Better than a fat turkey on a trampoline.

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Monkey

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"...the girl could flounce better than a fat turkey on a trampoline." ~ Terry Pratchett, "Making Money"


Some authors can throw off smilies and metaphors like a dog shakes off water. Terry Pratchett is one of them. I am not.

Yet.

Teach me, Oh Sages of AW...or at least amuse me with your favorite quotable quotes. I will be most grateful. :D
 

Devil Ledbetter

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"...the girl could flounce better than a fat turkey on a trampoline." ~ Terry Pratchett, "Making Money"


Some authors can throw off smilies and metaphors like a dog shakes off water. Terry Pratchett is one of them. I am not.

Yet.

Teach me, Oh Sages of AW...or at least amuse me with your favorite quotable quotes. I will be most grateful. :D
His words hung like a fart in the air between them.
 

KTC

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I had a few cheers for "as useless as bark on a donkey".
 
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She jumped off the building and her ribcage burst open like a bag of frozen soup.
 

Monkey

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I do love Douglas Adams. :D

These are great!

So any tips on how to create them?
 

waylander

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'Her boyfriend looked at me radiating hostility like bad aftershave'
 

JamieFord

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Monkey

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You guys are better than a hot fudge sundae for breakfast.

(did I get it?)

ETA: A new favorite of mine, from the link given above--"Rock out like you get paid to disturb the peace." ~ Anis Mojgani
 
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Mr Flibble

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Yes, you did

Red Dwarf is a goldmine too:

'Ran off like a gazelle on steroids'

'A name like a footballer clearing his nose'

[FONT=verdana,arial,helvetica]I'm so gorgeous, there's a six month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time I am near![/FONT]

[FONT=verdana,arial,helvetica]Garbled, confusing and quite frankly duller than an in-flight magazine produced by Air Belgium![/FONT]
 

NeuroFizz

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It's as difficult as jamming soft butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot poker.
 

Priene

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She's got a face like a bag of spanners.
 

Monkey

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Diane Wilson wrote several books, including Holy Roller http://www.amazon.com/dp/1933392827/?tag=absolutewritedm-20
and
An Unreasonable Woman (which is also listed on that page--and btw, I got that lovely simile in the OP, the one about dogs and water, from the intro to this one)

What really made these books was the language used by Ms. Wilson--it was beautifully evocative and absolutely littered with simile and metaphor. But in reading them, I noticed that her similes and metaphors were always related to the text; in Holy Roller, things were compared to things from biblical stories or related to the culture of the church, in An Unreasonable Woman, they were always somehow related to the sea, or to shrimping, or to something that was near-and-dear to us South Texans. Every simile and metaphor was evocative not just because the comparison was apt, but also because it brought us deeper into the mindset of the MC (who was also the narrator.)

She even brought up the sea in a character description (and how's this for squeezing in the similes and metaphors): "Baby's [a male character's nickname] smell was as hard as the walls in the house, and around his shirt collar and his hair was a scent of the sea, and against his wrist was a layer as thick as my hand."

So, I'm asking: how important is it, how desirable, that our similes and metaphors relate to the themes of the text?

My inclination, after reading the two novels above, is to say that it's very desirable, that it really helps the reader to get a feel for what's going on...but Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett often use them just to give a sense of the absurd, and that seems to work well, too.
 

Mr Flibble

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So, I'm asking: how important is it, how desirable, that our similes and metaphors relate to the themes of the text?
Maybe no to the themes of the text but certainly to the interests and reality of your narrator. For instance I have a sailor - all his metaphors are 'like a thousand fathoms of sea' 'like a sudden squall' 'Wild and capricious, like the sea'

That they fit your narrator is (imo) more important than their relation to your theme

If they are an artist - they should be all about colour and form
If an accountant, maybe all about numbers and rules

etc etc
 
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