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Chapter 8 : In Which Jaycinth Calls in a Few Chips
"Laura?"
"Yes, George."
"Did you hear that noise?"
"What noise, George?"
"You didn't hear it? It was kind of like an explosion--a loud bang. Sounded just like that time Jaycinth and me was shooting at the press corps from the Oval Office windows."
"That's nice, George."
"Say, Laura?"
"What, George?"
"I wonder what ever happened to Jaycinth. Do you suppose she's still hanging out with that dawg feller?"
"I have no idea. Why don't you call her and see how she's doing?"
"I got a better idea. I'll just have Air Force One fly me to--"
"Dammit, George. How many times do I have to tell you. You're not the President anymore?"
"I'm not?"
"No. There's a new President."
"Is it that Baroque feller we met right before we moved back to Crawford?"
"It's Barack, George, and, yes, he's the new President."
"Baroque's the new President, huh? Maybe I'll just give him a call."
#
Barack took the phone off speaker, picked it up, and gestured wildly as he paced. Michelle knew something was up, but she had no idea how bad it really was.
"Jaycinth, you say?" said Barack into the receiver. "I've always wanted to meet Jaycinth."
"Yes. Uh-huh. Okay, I'll do it. I'll send the plane ahead for you."
Barack hung up the phone, walked over to the closet and began packing.
"What's up, honey?" said Michelle. "Who was that on the phone? And are you going on another trip?"
"It was George. Something about one of our constituents needing my help. Anyhow, he and I are going to take care of the problem."
Barack stopped, raised his eyes to the ceiling and slapped his forehead.
"Oh, crap. It didn't occur to me. I'm gonna need a second plane. I'm sending Air Force One ahead to pick him up. Honey, would you mind calling Nancy and arranging to borrow one of her planes?"
"I will not. You're the President. She's only the Speaker. You handle it."
"She won't listen to me. She hates me. Remember how she kept kicking me during the State of the Union speech?"
"I don't see why you need one of her planes anyhow."
"The back-up's in the shop, so Nancy's is the only other plane equipped to fly governmental officials."
"Maybe so, but don't you think it's an inappropriate use of the peoples' money?
Michelle looked at Barack. Barack looked at Michelle. Then they both looked at each other before breaking out in hysterical laughter and rolling around and around on the floor like little kids. It took a good ten minutes for the hilarity to die down. Michelle caught her breath first. She stood up, and between giggles, said, "Whew! I guess that really was funnier than I thought."
"Yup. Good one, dear," said Barack, still grinning ear to ear. "Tell you what. I'll have Joe call Nancy. Joe never shuts up, and Nancy can't stand him. She'll say 'yes' just to get him off the phone. And besides, Joe will be happy to finally have something to do."
"Perfect. Joe will--
"Honey? Why are you packing that?"
"The Teleprompter? Well, you never know. It could come in handy."
"Leave it home, Barry. SRSLY."
"Sigh."
Barack's disappointment didn't last long, though, as the Presidential daughters came bounding into the room. The girls always brought out that bright smile.
"We heard you were going on another trip again, Daddy."
"That's right, Malia. Daddy's got to go fight the forces of evil in order to protect the American Way."
"Awesome," said Sasha. "Can I come?"
"No, baby. It could be dangerous. I'll be meeting with someone named Jaycinth, and --"
"Daddy, Daddy, we learned all about Jaycinth in school. She's real neat, see, she's a fairy and she has this puppy. He's kind of undead, and I'd really, really like to see him. Can I come? Can I, can I, can I?"
Barack looked at Michelle, who threw up her arms in surrender. "It's up to you, Barry. If you think it's safe enough, go ahead and take 'em along. I'll get their assignments from school."
"Well, okay then. We'll do it. You kids have to be good, though. And you probably shouldn't pet that dog."
"But, Daddy!"
"Oh, okay. Just don't kiss him on the face."
#
I'd changed out of my bloody clothes and burned them in the fireplace. The hot shower felt good on my aching muscles. Haggis kept trying to snuggle in between 'the girls,' but I kicked him out and told him to take his own damn shower.
I stepped out, dried off , slipped on a flimsy nightgown and poured myself a fifth of Captain. Neat. I had one more call to make.
"Hello?" said the voice on the other end.
"Tiger? It's me."
"Jaycinth? I told you never to call me here."
"How the hell am I supposed to know where you are? I called your cell phone."
"Never mind. What do you want."
"You. Here. Tomorrow by 6:00 PM."
"I can't. I just can't. I've got a group therapy meeting."
"So then, you're saying you don't mind if I send these pictures to Elin."
"What pic--
"Oh, shit."
"Exactly."
"But, how will I explain--"
"That's your problem."
"Crap."
"Indeed. See you at six."
I poured myself another fifth. This was beginning to work out just fine.
