well, it happened again. here's chapter 2.
for those of you who like to be 'in the know' i'd would certainly start with chapter 1. that's the way we normally do things around here.
if by chance you are still confused after reading that you may want to try this instead (with coffee this time).
i knew i shouldn't have showered today.
Chapter Two: In which Liquor is involved.[FONT="]
[/FONT]
I left Jay and Stew to talk things over and wandered into the liquor room looking for a refill. Naturally I'd stashed the Lagavulen where Jaycinth would never find it. There's no point in wasting the good stuff on a fairy. As far as they're concerned, the higher the proof, the better the quality. They're as happy with nail polish as they are with Courvoisier. Which reminds me. I must make a note to add a couple cases of Everclear to the drink order next week, if there is a next week.
See the thing is, the Cabaret is going to Hell in a hand basket, whatever a hand basket is. Ever since Jay started making hot monkey love with her new boyfriend, she's neglected the bidness. Not only that, but a bunch of new saloons have opened up too, and they've chipped away at the customer base. Something's got to give, and that's why I asked Sister Stew to have a chat with Jaycinth. Jay listens to her. Jay trusts her. Why she doesn't show the same courtesy to a Chihuahua is beyond me.
I poured the Lagavulen in a slow, steady stream straight down my throat until the bottle was empty. Then I opened a second and poured that down as well. By the time that bottle was empty, booze trickled from the bullet holes, so I grabbed Jay's sewing kit and headed back to her office. She hates to sew me up, but when you play, you pay.
"Do me," I said to Jay. Before I could hand her the sewing kit she reached for her Sig again. "No, no. Not that kind of 'do me.' Sew me up. You know you can't shoot me again until tomorrow."
She looked unhappy. Hell, who am I kidding? She was seriously pissed, but Jay's a stand-up fairy and always follows the rules. Mostly.
"Are you two finished with the Laurel and Hardy routine?" said Sister Stew. "We have serious business to attend to."
"Don't let me stop you," I said, jumping up onto Jay's lap. "How much have you told her already?"
"Not much. She keeps passing out. I think it's too much booze."
"More like not enough booze. Hand me that bottle of Bacardi 151 and pry her jaws open, okay?"
Stew pried and I poured, and before long Jay was her old self again. "You're going to have to talk fast, Stew. Jay's good for about fifteen minutes tops now, so go for it."
"Okay, it's like this," said Stew. "The Cabaret has lost its line of credit. The vendors won't deliver any more booze or beer unless you have cash to pay them."
"So? Give 'em cash," said Jay, forcing the needle through my left cheek and poking it out the eye socket.
"There is no cash," said Stew. "In fact, you're probably not going to be able to make payroll next week."
"Payroll? What payroll? Nobody gets paid here," said Jay.
"That changed when you stopped the daily threats to the staff," I said. "Cindy gets minimum now, and Bernie's driving us to the Poor House. Do you have any idea how much yak feed costs? We're facing the real possibility of bankruptcy."
She tried to act nonchalant, but it was obvious from the way she sewed my nostrils shut that Jay was shocked. Stew jumped in with both barrels. "Here's the thing, Jay. Your original business plan was too good. When you opened your doors, you were the only game in town. Now they're all over the place. Think about it. You've got the Bent Nail Saloon, Jed's Super-Dooper Irish Pub, The Ovoid Odditorium, Pat's House of Hope & Faith, and the Blue Bordello. Now, word's out on the street that Susie's House of Fun has applied for a liquor license. They've taken almost all your customers away. You've got to do something, Jay, and you have to do it quickly. You're running out of time."
It had taken awhile, but Jay finally got the message. She had that look in her eye--the look that says 'there is nothing I cannot accomplish'--the look that says 'there is no problem me and my trusty Glock cannot solve.' As Stew cheered her on, Jay stood up, picked me up and stuffed me between the twins, took a step and fell flat on her ass.
------------------
gah!
at this point i have to assume that there will be a chapter 3 so tune in next week....
will jaycinth shoot haggis again in the next chapter (because that's funny)!?
can jaycinth win back her customer base?
and if so, how?
what could she possibly do to the other AW clubs?
------
why me?
for those of you who like to be 'in the know' i'd would certainly start with chapter 1. that's the way we normally do things around here.
if by chance you are still confused after reading that you may want to try this instead (with coffee this time).
i knew i shouldn't have showered today.
Chapter Two: In which Liquor is involved.[FONT="]
[/FONT]
I left Jay and Stew to talk things over and wandered into the liquor room looking for a refill. Naturally I'd stashed the Lagavulen where Jaycinth would never find it. There's no point in wasting the good stuff on a fairy. As far as they're concerned, the higher the proof, the better the quality. They're as happy with nail polish as they are with Courvoisier. Which reminds me. I must make a note to add a couple cases of Everclear to the drink order next week, if there is a next week.
See the thing is, the Cabaret is going to Hell in a hand basket, whatever a hand basket is. Ever since Jay started making hot monkey love with her new boyfriend, she's neglected the bidness. Not only that, but a bunch of new saloons have opened up too, and they've chipped away at the customer base. Something's got to give, and that's why I asked Sister Stew to have a chat with Jaycinth. Jay listens to her. Jay trusts her. Why she doesn't show the same courtesy to a Chihuahua is beyond me.
I poured the Lagavulen in a slow, steady stream straight down my throat until the bottle was empty. Then I opened a second and poured that down as well. By the time that bottle was empty, booze trickled from the bullet holes, so I grabbed Jay's sewing kit and headed back to her office. She hates to sew me up, but when you play, you pay.
"Do me," I said to Jay. Before I could hand her the sewing kit she reached for her Sig again. "No, no. Not that kind of 'do me.' Sew me up. You know you can't shoot me again until tomorrow."
She looked unhappy. Hell, who am I kidding? She was seriously pissed, but Jay's a stand-up fairy and always follows the rules. Mostly.
"Are you two finished with the Laurel and Hardy routine?" said Sister Stew. "We have serious business to attend to."
"Don't let me stop you," I said, jumping up onto Jay's lap. "How much have you told her already?"
"Not much. She keeps passing out. I think it's too much booze."
"More like not enough booze. Hand me that bottle of Bacardi 151 and pry her jaws open, okay?"
Stew pried and I poured, and before long Jay was her old self again. "You're going to have to talk fast, Stew. Jay's good for about fifteen minutes tops now, so go for it."
"Okay, it's like this," said Stew. "The Cabaret has lost its line of credit. The vendors won't deliver any more booze or beer unless you have cash to pay them."
"So? Give 'em cash," said Jay, forcing the needle through my left cheek and poking it out the eye socket.
"There is no cash," said Stew. "In fact, you're probably not going to be able to make payroll next week."
"Payroll? What payroll? Nobody gets paid here," said Jay.
"That changed when you stopped the daily threats to the staff," I said. "Cindy gets minimum now, and Bernie's driving us to the Poor House. Do you have any idea how much yak feed costs? We're facing the real possibility of bankruptcy."
She tried to act nonchalant, but it was obvious from the way she sewed my nostrils shut that Jay was shocked. Stew jumped in with both barrels. "Here's the thing, Jay. Your original business plan was too good. When you opened your doors, you were the only game in town. Now they're all over the place. Think about it. You've got the Bent Nail Saloon, Jed's Super-Dooper Irish Pub, The Ovoid Odditorium, Pat's House of Hope & Faith, and the Blue Bordello. Now, word's out on the street that Susie's House of Fun has applied for a liquor license. They've taken almost all your customers away. You've got to do something, Jay, and you have to do it quickly. You're running out of time."
It had taken awhile, but Jay finally got the message. She had that look in her eye--the look that says 'there is nothing I cannot accomplish'--the look that says 'there is no problem me and my trusty Glock cannot solve.' As Stew cheered her on, Jay stood up, picked me up and stuffed me between the twins, took a step and fell flat on her ass.
------------------
gah!
at this point i have to assume that there will be a chapter 3 so tune in next week....
will jaycinth shoot haggis again in the next chapter (because that's funny)!?
can jaycinth win back her customer base?
and if so, how?
what could she possibly do to the other AW clubs?
------
why me?
which one is suzie? front and center?
