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maestrowork
08-20-2005, 07:18 AM
Inspired by the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, here we have the first ever AW Purple Prose contest (aka FEAWPP):

* If you don't know what purple proses are, please do some research


Please specify your categories:

- Romance
- Science Fiction
- Mystery
- Horror
- Thriller/Suspense
- Western
- Erotica (* must put warning in subject line)
- Fantasy
- Literary

Rules:

- Each entry should contain only one paragraph, regardless of length

- Each entry should be as grammatically correct, without spelling errors, as possible -- bad writing doesn't mean you don't observe the rules

- Please refrain from being obscene, excessively vulgar, offensive, and no personal attacks

- One of the fun things to do is to turn a perfectly fine sentence or paragraph from your WIPs into purple proses. You may include the original so we can compare...

- No entry fees; you're free to give out rep points to worthy entries

- Deadline for the FIRST ROUND is September 15, 11:59 PM ET. Voting will commence immediately following the deadline.

- In the first round, we will pick FIVE finalists.

- Once the finalists are picked, we will go into the second round. More details to follow.

- You may enter more than one entry to increase your chances. Is it fair? No, but everyone can enter as many as they want, so I do think it's pretty fair.

- Prizes:
1) A bound copy of Atlanta Night
2) A signed copy of my new book, The Pacific Between (be the first to read it before its general release in January 2006)
3) A signed hardback copy of Sharon Maas's The Speech of Angels
There may be more prizes to come....


Read the entries or enter yours... here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18087).



... Go!

DeniseK
08-21-2005, 04:37 AM
Boy, I am feeling pretty silly being the only one who entered this. Isn't anyone else going to give it a shot?

JAlpha
08-21-2005, 08:04 AM
I've actually placed in the Bulwer-Lytton Contest once, so I'm going to sit this contest out, but I will offer up my winning entry as an example of what would be considered purple prose for a contest of this nature.

It's hard to pick a specific category that my winning piece fell into, although I do like the category that I was placed in when the piece appeared in the anthology; it was called the "Ole Blue Wasn't Much of a Hunting Dog" category.

Here it is . . .

On that dusty day when the Wild Thing Diner surrendered its access road
to the new Route 9 interchange, Gus, the cook, and Fritzie, the waitress
got it on across the cigarette-scarred top of table 8, while the spoon and
fork dials on the grease-spattered wall clock served up the noonday special
--afterwards they toasted to better times and vowed to squeeze the juice
out of life and keep their smiles sunny-side up, while Ramos, the dishwasher
filled his jittery vein to the brim with a rich Colombian brew.

DeniseK
08-21-2005, 04:59 PM
I don't know about anybody else, but that was actually good writing, imo. I didn't see that much purple prose, Jalpha. Now, Rob, on the other hand, there was so much gobbledygook, I couldn't get past the first few sentences! :Clap:

Ok, I will refrain from commenting now. Maybe more people will come join in the fun!

Sarah

JAlpha
08-21-2005, 08:48 PM
I don't know about anybody else, but that was actually good writing, imo. I didn't see that much purple prose, Jalpha. Now, Rob, on the other hand, there was so much gobbledygook, I couldn't get past the first few sentences! :Clap:

Ok, I will refrain from commenting now. Maybe more people will come join in the fun!

Sarah

Well thank you, Sarah, but let's just call it what it is, the purple prose plate special--toast, juice, sunny side up eggs and a Columbian Brew :)

aruna
08-22-2005, 07:15 PM
I think my entry is invalid as it is more than one paragraph, didn't read the rules carefully enough. Can I just run them together or shall I write another? It was fun BTW do we get a second entry?

maestrowork
08-23-2005, 02:26 AM
Just write another if you want. Doesn't matter. This is a fun thread...

maestrowork
08-25-2005, 04:03 AM
I have to admit *sigh* ChunkyC's version is better than my original!

aruna
08-25-2005, 09:45 PM
Wow, it's a STICKY! Well done everyone; our great words have been immortalised!

MacAllister
08-25-2005, 09:56 PM
aren't y'all afraid your chops will freeze that way, like if you cross your eyes when you're a little kid...?

aruna
08-25-2005, 09:59 PM
aren't y'all afraid your chops will freeze that way, like if you cross your eyes when you're a little kid...?

Admit it, you're just jealous!

MacAllister
08-25-2005, 10:01 PM
Admit it, you're just jealous! heh--it's true. You got me. I always try to concede the field gracefully when I know I'm hopelessly outclassed--it's really more dignified to lose that way, I think...

:ROFL:

maestrowork
08-25-2005, 10:12 PM
I'll enter one for you, Mac... Bwhahahahahahahahahaha

MacAllister
08-25-2005, 10:41 PM
...oh...god...I'm having deja vu...

Roger J Carlson
08-26-2005, 07:04 PM
You know, it's really hard to judge this. The entries are so varied. The one I'm currently reading always looks the best. Maybe for the next contest, you can give us a nice clean paragraph and see who can purple it up the best.

maestrowork
08-26-2005, 07:09 PM
That's a good idea, Roger. Why didn't I think of that?

aruna
08-26-2005, 07:09 PM
V. good idea!

jdkiggins
08-26-2005, 07:55 PM
I'll give this a try. Seems my bad poem wasn't so darn bad. So I'll see how horrible I can do with the purple prose. Be back with it later.

aruna
08-26-2005, 09:04 PM
I suggest two rounds: first we seect the top five by popular vote, and then as Roger suggests.

ChunkyC
08-26-2005, 09:11 PM
I like that idea, Aruna. This round as the 'audition' round, to select the finalists.

maestrowork
08-26-2005, 11:46 PM
I like these ideas, so I'm changing the contest a bit.

PLEASE read the first post for any updates!


9/15 is coming up! Enter! Now.


(I like the evolving nature of this game)

aruna
08-27-2005, 12:04 AM
Inspired - Prizes:
1) A bound copy of Atlanta Night
2) A signed copy of my new book, The Pacific Between (be the first to read it before its general release in January 2006)
There may be more prizes to come....


... Go!

I would like to offer a hardback, signed copy of my third novel The Speech of Angels as one of the prizes. Secret message below!

(Of course I am bribing the judges! )



Yp

maestrowork
08-27-2005, 12:06 AM
What kind of a bribe is that? If you win, you'll be winning your own book. LOL. But thank you! I will add your book to the prize!

jdkiggins
08-27-2005, 12:11 AM
I've copied this entry of Joanne's into the new PURPLE PROSE ENTRIES Thread. Please put all new entries over there, thanks!

CC

ChunkyC
08-27-2005, 12:24 AM
Just to clarify -- Maestro asked me to split this thread into two, one for the entries, and this one will remain open for comments and peanut gallery type stuff.

So, anyone wanting to post an entry, just plunk it in the new entry thread.

I'm hurtin' myself reading them all....

maestrowork
08-27-2005, 12:30 AM
Thanks CC.

Please post your entries (and entries only) in the -- duh! -- Entries thread, and direct all your comments and crits in this thread.

Thanks!

jdkiggins
08-27-2005, 01:10 AM
I've copied this entry of Joanne's into the new PURPLE PROSE ENTRIES Thread. Please put all new entries over there, thanks!

CC


I sure hope that new entries thread was made after I posted. If not, sorry I'm brain dead today and didn't see the new thread. :D

Thanks for moving me CC.

ChunkyC
08-27-2005, 01:19 AM
I was performing the split and you posted before I was finished. I didn't even see your entry until I came back to see how the split went.

jdkiggins
08-27-2005, 01:20 AM
Oh good! I'm not as far gone as I thought. :D

Unique
08-27-2005, 08:05 AM
I never knew there were so many shades of purple.

jdkiggins
08-27-2005, 08:07 AM
Sure there are!

aruna
08-27-2005, 11:25 AM
What kind of a bribe is that? If you win, you'll be winning your own book. LOL. But thank you! I will add your book to the prize!

oops, silly me! I'd lost my head momentarily. Must be all this purple Kool-aid stuff.

Alphabet
09-08-2005, 02:59 PM
What would we have if we somehow could weave these entries into one purply-linked piece? Now THAT would be a challenge and a revelation.

rhymegirl
09-11-2005, 07:43 PM
Okay, so when it's time to vote, how exactly do we do it?

rhymegirl
09-12-2005, 12:06 AM
Holy crap. I vote for that piece of purple prose to win the contest!

Dawno
09-13-2005, 12:25 AM
Vote for Daw...

Oops, sorry, wrong thread. :)

But I did enter a bit of technical writing...I think I have an aptitude, don't you?

DeniseK
09-13-2005, 12:34 AM
Well, Regular witty Kathy. There are numerous and multiple ways to go about the most arduous task of casting a luxurious vote for the most apropos entry in the glamorous, if slightly trendy, Absoulute Write Purple Prose Contest. But, I digress. It would appear to my racing, arguably unattuned, senses that you perhaps are not looking for the way to go about casting your superfluous vote for this chivalrous contest, but that you are looking for a precise moment in time that you may, as it were, cast your vote upon your most beloved entry in this contest. I do hope, with great honesty and forebearance, that I am not losing you in this most simple reply to your ingenuous question regarding said vote casting. I would, for all intents and purposes, direct this most precise of questions to the one who, apropos of nothing, invented this wonderful contest in the first place. Ray, you most creative of contest creators, you. Would you please honor us with the presense of your reply to the most fetching of ingenuous questions that Rhymegirl Kathy has put before us. In this time of unknowing and indecision we rest wildly with our fingers on the pulsing triggers of our laboriously designed voting buttons. We await your response with intense longing!

That was...(sob, wilt) beautiful!

rhymegirl
09-13-2005, 01:11 AM
HOW DO WE VOTE????

maestrowork
09-13-2005, 01:25 AM
Patience, my child. Patience. The submission period is not over yet.

p.s. I think Kevin is a lawyer.

maestrowork
09-15-2005, 01:30 AM
Don't forget....


TOMORROW, SEPTEMBER 15, 11:59 PM EDT is the last day to enter in the Purple Prose contest!!!

Dawno
09-15-2005, 08:25 AM
oowwww my eyes!

DeniseK
09-16-2005, 01:39 AM
I just read through all the entries and it is going to be hard as heck to pick out five. But my brain has turned into a purple head of cabbage. :ROFL:

maestrowork
09-16-2005, 05:29 AM
THREE more hours to go... enter now.

Dawno
09-16-2005, 08:08 AM
OK, it's past midnight eastern time, what now? :)

I could start my "vote for you know who" campaign...

jdkiggins
09-16-2005, 08:10 AM
NO! Don't vote for Dawno. Vote for me!

Dawno
09-16-2005, 08:29 AM
They can vote for you too dear, this is the finalist round - I think there will be 5 finalists...so





VOTE FOR DAWNO AND JOANNE!!!

jdkiggins
09-16-2005, 08:34 AM
Please, not that #5 AGAIN!!!!
:roll: (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/misc.php?do=getsmilies&wysiwyg=1&forumid=0#)

Thanks for the plug, Dawno.

:D

Dawno
09-16-2005, 08:43 AM
Inspired by the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, here we have the first ever AW Purple Prose contest (aka FEAWPP):*snip*

- In the first round, we will pick FIVE finalists.

- Once the finalists are picked, we will go into the second round. More details to follow.

- You may enter more than one entry to increase your chances. Is it fair? No, but everyone can enter as many as they want, so I do think it's pretty fair.

- Prizes:
1) A bound copy of Atlanta Night
2) A signed copy of my new book, The Pacific Between (be the first to read it before its general release in January 2006)
3) A signed hardback copy of Sharon Maas's The Speech of Angels
There may be more prizes to come....


Read the entries or enter yours... here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18087).



... Go!

Sorry Joanne, looks like the #5 is here to stay....




Vote for Dawno and Joanne and 3 others of your choice!!

aruna
09-16-2005, 11:08 AM
SO, what next? How do we vote? Can entrants vote?

maestrowork
09-16-2005, 05:11 PM
Voting starts now.

Edit: I've changed the rules... read on

You can read the entries here: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18087



Voting ends on September 20, 11:59 P.M. ET.

The way to vote:

- We are NOT, and I repeat... NOT voting for people. We are voting for entries. So, if you votes go to the same person... so be it. That's why the more you entered, the better chance you have winning this thing.

- YES, entrants can vote, but they can't vote for their own entries. This is to encourage fair play.


- HERE is how: there's a post # associated with each entry (#1, #2, etc.) Choose 5 entries that you think are the best of the best, and send the 5 NUMBERS (only) to maestrowork (at) gmail (dot) com. Please do not send names.

- ONE vote per person (with the five numbers in each vote). If you send me more than one vote, I will discard ALL your votes.

- PLEASE include your screen name in your email. Only registered AW members can vote. (So don't call all your friends and relatives to vote for you, unless they happen to be an AWer)

At the conclusion of the voting period (some time on September 21), I will tally the votes.

Two ways to determine the finalists:
1. The entries that receive the most votes -- the contestants who wrote them would go on to the second ground; or

2. In the case the entries only receive one vote each, the contestants who get the most votes (cumulatively) would go on to the next ground.


In the case of a tie (or ties) for #5 slot:
- if the tied entries belong to the same person, it will count as one. The next person with the most votes will advance to the second ground

- if the tied entries belong to two different people, and a quick "sudden death" vote will determine #5 (watch this space for announcement)

- if more than 5 entries receive the highest votes, a quick "sudden death" vote will determine the final 5.


VOTE NOW!

aruna
09-16-2005, 05:32 PM
This is SO difficult....

maestrowork
09-16-2005, 05:47 PM
Just pick five numbers!

jdkiggins
09-16-2005, 05:52 PM
It was difficult, but my vote is in!

aruna
09-16-2005, 06:26 PM
Just pick five numbers!

Might just as well pick them out of a hat!

maestrowork
09-16-2005, 06:32 PM
(I'm going to play the lottery with these numbers... and no, I won't share my wealth when I win. Not even going to tell ya)

jdkiggins
09-16-2005, 06:35 PM
(I'm going to play the lottery with these numbers... and no, I won't share my wealth when I win. Not even going to tell ya)
You could at least buy lunch! :D

paprikapink
09-16-2005, 09:54 PM
Whew. That was torture. I read or reread all of them! Actually, it wasn't that hard. Some of them, you can't help but read! And then you don't want to admit it to anyone, kinduva guilty pleasures kinda thing. And when that happens, you vote for it.


Note: In this context, "you" = "me."

Alphabet
09-16-2005, 10:35 PM
My vote is in.

ProsperitySue
09-17-2005, 12:44 AM
It was a lot of fun to enter the purple prose contest and read your entries and comments. This is the first time I've been an part of a forum. It's really a wonderful feeling to connect with a community of writers where we can just sit down and chat any time of the day or night. I've voted and enjoyed reading the entries again. I'm looking forward to seeing the final 5. I just wanted to take the plunge, say hello, and tell you how much I enjoy your positive energy.

Suzanne

paprikapink
09-17-2005, 12:46 AM
Hey, Suzanne, welcome aboard! :welcome:

Alphabet
09-17-2005, 12:53 AM
:welcome: ProsperitySue.

But, just take a look at the post counts of the people in this thread - be scared, be very scared!

akelsey333
09-17-2005, 02:59 AM
It was hard to choose my five favorites, but my vote is finally in :)

jdkiggins
09-17-2005, 03:18 AM
Is it the 20th yet? :Jump:

Oh, sorry, wrong thread! :ROFL:

Unique
09-17-2005, 03:22 AM
How do you decide which entry is the purplest? Is it if the writing is so constipated you can't tell what the person was talking about? Is that it?

Flowery, fruity flavors reminiscent of a bad accident involving Chanel #5?

Help me out here....am I supposed to like it or not like it, or maybe just not know what the heck they are talking about.....?

maestrowork
09-17-2005, 03:27 AM
I don't know... different people have different criterior... that's why it's fun.

One of my criterior: bad writing disguised as brilliance.

(or is it brilliant writing disguised as crap?)

jdkiggins
09-17-2005, 03:28 AM
Oh, Unique, just vote for #'s 22 and 24 and three others. :ROFL:

Unique
09-17-2005, 03:33 AM
I might have to do this in two stages. My eyes are burning and I'm no where near done reading them all.....merci`...please pass the Visine.

maestrowork
09-17-2005, 03:34 AM
... the host could be bribed...

jdkiggins
09-17-2005, 03:35 AM
Yes, Ray! Were you going to say something?

maestrowork
09-17-2005, 03:38 AM
<looking away> :Ssh:

jdkiggins
09-17-2005, 03:40 AM
:roll: Is that a first?

robeiae
09-17-2005, 03:41 AM
How do you decide which entry is the purplest?
Go with pigmentation...

Rob :)

rhymegirl
09-17-2005, 03:48 AM
Welcome Suzanne!

I loved reading yours--one very, very long sentence! And funny! I laughed out loud.

rhymegirl
09-17-2005, 03:49 AM
... the host could be bribed...

Hmm. What kinda bribe would work?

robeiae
09-17-2005, 03:59 AM
Hmm. What kinda bribe would work?
Most likely, the kind that I can't provide...

Rob :)

Unique
09-17-2005, 03:59 AM
Hmm. What kinda bribe would work?




.


breasts






maybe chicken

rhymegirl
09-17-2005, 04:01 AM
Most likely, the kind that I can't provide...

Rob :)

And why can't you, Rob?

robeiae
09-17-2005, 04:01 AM
Correct me if I'm wrong, Ray, but you're stil planning on dividing any votes I get by six, right? (or was it seven...)

Rob :)

rhymegirl
09-17-2005, 04:02 AM
Is Ray talking about naughty stuff?

aruna
09-17-2005, 09:20 AM
It was a lot of fun to enter the purple prose contest and read your entries and comments. This is the first time I've been an part of a forum. It's really a wonderful feeling to connect with a community of writers where we can just sit down and chat any time of the day or night. I've voted and enjoyed reading the entries again. I'm looking forward to seeing the final 5. I just wanted to take the plunge, say hello, and tell you how much I enjoy your positive energy.

Suzanne

Welcome, Suzanne! I loved yours!

paprikapink
09-17-2005, 07:04 PM
How do you decide which entry is the purplest? Is it if the writing is so constipated you can't tell what the person was talking about? Is that it?

Flowery, fruity flavors reminiscent of a bad accident involving Chanel #5?

Help me out here....am I supposed to like it or not like it, or maybe just not know what the heck they are talking about.....?

It is tough, Unique, but I found this poster's perspective insightful:


Whew. That was torture. I read or reread all of them! Actually, it wasn't that hard. Some of them, you can't help but read! And then you don't want to admit it to anyone, kinduva guilty pleasures kinda thing. And when that happens, you vote for it.

:banana:

jdkiggins
09-17-2005, 09:49 PM
Just finished handing out reps for the purple entries. If I missed anyone, let me know. :D

Dawno
09-18-2005, 08:27 AM
Oh, Unique, just vote for #'s 22 and 24 and three others. :ROFL:

I can't believe anyone would stoop to such shameless self-promotion...uh, nevermind...;)

jdkiggins
09-18-2005, 05:27 PM
I can't believe anyone would stoop to such shameless self-promotion...uh, nevermind...;)

I'm sorry, Dawno!

I meant to say vote for #22, #24 and #41 (Dawno) and two others. :ROFL:

DeniseK
09-18-2005, 06:39 PM
I'm sorry, Dawno! I meant to say vote for #22, #24 and #41 (Dawno) and two others. :ROFL:

Yeah, like #1 and #21!

ProsperitySue
09-18-2005, 07:14 PM
Hi !

I've got to leave soon so this is a quick note, but I wanted to thank you for your welcome and those discerning souls who got a LOL from my purple prose. <cheesy grin> After I listed the numbers for my votes in my email to Maestrowork I was thinking that they looked like lottery numbers, so I played them. I'm so excited. I won $200 from Powerball! It really does pay to appreciate your fellow writers!!! It was so much fun to check online this morning and see numbers line up. Yahoo!

More later,
Suzanne

maestrowork
09-18-2005, 07:29 PM
DARN! I wanted to play the lottery but didn't. DARN DARN DARN.

jdkiggins
09-18-2005, 07:40 PM
Congrats, Suzanne! Wow, what a way to win!

Alphabet
09-18-2005, 08:06 PM
Am I the only one thinking of checking the powerball numbers for a clue who ProsperitySue voted for?

maestrowork
09-18-2005, 08:22 PM
Vote! Vote! Vote!


Less than 3 days to go.

Vote!

(Where is Vote_bot when you need him?)

aruna
09-18-2005, 09:06 PM
Vote! Vote! Vote!


Less than 3 days to go.

Vote!

(Where is Vote_bot when you need him?)

Perhaps some more promotion is needed???

maestrowork
09-19-2005, 12:28 AM
I don't know what else to do except to ask all of you to put the contest link in your sig line... but then again, a lot of people don't read sig lines...

DeniseK
09-19-2005, 12:37 AM
Don't forget to vote in the AW Purple Prose Contest (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17708)!

Dawno
09-19-2005, 12:38 AM
but then again, a lot of people don't read sig lines...

Perhaps people are too subtle in their sig lines...I know mine is rather unobtrusive.

aruna
09-19-2005, 12:42 AM
I've bumped the threda in the Novels Forum to the top - are there threads on all the forums? I've got to go now but if not why not?

rhymegirl
09-19-2005, 12:58 AM
How about this:

WE NEED YOU, VOTE_BOT!

robeiae
09-19-2005, 05:10 AM
Maybe if we hold a seance...

Rob :)

DeniseK
09-19-2005, 09:00 AM
I just did a drive-by rep post on all the entries before going to bed. I'm sleepy, so when you see I made no comment, just know it's that. All the entries are good, picking out five was excruatingly hard! Nighty night.

maestrowork
09-20-2005, 01:57 AM
Progress report:


1. Where is everyone? There are many contestants but not everyone has voted yet. Are you one of those "enter and run" type? Shame on you. You know who you are. Come on, let's vote! 30 hours to go.

2. So far we have 5 clear winning entries, written by 4 contestants (yes, one person has two entries in the top 5 right now). There are 4 entries that are very close behind... things can change quickly.

VOTE
VOTE
VOTE
VOTE

Alphabet
09-20-2005, 02:13 AM
Well, with a signature like that, no wonder!!!

robeiae
09-20-2005, 04:14 AM
What does "ground one" mean? (it's on the calendar for the AWPP contest) Is it like ground zero, only worse?

Rob :)

aruna
09-20-2005, 10:05 AM
Progress report:


1. Where is everyone? There are many contestants but not everyone has voted yet. Are you one of those "enter and run" type? Shame on you. You know who you are. Come on, let's vote! 30 hours to go.



Perhaps you should PM the non-voting entrants and remind them - maybe they just forgot the deadline.

Roger J Carlson
09-20-2005, 07:12 PM
I've been away. I think I missed the boat on this one. Is it too late to vote? How do I vote? (I know...you probably explained it 100 times...I've just been swamped the last few days with deadlines! sorry.Voting instructions here:
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=328088&postcount=52

rhymegirl
09-20-2005, 07:16 PM
I've been away. I think I missed the boat on this one. Is it too late to vote? How do I vote? (I know...you probably explained it 100 times...I've just been swamped the last few days with deadlines! sorry.

No excuses! Vote or else we shave off your eyebrows.

maestrowork
09-20-2005, 07:42 PM
I've been away. I think I missed the boat on this one. Is it too late to vote? How do I vote? (I know...you probably explained it 100 times...I've just been swamped the last few days with deadlines! sorry.

The deadline is tonight at 11:59 PM ET... still plenty of time to vote!

maestrowork
09-20-2005, 07:44 PM
That's it! Maybe if you're a contestant and you don't vote, you're automatically disqualified. :) Hey, it's my contest, I make up the rules.

:)

Vote now!

Dawno
09-20-2005, 09:33 PM
ooh new catch phrase "Vote for Purple Prose or Lose Your Eyebrows!"

rhymegirl
09-20-2005, 09:48 PM
ooh new catch phrase "Vote for Purple Prose or Lose Your Eyebrows!"

Dawno, I love that! Maybe threatening bodily harm will do it! I'll have to put that in my signature line.

reph
09-20-2005, 09:56 PM
Lose your eyebrows like your face is on fire?

Dawno
09-20-2005, 10:25 PM
Lose your eyebrows like your face is on fire?

Nah, nothing that violent, just shaved off -- see rhymegirl's post (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=331885#post331885) above.

robeiae
09-20-2005, 11:29 PM
Nah, nothing that violent, just shaved off --
Pffft...at least pluck 'em off, one hair at a time...while listening to Slim Whitman's greatest hits.

Rob :)

Dawno
09-20-2005, 11:33 PM
Rob, do you have some eyebrow issues you need to work out?

BTW - for anyone who's curious: No, I didn't write the tech manuals for Microsoft software. :)

robeiae
09-20-2005, 11:38 PM
BTW - for anyone who's curious: No, I didn't write the tech manuals for Microsoft software. :)
But did you right them for DOS?

Rob :)

Dawno
09-20-2005, 11:43 PM
But did you right them for DOS?

Rob :)


::shhhhh. that's a trade secret!::

robeiae
09-20-2005, 11:49 PM
Look, I've got this NEC 286DX Laptop currently running on DOS 5.0, but I'm having some problems with batch commands. Primarily, my problem is that the autoexec.bat file I created isn't running in the proper order. What should I do about it; my 6 volume set of user manuals do not have an answer.

Rob :)

rhymegirl
09-20-2005, 11:52 PM
Okay, my daughter is a member so I will bug her to vote. Of course, I will not try to point her towards any specific entries.

And just for the record, I was only advocating eyebrow shaving, but plucking would be okay, too.

I am gonna go pester the folks on the greeting card board to vote.

Dawno
09-21-2005, 12:14 AM
Look, I've got this NEC 286DX Laptop currently running on DOS 5.0, but I'm having some problems with batch commands. Primarily, my problem is that the autoexec.bat file I created isn't running in the proper order. What should I do about it; my 6 volume set of user manuals do not have an answer.

Rob :)

hmm. I recommend Linux.

robeiae
09-21-2005, 12:17 AM
My hard drive only has 750mb of space; linux won't fit. (Isn't that what Sally said?)

Rob :)

Dawno
09-21-2005, 12:21 AM
My hard drive only has 750mb of space; linux won't fit. (Isn't that what Sally said?)

Rob :)

Get a bigger hard-drive.

And that bit about Sally is disgusting! :tongue

Dawno
09-21-2005, 01:24 AM
Dawno...your new pic. What can I say! Stunning! And thanks for the bold font. You must really know where I am coming from. I missed the whole vote now thing. It's large letters like yours that keep me focused. I run over people in the streets if they're foolish enough not to be decked out in flourescent orange hunter jumpsuits. I applaud your LARGE BOLD FONT. Us slow people need a push.

Thank you. I got the ears at Disneyland last week. My daughter has a complementary pair in a pastel pink.

You're welcome for the bold font as well. I try to do my part.

maestrowork
09-21-2005, 07:41 AM
18 more minutes. You snooze, you lose.

(C'mon... there are still contestants who haven't voted yet)

Dawno
09-21-2005, 09:55 AM
So, uh, when do we find out who made it into the next round?

reph
09-21-2005, 11:22 AM
Do we justify our votes yet? In choosing my top five, I favored entries that got their purplosity by means other than piling on the adjectives and adverbs.

Alphabet
09-21-2005, 11:53 AM
I disfavoured tangential purple preferring cliched, over-wrought and metaphoric purples instead.

maestrowork
09-21-2005, 11:58 AM
Results are in...

aruna
09-21-2005, 12:36 PM
Results are in...

Is that ALL? How disappointing!

Alphabet
09-21-2005, 12:54 PM
I quite agree.

It should have been


RESULTS ARE IN!!!!!! (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19266)

Dawno
09-27-2005, 09:19 AM
Dear Ray,

Does a contestant need to put entries in as one post or do you want a separate post for each? If a contestant finishes one prompt should they post it or wait to post all three together, maybe even until the last possible minute causing heightened suspense :)? Do you have rules about going back to edit this time around?

Sincerely,

Miss Violet Lavender Lilac

P.S. do you like my new pen name?

maestrowork
09-27-2005, 06:14 PM
Dear MVLL,

Whatever you want. As long as you have all three entries in by the deadline, which by the way, is coming up really quickly, folks. You can post them in separate posts (however, it will make it harder for people to find them, read and vote). Or you can post one at a time, by editing the same post. Or you can post them all at the same time once you're done with them.

No preference. But remember, this round, we're voting for the entire body of work, and not individual entries. So whatever makes voting easier for others...

p.s. I like your new pen name, but it doesn't spell anything...

Best,
Really Awesome Yankees

maestrowork
09-29-2005, 05:17 AM
O my... I can't breathe... :roll:

Yeshanu
09-29-2005, 05:43 AM
Unique,

I think your lessons took. You'd do Ally's teacher proud...

Unique
09-29-2005, 06:20 AM
Unique,

I think your lessons took. You'd do Ally's teacher proud...

Yes, that was the most valuable advice. I owe my literary purpleness to our beloved purple prose monkeys.

(I just hope this stuff washes off....)

robeiae
09-29-2005, 05:36 PM
I didn't really like the "genre" requirement for the final round. Of my three pieces, I like my first one far more than the other two. It adds nothing to the original piece in the way of events or facts; it's just more purple.

Doing a "genre" aside from literary (where you can just operate on the original and not add new facts) requires the introduction of things that are more a measure of creativity and pure writing skills than of purpleness.

But that's just me.

However, I really enjoyed reading Unique's and Dawno's entries, so from that standpoint, the "genre" thing works.

Rob :)

jdkiggins
09-29-2005, 06:44 PM
I can't wait to see the other entries. I'm have a ball reading the entries so far. Good luck everyone.

Kida Adelyne
09-30-2005, 02:40 AM
(I just hope this stuff washes off....)

Wash it in vineagar and a special mixture of llama spit, frogs tounge and platypus teeth on the full moon.

Or read a good book.:Shrug:

Those entries were horribly brilliant.:ROFL:

ProsperitySue
09-30-2005, 02:57 AM
Hi there...just checking in and see that SOME of us have been very busy. I had the strangest thing happen. I had a "stone" in a salivary gland and my neck swelled up and it hurt like bezeesus and everything. I've also had one heck of a headache. Not sure what that has to do with spit, but I guess when it backs up it really backs up.

Now that I've given you waaaay more personal information than you every wanted...just wrote my first draft of one of the purple prose entries. Believe they are going to be short from the look of it, but much more of that dark purple like the kings wear than the more lavenderish purple of say, Yarley's Lavender soap.

If I read the rules right, I have until Monday morning to turn them in, but should get them finished Saturdayish or so (not to be too particular and yet being specific in a more general way).

And, I must admit, nay more like confess actually, that I enjoy the heck out of writing these things and I feel it might be creeping in little soft, furry cat's paw-like ways into my other writing.

Riding off into the purple sunset...

Unique
09-30-2005, 02:59 AM
Be careful Sue, that stuff really is hard to wash off.

maestrowork
09-30-2005, 04:27 AM
After this week, take off for two weeks and keep washing and washing and washing. Do NOT touch any real writing for at least two weeks. :)

Nah, keep writing. You might enjoy it. Some time in the future, you might look back and say, "WTF? What kind of acid was I on?"

Don't say I'm not evil, cuz I am. Bwhahahahahahaha.

robeiae
09-30-2005, 05:29 AM
My entries are essentially identical, with regards to methodolgy, to all of my literary efforts, albeit the subject matter is quite different.

Rob :)

ProsperitySue
09-30-2005, 08:01 AM
"Be careful Sue, that stuff really is hard to wash off." by Unique....and ..."Nah, keep writing. You might enjoy it. Some time in the future, you might look back and say, "WTF? What kind of acid was I on?" by maestrowork

Sorry, couldn't get quotes to work like I wanted them...hope this is understandable. Anyway, it will all come out in the wash... :D

Well, I'm in a really fun place, exploring my writing voice and trying new things...and I've definitely got an inner six year old talking loud and clear right now. No mistaking why I'm drawn to purple prose or Calvin and Hobbes right now! So, I guess it's not acid, maestro, but more like Twizzlers.

Hmmm...I notice no one took up the spit thread in my previous post. Or maybe that's why you were suggesting the washing! :Shrug:

Unique
09-30-2005, 02:06 PM
Hmmm...I notice no one took up the spit thread in my previous post. Or maybe that's why you were suggesting the washing! :Shrug:

The tongue is a sensitive organ. I was trying not to feel your pain. >wince<
Hope you're feeling spiffy in a jiffy.

(You weren't drooling purple were you?)

Yeshanu
10-01-2005, 02:28 AM
And, I must admit, nay more like confess actually, that I enjoy the heck out of writing these things and I feel it might be creeping in little soft, furry cat's paw-like ways into my other writing.

Uh, oh...

ProsperitySue
10-01-2005, 04:49 AM
(You weren't drooling purple were you?)

Nope, Unique, no drooling at all which was the problem, but now I am free to drool over these luscious, delectable grapelike colored entries in the purple prose contest! I just submitted mine and I'm going to get all kind of lavendar and shades of purplish and read them all! :popcorn:

Yeshanu
10-01-2005, 05:39 AM
I'm gonna rep all five of you for posting, not just purple, but before the deadline. Absolutely amazing! (From my pov, anyhow. :) )



I wonder if there's any way we can change the background colour of the forum so it's purple.

maestrowork
10-01-2005, 06:02 AM
Bravo!

aruna
10-05-2005, 11:41 AM
Bravo!

Ray it would help - for those who are voting for the first time, or those, like me, who have lost it due to carelessness - if you would repost your email address on the first message of the Entries thread!
I've searched everywhere and can't find it! (I'll find it eventually, hopefully before the voting is over!)

Yeshanu
10-05-2005, 02:17 PM
It's maestrowork(at)gmail(dot)com, aruna. Hope this is soon enough for you!

aruna
10-05-2005, 02:34 PM
Thanks! I found it earlier on the Entries thread and voted. But good to have it here again.

jdkiggins
10-05-2005, 03:00 PM
Great entries everyone. My vote is in.

Good luck to all!

Dawno
10-06-2005, 07:44 AM
::chewing nails::

::pacing the hall::

::looking for another fifth of Tequila::

robeiae
10-06-2005, 07:47 AM
Whatcha doin Dawno?

Rob :)

Dawno
10-06-2005, 07:52 AM
me? oh nothing, I mean I'm not waiting beside the computer endlessly hitting the refresh button....

robeiae
10-06-2005, 07:55 AM
Funny...I used to be endlessly re-hit for being fresh.

Rob :)

Dawno
10-06-2005, 07:59 AM
:rolleyes: oh rob (a la Mary Tyler Moore in the Dick Van Dyke show)

robeiae
10-06-2005, 08:02 AM
:rolleyes: oh rob (a la Mary Tyler Moore in the Dick Van Dyke show)
Ha-ha...I can hear your voice quivering with antici





pation as you say that!

Rob :)

Dawno
10-06-2005, 08:08 AM
uh...you must be thinking of a *very* different episode!

robeiae
10-06-2005, 08:11 AM
uh...you must be thinking of a *very* different episode!
No, no, no...she always says that when she's nervous/anxious and Rob tells a bad, dry joke. See, you're nervous with anticipation of the results and I....oh, nevermind.

Man, I guess I can't say anything anymore...

Rob :)

Dawno
10-06-2005, 08:17 AM
Nah, your memory of the show is just better than mine. I get what you're saying now.

I'm currently trying to win $171k on my computer slots progressive machine. Amazing how fast you can spend money if you're playing a $5 machine at 3 credits per spin. I was down to $43k but I hit a really good spin and I'm back over $62k which is about where I started.

robeiae
10-06-2005, 08:20 AM
Nah, your memory of the show is just better than mine
Probably not something I should be doing backflips over...

Anyway, good night and good luck!

Rob :)

maestrowork
10-06-2005, 05:20 PM
The results are in... and the WEENER is....



DAWNO


CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :Jump: :Jump:

aruna
10-06-2005, 05:27 PM
The results are in... and the WEENER is....



DAWNO


CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :Jump: :Jump:


:Clap: :Clap: :Clap:
:TheWave: :TheWave: :TheWave: :TheWave: :TheWave: :TheWave:

Dawno
10-06-2005, 06:11 PM
:faint:


Thank you to Ray for setting this up and being such a great host to the contest. Thank you to everyone that voted. This was sooooooooooo much fun. And to Sharon, Ray and Travis Tea :) - I appreciate you donating the prize.

Alaskamatt17, prosperitySue, robeiae and Unique, it was an honor to be counted among you and a real pleasure to read your submissions.

:thankyou:

robeiae
10-06-2005, 06:17 PM
Way to go, Dawno!! (hey, that rhymes...why isn't there some kinda poetry contest...)

You are very purple and I'm happy you won. Everyone did very well, though.

And...and...and (I can't believe I gotta say this) thank..you..Ray (whew!), you did a great job running the show. I appreciate the time and effort you put into this little spiel.

Rob :)

maestrowork
10-06-2005, 06:43 PM
You're welcome. It's been a fun game. And a big thank you to everyone who participated. We had 43 entries -- that's nothing to sneeze at for a little impromptu contest. And thank you, Sharon for donating your book for the prize -- it's very generous of you.

I hope everyone had fun and we shall consider doing it again in the future. But now, go write something NOT purple.

(Dawno, please give Sharon and me your address so we can send you the books. You'll have to wait a bit for mine, though, since I don't have any copies available yet)

Unique
10-06-2005, 10:04 PM
Mirror, mirror on the wall -


Dawno's the Purplest of Us All!
Congratulations Dawno!:Trophy:

alaskamatt17
10-07-2005, 01:44 AM
Congratulations, Dawno!

rhymegirl
10-07-2005, 01:54 AM
I goofed up on that other message.

What I wanted to say was: CONGRATS, DAWNO!
YOU'RE THE PURPLEST! :Jump:

ChunkyC
10-07-2005, 01:54 AM
Three cheers for the Purple One!

(I think it was the purple ear in her avatar that put her over the top.)

Yeshanu
10-07-2005, 02:29 AM
Yay, Dawno!


I just want to tell you all that I wish I'd had five votes. You all deserve a prize. Or something.

Very, very well done. (Or not, depending on your point of view...) :)

paprikapink
10-07-2005, 08:11 AM
I'd like to say exactly what Yeshanu said. Exactly! It's uncanny.

Great job everyone!!!!

Alphabet
10-08-2005, 02:35 AM
:faint:


Thank you to Ray for setting this up and being such a great host to the contest. Thank you to everyone that voted. This was sooooooooooo much fun. And to Sharon, Ray and Travis Tea :) - I appreciate you donating the prize.

Alaskamatt17, prosperitySue, robeiae and Unique, it was an honor to be counted among you and a real pleasure to read your submissions.

:thankyou:


Congratulations Dawno! But, I really think your acceptance speech ought to have been purpler..... what do you think all? I think we should demand a purple version ;-)

jdkiggins
10-09-2005, 06:48 PM
Congrats, Dawno!!!!

Yeshanu
10-10-2005, 06:23 AM
Gonna let this sink now, if it's okay with everyone...



Well done to everyone who entered!

ProsperitySue
10-13-2005, 07:17 AM
Congratulations, Dawno!!! :Clap:

I feel like such an idiot!! Since we were posting conversations in the final entry thread, I've been checking there for the "weener" and wondered why there wasn't an announcement. I thought maybe Ray was having a madcap affair with Paris Hilton or decided to take an impromptu trip to Wales or was captured by space aliens...or SOMETHING!!! Just decided to check the peanut gallery and here you are!

Did I miss out on the award ceremony bash?

Dawno
10-13-2005, 07:31 AM
Thank you Suzanne. For an awards banquet I supersized my recent Extra Value Meal at McD's and gave a very flowery thank you to the guy who took my order. :)