Saying Goodbye...

How long have you had the dogs? I feel for you having been through this... It's not easy and honestly I have no real advice to give you other then time helps heal.

I don't have any tips, Caro...but I have lots of sympathy. I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. I can't imagine how hard it would be...both the decision and the following through with it. I'm sorry.

I don't know if there is a way to make it easier...either on yourself our the kids. Just...honesty. and love. They'll get through it...it's something you don't want to have to put them through...but it's also unavoidable.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

First:

Putting down a pet is a very difficult decision, and it hurts, too. I remember when my cat died. I cried for several days, and so did my mom. I can't really tell you of a way to make it easier other than to remind yourself and your kids that the doggies are in a better place.

I think you need another hug.

And one for your kids:

Grieving and loss are very individual and complicated experiences. This type of forum is limited in what it can provide you specifically. Talk with your pediatrician or her/his staff to get age-appropriate advice.

You would have to know how well your children will be able to cope at a full school day under these circumstances.

Depending on their ages, they may wish to be included in the inventory and disposition. "Would this dish/bed/toy still be good enough to donate to the pet shelter?" Etc.

I just thought of something my friend did with her kids, Caro.

The day before- they went to the vet and he helped her and the kids do paw imprints--using some kind of ink on her dog's paws--on some really good paper. And they framed it. A keepsake. I think it's actually something that particular vet does...but it's probably something you could do yourself with the kids too. ??

I don't think that you should take them with you. It might be too much for them. Of course, I don't know your kids, so it's hard for me to judge.

I am so sorry, Carogirl. I still weep over a dog and a cat that I had as a kid, that was decades ago!

Just a thought: have you considered NOT putting the dogs' stuff away and letting the kids help you put their things away? It might be a nice thing to help them say goodbye.

ETA: sorry, I'm missed your answer to SWest's question. Big hugs to you and your family.

Our culture does not expose kids to natural dying, and media images are not real substitutes. I've never seen folks bring children of these ages to the clinic, even if they opted to take remains back home.

Euthanasia is something that is done TO a pet...so it can appear aggressive and cold. Some of the dying process can be hard to witness as well, even though the pet's ability to feel and sense has been fully sedated. Stuff of bad dreams, IMO.

CaroGirl said:

That's a lovely idea. I might try to do that at home this weekend, if the kids are receptive.

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I think the major pet stores have a clay paw imprint kit, too...but that's a bit more kitschy and messy.

I'm so sorry, Caro. It's a very difficult thing to do. When I had to put my beautiful Siamese from South Africa (it was like letting go of the last bit that was my life there as well as my beloved baby) I explained to the kids why the vet and I decided not to take any more heroic efforts to save her. That it was literally torturing her to do so and that because she was so ill she couldn't even complain to tell us she needed to go.

I sat and held her while the vet put her to sleep and I still cry today thinking of how much we missed her. Some nights I swear I feel her crawl between my legs to cuddle up and sleep. Your beloved babies will always be with you.

I'd advise against taking the kids - when I had to have my cat put to sleep, he had a few involuntary motions that freaked me out, and I was in my 30s. It still kind of haunts me, to be honest.

I'm so sorry you have to make the decision - it's the hardest one I've ever had to make and I've been through it four times (two were my animals, two belonged to my mom).

When I had to have my dog Bear put to sleep, I sat on the floor with him (he was a big shepherd collie mix), his head in my lap and just petted him. That way, he knew I was there and he was loved. (I'm tearing now just writing this, and he died in Nov. 2002.)

I wish I thought of a paw print, but I have his ashes in a nice little box, along with his collar and favorite toy on a shelf in my office. That way he's always there, just like in life.

The day we had to do it, I was a mess. I went to take a nap and my husband, trying to be helpful, cleaned out all of Bear's stuff. I was kind of upset at the time, but I understood why he did it. He didn't want me to have to do it, but honestly - I'd rather have been the one because Bear was my dog before we got married.

I'd say prepare yourself to hear and see them for a while. The first couple of nights were the worst - I kept hearing him and I'd swear I could see him. My mind played tricks on me to the point where I would have sworn I saw his tail vanish around a corner and it was so real, like he'd just gone into the next room and I'd see him if I was fast enough. It was odd.

It's a sucky thing to go through many to you.

I had to put a dog down about a month ago. It was my first time. It was not fun. You have my deep and sincere sympathies.

Not that you had suggested it, but I'll second the "don't bring your kids to the main event" advice. I'm a grown man and it damn near killed me.

You might want to fry up a couple of pounds of bacon for your guys before you take them in. I did, and it seemed to be appreciated.

For me the first week or so was the worst. After that it got more manageable.

I have another dog (about 1y old) who reminds me a lot of the one I had to put down. He's been a real comfort. You might consider that.

Good luck, and I'm sorry.

I agree with Jersy and shawkins, I didn't take my children and I'm really glad. Especially my youngest who was 10 at the time. He's a very sensitive person and never been able to handle things like that. With his disabilities it would have caused a lot of physical and mental trauma.

When I had my dog put down, the vet had me leave the room for the injection, but then let me come back and see him afterwards. He was still wheezing and jerking. I've never cried so hard in my life. Then the Vet came in and said, "Oh, he's dead. Those are just reflex reactions." and he poked my dog in the eye. "See?"

Asshole.

Anyway, I wouldn't want to go through that again, least of all having my kids go through it. Seeing the dog die is emotionally wrenching.

Shadow_Ferret said:

When I had my dog put down, the vet had me leave the room for the injection, but then let me come back and see him afterwards. He was still wheezing and jerking. I've never cried so hard in my life. Then the Vet came in and said, "Oh, he's dead. Those are just reflex reactions." and he poked my dog in the eye. "See?"

Asshole.

Anyway, I wouldn't want to go through that again, least of all having my kids go through it. Seeing the dog die is emotionally wrenching.

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Seriously, I just gasped.

My vet was the exact polar opposite. They had already inserted the IV by the time I got there and when she gave her the shot, she said, "Good night our beloved little Princess, we love you and we will miss you." And she BAWLED.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Asshole.

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Indeed.

My vet told me to expect a few twitches after the heart stops. There were. To me, watching those was the absolute worst part of the whole extra-specially un-fun experience. However, I'm glad (if that's the word) that I was there for the whole thing. YMMV.

My vet was killed when he was kicked in the stomach by a deer. He loved animals.

The woman who took over his practice had no bedside manner at all. She looked at my Sehkmet and said "You know she's going to be dead soon,?"

Sehkmet outlived her by three months. I guess she got a little of my stubborn streak in her

my sincere sympathies Caro- know that you are being unbelievably kind too your guys. it will be three years this August we had to put our sweet Bear down- My kids were 9 & 10, they did not watch but DH and I were there with him until the end- If you haven't thought about what to do with their remains, might I suggest cremation- It helped my kids (and us) to know he was still with us. He has a place of honor in our living room and of course of hearts.

I would encourage you to be in the room, Caro. Or your husband. Someone that the dogs know and love so their last moments are spent surrounded by love. When I had to have my Angel put down because her cancer had come back, I went to the vet by myself. That was the hardest. I have sworn if I have to have it done again I will have my husband go with me instead of going alone. And I would encourage you, if you can not have your husband go because of the time of day to take someone with you so you are not there alone.

My vet is such a sweetheart and everyone loved Angel at the vets. The vet techs all came in and said goodbye to her. I was allowed as much time as I needed before and after. I was left alone with her after she had passed so I could say goodbye in private. I think you should ask as many questions as possible of your vet clinic to see how they handle it and what you can expect.

Once the injection is made it is very quick. I had to ask my vet when I felt Angel was gone if she really was gone, and the vet said yes. My husband and I had her cremated and then we took her ashes and had a ceremony with our son out in the swamp where she loved to run, and when we had all said what was on our hearts, I scattered her ashes in the swamp where she could run free and play forever. It has been a few years now and writing this out has me in tears again. Grief is grief and pets are a part of one's family. Be prepared to grieve your loss, and allow your family members to grieve as well. Remember the good times. Remember the love.

Be sure that you have done everything with your animals you want to do before you proceed. If there is some special food they like or some activity or whatnot, do that first. Give yourself the time you need to say goodbye. You will know when it is right.