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View Full Version : ANNOUNCEMENT - Tiered Memberships (April Fools Day Prank)



Birol
04-01-2010, 12:23 PM
After listening to the requests of Absolute Write members, and after much consideration, it has been decided to divide AW into tiers. Based upon each person's knowledge of craft, knowledge of the business of writing, and professional achievement and skill, they will be allowed to more advanced areas of Absolute Write. Members registered before January 1, 2010 will be temporarily grandfathered in, but all members who joined on or after January 1st will be required to take a test to evaluate whether they are a Beginner Writer, Developing Writer, or Established Writer.

With each level, access to different parts of Absolute Write will be granted. We hope this will allow the more advanced writers the opportunities to have more in depth conversations and avoid the weariness that comes from answering the same questions repeatedly.

At this time, the techies are in the process of completing the tiered version of AW, but it has been decided to present the test for those of you who will need to take it. It is presented in three distinct parts. Answers can be e-mailed to Birol at lori(at)royell(dot)org. Should you have any questions, they can also be directed to Birol through e-mail.

Just one further note, I know many of you will think this is part of AW's annual April 1st prank. It is not. The date of the roll out is a coincidence. It was decided we could not wait any longer to make this change and would begin to do so on the first of the month, regardless of what connotations that date may otherwise hold.

We are certain there will be some initial concerns as well as some technical difficulties as we unroll this next stage of AW's development. We appreciate your cooperation during this period of transition.


PART I - This portion of the test evaluates your knowledge of craft, as defined by the mechanical aspects of language (grammar, punctuation, etc.) and knowledge of literature and literary history.


Define the following parts of speech: noun, verb, adjective, adverb, conjuction, preposition, article, pronoun, subject, object, infinitive phrase.
Diagram the following sentences: A) The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. B) We laymen have always been intensely curious to know -- like the cardinal who put a similar question to Ariosto -- from what sources that strange being, the creative writer, draws his material, and how he manages to make such an impression on us with it and to arouse in us emotions of which, perhaps, we had not even thought ourselves capable.
Serial comma: What is it? Do you use it or not? Why?
What is an independent clause? What is a dependent clause?
How many ways can you punctuate the following sentence (show your work): Woman without her man is nothing
According to Aristotle, what was the poet's role in society?
What is the difference between Bildungsroman and Kunstlerroman?
What earlier work did Virgil use as the thematic and structural basis for his Aeneid?
What Roman poet and author was banished by the Emperor Augustus for immorality because of his work Ars Amatoria?
Cinderella is considered the most wide-spread fairy tales and has served as a basis for many stories and movies. What element of the classic western Cinderella fairy tale leads scholars to believe it might have its origins in Asia? Why?
What historical event of 1825 inspired Tolstoy to write War And Peace?
Compare and contrast the works of William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Mark Twain.
Explain the difference between a haiku and a limerick.
What's the definition of a sonnet? Name all the sonnet types. What differentiates the sonnet types from each other? Be specific.
If you were to adapt a novel into a screenplay, what types of changes might you have to make?
Translate the following passage into modern English:
ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.


PART II - This part of the test evaluates your knowledge of the business of publishing.


In the US, do you have to register your work before it is copyrighted? What benefits are gained by registering a copyright? Do you need to copyright your work before submitting it? Why or why not?
What is the Poor Man's Copyright? Is it legally valid?
What is the difference between a query letter, a synopsis, and a proposal? Under what circumstances would you use each?
How does a query letter for article-length non-fiction differ from a query letter for a novel? How are they the same?
Define writing on spec(ulation) and work-for-hire.
What are the differences between a short story, a novella, and a novel? How are they the same?
What does it mean for a script to be optioned?
What is the difference between a content editor, acquisitions editor, copy editor, and editor-in-chief?
Is it necessary to have your manuscript professionally edited before submitting it?
What is a SASE? When do you use one?
Define semi-pro and pro market. What determines which is which? Provide an example of each.
Your best friend has just been accepted by Publish America. What do you tell them?
What is the Author's Big Mistake? What is the best way to avoid it?
If an author outlines their work, is it necessary to use Roman numerals?
What are writer's guidelines? How do you locate them?
Name three ways to research potential markets for your preferred type of writing.
How many minutes of screen time are represented by each page of a script?
If an editor or agent requests three chapters from your manuscript, which three do you send? The first three, the last three, a chapter from the beginning, middle, and end, or the three best chapters?
In the agent-author relationship, who is the boss?
In the US, where can an author get medical insurance?


PART III


Submit either a resume of your published writing credits OR a 15-20 page writing sample. (Poets and songwriters may submit 5-10 poems/lyrics.)
Sumbit a plan of your career goals and objectives and a detailed outline of how you intend to achieve them.


All documents should be submitted as either .rtf or .doc files e-mailed to lori(at)royell(dot)org. (A special e-mail address will be created later.) Writing samples should be double-spaced, TNR 12, with one-inch margins. Poems and lyrics can be formatted as the writer sees fit.
__________________

Birol
04-01-2010, 12:23 PM
After listening to the requests of Absolute Write members, and after much consideration, it has been decided to divide AW into tiers. Based upon each person's knowledge of craft, knowledge of the business of writing, and professional achievement and skill, they will be allowed to more advanced areas of Absolute Write. Members registered before January 1, 2010 will be temporarily grandfathered in, but all members who joined on or after January 1st will be required to take a test to evaluate whether they are a Beginner Writer, Developing Writer, or Established Writer.

With each level, access to different parts of Absolute Write will be granted. We hope this will allow the more advanced writers the opportunities to have more in depth conversations and avoid the weariness that comes from answering the same questions repeatedly.

At this time, the techies are in the process of completing the tiered version of AW, but it has been decided to present the test for those of you who will need to take it. It is presented in three distinct parts. Answers can be e-mailed to Birol at lori(at)royell(dot)org. Should you have any questions, they can also be directed to Birol through e-mail.

Just one further note, I know many of you will think this is part of AW's annual April 1st prank. It is not. The date of the roll out is a coincidence. It was decided we could not wait any longer to make this change and would begin to do so on the first of the month, regardless of what connotations that date may otherwise hold.

We are certain there will be some initial concerns as well as some technical difficulties as we unroll this next stage of AW's development. We appreciate your cooperation during this period of transition.


PART I - This portion of the test evaluates your knowledge of craft, as defined by the mechanical aspects of language (grammar, punctuation, etc.) and knowledge of literature and literary history.


Define the following parts of speech: noun, verb, adjective, adverb, conjuction, preposition, article, pronoun, subject, object, infinitive phrase.
Diagram the following sentences: A) The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. B) We laymen have always been intensely curious to know -- like the cardinal who put a similar question to Ariosto -- from what sources that strange being, the creative writer, draws his material, and how he manages to make such an impression on us with it and to arouse in us emotions of which, perhaps, we had not even thought ourselves capable.
Serial comma: What is it? Do you use it or not? Why?
What is an independent clause? What is a dependent clause?
How many ways can you punctuate the following sentence (show your work): Woman without her man is nothing
According to Aristotle, what was the poet's role in society?
What is the difference between Bildungsroman and Kunstlerroman?
What earlier work did Virgil use as the thematic and structural basis for his Aeneid?
What Roman poet and author was banished by the Emperor Augustus for immorality because of his work Ars Amatoria?
Cinderella is considered the most wide-spread fairy tales and has served as a basis for many stories and movies. What element of the classic western Cinderella fairy tale leads scholars to believe it might have its origins in Asia? Why?
What historical event of 1825 inspired Tolstoy to write War And Peace?
Compare and contrast the works of William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Mark Twain.
Explain the difference between a haiku and a limerick.
What's the definition of a sonnet? Name all the sonnet types. What differentiates the sonnet types from each other? Be specific.
If you were to adapt a novel into a screenplay, what types of changes might you have to make?
Translate the following passage into modern English:
ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.


PART II - This part of the test evaluates your knowledge of the business of publishing.


In the US, do you have to register your work before it is copyrighted? What benefits are gained by registering a copyright? Do you need to copyright your work before submitting it? Why or why not?
What is the Poor Man's Copyright? Is it legally valid?
What is the difference between a query letter, a synopsis, and a proposal? Under what circumstances would you use each?
How does a query letter for article-length non-fiction differ from a query letter for a novel? How are they the same?
Define writing on spec(ulation) and work-for-hire.
What are the differences between a short story, a novella, and a novel? How are they the same?
What does it mean for a script to be optioned?
What is the difference between a content editor, acquisitions editor, copy editor, and editor-in-chief?
Is it necessary to have your manuscript professionally edited before submitting it?
What is a SASE? When do you use one?
Define semi-pro and pro market. What determines which is which? Provide an example of each.
Your best friend has just been accepted by Publish America. What do you tell them?
What is the Author's Big Mistake? What is the best way to avoid it?
If an author outlines their work, is it necessary to use Roman numerals?
What are writer's guidelines? How do you locate them?
Name three ways to research potential markets for your preferred type of writing.
How many minutes of screen time are represented by each page of a script?
If an editor or agent requests three chapters from your manuscript, which three do you send? The first three, the last three, a chapter from the beginning, middle, and end, or the three best chapters?
In the agent-author relationship, who is the boss?
In the US, where can an author get medical insurance?


PART III


Submit either a resume of your published writing credits OR a 15-20 page writing sample. (Poets and songwriters may submit 5-10 poems/lyrics.)
Sumbit a plan of your career goals and objectives and a detailed outline of how you intend to achieve them.


All documents should be submitted as either .rtf or .doc files e-mailed to lori(at)royell(dot)org. (A special e-mail address will be created later.) Writing samples should be double-spaced, TNR 12, with one-inch margins. Poems and lyrics can be formatted as the writer sees fit.
__________________

Kateness
04-01-2010, 12:25 PM
Well, I know that I shall get on this immediately! I don't want to be denied certain privileges of this board.

And I'm so sure that I'm the super-best-undiscovered-Stephen-King-writer-ever that I shan't have the slightest degree of difficulty in passing your exam!

brokenfingers
04-01-2010, 12:25 PM
I'm all for it.

Can we have a hazing too?

Medievalist
04-01-2010, 12:33 PM
I'm all for it.

Can we have a hazing too?

ise idea of hazinge, it liketh me welle.

aadams73
04-01-2010, 12:50 PM
ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.



I know this one!

"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

Silent Rob
04-01-2010, 12:52 PM
I uploaded my answers telepathically, please check your brain.

It may well be that I've already failed, because I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in office party.

Bufty
04-01-2010, 01:44 PM
Change is all well and good, but -and it's a huge butt (maybe like Scarlet P's but don't tell her I said that, for God's sake).

I am a genuine grandfather and I strongly object to those who are not grandfathers being granted that status and grandfathered in to the illustrious upper tier here simply because they registered prior to January 1st 2010. They could be idiots - or folk from outer space like Silent Rob.

I had to work hard for my status - is there nothing sacred here?

I'm off and won't be back.......... at least untill tomorrow.

(Raises two fingers and slams door on way out - wait, what the... who the hell put this revolving door in?)

aadams73
04-01-2010, 01:52 PM
I keep reading this thread title as Tired Memberships. Then I yawn.

shaldna
04-01-2010, 02:18 PM
o__0

shaldna
04-01-2010, 02:23 PM
o_0

Izz
04-01-2010, 02:41 PM
Potato

Ivan_B
04-01-2010, 02:42 PM
For a moment there, just for a moment...

Old Hack
04-01-2010, 03:35 PM
Are we also going ahead with the Executive Membership for people who pay the fees? I know it was agreed to in the mod room, but I can't find the announcement about it anywhere.

mscelina
04-01-2010, 03:41 PM
:Wha:

I should have known better.

Sai
04-01-2010, 03:52 PM
I have e-mailed in my answers, but just to be sure, is there a physical address I can send a copy to? I will be sure to include a SASE to ensure a quick reply.

Birol
04-01-2010, 03:58 PM
Are we also going ahead with the Executive Membership for people who pay the fees? I know it was agreed to in the mod room, but I can't find the announcement about it anywhere.

Mac and Medievalist are looking into any possible legal consequences of that before moving forward. I know the techies are stressed enough building the tiered system. Mac would rather not throw anything else onto their plates until they finish the first roll-out. Actually, I think Scott made her promise not to give them any more tasks until after the initial roll-out and shakedown....

Birol
04-01-2010, 03:59 PM
I have e-mailed in my answers, but just to be sure, is there a physical address I can send a copy to? I will be sure to include a SASE to ensure a quick reply.

There's no need for a physical copy. Just send the e-mail and include a read receipt. E-mail copies are easier to forward to the judging panel.

Cyia
04-01-2010, 03:59 PM
Teacher! Someone stole my homework and then they fed it to my dog! I have fed him copious amounts of ex-lax, so I should have it back by the end of the day.

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:04 PM
I uploaded my answers telepathically, please check your brain.

Don't be a smartass. Working on these changes -- which are what the membership has been telling us they want -- is taking enough effort behind-the-scenes without having to deal with the 'tudes.


Change is all well and good, but -and it's a huge butt (maybe like Scarlet P's but don't tell her I said that, for God's sake).

I am a genuine grandfather and I strongly object to those who are not grandfathers being granted that status and grandfathered in to the illustrious upper tier here simply because they registered prior to January 1st 2010. They could be idiots - or folk from outer space like Silent Rob.

I had to work hard for my status - is there nothing sacred here?

I'm off and won't be back.......... at least untill tomorrow.

(Raises two fingers and slams door on way out - wait, what the... who the hell put this revolving door in?)

Honestly, what's probably going to happen is, everyone who was registered prior to January 1, 2010, will be grandfathered into the 'Developing' Tier, with notable exceptions like Uncle Jim, of course. As things smooth out and it becomes obvious where people truly belong, they will be moved into the appropriate tier so as not to slow discussions down or feel slowed down by them.

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:07 PM
And deleting my posts, eh? Well, I shall just repeat it--partially.

:Wha:

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:08 PM
Guys, I know you think this is part of the annual April Fools' Day prank, but take a look around. Room names have been changed, etc. THAT is the AFD prank.This... we're dead serious about this.

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:10 PM
I didn't delete your posts. You do know this was announced in both Newbies and AW Changes and Announcements, right? (At least I think those are the two forums it was announced in. Hard to tell today.)

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:10 PM
Uh huh.

Still waiting for the bribe...I'm thinking that...let's see...Oh! I know! I'm thinking that I should be a proctor for the testing. You know...just because.

scarletpeaches
04-01-2010, 04:12 PM
Change is all well and good, but -and it's a huge butt (maybe like Scarlet P's but don't tell her I said that, for God's sake).

I am a genuine grandfather and I strongly object to those who are not grandfathers being granted that status and grandfathered in to the illustrious upper tier here simply because they registered prior to January 1st 2010. They could be idiots - or folk from outer space like Silent Rob.

I had to work hard for my status - is there nothing sacred here?

I'm off and won't be back.......... at least untill tomorrow.

(Raises two fingers and slams door on way out - wait, what the... who the hell put this revolving door in?)I hate you.

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:15 PM
*pssssssssst- PM me for the answers, guys! I have a cheat sheet*

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:16 PM
*sigh* What Celina's referring to is, while building the test, I picked her brain for a couple questions, because I know her areas of literary knowledge are different than most of the mods. I did not tell her why, and now, like most of you, she believes this is a an AFD prank. It's not. It's really, really not.

As for being on the judging panel, Celina, you'll have to talk to Mac. She's been soliciting the judges for the panel herself and is just waiting for a couple of responses before she let's me know who they are. I know she's contacting editors and writers she's met at VP, where she works as staff.

scarletpeaches
04-01-2010, 04:19 PM
So when do I become a SuperMod then?

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:21 PM
So when do I become a SuperMod then?

Now THAT would be an AFD prank.

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:23 PM
*sigh* What Celina's referring to is, while building the test, I picked her brain for a couple questions, because I know her areas of literary knowledge are different than most of the mods. I did not tell her why, and now, like most of you, she believes this is a an AFD prank. It's not. It's really, really not.

As for being on the judging panel, Celina, you'll have to talk to Mac. She's been soliciting the judges for the panel herself and is just waiting for a couple of responses before she let's me know who they are. I know she's contacting editors and writers she's met at VP, where she works as staff.

That's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm building my Paypal account now and selling cheat sheets for the test. :) Thank you, AW, for giving me the opportunity to start a new career!

Yeshanu
04-01-2010, 04:35 PM
Seriously speaking, I think you shouldn't give existing members the benefit of the doubt. Let's have all 24,828 members (as of the writing of this post) do the test and email the answers to you.

Simultaneously. :D









Have fun marking them... :D :D

Birol
04-01-2010, 04:37 PM
And that is precisely why the grandfather-clause was decided upon.

Yeshanu
04-01-2010, 04:38 PM
Personally, I object! I'm Canadian. Why should I care about the US publishing system at all? (Answer to question 20 in Part II: Canada!) :D

heyjude
04-01-2010, 04:38 PM
Seriously speaking, I think you shouldn't give existing members the benefit of the doubt. Let's have all 24,828 members (as of the writing of this post) do the test and email the answers to you.

Oo, I had the same thought! Why let us off easy?

Um, aside from the mods of course.... :D

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:41 PM
See my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/#!/CelinaSummers?ref=profile) for instructions on how to get the cheat sheet.

BenPanced
04-01-2010, 04:48 PM
Translate the following passage into modern English:


ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.
Well, my Klingon's a little rusty, but here goes...

There once was a man from Nantucket
<garbled in transmission>

Ken
04-01-2010, 04:48 PM
... cool policy. That said, thank goodness for this:


Members registered before January 1, 2010 will be temporarily grandfathered in,

Silent Rob
04-01-2010, 04:52 PM
Don't be a smartass. Working on these changes -- which are what the membership has been telling us they want -- is taking enough effort behind-the-scenes without having to deal with the 'tudes.



*flounces*

Fallen
04-01-2010, 04:54 PM
ah, does that make SASE the UK's version of SAE 'cause it's PMO trying to FIO?

Cyia
04-01-2010, 04:55 PM
ah, does that make SASE the UK's version of SAE 'cause it's PMO trying to FIO?

Watch your language!

Dang foreigners!

mscelina
04-01-2010, 04:58 PM
Just translated the passage from Beowulf. If anyone needs that translation, PM me for details.

Birol
04-01-2010, 05:05 PM
You know, Celina, what's going to end up happening is we're going to make multiple tests, not post them publicly, and when new members sign-up, we're just going to send out a random test.

hannah_92
04-01-2010, 05:06 PM
Personally, I object! I'm Canadian. Why should I care about the US publishing system at all? (Answer to question 20 in Part II: Canada!) :D

agreed - I'm from the UK!

mscelina
04-01-2010, 05:08 PM
*shrug*

As long as I pass why should I care?

thethinker42
04-01-2010, 05:10 PM
I have dirt on Mac, three Supermods, and nine mods. Birol, do feel free to enter my passing grade for this test and appoint me to the highest tier at your earliest convenience.

Birol
04-01-2010, 05:15 PM
EVERYONE has at least some dirt on Mac and three supermods. Honestly, only having dirt on 9 mods is rather low.

Matera the Mad
04-01-2010, 05:22 PM
Everythings okay, don't worry. I found the answer sheet doc and I've uploaded it to my own site. PM me for a link.

thethinker42
04-01-2010, 05:22 PM
EVERYONE has at least some dirt on Mac and three supermods. Honestly, only having dirt on 9 mods is rather low.

I think you're underestimating the quality of this dirt.

mscelina
04-01-2010, 05:23 PM
Quit hacking my computer, Matera, or I'll start sending you viruses. This is MY scam damnit--hands off.

dclary
04-01-2010, 06:02 PM
Birol, can you be more clear about the benefits/perks of each tier, and any associated costs/obligations?

I don't know of any other sites with as extensive an entry exam.

Is there a prize of some sort for knowing all this stuff? What if most of the knowledge is gained simply through Google?

There are a lot of students and educators who will know the first section down pat. There are a lot of professional writers who will know the second section (most of it anyway. Surely the PA question *is* an april fools' joke. It's in poor taste, or at least betrays a site-specific bias that new members of the site can't be expected to know). How many people would know all of these questions, though?

Are you expecting to segregate pros from educators at the top level?

Doesn't that mean these people would end up congregating in a lower tier anyway?

I like the concept of trying to weed trolls out of a forum. Some of your best trolls, though, are working, paid authors, or English majors, and very smart people. They'd simply pass your tests and troll at a higher tier, wouldn't they?

I feel like this is a replay of the recent health care reform. An outrageously overwrought solution that will cost everyone who uses the site to solve a problem that affects a small minority of users.

So I guess the bottom line is... "What's in it for us, the common users of the site?"

And... what incentive do you offer a new user for taking the half hour to hour -- or more -- to do the test?

Monkey
04-01-2010, 06:09 PM
Shouldn't this be stickied?

LOL

SWest
04-01-2010, 06:12 PM
42

sunna
04-01-2010, 06:16 PM
ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.

Aw, hey, I know this one.

Now here is what separates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne
He turned 'round his plane
And let that money hit sky
He dropped it onto our houses
He dropped it into our yards
The man they called Jayne
He stole away our pain
And headed out for the stars

Soccer Mom
04-01-2010, 06:23 PM
Are we also going ahead with the Executive Membership for people who pay the fees? I know it was agreed to in the mod room, but I can't find the announcement about it anywhere.

I'll be handling that part. Anyone ready to pay up can PM me and I'll send you my Paypal. One year's entry fee is only $50. I'll hold the money in trust for AW. As an attorney, I have an IOLTA account.

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 06:25 PM
I am using telepathy to send my answers. Your cooperation is much appreciated. :D

wyntermoon
04-01-2010, 06:30 PM
Ex-mods get a pass, right? RIGHT?

Besides, I know where the bodies are hidden. ;)

shadowwalker
04-01-2010, 06:31 PM
Sorry, but if this is legit, I'm doomed to stay in the lower levels because I don't remember the technical grammatical terms - only how to use them - and I'm not going to spend an hour looking them up on the net. I could care less about sonnets, or Beowulf, and I certainly am not going to write a 15-20 page anything for anyone that I'm not getting paid for.

Good grief.

Don Allen
04-01-2010, 06:35 PM
Also, and I think most would agree, Einstein's theory of relativity, e=mc is as much a writing formula as it is a scientific one, come on, it contains a vowel and two consonants. Therefore the components of his theory should be easily explained by even the most novice of writers.

DeadlyAccurate
04-01-2010, 06:38 PM
Okay, so I've completed my test and PM'd the answers to Birol. Please open your private message box and hit refresh until the answer arrives. It'll be there any minute now. Promise. Just keep hitting refresh.

robeiae
04-01-2010, 06:39 PM
There's nothing in the test about constructing proper arguments, logical fallacies, and the like. And there's a bunch of stuff about poetry.

Clearly, this isn't about the "craft of writing," per se, so much as it is about someone's idea of that craft, filtered through a limited window of experience.

But I'm sure it will all work out just fine...

Birol
04-01-2010, 06:53 PM
Celina's already received a timeout for selling answers. Do you really want to go there?

Bufty
04-01-2010, 06:58 PM
And what's all this about 're-grouping into the - waggles fingers - appropriate tier'?

Does that mean some of us as is more experienced than them just coming in could be placed in a lower tier than the one like what we is in now?

I really don't like that idea.

(And when I refer to 'Scarlet P' I mean the Scarlet Pimpernella so whoever snitched me to Scarlet Peaches and caused her love for me to turn to hate should be ashamed of themselves.)

BenPanced
04-01-2010, 07:01 PM
So remember, kids, please make those membership checks payable to Ben Panced!

BenPanced
04-01-2010, 07:03 PM
I am using telepathy to send my answers. Your cooperation is much appreciated. :D
Sending confidential information over a non-secure network could result in that information being intercepted by Commies or, even worse, chihuauas. Are you sure you would like to continue? <Y> <N>

Cranky
04-01-2010, 07:05 PM
I am not seeing enough responses here, Birol. The word needs to get out. After all, you can't really expect us to rub elbows with the great unwashed, can you? I mean REALLY. *shudders*

I WANT MY TIER NAOW!

Bufty
04-01-2010, 07:07 PM
I am utterly confused - are there two threads on this topic?

And my test replies were returned marked - 'Not necessary for grandfathers -you remain in tier 1.'

I was chuffed about that until I discovered RJK is also in tier 1.

That's bloody confusing. No one has explained how the tiers work -do they run upwards or downwards from 1?

Really, details like this are important and should have been thoughted out before plunging us all into this chaos.

James D. Macdonald
04-01-2010, 07:08 PM
Personally, I think that including the line numbers in the excerpt from Beowulf made the test too easy.

BenPanced
04-01-2010, 07:09 PM
I am utterly confused - are there two threads on this topic?
When you get right down to it, aren't we all just threads in a topic?

eqb
04-01-2010, 07:09 PM
Celina's already received a timeout for selling answers. Do you really want to go there?

You fibbed! She's is a fakey kinda timeout!

And you might as well put me directly in the troll category, cause I ain't taking no test.

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 07:10 PM
Sending confidential information over a non-secure network could result in that information being intercepted by Commies or, even worse, chihuauas. Are you sure you would like to continue? <Y> <N>
yes - my thoughts are so scrambled not even Einstein could figure them out. It's my gift to the mod who gets my test, though. :D

dclary
04-01-2010, 07:17 PM
Could I be the gmod of the trolls, in this new paradigm?

Mr Flibble
04-01-2010, 07:31 PM
I have a problem with diagraming the sentences.

I got one of the lines wrong and the dog ate my rubber. Can I have a new test paper? It probably won't be much better because I am to drawing what Gordon Brown is to charisma. Do you accept scribbles? In crayon, cos my pencil broke and the sharpener is unde the sofa somewhere and....


I'll just stay at the bottom tier.

Sophia
04-01-2010, 07:37 PM
When the Revolution comes... the bottom tier will be the top, and the former top will be rained upon with the shreds of their Question Sheets of Despotism! In the meantime, 'ware the enemy! Ye shall know them by their shock collars.

Medievalist
04-01-2010, 07:39 PM
Piffle! ine littel test yt ys childes pley! Y haf pwned ine forum.

BenPanced
04-01-2010, 07:40 PM
Jeez. And you kiss your mother with that mouth?

eurodan49
04-01-2010, 07:42 PM
What an awesome idea. I would offer for consideration one small addendum: the test to be changed periodically (lets say every 24 hours), to thwart the passing of correct answers around. we sure dont want cheating members

Once elected, judges should serve for life. If and when one dies, while in office, and following a mandatory party commemorating her/his services to this esteemed community, a new nominee must be confirmed by a 2/3 majority of the grandfathers.
Should we set rules for impeachment of moderators?
Should we have a nuclear option?
Whos got the red phone?

robeiae
04-01-2010, 07:47 PM
Celina's already received a timeout for selling answers. Do you really want to go there?
"Do you really want to go there?" See, this is exactly the kind of stuff that I'm talking about. Might as well tell me to "talk to the hand."

Snowstorm
04-01-2010, 07:47 PM
You're not having different tiers for non-Americans? You know some don't have to worry about medical insurance. Or is this new system like "Like No Child Left Behind"--the same for everyone no matter what their stinkin' circumstances are? Or for us Americans, some of us just weren't TAUGHT the test, ya know.

Manuel Royal
04-01-2010, 07:55 PM
Know why I didn't respond to that test? Because you couldn't handle it!

Cranky
04-01-2010, 07:57 PM
"Do you really want to go there?" See, this is exactly the kind of stuff that I'm talking about. Might as well tell me to "talk to the hand."

It's only taken what, five years? But FINALLY, someone has gotten through to Robovowels! Break out the champagne, babies!

robeiae
04-01-2010, 08:02 PM
Peasant.

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 08:04 PM
Mai hed.

it essploded...

Mr Flibble
04-01-2010, 08:04 PM
I think I got it (http://sketchfu.com/drawing/890147-drawing-890147) right?

Jersey Chick
04-01-2010, 08:06 PM
Looks okay to me.

dclary
04-01-2010, 08:08 PM
Peasant.

That's the tier they're going to put you in.

robeiae
04-01-2010, 08:09 PM
They'll be putting you in a tiara.

jennontheisland
04-01-2010, 08:10 PM
Finally I have a reason to not post anywhere but Office Party and P&CE.

I like this new system.

dclary
04-01-2010, 08:12 PM
They'll be putting you in a tiara.

Fabulous!

robeiae
04-01-2010, 08:13 PM
'Course, that's probably code for "shock collar."

jennontheisland
04-01-2010, 08:18 PM
Finally I have a reason to not post anywhere but Office Party and P&CE.

I like this new system.

Old Hack
04-01-2010, 08:25 PM
Once we've all settled in I think we'll find it very useful.

We'll be able to identify the people we want to mix with by their grades: they won't be made completely public, but we'll all have coloured tags associated with our names so that people who know what they mean will be able to understand everyone's ranks.

In order to avoid upsetting members of lower ranks, the meanings of those coloured tags will only be explained to members as we move up the ranks: so if and when anyone reaches the top ranks, they'll know what all the coloured tags are, whereas those of you who are only half-way up will only know what the tags below them mean.

I will start out at the top as I am an Absolute Sage; other lesser members will find themselves started at the basic rank, and won't know what any of the tags mean.

It would be useful if all colourblind members could notify me of their affliction as then I can ensure you remain on a tag-level which you can easily identify.

I hope that's clear.

RedRajah
04-01-2010, 08:29 PM
*flees back to LiveJournal*

Monkey
04-01-2010, 09:06 PM
There needs to be some way to limit internet cheating.

I thought the questions could be asked real-time using a private chat room, but what's to keep someone from having Google open in another window--or for that matter, on another laptop? I know my household currently has 3; others may have more.

If we're to have a caste system, it needs to be done right, dammit.

Also, if the top tier gets special access, shouldn't the bottom? Can we have rooms (maybe in Office Party or P&CE) where those of upper tiers are forbidden to tread? 'Cause let's face it, sometimes a pompous know-it-all in the room is a real bummer. :P

brokenfingers
04-01-2010, 09:26 PM
So, once we reach a certain tier, do we like get some cool new spells and stuff?

DeadlyAccurate
04-01-2010, 09:56 PM
Only at the odd-numbered levels.

backslashbaby
04-01-2010, 10:06 PM
But it makes me feel stupid. Y'all need to fix that. It isn't fair, you know!! We have rights in America.

eurodan49
04-01-2010, 10:21 PM
DONT KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS BUT HERE ARE SOME.
SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS BUT IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF, I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING.

PART I - This portion of the test evaluates your knowledge of craft, as defined by the mechanical aspects of language (grammar, punctuation, etc.) and knowledge of literature and literary history.
1. Define the following parts of speech: noun, verb, adjective, adverb, conjuction, preposition, article, pronoun, subject, object, infinitive phrase.
NOUN = LATIN FOR NOT ONE, VERB = A NON REGULATORY REGULATION OF WORDS, ADJECTIVE = ADDICTED, ADVERBS = FUNNY WORDS, CONJUNCTION = ASSOCIATION, PREPOSITION = SOMETHING IN FRONT OF A POSITION, ARTICLE = SMALL ART, PRONOUN = FREE SUPPORT, SUBJECT = A KINGS VASSAL, OBJECT = SOMETHING YOU DISAGREE WITH AND CAN THROW AWAY, INFINITIVE PHRASE = A SENTENCE STARTED BY ADAM, WHICH GOES UNINTERRUPTED TO OUR TIMES.
2. Serial comma: What is it? Do you use it or not? Why?
A COMMA INDICTED FOR REPEATED ABUSES.
3. What is an independent clause? What is a dependent clause?
THE SECTION IN MY DIVORCE WHERE ITS STATED THAT I MUST PAY ALIMONY.
4. How many ways can you punctuate the following sentence (show your work): Woman without her man is nothing
WOMAN? WITHOUT; HER! MAN, IS. NOTHING
5. According to Aristotle, what was the poet's role in society?
TO DELIGHT THEIR KINGS
6. What is the difference between Bildungsroman and Kunstlerroman?
TWO ROMANS OF GERMANIC ANCESTRY; ONE TALL THE OTHER SHORT
7. What earlier work did Virgil use as the thematic and structural basis for his Aeneid?
SCARRONIDES BY CHARLES COTTON
8. What Roman poet and author was banished by the Emperor Augustus for immorality because of his work Ars Amatoria?
HES GOT A BIG STATUE IN THE BLACK SEA PORT OF TOMIS, BUT JUST CANT RECALL HIS NAME
9. Cinderella is considered the most wide-spread fairy tales and has served as a basis for many stories and movies. What element of the classic western Cinderella fairy tale leads scholars to believe it might have its origins in Asia? Why?
I KNOW, I KNOW, FROM ZHOUGUAN; THE SEARCH FOR THE UNATAINABLE
10. What historical event of 1825 inspired Tolstoy to write War And Peace?
URUGUAYS INDEPENDENCE FROM BRAZIL
11. Compare and contrast the works of William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Mark Twain.
THE FIRST WROTE POEMS, THE SECOND THRILLERS AND THE THIRD ABOUT FROGS.
12. Explain the difference between a haiku and a limerick.
THE FIRST GOT SOME MIND-BOGGLING RULES, THE SECOND IS RULE-LESS FREESTYLE.
13. What's the definition of a sonnet? Name all the sonnet types. What differentiates the sonnet types from each other? Be specific.
THE DIFFERENCE IS IN THE QUATRAIN.
14. If you were to adapt a novel into a screenplay, what types of changes might you have to make?
LOOK FOR A DIFFERENT AGENT
15. Translate the following passage into modern English:
ond a gyddode gue gefysed;
Beowulf maelode, bearn Ecgeowes:
"Ic t hogode, a ic on holm gestah,
sbat gest mid minra secga gedriht,
t ic anunga eowra leoda
635
willan geworhte oe on wl crunge,
feondgrapum fst. Ic gefremman sceal
eorlic ellen, oe endedg
on isse meoduhealle minne gebidan."
am wife a word wel licodon,
640
gilpcwide Geates; eode goldhroden
freolicu folccwen to hire frean sittan.
UN IMPARAT DINTRE ACEA
CE DOMNESC PERSTE VRE-O LIMBA
SI CU A TURMELOR PASUNE
A EI PATRIE SI-O SCHIMBA
LA PAMANT DORMEA TININDUSI
CAPATAI MANA CEA DREAPTA
DARA OCHIUL INCHIS AFARA
IN NAUNTRU SE DESTEAPTA

Rebekah7
04-02-2010, 12:45 AM
I answered all the questions, but I felt the need to test the testers. So, I have written my answers on a piece of waterproof paper and hidden them at the bottom of a random body of water in the contiguous United States. The only clue I will give you is:

peppercorn.

If you are smart enough to find my answers and fish them out, you will still have to solve the ingenious code of binary/Latin/valley girl that I devised. I hope you are up to the challenge.

Monkey
04-02-2010, 01:17 AM
So if, say, Tier 1 was the lowest and Tier 3 was the highest, would it be respecting your fellow writer to say:

"That's such a Tier 1 comment/question/writing sample."
"I don't have to answer to you, Tier One."
(in an attempt to bolster one's point) "I'm Tier 3. You're Tier...what, now?"
(when a disagreement happens, naming a few other members) "*sigh* Let's take this to a Tier 3 thread. These Tier 1's are getting on my nerves."

Just wondering.

Ambrosia
04-02-2010, 01:24 AM
Birol,


PART III


Submit either a resume of your published writing credits OR a 15-20 page writing sample. (Poets and songwriters may submit 5-10 poems/lyrics.)
Sumbit a plan of your career goals and objectives and a detailed outline of how you intend to achieve them.



I have marked in red the word you have misspelled. It should be "Submit", not "Sumbit". Unless "sumbody" bit you.

There was another error up higher but I was too busy taking the test in my head to mark it. I am sure you can find and correct it since it is such a short test.

aadams73
04-02-2010, 01:32 AM
I decline to answer any of these questions on the grounds that I may incriminate myself. I like to keep my massive IQ a closely-guarded secret. It's the government, you understand, if they get one whiff of my true intellect, they'll hunt me down and use me for their own nefarious plans. Oh sure, they'll throw money at me, and probably great gobs of it, but I cannot be bought. So I'm hiding out here at AW, not doing your test.

Thank you for understanding and appreciating my awesomeness. Just keep it under your mod hats, okay?

DeadlyAccurate
04-02-2010, 01:37 AM
So if, say, Tier 1 was the lowest and Tier 3 was the highest, would it be respecting your fellow writer to say:

"That's such a Tier 1 comment/question/writing sample."
"I don't have to answer to you, Tier One."
(in an attempt to bolster one's point) "I'm Tier 3. You're Tier...what, now?"
(when a disagreement happens, naming a few other members) "*sigh* Let's take this to a Tier 3 thread. These Tier 1's are getting on my nerves."

Just wondering.

I like it, but I hope the tiers have better names than that. I'd prefer something like

Tier 1: N00b
Tier 2: As if
Tier 3: DeadlyAccurate

aadams73
04-02-2010, 01:43 AM
These tiers are giving me tears.

Slushie
04-02-2010, 02:13 AM
Can't you people see??? Are you all BLIND!!??!?





Birol IS NOT joking.

This is not a prank!!!







Seriously, people, the MAN is trying to keep the LITTLE PEOPLE down.



It's all about POWER and CONTROL.




http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff312/johnnyfry1860/Fascism.jpg






IMO. It's time to start frying the BACON!



http://i323.photobucket.com/albums/nn479/samperman/allanimalsareequal.jpg

Synonym
04-02-2010, 02:26 AM
Just put me in the bottom with the Noobs. That way I can feel all superior and smart and stuff. My brain is fried from taking on more than I can handle already.

The test? Yikes. I'd need a week of vacation, half to take it and the other half to recover. :eek:

Sophia
04-02-2010, 02:36 AM
http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff312/johnnyfry1860/Fascism.jpg


So that's what NeuroFizz has been doing all day!

GJB
04-02-2010, 03:06 AM
Has to be an April Fools joke. S. King and J. Irving and J.K. Rowling just flunked Part I. The chair of my son's university English Department just flunked Part II.

But anyone with access to Google, can Ace both parts in about the time it takes to type the responses. The only necessary talent/skill to pass this "test" is facility with a keyboard and Google.

Tiers are good, I guess....But AW is/was great without them. Why break it? Tell me it's an April Fools joke. Please. g.

stormie
04-02-2010, 03:10 AM
Hey I know I'm stormie and all, but now you have me cryin' real tears over this tiered business. I'm tired of tears and tiers. I wanna go home.

Shadow Dragon
04-02-2010, 03:26 AM
Has to be an April Fools joke. S. King and J. Irving and J.K. Rowling just flunked Part I. The chair of my son's university English Department just flunked Part II.

But anyone with access to Google, can Ace both parts in about the time it takes to type the responses. The only necessary talent/skill to pass this "test" is facility with a keyboard and Google.

Tiers are good, I guess....But AW is/was great without them. Why break it? Tell me it's an April Fools joke. Please. g.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Any type of online quiz would be extremely easy to cheat off of and thus everyone would get into the top tier, making it irrelevent. Also, I wonder if points will be taken off if, in the answers, they forget to dot their eyes.

GJB
04-02-2010, 03:44 AM
That's exactly what I was thinking. Any type of online quiz would be extremely easy to cheat off of and thus everyone would get into the top tier, making it irrelevent. Also, I wonder if points will be taken off if, in the answers, they forget to dot their eyes.
Lol. Or cross there tees, for that matter. Or is it cross their eyes? I guess that tells me the tear I belong at. g.

Boston Steve
04-02-2010, 03:55 AM
I have better things to do than to take tests to allow other people to determnine my worthiness. And I certainly don't submit writing samples to someone with no possibility of getting paid for it.

If this is for real, the only thing it's going to accomplish is pissing off a great number of members.

kuwisdelu
04-02-2010, 04:07 AM
Just put me in the bottom with the Noobs. That way I can feel all superior and smart and stuff. My brain is fried from taking on more than I can handle already.

The test? Yikes. I'd need a week of vacation, half to take it and the other half to recover. :eek:


I have better things to do than to take tests to allow other people to determnine my worthiness. And I certainly don't submit writing samples to someone with no possibility of getting paid for it.

If this is for real, the only thing it's going to accomplish is pissing off a great number of members.

That is so Tier 0 of you to say.

Izz
04-02-2010, 04:10 AM
I have better things to do than to take tests to allow other people to determnine my worthiness. And I certainly don't submit writing samples to someone with no possibility of getting paid for it.

If this is for real, the only thing it's going to accomplish is pissing off a great number of members.Kumara.

Shadow Dragon
04-02-2010, 04:17 AM
Lol. Or cross there tees, for that matter. Or is it cross their eyes? I guess that tells me the tear I belong at. g.
That's another thing, spelling counts. ;)

Birol
04-02-2010, 04:18 AM
Birol, can you be more clear about the benefits/perks of each tier, and any associated costs/obligations?

No associated costs or obligations. The benefits are simply to meet a need that individuals have indicated they want.


Is there a prize of some sort for knowing all this stuff? What if most of the knowledge is gained simply through Google?

We'll be able to tell.


There are a lot of students and educators who will know the first section down pat. There are a lot of professional writers who will know the second section (most of it anyway. Surely the PA question *is* an april fools' joke. It's in poor taste, or at least betrays a site-specific bias that new members of the site can't be expected to know). How many people would know all of these questions, though?

The PA question is designed to test an individual's ability to research and evaluate different publishers. Any of the reverse vanity publishers could be substituted.


Are you expecting to segregate pros from educators at the top level?

The top level, or Established Writers, will not just be about knowledge but also about achievement. That cannot be faked or learned.


Doesn't that mean these people would end up congregating in a lower tier anyway?

We hope it would help people establish who had verified knowledge. Hopefully it would provide a foundation for better mentoring.


I like the concept of trying to weed trolls out of a forum. Some of your best trolls, though, are working, paid authors, or English majors, and very smart people. They'd simply pass your tests and troll at a higher tier, wouldn't they?

The idea of weeding out trolls was suggested by others in this thread. It was never the purpose of establishing tiers. We will always have to deal with trolls in one form or another.


And... what incentive do you offer a new user for taking the half hour to hour -- or more -- to do the test?

Helping make AW better than it is and reshaping it into the vision that the members have indicated they want.


Ex-mods get a pass, right? RIGHT?

No.


And what's all this about 're-grouping into the - waggles fingers - appropriate tier'?

Well, look, Bufty, say someone who had only started to put pen to paper joined on December 28, 2009. They are automatically in the lower tier, but over the course of time, it would become obvious that they would be more comfortable, and less intrusive to individuals like yourself, if they were stepped down a level, at least temporally.


You're not having different tiers for non-Americans? You know some don't have to worry about medical insurance. Or is this new system like "Like No Child Left Behind"--the same for everyone no matter what their stinkin' circumstances are? Or for us Americans, some of us just weren't TAUGHT the test, ya know.


I have better things to do than to take tests to allow other people to determnine my worthiness. And I certainly don't submit writing samples to someone with no possibility of getting paid for it.

If this is for real, the only thing it's going to accomplish is pissing off a great number of members.

Then don't submit writing samples. Send in your resumes.


Personally, I think that including the line numbers in the excerpt from Beowulf made the test too easy.

Yes, that was a mistake, but an easily rectified one. Eventually, we will have multiple tests that will be sent out randomly to new members.


But it makes me feel stupid. Y'all need to fix that. It isn't fair, you know!! We have rights in America.

All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.




And, of course, there is the fact that this is all part of the annual

APRIL FOOLS' DAY

festivities.

Shadow Dragon
04-02-2010, 04:21 AM
And, of course, there is the fact that this is all part of the annual


APRIL FOOLS' DAY


festivities.

I am shocked and awed.

Birol
04-02-2010, 04:22 AM
Uh huh.

dclary
04-02-2010, 04:31 AM
What about my request in the other thread to have the honorary title "Mod of the Trolls?" :D

Boston Steve
04-02-2010, 04:37 AM
And, of course, there is the fact that this is all part of the annual

APRIL FOOLS' DAY

festivities.




Well done! http://209.85.48.8/9875/134/emo/thumbsup.gif

mscelina
04-02-2010, 04:38 AM
Sorry deek--I had to do it to you. Honest. Birol is my editor--and she's SCARY MEAN.

Thanks for the sweet note of commiseration on Facebook. Your support means *sniff* so much to me...

:ROFL:

Midnight Star
04-02-2010, 04:39 AM
I'm impressed. You guys had me going for about...ten seconds.

I knew this was a hoax as soon as I saw the "translate this into modern English" thing. :tongue

Birol
04-02-2010, 04:40 AM
What about my request in the other thread to have the honorary title "Mod of the Trolls?" :D

Um... Did we grant you that title years ago? Oh... wait... No, it was KING of the Trolls. My mistake.

robeiae
04-02-2010, 04:40 AM
It wasn't actually an April Fool's Day joke. What happened is that the mods realized that they, themselves, couldn't come close to passing the test--owing to their low literacy rates--and needed a way out. Typical.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 04:44 AM
Actually, I provided some of the questions and I knew the answers to them (eg--the 1825 historical event that inspired Tolstoy to write War and Peace was the Decembrist Rebellion and Augustus exiled Ovid from Rome) and as for the pasage from Beowulf, well, surprisingly enough if you put the first line into Google search it takes you right to the Feast of Breda, which is where the passage was from. (The line numbers helped) :D

But I did protest against the German conglomeration of consonants--mostly because I had NO CLUE what they were about.

Birol
04-02-2010, 04:44 AM
It was suggested I use Chaucer instead of Beowulf for the translation portion.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 04:46 AM
*looks innocent*

Wasn't me. It was Medi.

robeiae
04-02-2010, 04:46 AM
Actually, I provided some of the questions and I knew the answers to them (eg--the 1825 historical event that inspired Tolstoy to write War and Peace was the Decembrist Rebellion and Augustus exiled Ovid from Rome) and as for the pasage from Beowulf, well, surprisingly enough if you put the first line into Google search it takes you right to the Feast of Breda, which is where the passage was from.
Oh, please! My ten year old son knows those things! Who doesn't?!?!

mscelina
04-02-2010, 04:47 AM
Your ten year old is smarter than me. I've never denied it.

Birol
04-02-2010, 04:49 AM
Most ten years are smarter than most adults. Something happens around puberty.

robeiae
04-02-2010, 04:51 AM
Well, sometimes something happens.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 04:51 AM
It's called hormones. My youngest was the top of the class. Then she turned thirteen. BLOOP! All of a sudden, her best class was BOY followed closely by MAKEUP and BAD MUSIC.

'Twas very sad.

Boston Steve
04-02-2010, 04:53 AM
They do eventually grow out of that, and turn back into human beings again. Of course, that requires first surviving their teenage years.

bettielee
04-02-2010, 04:53 AM
I'd like to offer up "favors" in lieu of having to answer those questions.

I want to be tier I.

Jersey Chick
04-02-2010, 05:08 AM
So.. wait... I wasted my telepathic abilities for nothing????

Do you know what kind of headache that damn tier test gave me?!?!?!

**le sigh**

DeadlyAccurate
04-02-2010, 05:09 AM
I have better things to do than to take tests to allow other people to determnine my worthiness. And I certainly don't submit writing samples to someone with no possibility of getting paid for it.

If this is for real, the only thing it's going to accomplish is pissing off a great number of members.

I was two hours too early in declaring no one would believe this was real. My psychic abilities are seriously slipping.

Boston Steve
04-02-2010, 05:09 AM
I was two hours too early in declaring no one would believe this was real. My psychic abilities are seriously slipping.

I said 'if'.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 05:12 AM
Yep. And that conditional was stuck on as an afterthought judging from the rest of your post.

:roll:

Just admit it. You were pwned.

Jersey Chick
04-02-2010, 05:15 AM
My April 1st motto: Trust no one.

something some people ought to consider for next year. :D

Cyia
04-02-2010, 05:17 AM
I still wanted a theme like last year :cry:

Next year, I demand we have: The James Patterson Unputdownable Book of the Hour Club!

mscelina
04-02-2010, 05:17 AM
I won't be here that day. I'm already booked. :D

Jersey Chick
04-02-2010, 05:18 AM
She's going to be banninated again - :D

mscelina
04-02-2010, 05:20 AM
She's going to be banninated again - :D

One can always hope. :D

Jersey Chick
04-02-2010, 05:25 AM
Careful what you wish for.... ;)

bettielee
04-02-2010, 05:35 AM
And does no one notice there was a double post?!

I mean really.

HELLO!

Now. Who do I give my "favors" to?!

Cella
04-02-2010, 05:40 AM
If I'm too dumb to stay here, then you're too dumb to keep my $$.

Give it.



:D

DeadlyAccurate
04-02-2010, 05:41 AM
I still wanted a theme like last year :cry:

Next year, I demand we have: The James Patterson Unputdownable Book of the Hour Club!

I want the whole site to be Lady Gaga'd.

benbradley
04-02-2010, 05:55 AM
Personally, I object! I'm Canadian. Why should I care about the US publishing system at all? (Answer to question 20 in Part II: Canada!) :D
Don't worry, I'm sure we'll soon have Socialized Publishing here in the USA too...

Your ten year old is smarter than me. I've never denied it.
And I can proudly announce that I'm smarter than Kelly Pickler! :)

kuwisdelu
04-02-2010, 06:21 AM
It was suggested I use Chaucer instead of Beowulf for the translation portion.

Pfft.

That would have been wayyy too easy.

kuwisdelu
04-02-2010, 06:24 AM
It's called hormones. My youngest was the top of the class. Then she turned thirteen. BLOOP! All of a sudden, her best class was BOY followed closely by MAKEUP and BAD MUSIC.

'Twas very sad.


They do eventually grow out of that, and turn back into human beings again. Of course, that requires first surviving their teenage years.

Weird. Puberty is when I got smarter.

Before that, I was your ordinary average brilliant. Then age fourteen came, and turned into a boy genius.

dclary
04-02-2010, 06:48 AM
Sorry deek--I had to do it to you. Honest. Birol is my editor--and she's SCARY MEAN.

Thanks for the sweet note of commiseration on Facebook. Your support means *sniff* so much to me...

:ROFL:


Your uppence will come. Oh yes. It will.

:D

dclary
04-02-2010, 06:51 AM
Um... Did we grant you that title years ago? Oh... wait... No, it was KING of the Trolls. My mistake.

I know. I was hoping for divine descension. :D

robeiae
04-02-2010, 07:13 AM
If I'm too dumb to stay here, then you're too dumb to keep my $$.

Give it.



:D
But Cella, no one thinks you're dumb, as far as you know.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 07:14 AM
Best we can offer is divine condescension. Hope that works for you. :)

mscelina
04-02-2010, 07:16 AM
Your uppence will come. Oh yes. It will.

:D

Bring it, blubber boy. At the very least, I know you're gullible enough to think that I--I--would be banned by my editor for inappropriate emoticon placement. Judging from that fact alone, I'd be willing to bet that my uppance will come--and that I'll be able to see it from a mile away.

:D

Wow...isn't P&CE going to be fun for a while? Gee golly gosh whillikers, deek. I'm even watching W. on Showtime in your honor at the moment.

:roll:

Cella
04-02-2010, 07:19 AM
But Cella, no one thinks you're dumb, as far as you know.
I don't have to think to know....


geeeze....some people :rolleyes:

thothguard51
04-02-2010, 07:22 AM
I want the whole site to be Lady Gaga'd.

By next year that will be so last year...

Cella
04-02-2010, 07:22 AM
I don't like the way that dragon is looking at me.

Ace!
04-02-2010, 07:28 AM
I love the first of April.

thothguard51
04-02-2010, 07:33 AM
I don't like the way that dragon is looking at me.


All the better to eat you with my dear...

The Backward OX
04-02-2010, 07:36 AM
How will tiered membership help beginners who wish to obtain advice from those more experienced? In other words, how will beginners be able to obtain advice from those more experienced?

And what will be the opportunities for - and more importantly, likelihood of - those more experienced visiting the lower levels on a voluntary basis?

cherubsmummy
04-02-2010, 07:42 AM
The Cinderella question has really piqued my interest. Please tell me it's a real question.*wanders off to Google*

Birol
04-02-2010, 07:55 AM
The Cinderella question has really piqued my interest. Please tell me it's a real question.*wanders off to Google*

Thank you for asking! Actually, most of the questions had real answers. All of them could at least be BS'd, IMO.

The answer to the Cinderella one is: The slipper. In Eastern cultures, small feet are (or were) considered sexually pleasing. The fact that the slipper is what ends up denoting her sexual maturity (by way of marriage to the prince) makes some scholars believe the fairy tale has origins in that part of the world.

Others tend to believe Cinderella might have originally been a vestal virgin, but that's a different answer to a different question.

ETA: And, please, no one jump on me for giving a simple answer.

mscelina
04-02-2010, 08:05 AM
How will tiered membership help beginners who wish to obtain advice from those more experienced? In other words, how will beginners be able to obtain advice from those more experienced?

And what will be the opportunities for - and more importantly, likelihood of - those more experienced visiting the lower levels on a voluntary basis?

Hon--this whole thread, the test, the questions, the tiers--the whole bit of it was an April Fools joke. Tomorrow the forum will look just like it always does and you don't have to translate Beowulf.

Which, by the way, translates to this:



And answer uttered the eager-for-combat
Beowulf spake, bairn of Ecgtheow:--
"This was my thought, when my thanes and I
Bent to the ocean and entered our boat
that I would work the will of your people
fully, or fighting fall in death
in fien'd gripe fast. I am firm to do
an earl's brave deed, or end the days
of this life of mine in the mead-hall here."
Well these words to the woman seemed,
Beowulf's battle-boast--Bright with gold
the stately dame by her spouse sat down.

Medievalist
04-02-2010, 09:54 AM
Aw, hey, I know this one.

Now here is what separates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne
He turned 'round his plane
And let that money hit sky
He dropped it onto our houses
He dropped it into our yards
The man they called Jayne
He stole away our pain
And headed out for the stars

ise is trew poeseye. Y am moved bi ise lay. ise man ey calle Iane, trewely, he moste be an heroe.

Yt is trewe as Noble Gowere ha seyde. ou canst not stoppe e signal.

Alle schal be welle.

Also, Kalye yst a luvsome mayde.

Medievalist
04-02-2010, 10:00 AM
The answer to the Cinderella one is: The slipper. In Eastern cultures, small feet are (or were) considered sexually pleasing.

Yn myne gode frende Geoffrey Chaucere's werke, e Canterbrigge Tales, e hawte wimmin ha shewes at are "moiste ande newe."

is was aforn yon Manuelo Blanco.

bettielee
04-02-2010, 10:13 AM
...it's making my eyes hurt... verily...

Raphee
04-02-2010, 10:34 AM
Can I answer the test as a MCQ?

Is there any negative , positive, neutral, marking. (btw are these serial commas, if yes, then please make me a mod. PLEASE.)

The right answer to the poem is not Beowulf. It's what they say in porno movies...but who's listening. Right?

There is no such thing as AFD. there are only Fools, who prove that on the 1st of April.

I love the tiered system. NOW MAKE ME A MOD.

Can I please pay the subscription in sovereign gold coins. I hear they're more valuable than the US dollar. If not, I deserve to be made a MOD.

Susie
04-02-2010, 11:48 AM
Tests, tests? I hates tests. *Runs away, screaming!* :D

cherubsmummy
04-02-2010, 01:17 PM
Thank you for asking! Actually, most of the questions had real answers. All of them could at least be BS'd, IMO.

The answer to the Cinderella one is: The slipper. In Eastern cultures, small feet are (or were) considered sexually pleasing. The fact that the slipper is what ends up denoting her sexual maturity (by way of marriage to the prince) makes some scholars believe the fairy tale has origins in that part of the world.

Others tend to believe Cinderella might have originally been a vestal virgin, but that's a different answer to a different question.

ETA: And, please, no one jump on me for giving a simple answer.

Thank you :) I really did google, and now I am going to have to do a whole lot more reading. This could take months!

Cliff Face
04-02-2010, 02:32 PM
Wow, how lame am I for only seeing this at 8.30 on April 2nd Australian time?

Low tier me! Low tier me like a fox, baby!

Cyia
04-02-2010, 02:37 PM
The answer to the Cinderella one is: The slipper. In Eastern cultures, small feet are (or were) considered sexually pleasing. The fact that the slipper is what ends up denoting her sexual maturity (by way of marriage to the prince) makes some scholars believe the fairy tale has origins in that part of the world.



Which is additionally creepy when you add in the usually omitted details about how her stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to conform to the standard. (One removed a toe, the other a heel). Prince not-so-charming carried them back and dumped them when he realized their feet were bleeding.

Cliff Face
04-02-2010, 02:45 PM
Which is additionally creepy when you add in the usually omitted details about how her stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to conform to the standard. (One removed a toe, the other a heel). Prince not-so-charming carried them back and dumped them when he realized their feet were bleeding.

I think that's my favourite part. :)

Birol
04-02-2010, 03:49 PM
Which is additionally creepy when you add in the usually omitted details about how her stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to conform to the standard. (One removed a toe, the other a heel). Prince not-so-charming carried them back and dumped them when he realized their feet were bleeding.

Roocoo, Roocoo,
There's blood in the shoe.
The foot's too long, the foot's too wide,
That's not the proper bride.

It took the birds who served as the spiritual connection to the deceased mother to tell him that blood was spurting out the top of the shoe for him to notice it. Yeah, not the brightest guy on the planet. ;)

robeiae
04-02-2010, 04:10 PM
You know what's really weird about this test? It turns out that all of the answers are encoded in the pages of the Twilight Saga. Dan Brown e-mailed me the cipher for revealing them.

Boston Steve
04-02-2010, 04:30 PM
ETA: And, please, no one jump on me for giving a simple answer.

Can we jump on you for yanking our chains instead? ;)

Cyia
04-02-2010, 04:59 PM
You know what's really weird about this test? It turns out that all of the answers are encoded in the pages of the Twilight Saga. Dan Brown e-mailed me the cipher for revealing them.


Shh!

Telling stories like that will get you drummed straight out of the Stonecutters, mister!