Okay, now I'm pissed

Wayne K · Jun 25, 2010

I've never catagorized myself as anything: gay straight or otherwise, but I've never hidden the fact that I can fall in love with anyone who loves me back. I've brought boys, girls and transgendered lovers to family events without giving a crap what any of them thought of it, and they've never shared their thoughts with me. I can guess what they think :e2fairy:

When I moved here to Connecticut I was asked nicely to tone it down around the nephews, which I wasn't really against--they'e young and I'm a bit overbearing and strange--no, really

Anyway, things change.

When the 12 year old asked me about homosexuality, I told him the truth about being bisexual.

Dude, I was slammed for it. Not all, but most of my family, is acting like I'm coming out of the closet. WTF?

I thought marching in the gay pride parade every year and having a boyfriend (who I introduced as my boyfriend) was enough for them to get the hint.

Now it just feels like they were trying to push me into the closet.

The wife and me are loading up the truck at the end of the summer and getting the hell outta here. I won't allow anyone to treat me like that, family or not.

So, who's going to adopt me?

shadowwalker · Jun 25, 2010

There weren't enough details about what you told the 12-year-old, but I'm wondering if maybe the family was upset that you responded *at all* instead of referring him back to his parents? I just know that, as a parent, things about sexuality, religion, relationships, etc, are things that I would prefer to discuss with my child myself. I would have no objection to him talking to other people if I knew about it ahead of time, but I'd want to be part of that overall discussion.

But like I say, I don't know the details about what you said, or about the whole family dynamics. So this is just a "on the surface, it seems..." type of response.

And not to dismiss your anger - it's a heavy weight living with a family who won't really accept you for what you are, whether it's sexuality or religion or anything else. Been there, done that.

Wayne K · Jun 25, 2010

They didn't object to a 17 year old friend telling him that fags are freaks, so I didn't think they'd mind me setting the record straight...so to speak.

But my real probleem is that they're acting like this is some kind of revelation. Like my whole life never happened, or I was hiding it all these years.

Diana Hignutt · Jun 25, 2010

Wait one second...we have a Tinkerbell icon?

On OP matters...I'll adopt you Wayne.

shadowwalker · Jun 25, 2010

Wayne K said:
But my real probleem is that they're acting like this is some kind of revelation. Like my whole life never happened, or I was hiding it all these years.

Ah, yes. Talking to the boy meant their wall of denial got a thorough blasting. I can understand your feeling on that - like WTF did you think was going on all these years?!

I often times found myself staring at a family member who had the same kind of blinders on - and wondering who the hell *they* were...

CaroGirl · Jun 25, 2010

Parents can be quite touchy about what information their childen receive, when and from whom. Their reactions are not always logical.

Personally, I think 12 is old enough to get perspectives on sexuality from a variety of sources. Puberty is just 'round the corner, they've had sex ed in school, and they're curious wee sponges. I agree with you. If they're old enough to hear the negative about homosexuality, they're old enough to hear the truth. Knowing this information will NOT suddenly make a kid headed down a straight road into a queer. And vice versa.

joyce · Jun 25, 2010

I'll adopt you. The 12 year olds I know sure know more about sex today than I knew at 20 (way back in the wagon train days). My family is from the deep south and I was a breaker of societies rules when it was down right dangerous so I know the feeling. I believe they thought I'd be struck down by God or living in a gutter without even a dog having anything to do with me.

My first husband 30 years ago was half black so boy did I catch hell for that! I think they wanted to do an intervention on me because they were so sure they could "straighten me out". Like I've always believed "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family" and most of the family I've got left I'd never be friends with in a million years.

Needless to say, 30 years later I'm not living in a gutter or working in a strip joint, my daughter is successful and well adjusted, I've got friends and even the dogs love me.

Sounds like your family needs you in it to help them adjust. It's better to tell truths than prejudicial lies.

shaldna · Jun 25, 2010

Wayne K said:
So, who's going to adopt me?

I will!

Chris P · Jun 25, 2010

I've got the whole upstairs empty. Plenty of room.

I know from having step kids to tread lightly on such issues. In a perfect world you would have been able to talk to the kids' parents beforehand about what they wanted their children to know about sexuality. But the world isn't perfect; with kids you sometimes have no more than 10 seconds to talk to them and all you can do is take your best shot. My ex-wife and I disagreed on many issues, and especially with what I told the kids about things like this.

"To thine own self be true," and in the long run you telling them the truth will be a good thing. Besides, your nephew asked; that means he's had questions for a while.

mscelina · Jun 25, 2010

As a straight girl whose family arranged an intervention--priest and all--because I was photographed giving a speech at the anti-sodomy march in Nashville when I was in college (a photo that ended up in the state paper), I have more than enough room and tolerance to adopt you whenever you wish. Bring the wife too--sounds like she could use a sane girl to talk to.

Trust me: families can be willfully blind when it comes to sexuality. My parents tried to *save* me from being gay (when I was straight) and completely ignored my brother's homosexuality for years. Like fifteen years. They actually thought they busted him. He thought they knew because only a really stupid person would EVER have thought my brother was straight.

So yes--I have an abyssmally stupid family too. Maybe we should just start our own family and only admit smart people who have a clue.

Wayne K · Jun 25, 2010

I felt like crap when I left for the store, but you guys put a smile on my face. I knew that would happen, which is why I posted here.

You guys rock :Hug2:

CaroGirl · Jun 25, 2010

mscelina said:
Maybe we should just start our own family and only admit smart people who have a clue.

That sounds like no family I've ever heard of.

KTC · Jun 25, 2010

Man...we are one child and about 7 or 8 years away from having an empty nest. I luv ya wayne, but not that much! We're in the subtracting kids stage...not adding. (-:

Sorry about the raw deal...seriously. Chin up, you crazy kid.

Wayne K · Jun 25, 2010

I had a family like that when I lived in NYC. The sign said "Gay Lesbian Center" but to me it was home. They're really great people.

KTC · Jun 25, 2010

and the sign says you gotta have a membership card to get inside.

but not here. at aw. where your writing family is. (-;

Jersey Chick · Jun 25, 2010

We'll adopt you - but I'll warn you, my kids are little heathens. They will climb all over you and, if you have a cell phone, my son will steal it and run for the hills, where he will proceed to make all sorts of long distance calls and run up data charges.

Oh... and then there's the dog...

SWest · Jun 25, 2010

Wayne K said:
I thought marching in the gay pride parade every year and having a boyfriend (who I introduced as my boyfriend) was enough for them to get the hint.

Now it just feels like they were trying to push me into the closet.

The wife and me are loading up the truck at the end of the summer and getting the hell outta here. I won't allow anyone to treat me like that, family or not.

So, who's going to adopt me?

Wayne K said:
But my real probleem is that they're acting like this is some kind of revelation. Like my whole life never happened, or I was hiding it all these years.

Ah, the old dismissing "activities" as some kind of political Phase. I know it well. Just because you're "Progressive"? This does not translate to personal identity in closed or fearful minds. People are free to rationalize ad lib.

Their loss. Our gain! We're having casserole for dinner...OK to be late.

Shakesbear · Jun 25, 2010

don't know what to say - 'cept, yes, you and the wife are welcome in my home.

sunandshadow · Jun 25, 2010

Not about sexuality but, I've been an atheist for at least 12 years, yet because I politely don't make a big deal about it several of my family members like to conveniently overlook this fact. Then, I've been living platonically with a male friend for several years, and I've actively tried to correct people - he's not my boyfriend, I'm not sleeping with him, we are never going to get married - and yet he still gets introduced as my boyfriend. *eyeroll* I don't think moving is the answer, I think being yourself, correcting others politely when they act like idiots, and maybe being a little louder about it (I should get some atheist pride t-shirts except the idea of people trying to argue christianity to me is repulsive), is the answer.

shaldna · Jun 25, 2010

joyce said:
I'll adopt you. The 12 year olds I know sure know more about sex today than I knew at 20.

I have a 3 year old daughter who is fully aware that some boys have girlfriends and some have boyfriends, and she sees nothing odd about that.

I have a couple of close relatives who are gay, and my daughters has an aunt and uncle (on her fathers side) who are both gay, so she's always been aware that everyone's relationships are different.

Having heard some of the stories here I#m really thankful that I have the family I do. We were brought up pretty liberally, and that's what I'm trying to do with my kids. I don#t want them to think of anything as being somehow wrong or not 'normal'

shaldna · Jun 25, 2010

sunandshadow said:
Not about sexuality but, I've been an atheist for at least 12 years, yet because I politely don't make a big deal about it several of my family members like to conveniently overlook this fact. Then, I've been living platonically with a male friend for several years, and I've actively tried to correct people - he's not my boyfriend, I'm not sleeping with him, we are never going to get married - and yet he still gets introduced as my boyfriend. *eyeroll* I don't think moving is the answer, I think being yourself, correcting others politely when they act like idiots, and maybe being a little louder about it (I should get some atheist pride t-shirts except the idea of people trying to argue christianity to me is repulsive), is the answer.

ha. and i bet these are teh same people who would be horrified if you were sleeping with him.

kuwisdelu · Jun 25, 2010

I'd adopt ya, but I think that'd be a little odd given how much younger I am....

Wayne K · Jun 25, 2010

kuwisdelu said:
I'd adopt ya, but I think that'd be a little odd given how much younger I am....

No one here would judge us

Alan Yee · Jun 25, 2010

Sorry, can't adopt you. Like Kuwi, I'm old enough to be your son. My family's house is too full, and my parents would definitely not think very highly of you. Besides, they don't even know I'm gay yet. If they did, they'd think you were taking advantage of me.

But I'd happily adopt you if I could.

Diana Hignutt · Jun 25, 2010

Ya know, I'm also up for adoption, I believe...

Okay, now I'm pissed

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