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Haggis
04-02-2010, 05:40 AM
As your new Mod, I spent a few minutes this morning familiarizing myself with the threads in this forum. I was so disgusted by that brief review that I forced myself to spend the better part of the day looking through every thread and every post--the good ones, a couple of times each.

You know, you people are sick, and if there wasn't a market for the filth you write, I'd have Mac ban the lot of you. Sadly, this stuff sells. Nevertheless, we need to improve the quality of your output so you all can become better representatives of Absolute Write.

Therefore, beginning tomorrow morning, the only acceptable terms for the male and female naughty parts will be "weiner" for the male, and "woo-hoo" for the female. If you write stories involving male on male sex or female on female sex, you may, on occasion, replace those words with "pee-pee" and "couter," respectively to avoid word overuse.

There will be no bisexual activity in your work, because that's just icky, and there shall be no use of swings, items with batteries or vinyl outfits. All of your characters shall have attended to toilet well before they appear in any of your writings.

You may continue to use whips, chains and midgets IF and only IF you pm me the url in advance.

Your safe word is "April Fools."

Thank you for your cooperation.

Stew21
04-02-2010, 06:03 AM
cray's gonna be so disappointed.

no batteries.

damn.

Gregg
04-02-2010, 06:06 AM
Sir the filth is yours. Instead of writing se...(sorry, I can't write it)
To calm us down, you, and the rest, must use ...
...
it's hard...

ok here it is: "xes"
there!
i feel butter now