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David McAfee
05-28-2010, 04:36 AM
Somewhere in cyberspace, probably sitting in the shadow of the latest Microsoft glitch, there is a fat gray gremlin that has developed a taste for my outgoing email. Something about my name in the FROM: section adds that extra bit of spice to the greasy little bugger's diet, and he just can't get enough. He scours the internet every day, harvesting anything he can find with my name attached to it. Then he takes these little bits and bobs home in a tattered burlap sack slung over his shoulder.

I can picture him now. A short, wrinkled figure hunched over a small table made from a slab of plywood and two cinder blocks. Wispy tufts of white hair spring from his scalp in all directions like a beat up troll doll. He's probably sitting on a milk crate, happily munching away on my latest communicae. His beady eyes shining with delight as he chuckles between mouthfuls. He's probably thinking to himself "I bet that McAfee loser wonders why no one ever emails him back," just before he erupts in another fit of laughter, spraying half-chewed pieces of my email in a wide arc.

The little bastard has something stuck between his crooked yellow teeth. Is that a piece of today's email to St. Martin's Press? Doggone it, I think it is!

No wonder they never wrote me back.

Drachen Jager
05-28-2010, 05:14 AM
Yep, I bet it's the name. The more famous McAfee is responsible for the deaths of so many of the e-mail monster's virus friends after all.