How might an 8yo little boy react to his father's death?

Jamie Stone

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What are some "typical" or normal reactions that an intelligent eight-year-old little boy might have to the death of his father?
 

stefanie_gaither

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My little brother was 9 years-old when our dad died, and he went from being a very loud, outgoing little boy to being very quiet and withdrawn for several months afterward. Specifically, when my mom told us Dad was dead, my little brother just kind of stared at her-- I remember he didn't start crying until my mom did. At that age, I think he grasped the concept of death, but maybe not the infinite nature of it (although that part's speculation). He also said 'sorry' a lot, and my mom had to keep telling him it wasn't his fault. It's been awhile, so I don't remember all the details. But those are the things about the moment that stand out in my memory, for what it's worth.

This is just one experience, of course; there are probably a lot of different reactions that might be considered 'normal. I think the reaction would also have to do with how his father died; was it sudden, or expected (like after a long battle with cancer?)

Hope this helps. :)
 

KTC

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What are some "typical" or normal reactions that an intelligent eight-year-old little boy might have to the death of his father?

I would say there is no normal. You can make up the reaction and it will be the right one for your character. Too many factors go into something like this for there to be a normal.
 

mtrenteseau

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I agree that there is no normal. It depends on the child's usual disposition, his way of dealing with difficult situations, and his relationship with his father.

It's entirely possible that if the relationship is detached (the father is a non-custodial parent years after a divorce, for example), that the boy might just block it out of his mind and never want to talk about it.

That's my experience - I was thirty-four when my mother and I found out completely by accident that my father had died six years earlier. They divorced when I was five and I hadn't seen him in twenty years. I was more upset that I wasn't experiencing any kind of grief than I was with finding out about his death.
 

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There's a great book called Fatherloss that describes different reactions and ways of coping at various ages. Might be worth a quick trip to the library.
 

Don Allen

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Just my experience and it was my grandmother not father, but I was eight and I remember it like it was yesterday. I really thought her death was my fault because the day before she died I got mad at her for not letting me go outside when it got dark, I had a little hissy fit and screamed at her to "Go Home" (because she was babysitting me) It was a Friday night, I remember because I was sitting in front of the television watching cartoons the next morning when my uncle came to our house with the news. I ran outside when I heard, and cried for hours. Because I told her to go home... See, she always use to say that one day she'd go home to be with grandpa, who was with God..... ...and you people wonder why I drink...
 

Regan Leigh

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Children often regress for a while after a trauma or death in the family. An 8 year old who was very independent might begin to act more like a five year old, seeking out more nurturing from one significant caregiver while withdrawing from others in the family. This is a common reaction I've seen in my work with children and grief, but not a rule by any means.
 

Shakesbear

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Anger - some children lose it big time if an important part of their life is taken away from them. I do agree with KTC that there is no normal - there are so many factors to consider.
 

shaldna

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I think it depends on the child and the exposure they had to death in the past.

For instance, if it's the first time that someone has died then they might not be able to fully grasp the concept.

Kids can suprise you sometimes with how well they understand a situation. A couple of days after Christmas this year our elderly collie died. This was the first time the kids had been exposed to death, and I didn't know how they would handle it. So I was very surprised when my 3 year old daughter told me in very frank tones that 'Elizabeth's in heaven now.' and proceeded to explain that we should't be sad because God was looking after her and making her better. Now, the older kids were a bit more upset, and more confused because they did understand that dying meant someone was gone forever.

They were very quiet for a while, and not themselves at all. They got angry more often and for no reason, and they kept talking about the dog. They would just drop it into conversation sometimes, usually at strange moments, and I knew that it was playing on their minds by the way they said it.

Now, if that's how kids react to a dog, then I would say the change in them over the death of a parent is going to be very severe.

When my friend's dad died she became very clingy to her mother, and she lived in a state of more or less constant fear that something would happen to her mother too.
 

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reaction

What are some "typical" or normal reactions that an intelligent eight-year-old little boy might have to the death of his father?

A real life reaction

Jennifer Slatton's journal entries on Caringbridge, for her husband, Clint Slatton. They have 5 children, the oldest about the age you are researching.

Grab some Kleenex first. She's a whale of a writer.
 

Gretad08

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My brother is 11 and our Dad died about 4 months ago. Obviously, I'm not clear on the long term issues this event might cause. So far he's just been sad. He cries a bit, but usually privately. About a week after Dad died little brother asked if it was okay to be happy that Dad was gone. I said "Well, why do you feel like that?" "Because he's not sick anymore, and I just feel better now."
 

shaldna

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About a week after Dad died little brother asked if it was okay to be happy that Dad was gone. I said "Well, why do you feel like that?" "Because he's not sick anymore, and I just feel better now."



As an adult we tend to look at things differently, and it's absolutely hearbreaking when a child says something so honest like that and it makes you look at things differently too.
 

Gretad08

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As an adult we tend to look at things differently, and it's absolutely hearbreaking when a child says something so honest like that and it makes you look at things differently too.

It was heartbreaking...that's the best way to describe it, but he's right. It's hard and strange to say your glad someone is gone, but in context, it makes sense. He was terribly sick and in tremendous pain so it was a relief that it was over.
 

PGK

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My brother is 11 and our Dad died about 4 months ago. Obviously, I'm not clear on the long term issues this event might cause. So far he's just been sad. He cries a bit, but usually privately. About a week after Dad died little brother asked if it was okay to be happy that Dad was gone. I said "Well, why do you feel like that?" "Because he's not sick anymore, and I just feel better now."


Sorry, but this makes me want to give your little brother a hug.

My sympathies to both of you, and any other family as well.