Fun with Spam-lish

William Haskins · May 7, 2010

as you might imagine, women from all over the world are constantly emailing me offering me all manner of love and lust and assorted dirty business.

while i resist the temptation to click on their virus-filled attachments or hook up with them for their virus-filled special parts, i have become something of a connoisseur of their butchered english, and this one took me to such new heights of giddiness that i just had to share. enjoy:

Hollo the stranger!!
I saw your profile on a site of acquaintances, and you very persistently it was
pleasant to me, and I carelessly saw yours
Send by e-mail the address, and have decided to write you the letter, and to send a
photo and if I was pleasant
To you
That you can write to me, and I will rejoice very much to it if you answer me, but
my letter if you wish, but to
Look my profile, that he names in me Dina.
I do not know, that to you while to write and I to you I promise, whether you answer
me my letter it in other
The letter is good???
To you I will write not so on more.
I expect from you the letter sincerely yours Dina!!

aaaaahhhh.... that's the stuff...

Cella · May 7, 2010

Dammit, William! You don't have to go and embarrass me like that!

William Haskins · May 7, 2010

you broke your promise to "rejoice very much to it."

this is what happens when you lie to me.

kayleamay · May 7, 2010

She love you long time.

Cella · May 7, 2010

well, I thought the letter was good...

rhymegirl · May 7, 2010

I do not to understand what big deel is?

Too me, the letter you said about is real good of the English.

An I shood no. I was majorred in it when I college went.

Cella · May 7, 2010

oh! so You've been corresponding with him, too, RG?!

I see how it is....

William Haskins · May 7, 2010

BenPanced · May 7, 2010

You did that on purpose, didn't you, Haskins?

rhymegirl · May 7, 2010

Cella said:
oh! so You've been corresponding with him, too, RG?!

I see how it is....

It is a good think to haf penpalz wen your a writa, iznt it?

Cella · May 7, 2010

not when they embarrass you....

MattW · May 7, 2010

Where is the AW Spam Critique Board?

Spammers also am being the writters two.

Devil Ledbetter · May 7, 2010

I get some form or other of this spam scam about once a week.

Dear CEO,

We are an organization specified at dealing with domain name dispute and registration in Asia. We need something important on intellectual property right need to confirm with with your company.

On May.4.2010, we received an application formally, one company named "Lddkowiy LTD" applied for the brand keyword: "(redacted)" and some domain names with our organization. After our initial examination we found that they have no trademark, Intellectual property, nor patent. But the keyword and domain names they applied for registration are the same with your company's name and trademark.

These days we are dealing with it. If you do not know this company, we doubt that they have other purposes to buy these domain names. If they are your business partner or distributor in Asia, we will automatically confirm application from your business partner after this audit procedure. Now we have not finished the registration of Lddkowiy LTD yet, in order to deal with this issue better, please contact us by email as soon as possible.

It's the "These days we are dealing with it" that kills me. No matter what they call themselves, they invariably use this damned dumb phrase.

Anyway, if you're worried that some faceless evil and unpronouncable firm like Lddkowiy LTD is going to snap up your .hk or .cn domains, just email [email protected]. These days, she is specified at dealing with it.

ETA I love the "I carelessly saw yours" in William's. So innocent and casual.

Gretad08 · May 7, 2010

I beeleave she used the madlibs in order to produce the such of a letter.

CACTUSWENDY · May 7, 2010

About a year and a half ago I went to a site that does those dumb little tests...the ones that to get your rating you have to give them your email address and name. lol

I used my first name and a 'sound alike' last name. It is amazing how many emails/spam I get with this name in it. That site must have sold my address to a million people. Shoot, if I had a penis I could be a king. I would have more money then any lottery in the world could hold. I can buy any type/kind of pill you can think of. Real estate? Not a problem. Insurance? Got it covered. Dentist work....done. Dates? Let me count the ways. Jobs? Will be set for life. And all this does not count the male/female 'body' shots I could view. Most are done with very poor English. And that is only in the RE line, as I never open them. These are just a few of the ones I remember.

So all those sites that have the free games/tests beware if they want to email you your results. You might get more than you bargain for.

NeuroFizz · May 7, 2010

June likely punched in the wrong e-mail name. She meant it to go to Eddie Haskell. Since her stroke, only half of her body works. Not good enough for Ward, but fine with Eddie.

William Haskins · May 7, 2010

and, no doubt, good for the beaver.

Synonym · May 7, 2010

She's certainly got your 'number' William. Be careful. :ROFL:

Aleta · May 7, 2010

Synonym said:
She's certainly got your 'number' William. Be careful.

something tells me he'll be okay

Sweetleaf · May 7, 2010

Dammit, now I feel all left out that I don't get spam like this.

Synonym · May 7, 2010

It does seem a bit sexist. I have no badly worded emails of enticement from handsome, illiterate young men panting persistently over my profile...awww. Now I really do feel left out. Bummer.

benbradley · May 7, 2010

I've noticed the spammers on Twitter are consistently bad typists, so much that I conclude they use software to randomly swap letters in almost every word.

William Haskins · May 7, 2010

it's the russian mafia.

they're very powerful.

Silver King · May 7, 2010

I almost fell for this one recently, it sounded so good:

Hi ,

I wanted to reach out to you personally.

I want to introduce you to a new program I just finished putting together and will launch today.

It's called *******

Can you say "Holy Cow?"

This was designed it to be the easiest money maker anyone has ever seen.

Here are some highlights...

> Only $25 to join.
> you break even with only 1 person. How cool is that.
> Paid direct member-to-member
> ZERO admin fee!! (that's right... None!)
> Pure 1OO% Net Payout.
> Real products too. Hundreds of hours of audio and video education
> Built in Residual paid direct to you... again no admin fee.

Can you say WOW! Super hot movie presentation too.

Check it out:
Go here: ******

There is also a fantastic compensation plan video on the site too. Be sure to check that out.

If you have been waiting for a no brainer deal that is perfect for the economy, then this is it.

This is a dummy-proof deal of the year.

I expect over 2O,OOO expected to join the first 6O-9O days.
This is your time to tell everyone you know fast before someone else does.

It's really that urgent.

Check it out:
Go here: ******

If you have any questions, let me know but it is so simple that the only question you will have is >Is this for real?<

See you at the top!

benbradley · May 7, 2010

it's the russian mafia.

they're very powerful.

They're using those vintage Enigma machines to write their messages.

Silver King said:
I almost fell for this one recently, it sounded so good:

...
> Real products too. Hundreds of hours of audio and video education
...

Click to expand...

No doubt it's all "How To Make A Fortune With Your MLM Business."

Fun with Spam-lish

poet

Cella

poet

I'm on the phone.

Cella

It's a New Year!

Cella

poet

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

It's a New Year!

Cella

Company Man

Come on you stranger, you legend,

An old, sappy, and happy one.

The grad students did it

poet

i'm mad at the dirt

Momentary lapse of reason

It's a doggy dog world

poet

Megalops Erectus

It's a doggy dog world