thoughts in past tense or present?

Hi Everyone

I'm rewriting my entire ms in past tense, and as I do so I've stumbled across a problem.

I have a few places where I draw attention to a particular thought by italicizing it. I know that is pretty common. My ms is in first person, so in a way all of it is the mc's thoughts. But there are a few places where I just think it adds to the feel to make a particular thought stand out. Here is an example-

The office aide carried a single red rose to my desk. Who was it from? Please, don’t let it be from Dad!


So my question is- should italicized thoughts be in past or present tense? On the one hand, the entire ms is in past tense so I think the thoughts should be too. On the other hand, italicizing certain thoughts makes them seem special- more in the present than all the other thoughts. In that case, it would read-

The office aide carried a single red rose to my desk. Who is it from? Please, don’t let it be from Dad!


See how the feel of the thought changes? I have italicized thoughts sprinkled throughout my ms. Perhaps one thought every twenty pages or so. Would it be okay to switch to present tense in just those thoughts. Or should I stay consistent and keep everything past tense.


Thanks for all your help! I apologize if this seems like a dumb question- I'm still growing as a writer and I'm sure I'll have a lot more dumb questions before I'm done.

Thanks Southpaw. I like how you worded that- dialogue in the mc's head. So, they are telling (or thinking) the story in past tense but then at that moment they pause and have a present tense thought?

Thank you Danthia, Dr. Gonzo, and Bufty.

It is helpful to know how other people handle these situations.

Bufty- I've thought about that. When I wrote it in present tense, I had certain thoughts in italics to make them pop out more. It seemed to work then. But now, I'm not so sure.

I keep trying to pin down my reasoning in making these thoughts italicized. I think I'm overthinking it. Basically, most of the story is told in a story format- using generic words. Every once in a while, though, I throw in an italicized thought to emphasize the MC's voice. I guess when I finally get done a beta or editor will tell me if it doesn't work (if I leave the thoughts in there until then).

Thanks again for your help!

Lady Ice said:

The MC's voice shouldn't just be thrown in occasionally in italics- you've got an entire narrative to show their voice! I'd get rid of the 'Who is it from?' as well.

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Hi Lady Ice. I must have worded my post wrong earlier. I didn't mean for it to come across that I only worry about voice every once in awhile. I just think some thoughts are important and should stand out. I think they emphasize the voice.

Here is an example I found in a best-selling book:
Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath and then jumped again...

That is from New Moon. Granted, I scanned the rest of the book and didn't see many other places where she italicized thoughts. And when she did, she usually added the tags- I thought or I told myself.

I'm still trying to figure out which way works for me. Thanks for your thoughts on the subject.

Danthia said:

For what it's worth, I like the "please" type thoughts because it feels more shown to me. "hoping it wasn't from Dad" feels more told to me. The narrator is telling you she's hoping, not showing you by what she thinks.

To the OP... Both work, and I do use them both, but one feels more immediate to me and the other more descriptive. It really depends on what you want to accomplish. If it fits your style and you like it, use it. If not, don't. Nothing says you need to do it any one way.

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Thanks Danthia. "Feels more immediate"- yes I agree. I appreciate your help.

Bufty said:

The tale is all in past tense.

The answer to a question like this is solely the writer's call but posing the question in the first place suggests doubt as to its present effectiveness.

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I was having doubts. I knew I wasn't handling this consistently throughout my ms. So I thought I'd ask this questions so I could clarify in my head and come up with a common approach that I could use throughout my writing.

Bufty said:

Others may like it, but it strikes me as gimmicky - and perhaps over-explaining - to suddenly shoot in a present tense thought.

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That was what I was worried about.

Bufty said:

If the nature of the relationship with the father and any necessary information/connection re the delivery of the rose is already known to the reader, one could give the reader credit for using his own imagination as to the character's reaction in the situation, and for being able to put two and two together.

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I know this specifically relates to that one quote, and not to the question at hand, but I'm confused about what you mean. Could you explain a little better. Why do you think the reader should know she thinks that without the thought being put in there? Perhaps it would help if you knew that she hadn't had any contact with her father and wasn't even thinking about him before the rose was brought in. But it was her birthday and the rose triggered her worry that her father would try to contact her. Does that make the thoughts seem more natural?

Bufty said:

Good luck, whichever course you follow.

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Thank you, I appreciate your help.

Lady Ice said:

That doesn't show us Bella's voice, really. If it was something like Dang it, you crazy girl. It's just a dream, that would show voice (yeah, it's an exaggerated voice there but still...). Any person on the planet could say 'It was only a dream'.

It's not that necessary to do a thought in your example:

The office aide carried a single red rose to my desk. I prayed for it not to be from Dad.

Because your character is telling the story, their voice is already there. You can show it in how the narrator chooses to tell us things.

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You're right, anyone could say those words Stephenie Meyer italicized. Thanks for pointing that out. Perhaps I had looked at it wrong when I focused on italics emphasizing voice. Perhaps, instead, italics seem to make the moment more real.

You, and everyone, has helped me clarify my thinking on this. I originally asked if the thoughts should be in present or past, not considering that having italicized thoughts at all would seem strange to some. Now I'm focusing on each of my italicized thoughts and deciding whether they benefit from the italics or not.

Thanks for all the help!

fredXgeorge said:

Definitely present. Otherwise it would be like me speaking in past tense to myself.

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I forgot to tell you thanks earlier. I do appreciate your feedback.

veinglory said:

Thought dialogue is like the person talking to themself, so present

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Thanks veinglory. I'm beginning to understand this better now.

Tracy said:

Present tense IMO. But be sure to make it very clear that you're switching from narrative to internal dialogue (i.e. thoughts ).

The italics is part of that for sure, but I suggest putting the thought in its own paragraph (like real dialogue). The way it read, I didn't realise at first that we were switching and I found it a bit jarring.

Bufty's solution is good too - you could mix and match the direct thoughts and her 'indirect speech' suggestion. Sharing thoughts is good, but can get a bit wearying after a while if there's too much of it.

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Thank you Tracy. And thanks for using the term 'internal dialogue'. I am very new to creative writing. I'm still learning terminology that so many other people already know. I know what I mean, but that doesn't help if no one else does. ;-)



Thanks again for all the help, everyone. I love how very supportive the people on this site are. Even when people disagree, they do so for the purpose of helping each other grow as writers. Now I'm sounding all gushy so I should use that energy to work on one of the emotional scenes in my ms.

Please remember I'm new and don't always word things in the best way- which is why I haven't ventured into query hell yet. But I'll try to explain the plot a bit to point out (in my mind at least) why this wouldn't be such an odd thought for her to have.

The MC's father left her and her mother on an abusive night to go live with his mistress. He called the MC a tramp on that night. She thinks about that constantly as she is starting to form relationships. Two chapters before the rose, her father tracked her down at a basketball game. Their reunion didn't go well. Then in the next chapter he sued for custody. Now to the rose- it was her birthday. She'd already received a present from her boyfriend. So when the rose showed up it was unexpected and so she thought about her dad. It ends up being from a boy who will complicate her life in the future.

Thoughts about her father are always in the background for this character. Romance is in the foreground, but the ms doesn't end until the father and daughter reconcile.

I hope that made sense. I really do appreciate your help. I will definitely keep your comments in mind.