View Full Version : Beta Reader Needed for YA Fantasy WiP

04-20-2010, 05:37 AM
I'm in the midst of writing a YA fantasy novel and in need of a beta reader to help me out a bit. I'm now at approx. 24K. What genre? Just think YA paranormal meets the epic. I have it planned into a trilogy and I am in great need of feedback and advice.

For more information, please email me at hollywood_here_i_come@live.com. Thanks so much!

04-20-2010, 07:45 PM
I haven't worked on a summary much yet, but this is a bit of an excerpt so you can get an idea.
((This is a copyrighted work. Any unauthorized use is punishable by law... and me.))

I shivered violently as the cold air saturated me like icy water. Fresh from the shower my hair was wet and I was in my bath robe. Damian never showed back up. I had walked to the edge of the forest and called for him, but he did not reply. It was dark now, dinner had been hours ago. It seemed like nobody noticed he was missing. I was afraid to point out his absents but at the same time I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t.

I strained my eyes to see the courtyard. The heavens provided almost no light due to the clouds that had blown in. My throat convulsed and I clenched my jaw, fingers already gripping the railing, to keep from crying. “Damn you,” came out in a gasp. Why did he have to worry me like this?

Why was I worried like this? Damian could handle himself better than anyone I had ever known. He was a wolf for crying out loud. But I could not blot out the memory of his face, the anger in his eyes, and his words…

I had tried to blow it off, my own anger still raging. I had walked through the school looking for Chad, ready to wring his neck for what he did to Jessica, but I never found him. Despite feeling like I could easily beat him to a pulp, I couldn’t deny the facts before me. There was something sinister about him. I couldn’t be sure what it was, but to do what he did to Allison and Jessica…

I beat my fist on the railing so hard I gasped in pain. If something happened to Damian I swear to God I’d—

“You would what?” A soft, velvety voice wafted past me. My heart raced. It was almost palpable, like the voice was tangling itself through my hair, caressing my neck. No, no, that’s silly. Its just the wind.

“Keep telling yourself that, love.” Dear Lord, I could swear someone was standing behind me, whispering cold words in my ear. I was afraid to turn, paralyzed with fear. I
recognized that voice. Arielle.

A low laugh made my skin crawl. “Soon, my dear,” it whispered, “soon you won’t even be able to hide in your safe little world. Not even in your own head.” He snickered again. “I own you.”

I spun then. I was ready to fight. Fight in my bathrobe without a weapon. But there was no one there. I shivered and bolted back into my room, slamming the glass doors behind me. I grabbed random clothes and ran to the bathroom, my heart pounding against my ribs. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of that room.
As I stepped from the bathroom and touched a hand to my forehead, I was strangely lightheaded. My vision wavered and the next thing I knew the carpeted floor was
rushing up to meet me.

Chapter 14

The dream from Damian’s room came back, with much more force. Again, I hear Arielle sweet and alluring voice. Again he tells me I cannot run from him. As with before the white light blinds me and I call out, only this time I have a vague feeling that Arielle is not the one I am looking for.

An agonized scream pierces the stillness of the air, it is the same scream, the scream of someone dying. Only, this time, the scream is different. Mixed with the deep and chilling resonance of the cry is the eerie howl of a wolf…

The white light fades and I find myself facing Arielle. He is laughing, a laugh so beautiful, so sick bile rises in my throat. He stands there and laughs, knowing he has killed the one I love, not caring. Blind rage builds in my body as every muscle tenses. It is strange the thoughts that go through your mind in moments like this, even in a dream.

I remember reading a book once. In this book a man is about to reveal a secret, a secret that will greatly endanger the life of the man this woman loves. The man was a king, an evil king with magical powers. He was holding everyone in a trance, they would believe anything he said, even the woman… until then. She realizes what he means to say and she is willing to do anything to stop him. She throws a dagger at his mouth, pinning him to his throne.

I remember being incredibly disgusted by how dramatic this was. I mean, a dagger? But I had never experienced a bloodlust so strong, an anger so fierce. Pure fire courses through my veins. The horrid laugh burns my ears and I must stop it. I must put an end to this man who causes me so much torment, who has killed my one friend.

Without thinking, I snatch a dagger from my boot and fling it in his direction. It flips, hilt over blade twice before the point makes contact with the soft flesh of my tormenter’s neck. “My love,” Arielle croaks. Dark red blood spurts from his mouth, bubbles from his nose, streams down his neck.

He falls wide eyed to the ground the same moment I crumple with grief. I scream, sobs shaking me as my hands pull up clumps of grass. But… Why is it wet?