View Full Version : Seeking Romance Beta - Will Do Beta in Return

04-08-2010, 06:26 PM
I need a temporary mentor for a novel I'm working on. The story is finished, but in the 'cob' stage (as in 'rough as a...'). Chapter 2 has an info dump that needs to be hauled to the dump and will be.

I'm looking for someone willing to do a quick read and tell me what is working and what isn't. I've had four romance readers (not writers) read it so far. The one thing they all agree on is that it is a little different than the standard romance novel once I got past the "I like its." I need more than that. I'd really like to be able to send it out in a search for representation eventually.

It started out as a mystery novel but mutated to romance. I write mystery, but, ironically, the only short I've ever had place in a national competition was a science fiction love story, so I decided to take the romance plunge with this one.

Here are the opening lines:
Chase looked at him there on her bed. He’d drooled on the pillow, his spittle now adding to the other bodily fluids she’d throw in the washing machine. The hair plastering his forehead was dyed. She’d missed that. The hand swiping at his nose had an un-tanned line on the fourth finger. The s#n#fab#tch (s@nofabitch) was married. She’d missed that too.
His eyes opened after the fourth nudge with the toilet plunger.
“You want some breakfast?”
“Sure,” he slurred through the smile she was sure was masking his attempts to recall her name.
“The restaurant opened five minutes ago. It’ll be full in fifteen, so you better hurry.”

I'd appreciate hearing from someone. I can only offer the same in return. I love to read and critique and offer suggestions.

04-08-2010, 07:04 PM
You'd probably be better off posting this in the Beta Readers/ Mentor board:


Alternately, you could post the first chapter or so in the appropriate Share Your Work thread. Before you do that though, save the file as an .rtf or using Notepad or another program that will strip the HTML out. It'll fix the lack of spaces between paragraphs, font size change, etc.

04-08-2010, 07:42 PM

I'm not new to writing, but have not had a novel published. A short science fiction love story I penned took fourth in a national competition.

I'm working on my first romance novel. It's a contemporary modern day tale. The story is finished, but needs revision (the 2nd chapter has an info dump that needs to be dumped).

I'm looking for someone to do a quick read and tell me what is working and what isn't. I'm looking for 'truth,' not ego boosters - my mother could do that:)

The four romance readers who have read it all agreed that they liked it and that it is not the typical story they are accustomed to. I need more than that to get this where I can send it out in a search for representation, as that is my ultimate goal.

I'd appreciate hearing by pm (dakentner@gosgi.com) from anyone willing to help me and I am offering to do the same in return. But understand... I am not your mother either:) I want to improve my work.

I apologize if this posting sounds a bit cold, but I really need someone who understands that critiquing and suggesting changes has to be done honestly by both of us if we are to hone our skills.

04-08-2010, 07:45 PM

I posted the request there at your suggestion. We'll see what happens.

I was hoping to catch the interest of an experienced writer by posting here.

Cathy C
04-08-2010, 07:46 PM
I'll port this over. We all wander over to that forum from time to time, so no worries it won't get seen. :)