, 06:45 PM
Fortunately the real Frankenstein (Dr. Viktor, aged 189) shows up and recycles Tom's digestive tract for putting the whammy on the 'Skins in the season opener. (And thumps Daniel Snyder thoroughly with the recycled intestine.)

DamaNegra
09-14-2006, 11:32 PM
Unfortunately, the intestine was also radioactive.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 11:47 PM
Fortunately it works and the Skins turn their season around and head for the Super Bowl.

littlewriter
09-15-2006, 05:25 PM
Unfortunately they don't win

Jaycinth
09-15-2006, 07:21 PM
Fortunately it was very exciting. So very exciting, a book was made about it, bought by Hollywood and Ben Afflek is going to play Joe Gibbs in the movie version.

persiphone_hellecat
09-15-2006, 09:45 PM
Unfortunately, they hire Tom Cruise to play Joe Theisman and Nicole Kidman to play the head Redskins cheerleader. A huge brawl breaks out between Katie Holmes and Keith Urban defending their sig. others.

Jaycinth
09-15-2006, 10:24 PM
Fortunately, Godzilla chooses this moment in time to drink all the moonshine in the world, causing him/her/it to dress in drag and practice hip-hop dance routines, crushing everybody. (Their hopes, thier dreams, their lunches...them......)

persiphone_hellecat
09-16-2006, 02:56 AM
Unfortunately, he doesnt pick Iraq to practice in.

DamaNegra
09-17-2006, 10:59 PM
Fortunately, he doesn't practice in my house either.

Rolling Thunder
09-17-2006, 11:16 PM
Unfortunately, Godzilla's mating call is Ni Ni Ni, causing him to lumber towards DamaNegra's house.

persiphone_hellecat
09-18-2006, 08:12 AM
Fortunately, he is intercepted by the Knights Who Say Ni and brutally killed.

Rolling Thunder
09-19-2006, 06:02 AM
Unfortunately, in true Python style, Terry Gilliam pastes Godzilla back together using bits and pieces of photos of Hillary Rodham Clinton, creating a new menace:

GodaHillRodaClinton - The Senator in stilletto heels!

persiphone_hellecat
09-19-2006, 07:41 AM
Fortunately, the pieced together creature turns out looking more like Mel Gibson, and Hillary Clinton doesnt wear stilettos anyway.

Rolling Thunder
09-19-2006, 06:12 PM
Unfortunately (fortunately?), in true Python style, Terry Gilliam seems to enjoy putting tu-tu's and stilettos on everything, including Mel Gibson. Mel seems to enjoy wearing the pink fluffy one and the red stilettos designated to him, causing Hillary to wonder why she hasn't tried wearing them yet.

Jaycinth
09-19-2006, 08:36 PM
Fortunately, Hillary decides to stick with sensible low-heeled loafers and her job as a Senator, allowing Mr. Obama to comprimise with Mr. McCain and they start a new political party which is described by newspapers world wide as 'sensible.'

persiphone_hellecat
09-20-2006, 07:03 AM
Unfortunately, the political party is in Washington DC where absolutely nothing is sensible.

davids
09-20-2006, 07:38 AM
fortunately the political party in Warshingktone is trying for a nofault divorce-but some of us are on to their dastardly deception

persiphone_hellecat
09-20-2006, 07:49 AM
Unfortunately, Washington is run by a boob who wants not only no fault divorce but a no fault presidency.

Jaycinth
09-21-2006, 12:44 AM
Fortunately, he grows a tremendous set of boobs and becomes distracted.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 02:11 AM
Unfortunately.......I'm sorry, I seem to be a bit distracted right now. What was the question?

littlewriter
09-21-2006, 02:12 AM
Fortunately ignorance is bliss

persiphone_hellecat
09-21-2006, 02:59 AM
Unfortunately ignorance ISNT bliss - or a lot more people would be happy about our President right now.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 04:02 AM
Fortunately, a spaceship filled with aliens lands and say, "Take us to your leader!"

persiphone_hellecat
09-21-2006, 04:03 AM
Unfortunately - we have to tell them "We don't have one."

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 04:07 AM
Fortunately, in a cruel twist of fate, Ronald McDonald appears! The aliens can't tell one clown from another and begin to worship him.

persiphone_hellecat
09-21-2006, 04:10 AM
Unfortunately, Ronald is far smarter than the guy living in the White House - and yet he is but a mere corporate pawn in the Ray Kroc kingdom while Bushy runs the world - or so he thinks.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 04:27 AM
Fortunately, Bush is the best gosh darned most lovable President the world has ever seen!








(Oh, I'm gonna pay fer that. Yessiree, gonna pay!):tongue

persiphone_hellecat
09-21-2006, 04:32 AM
Unfortunately, we cannot make him change places with Ronald.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 04:59 AM
Fortunately, I can still amuse myself with my man-boobs.

DamaNegra
09-21-2006, 05:46 AM
Unfortunately, they look more like woman-boobs.

Alan Yee
09-21-2006, 05:56 AM
Fortunately, PublishAmerica has never won any case in court.

persiphone_hellecat
09-21-2006, 06:10 AM
Unfortunately, I am completely lost here.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 06:11 AM
Unfortunately, I had already sent PA my new book: Why you shouldn't use thumb tacks to hold up a strapless gown, and they hired ten new lawyers to sue me.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 06:12 AM
Fortunately, I realized carpet tacks are a better choice.

suelei
09-21-2006, 06:13 AM
Unfortunately, the fleas did care....and bit off the nose.

Rolling Thunder
09-21-2006, 06:29 AM
Fortunately, the nose was very big and became the main attraction in the traveling flea circus.

Jaycinth
09-21-2006, 11:41 PM
Unfortunately all the fleas, except little 'Cindy Lou flea' drowned in the snot.

MidnightMuse
09-21-2006, 11:46 PM
Fortunately 'Cindy Lou flea' now has a job in Accounting.

Jaycinth
09-21-2006, 11:47 PM
unfortunately, so does Morris the cat.

Rolling Thunder
09-22-2006, 12:08 AM
Fortunately, Morris and Cindy Lou Flea went to therapy together, overcame their differences and started their own business tending sick pachyderms. This led to the idea for a new book: Horton hocks up a who.

DamaNegra
09-22-2006, 01:37 AM
Unfortunately, the book is a failure.

Rolling Thunder
09-22-2006, 02:14 AM
Fortunately, for Morris at least, he remains unperturbed and writes a new book: The Cat in the Hat squashed the Flea Flat, which goes on to be a NY Times bestseller.

janetbellinger
09-22-2006, 03:55 AM
Unfortunately the book is made into a movie which further destroys any enjoyment of the Cat in the Hat for children.

DamaNegra
09-22-2006, 04:03 AM
Fortunately, the movie is starred by Johnny Depp.

janetbellinger
09-22-2006, 04:16 AM
Unfortunately he wears the fingernails from ScissorsHandss.

Rolling Thunder
09-22-2006, 06:33 AM
Fortunately, he survives after rushing to the mens room while in full costume and takes on a new challenge, becoming Janey Depp. His.....her new career flourishes.

DamaNegra
09-22-2006, 08:21 AM
Unfortunately, she's not as hot as he was.

persiphone_hellecat
09-22-2006, 08:42 AM
Fortunately, there is a surgeon in China who can reattach penises.

Jaycinth
09-22-2006, 05:52 PM
Unfortunately, it is attached to his nose.

persiphone_hellecat
09-23-2006, 02:32 AM
Fortunately, it isnt that big anyway and no one notices (did I just say that??)

Rolling Thunder
09-23-2006, 06:11 AM
Unfortunately, everytime he scratches it, he becomes 'Pinochinose'.

persiphone_hellecat
09-23-2006, 06:59 AM
Fortunately we don't have to mention blowing it. BAD PERSI

Rolling Thunder
09-23-2006, 03:33 PM
Unfortunately, one day he does and it makes a beautiful sound. He gives up acting to form the very first skin flute band.

persiphone_hellecat
09-24-2006, 12:48 AM
Fortunately, the censors arent paying attention LMAO...

Rolling Thunder
09-24-2006, 02:16 PM
Unfortunately, censors can be pretty thick and tend to miss thingys, even if they are 'as plain as the nose on your face'.;)

Meanwhile, Johnny catches Bird Flu and during a fit of machine gun like sneezing his poorly attached manliness flys off, striking Mel Gibson in the back of the head.

persiphone_hellecat
09-25-2006, 05:48 AM
Fortunately, Mel Gibson is a fathead.

Jaycinth
09-26-2006, 08:47 PM
Unfortunately, Rumsfeld is passing by and sees it happen. He becomes convinced that the penis ia a weapon of mass destruction and mobilizes the National Guard to make sure not even one lonesome d*** is left operational in this country. Next he's going after all the **cks in the world.

September skies
09-26-2006, 09:16 PM
fortunately, Rumsfeld starts with his own and is so debilitated that he can't oversee the National Guard, who has decided on their own not to follow through with the orders.

Jaycinth
09-26-2006, 11:05 PM
Unfortunately, Rummy told the Senate about it first and they've taken care of their own details.

persiphone_hellecat
09-27-2006, 03:05 AM
Fortunately, the first Dick he goes after is Cheney.

Jaycinth
09-28-2006, 11:54 PM
Unfortuantely Cheney disguises himself as the Duchess of Prague.

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 12:01 AM
Fortunately, the Duchess is out of town at the time.

Jaycinth
09-29-2006, 12:02 AM
Unfortunately her very near-sighted partner isn't.

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 12:07 AM
Fortunately for Dick, her very nearsighted partner wasnt in a frisky mood.

davids
09-29-2006, 01:46 AM
Unfortunately for Dick the pres decided to leave his glasses in their case

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 04:57 AM
Fortunately, it wouldnt be the first time the president stuck it to Cheney

davids
09-29-2006, 05:11 AM
Unfortunately Dicky had other plans

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 05:13 AM
Fortunately, by the time he gets around to those plans, midterm elections put the Dems in control of the Senate and the House and his plans are foiled.

davids
09-29-2006, 05:16 AM
Unfortunately all the computers are cleaned and there is nothing left on them but the plans they had to make the world a better place for you and me-nothing

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 05:29 AM
Fortunately, at least the person who comes up with the new plans won't be Bush because he and Laura will be retired to the ranch, boozing and snorting coke and hanging out with the Saudi Princes and the good bin Ladens

davids
09-29-2006, 06:00 PM
Unfortunately the Saudi Princes and the good bin ladens have decided to reopen Pinky's gay bar and there is one of those Muslim hate things they have to get the above sodomized and killederized-Babs and George have bought the American rights to the above and are currently working on a reality show for Fox

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 10:00 PM
Fortunately, Condolezza Rice makes a halfway decent pole-dancer down at Pinky's and the tips are good.

davids
09-29-2006, 10:01 PM
Unfortunately she drug Babs with her but the pole broke

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 10:19 PM
Fortunately for those in the room who were still sighted, the pole broke before Babs could do her infamous "Night Train" dance -- the one she does for Daddy Bush up in Kennebunkport -- the New England dance of love -- the Maine Mating ritual.

Jaycinth
09-29-2006, 10:35 PM
Unfortunately Stephan king was there with his buddy, Peter Straub, and they turned the humorous event into a three volume nightmare of epic proportions.

persiphone_hellecat
09-29-2006, 10:37 PM
Fortunately, Peter Straub did most of the writing because King was too upset over the recent elimination of the Red Sox from the playoffs, and also because his last book kind of sucked.

davids
09-30-2006, 12:55 AM
Unfortunately Peter Straub broke his hand chasing Babs up the pole

persiphone_hellecat
09-30-2006, 01:01 AM
Fortunately, Babs fell on him - killing him with her girth alone and giving Steve an idea for a book that is up to his old standards.

davids
09-30-2006, 01:26 AM
Unfortunately his over-bite bit off more than it could chew

persiphone_hellecat
09-30-2006, 03:03 AM
Fortunately, Jaycinth now works for Mr. King as a ghost writer and will write his next book for him.

davids
09-30-2006, 03:53 AM
unfortunately jaycinth is caught in a contract dispute between Barbara Cartland and Steven King about who has the sweetest smile-the money is tied up in lawyers who are fighting against each other on yet another blase-trick-but nevertheless boring reality show on ABC entitled survival of the lackluster-

persiphone_hellecat
09-30-2006, 06:25 AM
Fortunately Jaycinth is judged the sweetest and therefore begins writing the sweetest romance novels ever written... all flowery and sugary sweet with handsome doctors as leading men and girls who bat their eyelashes and swoon a lot.

Jaycinth
10-02-2006, 09:28 PM
Unfortunately, sugar feeds the beast within. Once fed, Jaycinth looks for a mitre saw and ticks.

MidnightMuse
10-02-2006, 11:08 PM
Fortunately, she finds plenty of ticks to keep her happy for hours and hours and hours.

Soccer Mom
10-03-2006, 12:13 AM
Unfortunately an ancient gypsy curse causes the ticks to turn blue and grow as large as Rottweilers.

Jaycinth
10-03-2006, 12:41 AM
Fortunately that was exactly the result Jaycinth was hoping for so now she's happy as a hamster on an intercontinental jet.

SMG
10-07-2006, 01:17 AM
Unfortunately, a radical cell of ninja Guinea Pigs has hijacked the plane in the name of Papua New Guinea's master sensei and guerrilla leader "Splinter-faction". They secure the entire onboard supply of packaged peanuts and demand the immediate release of all small rodents from petstores across the United States, and the caging of all cats in their place.
If their demands are not met they will chew through the jet's wiring until the pilots loose the ability to control it.

The hampster on board attempts to escape, not realizing it is running in place on a treadwheel.

Jaycinth
10-11-2006, 07:05 PM
Fortunately the hamster has watched a lot of Harrison Ford movies and is able to save the day!

johnnycannuk
10-11-2006, 11:33 PM
Unfortunately, those movies all involved a whip and a leather hat and now the hamster is free falling from the back of a 767 in an inflatable life raft with an annoying kid and a sleazy blond.

Jenan Mac
10-12-2006, 06:22 PM
Fortunately, they land on a mountaintop in Tibet, where one of Suri Cruise's long-since-discarded diapers provides a soft landing.

Jaycinth
10-12-2006, 07:16 PM
Unfortunately they landed outside the camp of some rabid left wing Pika's who decided to hold them hostage until their demands for Purina Rodent Chow are met.

Jenan Mac
10-12-2006, 11:00 PM
Fortunately, Pikas are familiar with the tenets of the Geneva Convention.

johnnycannuk
10-12-2006, 11:43 PM
Unfortunately, they have 'reinterpreted' the tenets to be more favourable to waterboarding.

Jaycinth
10-17-2006, 05:43 PM
Fortunately squirrels, and mooses can both be taught to waterboard.

MidnightMuse
10-17-2006, 08:20 PM
Unfortunately, they can't surf that tsunami heading their way.

Spirit_Fire
10-17-2006, 08:25 PM
Unfortunately, they can't surf that tsunami heading their way.

Fortunately, because of the 2004 tsunami in Asia, the government of Tibet thought it would be prudent to install a high tech Tsunami Early Warning System (to those people who laughed at the idea: the jokes on you now, man!).

Jaycinth
10-18-2006, 12:06 AM
Unfortunately they were waterboarding on the Argentianian side of Antartica at the time.

MidnightMuse
10-18-2006, 01:11 AM
Fortunately, the Argentinians don't believe in tsunamis, therefore the the wave has no power over them.

janetbellinger
10-20-2006, 04:29 AM
Unfortunately, the tsunami believes in Argentinians.

Jaycinth
10-20-2006, 05:48 PM
Fortunately an aged German U-Boat crew arrives just in time to rescue the Pikas, squirrels, and mooses from the 'Terror of the Tsunami'. (in 3-D)

MidnightMuse
10-20-2006, 11:43 PM
Unfortunately, the aged German U-Boat crew thought they were on a 3-hour tour, and all dressed like Gilligan.

Jenan Mac
10-20-2006, 11:55 PM
Fortunately, the pikas thought Hawaiian shirts looked good on eighty-year-old German sailors (and unfortunately for the one who resembled Lovey, so did one of the moose).

ProsperitySue
10-22-2006, 07:02 AM
Unfortunately, it was actually Mr. Howell dressed in a moose suit and he thought it really was Lovey dressed as an 80-year-old sailor.

MidnightMuse
10-23-2006, 08:53 PM
Fortunately, the Professor wasn't fooled when he was caught groping Ginger.

Jaycinth
10-23-2006, 09:13 PM
Unfortunately the psychopathic heterophobic OCD 80 year old cross dressing transvesite sailor known to his crewmates as 'Ginger' didn't care doodly squat if the Professor was fooled or not.

Rolling Thunder
10-28-2006, 06:04 PM
Fortunately, the others got off the island; just before Ginger snapped.

ProsperitySue
10-30-2006, 05:38 AM
Unfortunately your reply was too clever for a good comeback and now I'm stranded on an island with a ratty moose suit, an 80 year old sailor, and a box of cookies.

Rolling Thunder
10-30-2006, 05:59 AM
Fortunately you have a man, a box of cookies and a moose suit which means you won't be bored, if you're creative enough.

Jenan Mac
10-30-2006, 07:30 AM
Unfortunately, the man ate all the cookies and thinks the moose suit is quite fetching by itself, sans female.

Jaycinth
10-30-2006, 07:29 PM
Fortunately you were able to film The 80 year old man with the moose suit and it is making quite the 'splash' on YouTube.

Jack_Roberts
10-30-2006, 11:49 PM
Unfortunately, YouTube crashed due to all those “Paris eats peanut butter cookies” videos that just spammed the site.

Jaycinth
10-30-2006, 11:59 PM
Fortunately that's the best thing that has happened in weeks and the diners at the 'Tavern on the Green' thank you with multitudinous applause.

sammyig
10-31-2006, 12:15 AM
Unfortunately, the diners at "Tavern on the Green" will have to go without trans-fat in their diets if NY enacts the ban.

MidnightMuse
10-31-2006, 02:04 AM
Fortunately, there are plenty of New Yorkers they can eat instead.

Jack_Roberts
10-31-2006, 07:24 AM
Unfortunately, eating New Yorkers cuase heartburn.

sammyig
10-31-2006, 07:54 PM
Fortunately, you can take tums for the heartburn.

Jack_Roberts
10-31-2006, 11:15 PM
Unfortunately, all the Drug stores burned down thanks to the Gremlins. Who fed those guys after 12 anyway?

Jaycinth
10-31-2006, 11:18 PM
Fortunately it is raining Tribbles and Tribbles eat Gremlins.

Jack_Roberts
10-31-2006, 11:22 PM
Unfortunately, it's raining Klingons too and we know they eat Tribbles!

"But Mr. Spock, they give us love!"

sammyig
10-31-2006, 11:36 PM
Fortunately, tribbles don't dribble on the carpet.

MajorDrums
11-01-2006, 12:02 AM
unfortunately, i have no idea what a tribble will or won't do otherwise.

sammyig
11-01-2006, 12:22 AM
Fortunately, you probably won't have to worry about it.

bookgeek
11-01-2006, 06:29 AM
Unfortunately, you do have to worry about making sure your tribbles don't eat any pencils.

Tribbles love to eat pencils. And you just don't want to know what happens to a tribble if it eats a pencil. I've seen what happens when a tribble eats a pencil...it ain't pretty.

[shudder]

sammyig
11-01-2006, 07:04 AM
Fortunately, pencils are pretty cheap- if you buy the old fashioned wooden ones.

Jack_Roberts
11-01-2006, 09:31 AM
Unfortunately, you have traveled back to the year 1254 and pencils have not been invented yet.

Jenan Mac
11-01-2006, 07:39 PM
Fortunately, you don't know how to write anyway, so lack of pencils isn't much of a problem.

sammyig
11-01-2006, 08:02 PM
Unfortunately, in 1254, only the rich knew how to write, so none of us could even think about writing a novel.

Jack_Roberts
11-01-2006, 11:41 PM
Fortunately, your time machine bumped forward to 2010 so you can get your novel at Barns & Noble, read it, then write down what you read!

Easy as pie.

Jaycinth
11-01-2006, 11:53 PM
Unfortunately you were talking on your cell phone during the entire time travel episode and figuring pi to the last digit is going to be easier than paying those roaming charges.

sammyig
11-02-2006, 12:00 AM
Fortunately, I have a cell phone that doesn't charge roaming charges.

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 12:02 AM
Unfortunately you left it in 1945 and now you've changed history!

sammyig
11-02-2006, 12:09 AM
Fortunately, I have a time machine.

Jaycinth
11-02-2006, 12:21 AM
Unfortunately, so does Seth Green.

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 12:22 AM
Fortunately, he's too busy playing with his action figures.

Wait! Those are mine! COME BACK HERE SETH!

sammyig
11-02-2006, 12:25 AM
Unfortunately, Seth ran down the block.

Jaycinth
11-02-2006, 01:03 AM
Fortunately he stopped to buy you shrimp flavored icecream.

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 01:04 AM
Unfortunately, I ordered cherry flavored.

sammyig
11-02-2006, 06:30 AM
Fortunately, Seth didn't get you cockroach flavored!

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 07:34 AM
Unfortunately, he vanished down that dark hole!

sammyig
11-02-2006, 07:36 AM
Fortunately, he has good night vision.

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 07:41 AM
Unfortunately, he's blindfolded.

sammyig
11-02-2006, 07:42 AM
Fortunately, he has the hearing of a bat.

you made me laugh there!

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 05:47 PM
Unfortunately, his head is all stuffed up with a cold.

Good!

sammyig
11-02-2006, 07:09 PM
Fortunately, colds usually don't last long.

:)

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 11:10 PM
Unfortunately, this is an alien cold from the planet Xyyyhuuki and it cuases people to grow extra arms!

AAAIIIEE! I'M A FREAK!

Jaycinth
11-02-2006, 11:12 PM
Fortunately Godzilla is stil stomping around and now you...like Tokyo...are completely freak free!! (Flattened, but freak free.)

Jack_Roberts
11-02-2006, 11:35 PM
YAAYY! I'm dead! Uh, wait a min...

Unfortunately, this Heavenly Escalator is going down.

WAAAIT!

sammyig
11-03-2006, 12:02 AM
Fortunately, you are too good and they'll send you on the one that goes back up *l*

Jack_Roberts
11-03-2006, 08:52 AM
How sweet!

Unfortunately, my shoe lace got caught, I tripped, fell and swore. Now it's decending again!

Help me Virginia girl!

Jaycinth
11-03-2006, 07:48 PM
Fortunately you are rescued by Lestat who takes you on a tour of Heaven....and hell.

Jack_Roberts
11-03-2006, 11:17 PM
Unfortunately, I open my big mouth and tell him "All of you Rice vamps are WAAAY to into yourselves! Give me a real vamp with class, like Annabelle!"

And he drops me.

sammyig
11-05-2006, 07:27 AM
Fortunately, Vlad the Impaler is there to catch you... and only requests a small snack as payment.

Jack_Roberts
11-05-2006, 01:06 PM
Unfortunately, I had Garlic pizza and unlike a certain commercial, he screams "EEWW! GET AWAY MORTAL!" So I run out of the castle just as Sammyig has walked in.

sammyig
11-06-2006, 07:01 AM
Fortunately, Sammyig knows all and sees all...

(said in best old fashioned fortune teller voice)

Jack_Roberts
11-06-2006, 07:18 PM
Unfortunately, Sammyig TELLS all too and her new book "SAMMYIG TELLS ALL THE ABSOLUTE WRITERS' SECRETS" gets her in trouble!

Jaycinth
11-06-2006, 08:12 PM
Fortunately 'Trouble' is the new Tres Chic club and the 'list' is short short short, so you pull the celebrity coup of a lifetime and party with the A-list of all A-list stars until dawn.

sammyig
11-06-2006, 08:21 PM
Unfortunately, the A-list trashes my house.

Jaycinth
11-06-2006, 08:47 PM
Fortunately you can sell your house for ten times the market value now that the A-listers have trashed it.

sammyig
11-06-2006, 08:55 PM
Unfortunately, there is a sasquatch wandering the grounds.

Jack_Roberts
11-06-2006, 10:52 PM
Fortunately, Nessy just called him on his cell and asked him to leave your front yard and go visit. I wont say where he keeps his cell.

sammyig
11-06-2006, 11:01 PM
Unfortunately, I found his cell with my weedwacker. Now I have an insane and angry sasquatch crushing my magnolia bush.

Jack_Roberts
11-06-2006, 11:15 PM
Fortunately, you don't have an insane and angry sasquatch peeing in your magnolia bush.

sammyig
11-06-2006, 11:23 PM
Unfortunately, I just stepped in sasquatch poop.

Jack_Roberts
11-06-2006, 11:24 PM
Fortunately, you can now march all over your garden and grow narly stuff!

sammyig
11-06-2006, 11:26 PM
Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to sell my house.

Jack_Roberts
11-06-2006, 11:27 PM
Fortunately, you became more popular, having Legendary poop in your yard! You've proven Bigfoot exists!