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View Full Version : My Dog says I should Kill All AWers



Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 04:48 PM
My imaginary dog says that it would be in everybody's best interest if I killed all you f-ers here at AW. Should one listen to one's imaginary dog? Your opinions matter.

Cyia
04-01-2010, 04:49 PM
My dog says she'll stop your dog. She is fierce and her red chewy toy lethal to the imaginary.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 04:51 PM
I didn't see that coming. Well, I'll just have to send my...um...give me a second...um...nope... I got nuthin'. Your dog wins.

Good Word
04-01-2010, 04:54 PM
Diana, please seek professional help. This is a message board and not a substitute for psychiatric help. Disregard messages from any imaginary "friends" that would have you harm others. I am truly worried.

brokenfingers
04-01-2010, 04:55 PM
Please. My dog tells me that all the time. He also says I should get a job.

I just ignore him.

Cyia
04-01-2010, 04:57 PM
Please. My dog tells me that all the time. He also says I should get a job.

I just ignore him.

Of course you do. Any dog that would wear those sunglasses with that thong is obviously not in his right mind.

robeiae
04-01-2010, 04:57 PM
Hey! Leave Diana alone! It's a valid topic. My dog says I should dress like Wink Martindale.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 05:01 PM
Diana, please seek professional help. This is a message board and not a substitute for psychiatric help. Disregard messages from any imaginary "friends" that would have you harm others. I am truly worried.

I'm sorry, I thought this was the "Signs You're becoming a serial killer" board. My dog doesn't like you very much, I'm sorry to say.

Good Word
04-01-2010, 05:05 PM
Diana,

Imaginary pets and people are just crutches. Be in the real world. Ground yourself through meditation and open up to the universal om.

The only valid forms of spirit communication and guidance are from Energystar appliances, like refrigerators, and all toasters made after 1973.

robeiae
04-01-2010, 05:06 PM
Are you being punished, Good Word?

Good Word
04-01-2010, 05:12 PM
Are you being punished, Good Word?

There is no punishment, there is only psychological evolution through the higher guidance of Energystar (TM) appliances.

Cyia
04-01-2010, 05:13 PM
Be in the real world.


But... but.... we're WRITERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Word
04-01-2010, 05:20 PM
But... but.... we're WRITERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like your refrigerator cares. It knows that you are but a channel; it doesn't need you to know it, too.

regdog
04-01-2010, 05:26 PM
My dogs told me, to tell you, that you're just blaming a dog for your homicidal tendencies.




Dogs never tell people to kill, they tell us to zombify, duh.

Red-Green
04-01-2010, 05:32 PM
Only listen to your imaginary friend's request for baked goods.

aadams73
04-01-2010, 05:37 PM
Always listen to the imaginary dog. That's what mine says. It's the imaginary cat you have to be wary of. *shudders*

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 05:38 PM
Well, the dog thing didn't work out so well for David Berkowitz - but maybe your imaginary dog is different.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 05:41 PM
Diana,

Imaginary pets and people are just crutches. Be in the real world. Ground yourself through meditation and open up to the universal om.

The only valid forms of spirit communication and guidance are from Energystar appliances, like refrigerators, and all toasters made after 1973.

Ah, now, you're making sense. My imaginary dog thinks you're right...

Shveta
04-01-2010, 05:45 PM
My imaginary dog is a serial killer (it eats all my cereal), but it is very environmentally conscious and spends its nights in an EnergyStar refrigerator.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 05:46 PM
Well, the dog thing didn't work out so well for David Berkowitz - but maybe your imaginary dog is different.

Didn't he have a real dog? Everybody knows real dogs don't know anything.

Yeshanu
04-01-2010, 05:47 PM
Please. My dog tells me that all the time. He also says I should get a job.

I just ignore him.

Which just goes to prove that dogs are dumb. My cat wants me to quit my job, so I have more time to pet him.

Romantic Heretic
04-01-2010, 05:51 PM
I have an imaginary raccoon. He tells me to tip the garbage can over for his friends.

I'd do it except they don't pick up after themselves.

Ruv Draba
04-01-2010, 06:13 PM
I don't think you do have an imaginary dog, Diana. I'm not even certain that you're imagining you have an imaginary dog, since I have only your word for that. Some people say they have an imaginary dog, but then don't even bother to imagine it. They only want us to imagine that they have an imaginary dog -- which means they lure people into imagining many imaginary dogs for them, none of which they actually imagine for themselves. Parasites. :(

And how did you come by your imaginary dog? Please do not assume, even if you imagined it yourself, that it's actually yours. How do you know who is imagining it when you're not? And who imagined it before you? It might be a shared imaginary dog. In fact, as a child I had an imaginary dog that I'm fairly sure has gone missing, which means you may well have mine.

If indeed you have any at all.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 06:22 PM
I don't think you do have an imaginary dog, Diana. I'm not even certain that you're imagining you have an imaginary dog, since I have only your word for that. Some people say they have an imaginary dog, but then don't even bother to imagine it. They only want us to imagine that they have an imaginary dog -- which means they lure people into imagining many imaginary dogs for them, none of which they actually imagine for themselves. Parasites. :(

And how did you come by your imaginary dog? Please do not assume, even if you imagined it yourself, that it's actually yours. How do you know who is imagining it when you're not? And who imagined it before you? It might be a shared imaginary dog. In fact, as a child I had an imaginary dog that I'm fairly sure has gone missing, which means you may well have mine.

If indeed you have any at all.

Holly crap. I asked the imaginary dog (that I didn't even really bother imagining) and he said he is, in fact, your long lost imaginary dog. Please provide a P.O. Box and I will send him to you. He says the nicest things, though. I shall miss him.

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 06:44 PM
How much postage does one need to mail an imaginary dog?

just for future references and all.

robeiae
04-01-2010, 06:45 PM
Just one Forever Stamp.

aadams73
04-01-2010, 06:45 PM
I'm going to take Diana's imaginary dog to get neutered.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 06:46 PM
How much postage does one need to mail an imaginary dog?

just for future references and all.

I was going to ask you.

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 06:48 PM
Just one Forever Stamp.

Thank you, Rob. As always, you are the one to go to for the right answers. BTW, my imaginary dog has the hots for you. (Better act now, before he gets nuetered).

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 06:51 PM
Just one Forever Stamp.
Next question - where, on said imaginary dog, does one stamp it? Nose, middle, or butt?

Diana Hignutt
04-01-2010, 07:40 PM
Next question - where, on said imaginary dog, does one stamp it? Nose, middle, or butt?

You have to put the imaginary dog in a box, otherwise you won't know it's there, duh. Afix postage as normal.

Oh, one more thing, my (er Ruv's) imaginary dog said it was kidding about killing people. Now he tells me. Geez.

Cranky
04-01-2010, 07:42 PM
If you're not lighting fires, it doesn't matter what Fido sez, Diana. You've only got one leg of the serial killer tripod.

You'll have to do better, I'm afraid, if you want to hunt with the big dogs.

nighttimer
04-01-2010, 09:49 PM
My imaginary dog says that it would be in everybody's best interest if I killed all you f-ers here at AW. Should one listen to one's imaginary dog? Your opinions matter.


http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/legacyimages/a/6a00d8341c630a53ef01156f1f9b5d970c-pi.jpg

Obama Dog will stop you!

Ruv Draba
04-02-2010, 12:19 AM
Oh, one more thing, my (er Ruv's) imaginary dog said it was kidding about killing people. Now he tells me. Geez.Yeah. It's Briard-humour.

Er... your imaginary dog is a Briard, right? Sort of a burned-honey mop with legs that often talks in a Langue d'Oc accent about killing people, and can work a Zippo by grabbing it with its mouth, and whipping it sideways along the settee? Cos that's definitely the guy I lost. Cute as a button, in a shaggy which-end-do-I-pat sort of way.

The killing people though, that's just Briard-humour, like his stories of crotching skiiers in the Pyrenees. Classic. I sure miss that guy, but he was never the same after the thorazine.

Cyia
04-02-2010, 01:05 AM
but he was never the same after the thorazine.

Dude. Who is?

POPASMOKE
04-03-2010, 01:47 AM
My imaginary dog says that it would be in everybody's best interest if I killed all you f-ers here at AW. Should one listen to one's imaginary dog? Your opinions matter.

Why not?

My real dog talks to me all the time. But I only take him seriously on rare occassions.

dgiharris
04-03-2010, 02:01 AM
All this talk about putting imaginary dogs in boxes and mailing them is really alarming. Where is your conscience and morality people???

I've notified PETIA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Imaginary Animals) and they will be visiting you very shortly.

How do you cruel animal sadists even sleep at night???

Mel...