PDA

View Full Version : people who want you to succeed



jerry phoenix
05-10-2010, 03:44 PM
i only know of three people who want me to succeed; my wife and two friends. most other people i know seem indifferent. some seem to want me to fail, ignoring any good news i get and enjoying any bad news.

i no longer talk about my work with anyone unless asked, and then i keep it short. i heard a german proverb that i keep in mind. 'anything that grows makes no noise'. these days i write much more than i talk about writing. i admit it was not always thus.

i cant help but to feel bitter towards those who will not credit my effort.

how many people that you know want you to succeed?

scarletpeaches
05-10-2010, 04:32 PM
I know people who want me to succeed until I do.

Which is sad.

aadams73
05-10-2010, 04:37 PM
I haven't really thought about it. I don't talk much about what I do. What I think matters, but beyond that I'm not fussed. My family, definitely, and my friends. Most people are too busy being caught up in the things that are important to them to spend time being someone else's champion. I don't worry about it--I just focus on what's important to me.

Let it go. Bitterness isn't worth the damage it does to you.

scarletpeaches
05-10-2010, 04:41 PM
I agree that bitterness does nothing for your career. You'll never make someone give a damn about your writing; that way lies emotional exhaustion.

It's cool to have a champion, though, so value them when they appear.

I know plenty of people who talk about writing far more than they actually do anything about it, so in my opinion, taking an "anything that grows makes no noise" attitude is wise. Don't talk about what you're going to do...do it, then present people with the evidence of your achievement.

That way, even if they don't give you credit, you've still got something to show for your efforts, whether it be a book, a contract, an agent or simply...money!

Not that you should write to earn people's affections, but what I mean is, it's better to write than to tell people you're going to write.

DeleyanLee
05-10-2010, 04:42 PM
i heard a german proverb that i keep in mind. 'anything that grows makes no noise'.

Excellent quote. I'm not sure it prevails in everything, but I really like it for writing.

The vast majority of people in my life I can't get rid of (family) are either indifferent or destructive to my writing. Thus, I choose to hang with only those who are supportive of what I choose to do with my time. Quality over quantity is what matters, after all.

scarletpeaches
05-10-2010, 04:44 PM
Here's another fantastic quote, which might be relevant, might not. But I like it.

"Desire is prayer." -Terry McMillan

Julie Worth
05-10-2010, 05:10 PM
i only know of three people who want me to succeed; my wife and two friends. most other people i know seem indifferent. some seem to want me to fail, ignoring any good news i get and enjoying any bad news.

This is just human nature, and why people enjoy books where the protagonist experiences every sort of failure and difficulty.

icerose
05-10-2010, 05:11 PM
This used to really tick me off, a real thorn in my side. I had daydreams of accepting awards and publicly embarrassing all those people who treated me so horribly over all this.

Then I realized it didn't matter what they thought, what mattered is what I thought. If I loved my writing and if I wanted to succeed. All the people cheering me on in the world to succeed wouldn't exchange the work and effort I needed to do.

I pushed them completely out of my mind and focused. Sometimes those people will somewhat acknowledge the progress I've made, the jobs I've wrangled in, other times they are completely indifferent or worse, they do everything in their power to undermine my efforts and make them look like nothing. It still doesn't matter because their opinion on my writing and my efforts don't matter to me. My husband, my kids, and a portion of my family support me. That's good enough for me.

shaldna
05-10-2010, 05:20 PM
At the end of the day does it really matter what these people think?

scarletpeaches
05-10-2010, 05:23 PM
Yes. Or threads like this wouldn't exist.

ChaosTitan
05-10-2010, 05:25 PM
it's better to write than to tell people you're going to write.

QFT.

While most of my family and some friends new I wrote, they didn't really know how serious I was about it. Only my parents and sister really knew I was submitting to agents, because I mentioned it a few times. I didn't complain to them about every rejection or celebrate every request.

Part of my silence was fear. Fear of jinxing my chances if I talked about it too much. Fear of being seen as a failure if I had never managed to write something worth an agent/editor's time. When I finally started celebrating my book contract, I can't count the number of times someone in my life looked at me and said, "You wrote a book?" :)

The most important people in my life knew I was writing and they cheered me on. And they still do.

Cella
05-10-2010, 05:25 PM
**Hugs thread**

jerry phoenix
05-10-2010, 05:29 PM
let go the bitterness, i know i should. feeling better, less bitter, already.

i too imagine what veiled insults i will deliver to all those who didnt recognise, nay celebrate my obvious talent while being interveiwed by mariella frostrup or kirsty wark about my new beautiful work of staggering genius(appologies to Randy 'the snowflake guy' Immergnnerunston)

thanks for the comments guys. nice to know i am not alone in my endevours

Jamesaritchie
05-10-2010, 05:30 PM
i only know of three people who want me to succeed; my wife and two friends. most other people i know seem indifferent. some seem to want me to fail, ignoring any good news i get and enjoying any bad news.

i no longer talk about my work with anyone unless asked, and then i keep it short. i heard a german proverb that i keep in mind. 'anything that grows makes no noise'. these days i write much more than i talk about writing. i admit it was not always thus.

i cant help but to feel bitter towards those who will not credit my effort.

how many people that you know want you to succeed?

Most people you know seem indifferent? What's wrong with that? Why should they feel any other way? You don't honestly expect everyone to cheer when you talk about something that just doesn't interest them, do you?

If you want to watch eyes glaze over instantly, just start talking about writing.

What difference does it make whether people want you to succeed of fail?
It's good that your wife wants you to succeed, just to keep harmony in the house, but outside of this, who cares?

I suppose it gives you someone to blame if you do fail, but that's about it. I also know that sometimes those who seem to want you to fail can be those who care the most. Those who know little about writing just go by the numbers, and the numbers say you will fail. This is true is sports, in business, and in writing.

Which means sometimes some people push you to quit because they don't want you living a life of poverty and failed dreams.

But either way, who cares?

Talk is cheap, and impresses no one. Nor should it. It usually comes out as bragging, or complaining, or as a pipe dream.

Other than your wife, you should only talk about writing with other writers, and then darned little. For that matter, you should only talk to your wife about it if you know she's actually wants to hear it. Too many would-be writers talk much and write little.

Are you writing because you LOVE to write, and really want to be a writer, or are you writing to impress other people? If it's the first, you shouldn't need to talk about it to every Tom, Dick, and Harriette, or at all. It shouldn't matter who wants you to succeed or fail. You're already doing what you love to do. You're writing.

If it's the second, you've already failed.

Talk less, write more, and don't expect people to care one way or the other. People are the way they are. They have their own interests, their own lives to live, their own dreams and ambitions, and it's not right to expect anyone outside your immediate family to care one way or the other. And by immediate, I mean anyone living in the same house you do, and your parents. That's it. And even they don't have to gush and cheer. They just have to care about you.

Talk less, write more. If you fail, it will be because you talk too much and write too little, or lack discipline, or simply lack talent. It won't be because people are indifferent, or even because people hate you and pray for you to fail.

scarletpeaches
05-10-2010, 05:30 PM
jerry, darling...let go of the bitterness. Think not of all the insults you will throw their way.

Jesus, man, have you no self-respect?

A good big kneecapping works much better.

jerry phoenix
05-10-2010, 05:38 PM
james. scarlet. re the bucket of cold water and several slaps in the face.

ummm, thank you?

NeuroFizz
05-10-2010, 06:12 PM
The only person to worry about is the person you see when you look in the mirror. If, at the end of each day, you can look at that person and convince him you did something productive and/or worthwhile that day, you can go to bed a content person. If you did nothing producive and/or worthwhile, it's okay to be upset, but only at that person. If someone other than the mirror-person steps up and commends you on one of your activities, consider that a wonderful gift. Only a person with a sense of entitlement should expect that kind of gift from anyone but the mirror-person.

Just to let you know, though. The reason I hang out here at AW is to give/receive that mutual hope and encouragement of success in this writing thing we all do. If only half the people here of a like mind, you have hundreds, if not thousands of people who are interested in your success, and their willingness to contribute here shows it to you every day.

Becky Black
05-10-2010, 06:14 PM
Whenever someone is doing something that's a big, difficult, but worthwhile challenge, whether it's writing a book, starting a business, losing a load of weight, training to run a marathon, whatever, there'll be people who want them to fail, because it reminds them that they themselves have never dared take on such a challenge and chase their dreams. Tall poppy syndrome. They want you cut down to their size.

Forget them. Be the tall poppy. One thing you can guarantee is, if you do become a hugely bestselling and rich writer they'll still try to borrow money from you even though they always said nothing would come of that writing nonsense.

NeuroFizz
05-10-2010, 06:18 PM
...and may your tall poppyism resin-ate to be the opiate of the masses.

Devil Ledbetter
05-10-2010, 06:28 PM
Everyone wants my novel to get published. Except, apparently, agents.

Namatu
05-10-2010, 06:30 PM
Don't worry about the people who are indifferent or worse. They're not worth the energy required for the emotional upheaval and space to think about them. Your writing needs your energy far more.

Also, everything Neuro said. Especially:
...and may your tall poppyism resin-ate to be the opiate of the masses.

Celia Cyanide
05-10-2010, 06:33 PM
Yes. Or threads like this wouldn't exist.

I know it probably shouldn't matter, but what other people say does bother me. It's hard to be excited about your successes when you know that there are other people who will do everything they can to downplay them.

Phaeal
05-10-2010, 06:46 PM
Three people who want you to succeed? You're doing pretty good! Add another person when you count yourself.

Here's something I've observed about writing. It's your worst bet if you want to take up some art and get general admiration for it. Why? Because nobody is impressed by a big pile of pages with words, words, words on them. To be impressed, they have to take the time and make the effort to read.

Whereas, if you draw or paint or sculpt, lots of people are going to instantly gasp in amazement; they can see at a glance that you have a talent most don't. If you can sing or play an instrument, ditto -- doesn't take them much effort to hear that you're good. Dance, ditto. Acting would be ditto, except people might have to buy a ticket to see that you're good at it, and that could be a deterrent. ;)

Painting or drawing are probably the best attention-getters. Go set up an easel before any scenic view and start dabbing at a canvas. Everyone passing by will crane his neck or edge up to get a look at your creation. The less diffident will come right up and goggle. And you don't even have to be Picasso -- bare proficiency will suffice to awe the majority.

The other thing about the visual and musical arts. Most people will be impressed that you can just DO them. You don't have to have galleries clamoring for your work or recording contracts. Dance talent you can show off for the price of a club admission or contest entry.

Acting is more difficult, in that I find people do judge your success by whether you can get a part. So that's more analogous to writing.

Writing, though. It's still about the worst attention getter, because for most civilians, you ain't a real writer until you're published. Besides, ANYONE who's literate can write. Right? :tongue

Just observations. I'm not trying to drive all you people into the other arts. Really.

DeleyanLee
05-10-2010, 06:51 PM
Sometimes it's hard to believe it doesn't matter when the people you live with mock what you do, when your social group undermines your goals and dreams. It's all selfish and destructive on their part, but sometimes it's really hard to ignore.

It's easy for an outsider to say "don't listen to them" or "move out/get a new job/avoid them" but not all people have the financial options to be able to do it. It can be a really toxic situation, rather like La Brea Tar Pits.

For those who've never faced it, count yourself as supremely blessed by whatever diety/force you prefer. For those who have the personal and financial strength to barrel through it and make the changes quickly, also count yourself as blessed. There's plenty who have to spend a lot of time and energy to get what you came by so naturally.

DeleyanLee
05-10-2010, 06:53 PM
Then there's this bit of Muppet inspiration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioR28cNX33Y

thehairymob
05-10-2010, 07:01 PM
I think the worst sort of flattery is when it is false. While working on your project your friend says how good it sounds but no sooner have you finished then the friend tears it to bits. They don't offer anything that, may improve it and when you question them closely enough you can tell they haven't really read it. Istead they have based their critism on the snippets they read over your shoulder as you wrote it. It is then you realise how false they are and then you have to draw what you can from what they have said, yet mainly ignore them. For in the end you can not true trust their opinion.

jerry phoenix
05-10-2010, 07:20 PM
...and may your tall poppyism resin-ate to be the opiate of the masses.


:)ho ho. very droll

Libbie
05-10-2010, 08:11 PM
how many people that you know want you to succeed?

I think I'm really fortunate in that I have a lot of great people in my life who want me to succeed almost as badly as I want me to succeed.

My agent. My sister. My writers' group. My mom. My close friends. Even my co-workers ask me all the time how my books are going. Hell, the barista I see a couple times a week at Starbucks keeps tabs on my submissions and asks me how they're going.

After reading this thread, I feel really lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. Yes, there are some a-holes who are jealous and would be thrilled if I didn't succeed. They can go suck an egg. The people who matter to me love me and are excited to see my successes.

askcb
05-10-2010, 08:14 PM
Interesting discussion. I only recently let anyone besides my hubby and mother know that I was writing a novel. Even though I've always written in some form, it was always a source of embarrassment for me--like "I want to be a princess when I grow up *swoon*", being a writer seemed like a silly dream. Since "coming clean" my friends are incredibly supportive, and my husband has always supported me.

However, I'm well aware that my sister/brother/mother will feel resentful if I'm published. Not because they don't want me to do well, but because they aren't. They would take it as some sort of twisted challenge on my part, like hey--look at me doing better than you...which is crappy but that's the way our family dynamics work.

I'm well on my way to being a bonafide adult (29!), and I've just figured out that I can't let other people's perceptions of me cloud my happiness or success or goals. Whether or not you're cheered on or booed shouldn't matter. All you can do is just do what you do.

-Kaylyn

brainstorm77
05-10-2010, 08:42 PM
I can't say that this is even a concern of mine. My family know I write. They're good with it. Never had an issue.

KathleenD
05-10-2010, 08:48 PM
Istead they have based their critism on the snippets they read over your shoulder as you wrote it.

Anyone reading over my shoulder while I'm writing is gonna lose an eye. Besides, who'd want to read the equivalent of sausage making?

On topic: I'm trying to think of anyone who'd want to wish failure on anyone else in my own circle of friends. I don't see anyone, but I hope they aren't like deer ticks, in being hard to spot until you're dying from whatever pestilence.

thehairymob
05-10-2010, 08:57 PM
They can be until the take a chunk out of your leg. As for looking over your shoulder, I tend to ignore it as much as I can to keep the peace. If it gets too troublesome then I flick up my browser and check whats happening on the forums. :)

Wayne K
05-10-2010, 09:14 PM
The key to happiness is to find the few people who notice your achievements and cheer for you, and to keep them close. Even if they're few, and not the people you expected

Jamesaritchie
05-10-2010, 09:38 PM
It's hard to be excited about your successes when you know that there are other people who will do everything they can to downplay them.

Only if they know about them.

But, really, why should what other people think make it difficult to be excited by your own success? Is your success for you, or for them?

If I won the Nobel Prize, I'd do my best to keep it secret. It's still the Nobel Prize, even if I don't go around telling people I won it.

I care what many other people think about me, as well, but I am not my successes or my failures. Winning a Nobel would not make me a different person, and certainly not a better person. Some real sleazoids have won the Nobel, and they remained sleazoids after winning it.

Some truly wonderful, amazing, loving, hard-working, generous people have never won anything, or received any public recognition at all, partly because they don't go around telling everyone they do such things.

Is the Nobel Prize winner a better, more important person because people praise his succces, or the unrecognized but loving, generous, hard-working person less so if some criticize their deeds?

When people downplay your accomplishments, smile. Be happy, for yourself, and be sympathetic toward them. They need your sympathy much more than you need their approval.

Stormhawk
05-11-2010, 12:37 AM
My partner, my friends and my small fanbase of crazy people. :)

Kensington
05-11-2010, 12:53 AM
We shouldn't need the encouragement or approval of others. We have to learn to be our own best buddy. Our sense of self has to come from within. To look for it in others is a bit like dropping our keys in the living room, and then going out underneath a street light to look for them.

KTC
05-11-2010, 12:56 AM
I know people who want me to succeed until I do.

Which is sad.


Well, I want you to succeed repeatedly...so there.

KTC
05-11-2010, 12:56 AM
I have a sickening amount of support...an army of people who want me to succeed. I'm blessed that way.

askcb
05-11-2010, 02:04 AM
The key to happiness is to find the few people who notice your achievements and cheer for you, and to keep them close. Even if they're few, and not the people you expected
Very wise, Wayne. Very wise indeed.

-Kaylyn

Celia Cyanide
05-11-2010, 02:06 AM
But, really, why should what other people think make it difficult to be excited by your own success?

It shouldn't. But it does sometimes.

Miss Plum
05-11-2010, 02:13 AM
I've always been very supportive of others' success, and those others are rooting for me in my writing endeavors. Anyone who doesn't want me to succeed is way off my radar.

Monkey
05-11-2010, 02:43 AM
Most of the people around me seem to have the "anyone can write" mentality. I get a lot of
"You're still working on that book?"
"Why don't you just get an agent?" and
"When's that book coming out?"

And when I ask for beta readers, I tend to get a "Nah, I'll just read it when it comes out."

I've gotten to where I don't talk about writing much. Which might be what they were after in the first place. :D

This is one of the reasons we have AW: no one understands writing like writers, and this is a good place to get support or the occasional much-needed prodding.

linfred4
05-11-2010, 02:45 AM
I would say my hubby and my best friend, my mom and also my aunt and uncle.
But I too have a few friends that are unsure about my writing they say to me good ofr you I hope it works out. But when my back is turned they say to my other friends well, see how long she last at this untill she fails or needs money to pay to get more into it.
I just keep to my self and well just to my mom and hubby and my best friend. That's it.

Kensington
05-11-2010, 03:05 AM
But, really, why should what other people think make it difficult to be excited by your own success? Is your success for you, or for them?



You've nailed it there. We have to realise that we are alone (at least essentially) and the only one who matters, ultimately, is ourselves. Besides, we can never know what other people are "really" thinking, or what their agendas may be. Self sufficiency, as total as we can make it, is the key to happiness.

Annayna
05-11-2010, 03:11 AM
Very few people indeed... but when I do, I can go back to them and say guess what I did it without you :).... harsh I know but I dont care :)

backslashbaby
05-11-2010, 03:27 AM
What do these people do? Do you compliment how good they are at their job? Do you know what it takes to be good at whatever it is they do?

We shouldn't think that we are special 'cos we're writers. Compliment the police, firefighters, doctors, etc. first. I think writing is awesome, but it's a bit odd to expect people to treat it as something more worthy of talk/consideration than other things people spend so much time doing.

Want to hear about all my roses and their names and history, btw ;) ? I spend a lot of effort on them :D

Kensington
05-11-2010, 03:46 AM
Very few people indeed... but when I do, I can go back to them and say guess what I did it without you :).... harsh I know but I dont care :)

Not harsh at all, you're bang on the money. :-)

Namatu
05-11-2010, 03:48 AM
What do these people do? Do you compliment how good they are at their job? Do you know what it takes to be good at whatever it is they do?

We shouldn't think that we are special 'cos we're writers. Compliment the police, firefighters, doctors, etc. first. I think writing is awesome, but it's a bit odd to expect people to treat it as something more worthy of talk/consideration than other things people spend so much time doing.This is some good perspective. Should we expect any more interest in our job/hobby than we give to someone else for theirs?

There's a difference between disinterest and outright discouragement or negativity. I don't really expect people to want to read my work, but I also have no desire to hear about their roses. ;) Discouragement and negativity are harder to deal with, especially if you can't remove yourself from the people issuing it. So you come here, and you get support from other writers, and you keep going knowing you're doing what you want to do, working toward your writing goals, and anything else is grist for the fiction mill.

Also, this:
Be happy, for yourself, and be sympathetic toward them. They need your sympathy much more than you need their approval.Because people who have that much negativity to spew at others must be very unhappy themselves, and that's really sad. You, however, can control how you let their words affect you. It's a hard thing to do, but you can alter your emotional responses.

Yes, I'm one of those nauseatingly bright-sided people. :Sun: And yes, I have altered my emotional responses. Never immediately, but eventually. One thing I always ask myself is, Are the words/this person worth spending all this emotional upset on? Usually the answer is no, and that helps me get started in letting it go. Then again, I don't have to with any of the people who can piss me off.

Jersey Chick
05-11-2010, 03:52 AM
I have a sickening amount of support...an army of people who want me to succeed. I'm blessed that way.
As am I. I'm surrounded by people who celebrate the tiniest little success. They've all believed in me even when I didn't.

Polenth
05-11-2010, 03:57 AM
I don't know for sure who wants me to succeed, as I don't talk about writing much with other people. When an interest isn't shared, it's difficult to hold a conversation about it. I avoid delivering monologues about my interests.

My family want me to succeed and I think some of my blog readers do too. That came as a surprise to me, because I didn't think people would really read my blog or care at this stage in the game.

Libbie
05-11-2010, 05:33 AM
We shouldn't need the encouragement or approval of others. We have to learn to be our own best buddy. Our sense of self has to come from within. To look for it in others is a bit like dropping our keys in the living room, and then going out underneath a street light to look for them.

I'm all for having a great self-esteem and believing in your own potential, but the reality is that we are social animals. We DO need encouragement and approval from others, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's natural to seek acceptance for our achievements from our community.

We can carry that need too far, of course, and make ourselves neurotic. There's a fine balance to strike between self-esteem and achieving whatever measure of recognition feels comfortable to you.

Kensington
05-11-2010, 06:40 AM
I'm all for having a great self-esteem and believing in your own potential, but the reality is that we are social animals. We DO need encouragement and approval from others, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's natural to seek acceptance for our achievements from our community.

We can carry that need too far, of course, and make ourselves neurotic. There's a fine balance to strike between self-esteem and achieving whatever measure of recognition feels comfortable to you.

Agreed.

aadams73
05-11-2010, 07:02 AM
Very few people indeed... but when I do, I can go back to them and say guess what I did it without you :).... harsh I know but I dont care :)


Not harsh at all, you're bang on the money. :-)

Why bother? It's just a waste of time and energy.

If they don't care, they don't care. Move on. Celebrate with those who do if you're moved to do so.

Life's just too short, ya know? :)

Miss Plum
05-11-2010, 08:04 AM
What do these people do? Do you compliment how good they are at their job? Do you know what it takes to be good at whatever it is they do?

We shouldn't think that we are special 'cos we're writers. Compliment the police, firefighters, doctors, etc. first. I think writing is awesome, but it's a bit odd to expect people to treat it as something more worthy of talk/consideration than other things people spend so much time doing.

I see what you mean, but I think this discussion started off lamenting people who actually wish you to fail at an emotionally risky venture. Jealousy and schadenfreude seem to be the main agents.

Miss Plum
05-11-2010, 08:09 AM
I get a lot of
"You're still working on that book?"
"Why don't you just get an agent?" and
"When's that book coming out?"

Ugh, I hear ya. I'm tempted to ask, "Why don't you just pay off all your student loans? What, you're still saving for a house? Say, why don't you find a really good deal on penny stocks and make yourself a million dollars?" Simple, right?

wrangler
05-11-2010, 09:40 AM
in my life it seems people ask about my stories even though I know they feel indifferent. so when i refuse to say anything or ignore them their like, "did I do/say something wrong?"

i love my spouse, their always quick to say aloud, "like you care."

jerry phoenix
05-11-2010, 01:08 PM
i can handle indifference. i admit a level of indifference (am i spelling that right?) to my friends jobs. however, if a friend mentions work i have the decency to allow them to talk it out, if they are having a crap time of it i let them know i am on their side, if they have had a victory i celebrate it with them (with a bucket of fine dwarfen ale and a visit to the rugby;-)

there are one or two-or more- people around me who will not listen to my casual report on that 'good' rejection or the bad, form rejection. i dont bang on about the intricacies of plot or character any more but if i spend 2 minuets every couple of weeks telling where i am with my writing i dont expect people to 'wander off' or 'interupt me mid sentance with some (other) banality' and i certainly dont expect people to tell me that i shouldnt expect anything but rejection from the publishing world because i havent got an english degree.

ive got a geology degree, and a good one.

anyway, if i may, the writing is going quite well. nearly finished the new short (5K) i will go through it today and check for any crapness.

many good points have been made about not expecting adoration or wonder from any one. however, it is a normal human courtesy to let someone talk out thier concerns.

scarletpeaches
05-11-2010, 01:23 PM
We shouldn't need the encouragement or approval of others. We have to learn to be our own best buddy. Our sense of self has to come from within. To look for it in others is a bit like dropping our keys in the living room, and then going out underneath a street light to look for them.All well and good in theory, but it's all talk.

I'm a great believer in positive thinking, but I see no good in telling someone "Be your own best friend," unless you can come up with some ideas as to how.
Well, I want you to succeed repeatedly...so there.When I saw you'd replied to my post I expected something piss-takey and baboon-referencey and I was pleased to be wrong. So...thank you.
It shouldn't. But it does sometimes.Exactly. It shouldn't. It does. I don't want it to, but it does.
Why bother? It's just a waste of time and energy.

If they don't care, they don't care. Move on. Celebrate with those who do if you're moved to do so.

Life's just too short, ya know? :)Ah shaddup.

PS: Is that a halo behind you in your avatar?

aadams73
05-11-2010, 04:15 PM
Ah shaddup.

PS: Is that a halo behind you in your avatar?

I'm just not a big believer in grabbing someone by the scruff of the neck and rubbing their nose in it. I can't be bothered. I've got other things to do, like write the next book and do other stuff that makes me feel good. There might be a momentary flash of satisfaction by going, "Ha! Look what I did without you," but then I'd feel crappy and petty. It's not worth it to me.

The people whose opinions matter to me, I can count on one hand. The people whose opinions matter to me enough for me to alter how I do things or to affect how I feel: one finger. Everyone else... *shrug*

PS: You're the third person to mention the halo. :D

scarletpeaches
05-11-2010, 04:19 PM
I think the 'sun glare' hides your horns marvellously. :D

As you were.

PS: I agree that it's a waste of time trying to make people care, though. Time and energy. It stings when people who you'd think would give a damn don't. It's not that writers are speshul snowflakes, but when friends and loved ones gloss over your achievements with a dismissive "Meh," it's gotta sting. It shouldn't, but it does...hence threads like this. I reckon such occasions warrant a good big venting session. Not that it achieves anything, but it gets it off your chest and then...well, you move on and write the next book. And put someone you don't like in it as a character who gets run over by a bus driven by a rabid baboon.

CaroGirl
05-11-2010, 04:23 PM
I don't know of anyone who actively wants me to fail. But I do know who actively supports me. And it's not always who I would have thought. It's a curious phenomenon.

Shadow_Ferret
05-11-2010, 05:29 PM
There's only one person whose opinion you should care about regarding your writing career.

Your own.

No one else has any personal investment in it. To them, any discussion of your writing career is as interesting as any other job discussion. Just as your eyes might glaze over when Uncle Billy Bob starts to talk about his day at the widget factory or Aunt Stella's discussion of office politics in her typing pool, so too do people not really care about your career as a writer.

Forget about them and just write.

wrangler
05-11-2010, 06:04 PM
i only know of three people who want me to succeed; my wife and two friends. and that's about the only people who'll ever want you to succeed -until you do. but three people....think about it, that's more than enough.

How many cornermen are in a boxer's corner?

kuwisdelu
05-11-2010, 08:31 PM
This is why most of my better friends are writers or at least casual writers.

One even threatened to start submitting some of my short stories for me if I didn't start doing it on my own.


Yes. Or threads like this wouldn't exist.

If I didn't want you to succeed, there'd be one less Purefoy jpg in the world.

scarletpeaches
05-11-2010, 08:32 PM
And we both know it's a thing of beauty, my dear kuwi.

Libbie
05-11-2010, 08:46 PM
Life really is too short to bother with lording it over others once you've succeeded. That type of thinking keeps you locked into a negative mind-set, and life is much easier to enjoy when you stay positive as often as possible.

I'm thirty and I'm starting to get lines around my eyes. I want them to be smile lines and laugh lines, so that one day, even when I'm not smiling or laughing, I'll look like a happy person.

My mom is fifty-three and has too many lines on her face for a person her age. They're all frown lines. Even when she's happy, she often looks sad or angry. She's spent most of her life holding onto and nurturing negative emotions, and now it shows on her face, and will for the rest of her life.

Make sure you get the good kind of lines when you're old. Let the bad feelings go whenever you can. They don't enhance your life, and they might stick with you for a lot longer than you'd planned.

Phaeal
05-11-2010, 09:16 PM
What do these people do? Do you compliment how good they are at their job? Do you know what it takes to be good at whatever it is they do?

We shouldn't think that we are special 'cos we're writers. Compliment the police, firefighters, doctors, etc. first. I think writing is awesome, but it's a bit odd to expect people to treat it as something more worthy of talk/consideration than other things people spend so much time doing.

Want to hear about all my roses and their names and history, btw ;) ? I spend a lot of effort on them :D

I'd love to hear about your roses. My Zephirine Drouhin is currently taking over the middle garden, as it does every year. It totally overarches my Charles de Mills, but as soon as it blooms, I'll prune it back to let poor Charles have some more sun. Meanwhile the Coral Meidiland is doing a Blitzkrieg in the front herb bed. You KNOW I could go on...

;)

backslashbaby
05-11-2010, 09:20 PM
I'd love to hear about your roses. My Zephirine Drouhin is currently taking over the middle garden, as it does every year. It totally overarches my Charles de Mills, but as soon as it blooms, I'll prune it back to let poor Charles have some more sun. Meanwhile the Coral Meidiland is doing a Blitzkrieg in the front herb bed. You KNOW I could go on...

;)

!!!! I do know it :D

I love Zeffy and I'm waiting on her sisters Madame d'Enfert and Mme de Sevigne to bloom as we speak :D :D

Phaeal
05-11-2010, 09:43 PM
!!!! I do know it :D

I love Zeffy and I'm waiting on her sisters Madame d'Enfert and Mme de Sevigne to bloom as we speak :D :D

I'm going to name a character after Zeffy -- got to go write it down in my notes before I forget. I guess they'll call her Zeph for short. Thanks for the inspiration!

Word Jedi
05-12-2010, 04:42 AM
I write action stuff, spy-type stuff. Sci-Fi. Urban Fantasy.
My wife thinks I should write something that Oprah Winfrey would like to read and sponsor on her book club.

That's about as much support as wearing boxers while jumping on a trampoline.

KathleenD
05-12-2010, 05:05 AM
These are long, but good reading:

Jennifer Crusie on professional jealousy (http://www.jennycrusie.com/for-writers/essays/green-is-not-your-color-professional-jealousy-and-the-professional-writer/)

Kristine Kathryn Rusch on surviving someone else's jealousy (http://kriswrites.com/2010/01/21/freelancers-survival-guide-surviving-someone-elses-jealousy/)


I agree with those who said that life's too short to use "I'll show THEM" as motivation. It just doesn't last long enough to actually succeed.

The Lonely One
05-12-2010, 10:03 AM
You know, in my experience, life is a lot cheesier than fiction aught to ever be. It's a fucking cliche, right from one end to the other. Jealousy. Lessons learned. The whole shebang.

The other day, I was bitching to my wife because I won an award for a short story, and no one except her seemed to really give a shit--that's what I told her--that my friends should be taking me out for drinks, leaving a message on facebook...something, you know? Then my whole family was all excited when I told them, they wanted me to send them the story, my brother said some nice words. I felt like a legit f*cking asshole. How did I get so full of myself?

That's the lesson learned part, I guess. I came to see an exact model of the good and the bad (more like the good and the indifferent), side-by-side, of people's reactions. And I decided I was okay with it. Well, not okay that my friends don't have more encouraging responses, but I sure as hell wasn't about to stop writing.

Shara
05-12-2010, 11:53 AM
There are a lot of people in the world who seem to be in the situation of only feeling good about themselves if they are putting someone else down. These people resent the success of others, and make the most of other people's failures, as if it diminishes their own in some way.

I suppose there will always be people like this in the world. I know a fair number of them myself.

But I also know people who are supportive, and encouraging, and their opinions are far more important to me than the first group.

Shara

NeuroFizz
05-12-2010, 04:08 PM
Fly High, Hybris

Fiercest Hybris,
of graven hubris,
so much easier
to rise above those
you push down,
than to soar
among them.

backslashbaby
05-12-2010, 09:09 PM
You know, in my experience, life is a lot cheesier than fiction aught to ever be. It's a fucking cliche, right from one end to the other. Jealousy. Lessons learned. The whole shebang.

The other day, I was bitching to my wife because I won an award for a short story, and no one except her seemed to really give a shit--that's what I told her--that my friends should be taking me out for drinks, leaving a message on facebook...something, you know? Then my whole family was all excited when I told them, they wanted me to send them the story, my brother said some nice words. I felt like a legit f*cking asshole. How did I get so full of myself?

That's the lesson learned part, I guess. I came to see an exact model of the good and the bad (more like the good and the indifferent), side-by-side, of people's reactions. And I decided I was okay with it. Well, not okay that my friends don't have more encouraging responses, but I sure as hell wasn't about to stop writing.

Lest I sounded too reasonable in my earlier post ( ;) ), I hear y'all big time.

My two siblings had ZERO interest in a free trip to England for my graduation -- a big, big thing to me. And a free trip, where they could do their own thing after the one night! Sheesh! It really was because it can't be 'all' about me, ever (and a night of it would be a bit much, I guess).

My dad took my poor wittle brother on his own trip to Switzerland to make up for my slight... no kidding :D [Sheesh ;)!!]