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MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 01:58 AM
Fortunately, things end up working out with Carson and the two of you run off to Fiji for a fabulous vacation.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 02:01 AM
Unfortunately you arrive the day before the tsunami hits

Tre
07-31-2006, 02:02 AM
Unfortunately, Carson is killed in a suspicious clam digging accident and the police are looking for you.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 02:03 AM
Fortunately most of the police are killed in the tsunami so you escape

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 02:03 AM
Fortunately Tom Cruise was lurking around the crime scene and he got arrested instead.

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 02:04 AM
Unfortunately, Persi and I are on the same posting schedule :)

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 02:06 AM
Fortunately Persi has to go grocery shopping now LOL

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 02:07 AM
Unfortunately, we will miss her! Hurry back now, ya hear? ")

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 02:44 AM
Fortunately I bring back snacks for everyone !! Later

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 03:54 AM
Unfortunately, I grew weak awaiting said snacks and passed out cold onto my laptop.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 05:05 AM
Fortunately I come back and revive you with Snapple and Fritos

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 05:16 AM
Unfortunately I ate so many Fritos I threw up on my new Manolos.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 05:18 AM
Threw up on Manolos?? Isnt that a crime??

Fortunately, you bought the Manolos on the streetcorner in New York from a Rasta guy selling shoes and beads off a brightly colored blanket and they are fakes.

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 05:25 AM
Unfortunately I didn't know that and paid $500 for them.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 05:31 AM
Fortunately the Rasta guy got caught in a shake up of lower Manhattan street vendors and ended up gang raped on Riker's Island. I know you're still out 500 bucks, but in a way it helps to know that crime doesnt pay right?

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 05:36 AM
Unfortunately, Rasta guy was really an alien from the planet Ballsack and now, in retaliation, they're planning to detroy earth.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 05:38 AM
Fortunately, you catch the last shuttle to Mars just in time

Tre
07-31-2006, 06:24 AM
Unfortunately, you caught the shuttle to Mars just in time for it to run out of fuel.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 06:29 AM
Fortunately, you hook up the solar panels and point the ship toward the sun ...

NightWynde
07-31-2006, 02:41 PM
Unfortunately, you face the solar panels the wrong way and get a nasty sunburn.

MizzVyxen
07-31-2006, 03:49 PM
Fortunately you have a backpack full of aloe vera and pain killers.

persiphone_hellecat
07-31-2006, 10:05 PM
Unfortunately, you are seriously allergic to vicodin and break out in red blotches and the aloe gives you green hives

Jaycinth
07-31-2006, 11:16 PM
Fortunately, a dip in the volcano will cure that.

NightWynde
08-01-2006, 12:21 AM
Unfortunately, you discover that lava burn is about a gazillion times worse than sunburn.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 12:25 AM
Fortunately you appease the angry volcano gods and they spit you out,landing you on the beach at Waikiki in a string bikini with a cold beer

Rob-rite
08-01-2006, 06:45 AM
Unfortunately you land amongst a nudist colony having an AA meeting.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 07:00 AM
Fortunately you are sober at the time

Rob-rite
08-01-2006, 07:23 AM
Unfortunately, even though the bikini is of the most stringiest and skimpiest kind, you are promptly barred because it's STRICTLY NUDIST...

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 07:24 AM
Fortunately the strings arent tied real tight and you happily lose the suit and start making AA coffee

Rob-rite
08-01-2006, 07:31 AM
Unfortunatey the coffee's Irish...

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 07:34 AM
Fortunately you can always start over in AA

Tre
08-01-2006, 09:42 AM
Unfortunately, the non-stop Serenity Prayers start to piss you off.

MizzVyxen
08-01-2006, 05:40 PM
Fortunately your anger subsides with that first sweet taste of Jagermeister.

Tre
08-01-2006, 06:16 PM
Unfortunately, you have six shots on an empty stomach. The results aren't pretty.

Jaycinth
08-01-2006, 07:46 PM
Fortunately Orlando Bloom arrives on a clipper ship and cleans you up and whisks you off to his love palace on Haiti.

MidnightMuse
08-01-2006, 08:51 PM
Fortunately Johnny Depp comes along and rescues you.

Tre
08-01-2006, 10:32 PM
Unfortunately, Johnny Depp is decked out like Willy Wonka and Orlando Bloom has become an Oompa Loompa.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 10:40 PM
Fortunately, you are able to escape from the evil oompa-loompa and jump ship, swimming ashore on Gilligan's Island (I hate oompa-loompas!!!!!!)

Anonymisty
08-01-2006, 10:42 PM
Fortunately, that velvet coat Johnny Depp is wearing will come off.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 10:45 PM
Unfortunately we double posted again - no matter I will just combine them

Vanessa Paradis is waiting on Gilligan's Island to kick your a$$

Tre
08-01-2006, 10:57 PM
Fortunately, Vanessa weighs about 100 pounds and can't throw a punch to save her life.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 11:00 PM
Unfortunately, the Skipper is a lot bigger and can throw a punch.

Tre
08-01-2006, 11:07 PM
Fortunately, the Skipper only wants Johnny Depp.

persiphone_hellecat
08-01-2006, 11:10 PM
Unfortunately, Gilligan gets wildly jealous and attacks the Skipper with garrotte made from Ginger's bra and a bamboo reed.

Tre
08-01-2006, 11:15 PM
Fortunately, during the ensuing donnybrook you are able to make your escape.

MidnightMuse
08-01-2006, 11:28 PM
Unfortunately you're now on Lost's island.

Tre
08-01-2006, 11:32 PM
Fortunately, Sayid has the hots for you

Jaycinth
08-01-2006, 11:45 PM
Unfortunately, so does the Polar Bear.

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 12:09 AM
Fortunately you've found enough drug-laden statues of Mary that it doesn't matter.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 01:02 AM
Unfortunately, also on the island are several agents from the DEA and you are arrested and charged with drug traffiking.

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 01:07 AM
Fortunately, they don't know the way off the island either.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 01:12 AM
Unfortunately, the show wasnt nominated for an emmy this year.

Tre
08-02-2006, 02:50 AM
Fortunately, the show will be back next season

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 02:53 AM
Unfortunately, so will Regis and Kelly

Tre
08-02-2006, 03:35 AM
Fortunately, the show is now called, "Regis and Kelly - the drug years"

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 03:49 AM
Unfortunately, it's going to be on in Prime Time 5 nights a week.

Tre
08-02-2006, 03:52 AM
Fortunately, Regis was caught trying to pick-up a child over the Internet and the show is immediately cancelled.

MizzVyxen
08-02-2006, 03:53 AM
Fortunately the television and cable empires will collapse and we'll all have to resort to reading for entertainment.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 03:54 AM
Fortunately, most of us know how to read.

MizzVyxen
08-02-2006, 03:55 AM
Unfortunately our president does not.

Tre
08-02-2006, 04:01 AM
Fortunately, he has several Sesame Street DVDs

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 04:04 AM
Unfortunately, Condolezza Rice has to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to him every night before bed.

Tre
08-02-2006, 04:09 AM
Fortunately, he doesn't have the vocabulary to understand it.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 04:11 AM
Unfortunately he's still the president even though he's too stupid to read

MizzVyxen
08-02-2006, 04:12 AM
Fortunately his time is running out.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 04:14 AM
Unfortunately not soon enough for him to finish successfully screwing up the world.

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 04:22 AM
Fortunately the world will continue to screw itself up without him.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 04:24 AM
Unfortunately he has a brother Jeb who may run.

Tre
08-02-2006, 04:53 AM
Fortunately, hell isn't freezing over anytime soon.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 04:55 AM
Unfortunately according to Al Gore- we are having a global warming instead

Tre
08-02-2006, 05:00 AM
Fortunately, due to global warming the water level rises so high it covers the the entire Middle East, which disappears, solving a multitude of problems.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 07:09 AM
Unfortunately, all the people in the Middle East migrate to New York creating an overabundance of cab drivers and 7-11 clerks.

Tre
08-02-2006, 07:10 AM
Fortunately, I don't live in New York

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 07:13 AM
Unfortunately, as us New Yorkers become saturated, the Middle Easterners spread out - coming soon to a 7-11 near YOU.

Tre
08-02-2006, 08:00 AM
Fortunately, AM PM and Winner's Circle clerks join forces and beat back the encroaching 7-11 clerks.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 08:02 AM
Unfortunately, you go to AM PM and buy your lottery tickets. A winning ticket is sold across town at 7 11 by a guy named Mohammad

Tre
08-02-2006, 08:10 AM
Fortunately, Mohammad's tickets are fake. There is no lottery in this state.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 08:23 AM
Unfortunately, Mohammad gets shipped to Gitmo where he starts a riot among prisoners and several escape to Southern Florida

Tre
08-02-2006, 08:24 AM
Fortunately, for them, they pass for Cubans

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 08:31 AM
Unfortunately they work their way north, forming new sleeper cells along the way

NightWynde
08-02-2006, 08:41 AM
Fortunately, their sense of direction is atrocious and they bomb their own country instead.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 08:43 AM
Unfortunately, they got their bombs from the North Koreans and they are kind of ... flaccid? They land short of the target and fall harmlessly into the ocean. Harmless unless you're a dolphin.

Tre
08-02-2006, 12:16 PM
Fortunately, the bombs blow all the tuna nets out of the water. The dolphins are happy. They dance.

Jaycinth
08-02-2006, 07:22 PM
Unfortunately, the jellyfish are not amused and neither are the barracudas.

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 07:28 PM
Fortunately, they're gonna take it out on Korea.

Tre
08-02-2006, 11:04 PM
Unfortunately, the North Korean politicians tend to gather inland, so the barracudas have no effect on the situation.

MidnightMuse
08-02-2006, 11:05 PM
Fortunately, the teenage mutant ninja seaguls do.

persiphone_hellecat
08-02-2006, 11:08 PM
Unfortunately, there isnt a teenager on earth, seagull or human who can do what they'e told ...

Tre
08-03-2006, 12:01 AM
Fortunately, the Teenage Mutant Turtles are only pretending to be segulls and sneak into P'yongyang.

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 12:16 AM
Unfortunately, they get caught with Korean hookers and deported and wind up in Gitmo

MidnightMuse
08-03-2006, 01:08 AM
Fortunately, the detainees at Gitmo can't touch the female unwashed seaguls and deport them.

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 01:09 AM
Unfortunately they move into your neighborhood and you have to wash your car every single day...

Tre
08-03-2006, 06:30 AM
Fortunately, you get a free car wash with a fill up.

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 07:06 AM
Unfortunately with the cost of a tank of gas hitting 50 bucks, you do a lot more walking than driving and the seagulls use your hat as a target

Tre
08-03-2006, 07:11 AM
Fotunately, you lose 40 pounds from all the walking and you have a wide brimmed hat.

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 07:24 AM
Unfortunately your clothes no longer fit and a new Ralph Lauren wardrobe costs you a fortune.

Tre
08-03-2006, 07:35 AM
Fortunately, you prefer to shop at thrift stores

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 07:37 AM
Unfortunately, the thrift store is loaded with Star Jones' old "fat clothes"

NightWynde
08-03-2006, 07:49 AM
Fortunately, you have an excellent tailor who can custom fit all of Star Jones' fat clothes for you and since there's enough material to make a bucket load of new outfits, your tailor does this for free.

Tre
08-03-2006, 07:50 AM
Fortunately, they will fit your sister

Jaycinth
08-03-2006, 09:02 PM
Unfortunately the tailor is from Milan and is used to working with the top designers and has charged you accordingly, and, unfortunately, your sister just broke up with her Orland Bloom look-alike boyfriend, has declared fashion anathema and dumpped the entire wardrobe over the side of a Somali priate ship when she made the career change.

MidnightMuse
08-03-2006, 09:05 PM
Fortunately, the Somali pirates are now sporting some really rad rags!

Jaycinth
08-03-2006, 10:37 PM
Unfortunately, the Nigerian Pirates are nekkid.

persiphone_hellecat
08-03-2006, 11:40 PM
Fortunately, Angelina Jolie makes sure they are all properly clothed as a part of her efforts to turn Nigeria into the 51st state.

Tre
08-04-2006, 12:07 AM
Unfortunately, the only available shoes are platforms from the 1970s and ballet slippers.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 12:33 AM
Fortunately, Angelina manages to convince the Nigerians they are in style

MidnightMuse
08-04-2006, 12:55 AM
Unfortunately, they quickly realize SHE tastes like chicken.

Jaycinth
08-04-2006, 01:16 AM
Fortunately Brad does too.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 01:23 AM
Unfortunately the collagen in her lips contains deadly toxins and whenthey eat her, they die.

MidnightMuse
08-04-2006, 01:23 AM
Fortunately, the Branjalenia baby lives to deny his parentage.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 01:28 AM
Unfortunately, the Brangelina baby grows up and runs for president on the same ticket with the Spears- Federline kid.

Tre
08-04-2006, 05:59 AM
Fortunately, there are still assassins in the world.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 06:02 AM
Unfortunately, Britney becomes "First Mother" and turns the White House into a trailer park.

NightWynde
08-04-2006, 08:26 AM
Fortunately, trailer parks are tornado magnets.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 10:06 AM
Unfortunately Kevin Federline isnt home when the tornado hits - he's out messing around with the mother of his next set of children - using Britney's Black Amex Card

Jaycinth
08-04-2006, 06:06 PM
Fortunately Brittany just married Prince William and looks at the press and says .."Kevin who? What kids? A TRAILER??? surely you jest!"

MidnightMuse
08-04-2006, 06:24 PM
Unfortunately the British are SO over dumb blondes with big'uns, they have to chase Madonna out of the country to equalize the Karmic dung heap.

persiphone_hellecat
08-04-2006, 10:47 PM
Fortunately, Nigeria welcomes Madonna with open arms (and a pot full of boiling water)

byElizabeth
08-05-2006, 12:45 AM
Unfortunately, when Madonna starts singing she lulls all of the nigerians into a trance and the entire nigerian colony goes hungry.

Jaycinth
08-05-2006, 12:54 AM
Fortunately that jumbo jet full of cloned adult grizzly bears (which was heading to Montana to deliver enough bears so they would no longer be endangered,) fortunately THAT jumbo jet managed to land safely in Nigeria despite a dead engine.
Fortunately that gives the Nigerians something to do other than starve and send e-mails.

persiphone_hellecat
08-05-2006, 12:56 AM
Unfortunately, Madonna returns to the US triumphantly and goes on another tour - with the cone bras and all -- and Menudo reunites as her opening act.

NightWynde
08-05-2006, 01:10 PM
Fortunately, at the precise time of her concert everyone within hearing range goes temporarily deaf.

Tre
08-05-2006, 09:30 PM
Unfortunately, the deafness only last until the end of Menudo's set.

persiphone_hellecat
08-05-2006, 11:41 PM
Fortunately, they open the emergency exits just as Madonna rises from the floor on a mirrored crucifix and the audience rushes out into the snow.

Tre
08-05-2006, 11:52 PM
Unfortunately, Madonna follows singing "Like A Virgin" while making snow angels.

persiphone_hellecat
08-05-2006, 11:59 PM
Fortunately, snow gathering on the roof of the theatre suddenly slides down forming a huge avalance burying The Material Girl while everyone cheers.

Provrb1810meggy
08-06-2006, 12:04 AM
Unfortunately, she is unharmed, just buried, and she continues to sing "Like a Virgin," at an extremely high, maybe even harmful, decibel.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 12:09 AM
Fortunately, according to Deception Point by Dan Brown (Go Dan!) it is possible to kill someone by stuffing snow down their throat. Many of the people in the crowd have read Deception Point and know the procedure. Madonna is history.

Provrb1810meggy
08-06-2006, 12:20 AM
Unfortunately, in honor of Madonna being murdered, all radio stations are playing all Madonna, all the time.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 12:29 AM
Fortunately, most people dont listen to the radio anyway, they have CD players in their cars, so they don't have to listen.

Provrb1810meggy
08-06-2006, 12:33 AM
Unfortunately, your best friend, who doubles as your limo driver, loves Madonna and despite your wishes, blasts it from the car radio.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 12:38 AM
Fortunately, you can pick your friends but not your family. He is no longer your friend and it's easy to climb underneath a car and disconnect the stereo.

eldragon
08-06-2006, 01:01 AM
Unfortunately, while underneath the car disconnecting the stereo, a thief decides to steal it ......driving off while you hang onto the rotted frame below.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 01:24 AM
Fortunately, he parks in front of a bank and goes inside to rob it, you crawl out from underneath, shaken and bruised but fine otherwise -- just in time to grab the guy just as he comes out of the bank with the loot. The police find you clinging to the guy for dear life. You collect a huge reward from the bank.

Tre
08-06-2006, 02:19 AM
Unfortunately, the robber sues you for personal injury and you lose the reward money in the settlement.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 03:10 AM
Fortunately you counter sue Madonna's estate claiming it is responsible for your dilemma and win - big time. You are now the proud owner of a cone bra made of pure platinum

Tre
08-06-2006, 03:13 AM
Unfortunately, the bra was made in Iran and is actually made of Plutonium

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 03:26 AM
Fortunately, the North Koreans really want it and offer you a lot of money.

NightWynde
08-06-2006, 12:04 PM
Unfortunately, they don't get it off your hands soon enough and you are now radioactive.

eldragon
08-06-2006, 06:14 PM
Fortunately - jean paul gaultier - the designer of Madonna's cone bra - wants it returned to his collection and has asked you to model it for his next runway show.

persiphone_hellecat
08-06-2006, 11:06 PM
Unfortunately, you trip on the runway in 6 inch heels and land face first, embedding the cone bra into the floor while the audience laughs hysterically.

eldragon
08-07-2006, 04:01 AM
fortunately, they all think it was a planned stunt, and your agent is getting massive calls from comedy shows.

persiphone_hellecat
08-07-2006, 05:01 AM
Unfortunately, one of the job offers you get it to star in Madonnamania - The Memorial Editon. Your agent thinks it's a great idea.

MidnightMuse
08-07-2006, 05:04 AM
Fortunately, you can always fire your agent.

persiphone_hellecat
08-07-2006, 05:08 AM
Unfortunately there is always Madonna's daughter Lourdes to take the part and Madonnamania goes on anyway ...

Tre
08-07-2006, 07:17 AM
Fortunately, you get a call that Terry Gilliam is starting up "The Man Who Kill Don Quixote" again and you have been offered a lead role.

persiphone_hellecat
08-07-2006, 07:19 AM
Unfortunately I would never kill Don Quixote - I love him too much .

Tre
08-07-2006, 07:42 AM
Fortunately, your character doesn't kill Don Quixote so you fly to Spain.

persiphone_hellecat
08-07-2006, 08:40 AM
Unfortunately, the spicy food in Spain gives you a bad case of heartburn and you left your pepcid in America and don't know the Spanish word for "agada".

Tre
08-07-2006, 08:47 AM
Fortunately, you do know the Spanish words for In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida and Terry Gilliam decides to put it in the film.

persiphone_hellecat
08-07-2006, 08:48 AM
Unfortunately, the original members of Iron Butterfly sue your butt off.

Tre
08-07-2006, 10:57 AM
Fortunately, since you are hiding out on location in Spain the process server can't reach you and the lawsuit is dismissed.

NightWynde
08-07-2006, 01:06 PM
Unfortunately, you lost your passport and are deported to Iraq.

janetbellinger
08-07-2006, 04:43 PM
Fortunately, Iraq won't take you either.

eldragon
08-07-2006, 05:08 PM
Unfortunately, you were weren't sent to Iraq, but Iran, who will take you.

MidnightMuse
08-07-2006, 06:37 PM
Fortunately, the plane is lost in a sand storm and lands somewhere near Lebanon instead.

Jaycinth
08-07-2006, 06:49 PM
Unfortunately, You have no idea how near Lebanon you are, until a helpful taxi driver charges you $300 USD for a 3 min drive to Beiruit.

eldragon
08-07-2006, 07:11 PM
Fortunately, he also offers to let you stay at his house with his family, until you get on your feet.

MidnightMuse
08-07-2006, 07:45 PM
Unfortunately, his family sell your clothes while you're sleeping and vanish into the night.

eldragon
08-07-2006, 07:49 PM
fortunatley, you have no problem blending in with the locals.

Jaycinth
08-07-2006, 10:47 PM
Unfortunately the locals you are blending in with are 77 trucks of 77 virgins bound for the nearest Hezbollah stronghold.

MidnightMuse
08-07-2006, 11:06 PM
Fortunately, they don't buy your story about being a virgin.

Jaycinth
08-07-2006, 11:21 PM
Unfortunately they've developed a taste for eel and they still need someone to cook it.

persiphone_hellecat
08-08-2006, 12:06 AM
Fortunately you left your Calpalon skillet back in America and simply cannot cook in anything but extra extra virgin olive oil and clarified Land o Lakes butter. You complain so much that even Hezballah doesnt want you. They drive you as far as the border and leave you in Morocco.

Provrb1810meggy
08-08-2006, 02:13 AM
Unfortunately, you bump into your Moroccan ex, who was so upset at your harsh dumping that he flew back to Morocco. Your ex vows to kill you, due to all the heartbreak you caused.

persiphone_hellecat
08-08-2006, 03:23 AM
Fortunately, he is about 5 feet tall and weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet. So while Sam tinkles "As Time Goes By" on the keyboard at Rick's Cafe Americain, you beat the snot out of Abdul.

janetbellinger
08-08-2006, 04:27 AM
Unfortunately Abdul comes back with a martial arts technique that has you breathless and unconscious on the floor.

Provrb1810meggy
08-08-2006, 04:58 AM
Fortunately, the floor is sticky with candy. You lick it. It tastes GOOD!

persiphone_hellecat
08-08-2006, 06:39 AM
Unfortunately when you're breathless and on the floor, it can only mean one thing -- and you and Abdul briefly reconcile in a blaze of passion.

Jaycinth
08-08-2006, 06:14 PM
Fortunately a film crew is there and you and Abdul are offered 10 million Euros for the rights to the...passionate film.

MidnightMuse
08-08-2006, 06:22 PM
Unfortunately, your mother wants to see the premier.

Tre
08-08-2006, 07:54 PM
Fortunately, your mother is blind.

MidnightMuse
08-08-2006, 11:13 PM
Unfortunately, her mother isn't.

Jaycinth
08-08-2006, 11:48 PM
Fortunately you have duct tape.

persiphone_hellecat
08-09-2006, 01:09 AM
Unfortunately, porn movies of people dressed in birkas arent so hot and it fails miserably.

janetbellinger
08-09-2006, 03:17 AM
Fortunately it makes it as an avante garde film instead

persiphone_hellecat
08-09-2006, 03:19 AM
Unfortunately, you are hidden under a veil and no one recognizes you so they don't have to pay you except as an extra.

janetbellinger
08-09-2006, 03:23 AM
Fortunately the Lebanon Film Society recognizes your talent and gives you an award plus glowing press releases.

persiphone_hellecat
08-09-2006, 03:37 AM
Unfortunately they want you to go to Beruit to their Awards Ceremony.

Provrb1810meggy
08-09-2006, 03:39 AM
Fortunately, your celebrity crush, Johnny Deep, is in the area and will escort you to the awards.

persiphone_hellecat
08-09-2006, 03:46 AM
Unfortunately, they bomb the hotel just before the two of you check into the honeymoon suite.

NightWynde
08-09-2006, 01:13 PM
Fortunately, the bomb is a dud

Jaycinth
08-09-2006, 05:58 PM
Unfortunately your designer original gown is too.

DeborahM
08-09-2006, 08:23 PM
Fortunately, Johnny Depp lends her one of his suits.

MidnightMuse
08-09-2006, 10:26 PM
Unfortunately, Johnny's taste in clothing wasn't all that great, either.

Jaycinth
08-09-2006, 11:09 PM
Fortunately every body's attention is now on the flying whale.

MidnightMuse
08-09-2006, 11:18 PM
Unfortunately, that whale just let go a big one as it went over your head.

persiphone_hellecat
08-10-2006, 12:42 AM
Fortunately, it took out half of Beiruit and now you don't have to go to the awards anyway

Arisson
08-10-2006, 04:17 AM
Unfortunatly, a cat named Longfellow rolled on the fleas and realized that they were tiny little vampires.

persiphone_hellecat
08-10-2006, 06:47 AM
Fortunately I have no idea what that means

Tre
08-10-2006, 07:03 AM
Unfortunately, when you finally do get together with Johnny Deep, he is as much of a dud as the bomb.

persiphone_hellecat
08-10-2006, 07:07 AM
Fortunately, I think we have about exhausted the subject of Johnny Depp's libido.

Tre
08-10-2006, 12:45 PM
Unfortunately, you were with Johnny DEEP not Johnny Depp. Deep is a 1970s porno star with big sideburns (cue whaka doo guitar).

NightWynde
08-10-2006, 05:08 PM
Fortunately, everything I'm thinking about 70s porn stars (actually, porn stars in general) is unprintable in a public forum

Jaycinth
08-10-2006, 07:22 PM
Unfortunately some one is going to print them in a forum somewhere.

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 08:53 PM
Fortunately, when they do, you'll be come famous and gain writer street-cred.

Tre
08-10-2006, 09:36 PM
Unfortunately, it is 2006 and you have become famous for being a 1970s porno star.

persiphone_hellecat
08-10-2006, 09:58 PM
Fortunately it isnt Linda Lovelace- otherwise you would be dead.

NightWynde
08-12-2006, 05:08 PM
Unfortunately, the film makers of the 1950s were right and due to excessive nuclear radiation, Linda Lovelace has come back as a zombie and "Deep Throat" now means to swallow your head (the one on your shoulders, in case you were confused ;) ) in one gulp.

persiphone_hellecat
08-13-2006, 05:21 AM
Fortunately, Quentin Tarantino is casting for a new zombie movie now, they need a leading lady to star opposite Johnny Depp who is playing the sensitive, intellectual zombie seeking his mate.

NightWynde
08-13-2006, 11:57 AM
Unfortunately, Quentin Tarantino decided to go for his usual over the top artiness so no one really understands what the movie is about.

persiphone_hellecat
08-13-2006, 10:25 PM
Fortunately, Johnny Depp takes notice of your acting skills and asks you to be in his new movie Bennie and Joon 2

Tre
08-13-2006, 11:09 PM
Unfortunately, he imagines you in Aidan Quinn's role.

NightWynde
08-14-2006, 01:52 AM
Fortunately, you do so well in the part you upstage Johnny.

persiphone_hellecat
08-14-2006, 02:52 AM
Unfortunately, the movie is a huge box office flop -- making it onto the Worst Movie Ever Made List - right under Ishtar.

NightWynde
08-14-2006, 11:43 AM
Fortunately, only three people (including your Mom) ever saw the movie, so it really doesn't do that much damage to your career

Tre
08-14-2006, 11:49 AM
Unfortunately, one of the other people who saw it was your therapist and he now wants you to come three times a week.

NightWynde
08-14-2006, 12:11 PM
Fortunately, he has now decided that the sedative cocktail that you've always wanted is a good idea afterall.

Tre
08-14-2006, 12:26 PM
Unfortunately, they don't make Quualudes anymore.

Jaycinth
08-14-2006, 05:35 PM
Fortunately they do make nice fluffy socks that you can fill with quarters. Nighty-night!

MidnightMuse
08-14-2006, 07:33 PM
Unfortunately they were Canadian quarters, and only packed three-quarters' the punch!

Jaycinth
08-14-2006, 07:43 PM
Fortunately, it still worked.

persiphone_hellecat
08-14-2006, 08:39 PM
Unfortunately when you wake up, there are about 200 messages from Quentin Tarentino on your answering machine. He wants you for Kill Bill 3

Tre
08-14-2006, 10:06 PM
Fortunately, Antonio Banderas has already signed onto the project.

Jaycinth
08-14-2006, 10:48 PM
Unfortunately it is an educational film made for PBS in which a very boring and dry discussion of each of the bills that congress has killed during the 20th century and the impact the passage of the bill would have(yawn) um....would( yawn) have had on(yawn ) the Umm( yawn..) Um..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

MidnightMuse
08-14-2006, 11:22 PM
Fortunately, you're seen by millions of snoring, snot-nosed school children in Civics class.

Tre
08-14-2006, 11:26 PM
Unfortunately, several of the children are armed and make a pact to kill you for ruining their afternoon.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 12:53 AM
Fortunately they all have laptops and soon you have several groupies who think you looked hot in your pinstriped Lois Lane suit.

Tre
08-15-2006, 01:28 AM
Unfortunately, your Lois Lane suit isn't bullet proof.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 02:30 AM
Fortunately, you just happen to be wearing that Madonna cone bra when the kids come a-shootin'

Tre
08-15-2006, 05:49 AM
Unfortunately, a bullet ricochets off the bra wounding Antonio Banderas. He cries.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 05:56 AM
Fortunately Melanie Griffith is there to nurse him back to health

Tre
08-15-2006, 08:20 AM
Unfortunately Melanie's lips are now so huge she can't see and she bandages Quentin Tarentino instead.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 09:23 AM
Fortunately Quentin enjoys bondage...

Tre
08-15-2006, 09:42 AM
Unfortunately, Antonio is left still in tears.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 10:02 AM
Fortunately, someone hands Antonio a guitar and he starts to play a sad flamenco song and Melonie gets all hot and bothered for him.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 11:27 AM
Unfortunately, the site of a puffy-lipped Melanie Griffith dancing the flamenco makes you vomit.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 11:28 AM
Fortunately, Uma Thurman finds out they're making a Kill Bill movie without her and she comes over and puts Antonio out of his misery and lets the air out of Melonie's lips.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 11:50 AM
Unfortunately, the air blowing out of Melanie's lips causes a hurricane that makes Katrina look like a zephyr.

MidnightMuse
08-15-2006, 09:32 PM
Fortunately, the insuing hurricane misses New Orleans and hits Washington DC instead.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 09:59 PM
Unfortunately Bush and Karl Rove are on vacation in Texas and are spared.

DamaNegra
09-03-2006, 08:53 AM
Fortunately, they are trampled by a horde of illegals.

persiphone_hellecat
09-03-2006, 09:30 AM
Unfortunately that leaves Cheney in charge and he personally shoots all the illegals down.

Tre
09-03-2006, 10:54 PM
Fortunately, El Mariachi shows up and blows Cheney all the way back to Wyoming.

persiphone_hellecat
09-03-2006, 11:29 PM
Unfortunately, the survivalists hiding in the hills of Wyoming don't want anything to do with him.

DamaNegra
09-04-2006, 12:39 AM
Fortunately, they consider taking a turn for cannibalism.

Tre
09-04-2006, 01:08 AM
Unfortunately, no matter how long they boil Cheney he is still too tough and stringy to eat.

persiphone_hellecat
09-04-2006, 06:52 AM
Fortunately, somebody finds a bottle of Adolph's Meat Tenderizer and one of those tenderizing pounders and they whack the hell out of Dick until he is soft and tender as butter.

Rolling Thunder
09-04-2006, 07:06 AM
Unfortunately, it was the Bush twins, clad in leather and wearing knee high boots with stiletto heels. He actually enjoyed it and survived.

persiphone_hellecat
09-04-2006, 07:10 AM
Fortunately, since he survived, Condolezza Rice isnt president.

Rolling Thunder
09-04-2006, 07:15 AM
Unfortunately, she had been participating in a jello wrestling contest in the oval office and, not knowing her plot to remove him failed, had the Sercret Service move all her stuff into his office.

persiphone_hellecat
09-04-2006, 08:43 AM
Fortunately, she lost the jello wrestling contest to Hillary Clinton, who decides to take over now and not wait until 2008.

Rolling Thunder
09-04-2006, 11:57 PM
Unfortunately, Bill attempted to lick all the jello off of Condie, causing Hillary to murder him, which led to her arrest.

persiphone_hellecat
09-05-2006, 12:15 AM
Fortunately, Al Gore stepped in to fill the void.

Tre
09-05-2006, 03:08 AM
Unfortunately, Al also stepped in something else.

Rolling Thunder
09-05-2006, 03:26 AM
Fortunately, he also had 'an inconvenient truth', and a tissue.

Tre
09-05-2006, 03:33 AM
Unfortunately, he is still babbling about starting the Internet and Yahoo! put a contract out on him.

persiphone_hellecat
09-05-2006, 03:38 AM
Fortunately, due to global warming and the rising of the oceans due to the melting of the polar ice caps, the offices of Yahoo in California are now completely washed away.

Rolling Thunder
09-05-2006, 04:07 AM
Unfortunately, Yahoo washed up onto the shoreline of Japan, where it was quickly turned into a porn spamming company named, Woo-Who.

Tre
09-05-2006, 04:34 AM
Fortunately, no one ever downloads the Japanese language program so Yahoo just becomes a bunch of squares.