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View Full Version : Crimes and Punishments (AW version)



poetinahat
03-10-2010, 05:48 AM
If you think "there oughta be a law..." -- tell us about it here. What's the crime, and what's the punishment?

CRIME: Writing "LOL", when you L'd, but not OL.

PUNISHMENT: All smileys appear to you as dancing bananas. Two days.

writerterri
03-10-2010, 05:57 AM
I dorked a lot of people here.

punishment?

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:01 AM
I dorked a lot of people here.

punishment?
The punishment is having to associate with them.

;-)

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:06 AM
Crime: Assuming everyone knows all the text message shortcuts by heart, pmji mtf rme.

Punishment: Having to write in whole sentences (punctuated correctly) for a month.

writerterri
03-10-2010, 06:06 AM
The punishment is having to associate with them.

;-)

I demand a retrial!

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:36 AM
I demand a retrial!
Are you sure? Just think of who a jury of your peers will include.

Silver King
03-10-2010, 06:44 AM
Crime: Misleading or vague thread titles that pimp more views than the topic deserves.

Punishment: Banned from AW for life!

(Okay, maybe not "for life," but at least for six months or so...)

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:47 AM
Crime: Saying you're writing a trilogy when you haven't written a single word yet.

Punishment: Having to read Lord of the Rings in reverse order.

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:48 AM
Crime: Misleading or vague thread titles that pimp more views than the topic deserves.

Punishment: Banned from AW for life!

But . . . wouldn't that include almost all the threads in P&CE?

;-)

kayleamay
03-10-2010, 06:49 AM
*wonders if any thread in Office Party actually deserves views*

Crime: Hoff reppies and Rick Rolling.
Punishment: Disembowelment.

poetinahat
03-10-2010, 06:50 AM
But . . . wouldn't that include almost all the threads in P&CE?



;-)

Yes. It's a very, very good law - two birds, one stone and all that. :D

alleycat
03-10-2010, 06:53 AM
Crime: Spamming.

Punishment: Being set on fire and having it put out with a garden rake. Then shot.

Yeshanu
03-10-2010, 06:54 AM
Crime: Saying you're writing a trilogy when you haven't written a single word yet.

Punishment: Having to read Lord of the Rings in reverse order.

This is punishment? :D

(I often read books in reverse order--I'm one of those freaks who likes to know the ending first.)











(But I didn't do it with LotR.)

Slushie
03-10-2010, 06:56 AM
C: absurdly large picture in the sig

P: all of the offender's posts will appear in white text until the offending picture is removed

Fran
03-10-2010, 06:57 AM
Crime: Playing awful, banging techno music on the bus.

Punishment: Having a pair of headphones shoved so far up your arse you can hear with them.

KTC
03-10-2010, 06:59 AM
Crime: being a dumbass

Punishment: having your face torn to shreds by the baboon brigade.

KTC
03-10-2010, 06:59 AM
Crime: Misleading or vague thread titles that pimp more views than the topic deserves.

Punishment: Banned from AW for life!

(Okay, maybe not "for life," but at least for six months or so...)

HEY! Watch it. I spend a LOT of time thinking up vague and misleading thread titles.

Silver King
03-10-2010, 07:00 AM
Crime: Report a post without explaining the reason other than, I'm offended!

Punishment: Reporter becomes the Forum Buddy of the person they reported for life!

(Okay, maybe not "for life," but at least for six months or so...)

alleycat
03-10-2010, 07:01 AM
Crime: Telling Mac you have the right to post whatever you want because of the right of free speech.

Punishment: I don't think I really need to say, do I?

KTC
03-10-2010, 07:03 AM
Crime: Report a post without explaining the reason other than, I'm offended!

Punishment: Reporter becomes the Forum Buddy of the person they reported for life!

(Okay, maybe not "for life," but at least for six months or so...)

GAWD! Stop pointing out my flaws. I feel like you're picking on me.

dolores haze
03-10-2010, 07:04 AM
Crime: Asking for a crit, then getting upset when they receive exactly what they've asked for.

Punishment: Drowned in slushpile.

Slushie
03-10-2010, 07:17 AM
C: constantly trolling every forum in search of flame war, only to post the "respect your fellow writer" meme

P: being made a mod

alleycat
03-10-2010, 07:18 AM
Crime: Asking if it's okay to start your book with a dream sequence when you've already read all the other threads about starting with a dream sequence.

Punishment: Starting your book with a dream sequence. Newbies will only be issued a warning.

Slushie
03-10-2010, 07:24 AM
Amended:


Crime: Asking if it's okay to start your book with a dream sequence or prologue or weather or looking in the mirror, adverb/adjective usage, chapter length, genre word count when you've already read all the other threads about starting with a dream sequence or prologue or weather or looking in the mirror, adverb/adjective usage, chapter length, genre word count.

Punishment: Starting your book with a dream sequence. Newbies will only be issued a warning. Public mockery and reference to The Search Function.

alleycat
03-10-2010, 07:25 AM
Crime: Posting when you've had too much to drink.

Purishmetn: Having tojikiss sidver king's fish.

JoeEkaitis
03-10-2010, 07:29 AM
Crime: s/he

Punishment: Memorizing The Elements of Style (http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268191749&sr=8-2)

Silver King
03-10-2010, 07:30 AM
Crime: Dragging me into your silly-ass argument with another member that no one else cares about except the two of you.

Punishment: French kiss each other for life!

(Okay, maybe not "for life," but at least for six months or so...)

C.bronco
03-10-2010, 07:36 AM
Crime: Using "impacted" as a verb.

Punishment: Developing impacted molars.
:D

cray
03-10-2010, 07:37 AM
crime: talking on your #$!@#ing cell phone while you are at the register.


punishment: death. it will be legal for sales people to stab the arogant sob's who do this.

Cassiopeia
03-10-2010, 07:38 AM
Crime: redundancy in punishments by stating one punishment and then recanting).

Punishment: All punitive powers rescinded for life...(okay maybe not for life but at least six months or so..)

rhymegirl
03-10-2010, 07:49 AM
Crime: Using "it's" when you mean "its" or vice versa.

Punishment: there's no punishment severe enough for this one.

JoeEkaitis
03-10-2010, 07:49 AM
Crime: Parking a Fordillac Escascursion in 2 parking spaces.

Punishment: Driving a Yugo (http://www.stangbangers.com/Yugo_Ad.jpg) for the rest of your miserable arrogant worthless life.

alleycat
03-10-2010, 07:54 AM
Crime: Starting a thread asking several generic questions (where people have to ask for clarification) and then not coming back to it for two weeks.

Punishment: Having all the replies be old writing ditties. "Show, don't tell!"

KTC
03-10-2010, 07:55 AM
crime: talking on your #$!@#ing cell phone while you are at the register.


punishment: death. it will be legal for sales people to stab the arogant sob's who do this.

it's the AW version. you're OUT!

cray
03-10-2010, 07:58 AM
my bad,...a member of aw gets to stab the perp.

Silver King
03-10-2010, 08:04 AM
Crime: Starting a thread asking several generic questions (where people have to ask for clarification) and then not coming back to it for two weeks...
That should be a shooting offense.

And what's worse:

Crime: OPs who start threads and only respond to their own discussions and nowhere else on this site, ever.

Punishment: That should be a shooting offense.

JLCwrites
03-10-2010, 08:13 AM
Crime: Phallic avatars.

Punishment: Make them an Office Party Mod.

DL Hegel
03-10-2010, 08:17 AM
Crime: Posting when you've had too much to drink.

Purishmetn: Having tojikiss sidver king's fish.

What I have seen of PUI (posting under the influence) the fish would be getting lots of smoochies...


Crime: Phallic avatars.

Punishment: Make them an Office Party Mod.

:roll:

Bad birdie!

alleycat
03-10-2010, 08:28 AM
Crime: Starting a whole new Sarah Palin thread every time Palin sneezes.

Punishment: Having to became a Palin for President campaign worker.

DL Hegel
03-10-2010, 08:47 AM
Crime: Starting a whole new Sarah Palin thread every time Palin sneezes.

Punishment: Having to became a Palin for President campaign worker.

Crime: talking politics in OP

Punishment: having to smooch alleycat.

alleycat
03-10-2010, 08:52 AM
Crime: talking politics in OP

Punishment: having to smooch alleycat.
That's not punishment! That's a reward.

;-)

DL Hegel
03-10-2010, 09:00 AM
That's not punishment! That's a reward.

;-)

only for you:D

poetinahat
03-10-2010, 09:08 AM
C: being made a mod

P: constantly trolling every forum in search of flame war, only to post the "respect your fellow writer" meme
Fixed it for you. :cry:

poetinahat
03-10-2010, 09:18 AM
CRIME: LOLcatz

PUNISHMENT: Apparently, numbing of nerve endings, rendering one insensate to the profound agony of thousands of fellow AWers

*sigh*

Slushie
03-10-2010, 09:37 AM
Fixed it for you. :cry:

What say we make a compromise?

Crime: being a mod

Punishment: being a mod

An unending cycle of power-tripping and second-guessing. I feel for y'all. :(

kaitie
03-10-2010, 04:08 PM
Crime: Posting a thread about a topic when there is already a thread about the exact same topic within the first half of the page.

Punishment: Being sent back to the high school for kids who don't read good and being forced to sit next to the sparkly vampire.

KTC
03-10-2010, 04:10 PM
CRIME: LOLcatz

PUNISHMENT: Apparently, numbing of nerve endings, rendering one insensate to the profound agony of thousands of fellow AWers

*sigh*

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/this-meeting-is-over.jpg

thethinker42
03-10-2010, 04:42 PM
CRIME: Being Canadian.

PUNISHMENT: Face eaten off by baboons.


CRIME: Being a Scottish @#$% with an attitude.

PUNISHMENT: Eternity as tt42's writing partner.


CRIME: Posting something that warrants a beverage warning without said beverage warning.

PUNISHMENT: Required to clean my monitor and keyboard. Airfare to and from Okinawa is on your dime.

NeuroFizz
03-10-2010, 04:58 PM
Crime: :);):tongue:D:welcome::Hug2::rant::hooray::hi::fla g::Soapbox::snoopy::Shrug::ROFL::roll::Sun:: and all other forms of the Devil's sperm.

Punishment: no bother now, but your eternity will be contained within this big smile: :e2moon:

thethinker42
03-10-2010, 05:05 PM
NeuroFizz wins the internet. Especially with the use of "the Devil's sperm".

alleycat
03-10-2010, 05:08 PM
NeuroFizz wins the internet. Especially with the use of "the Devil's sperm".
And he wins . . .

:);):tongue:D:welcome::Hug2::rant::hooray::hi::fla g::Soapbox::snoopy::Shrug::ROFL::roll::Sun:

alleycat
03-10-2010, 05:31 PM
Crime: Quoting a blog by someone with dubious credentials as a news source.

Punishment: Banned from the Internet for 30 days.

alleycat
03-10-2010, 08:04 PM
Crime: Writing three pages of information about a WIP, including main characters, plot, theme, sub-plots, backstory (lots of backstory), viewpoint, chapter names, plot points, hopes for getting an agent, and other details and then getting to the question they want to ask: Should I use a comma here?: "he thought about going to the store, but decided not to . . ."

Punishment: Having to read 18 pages of replies to get to the answer.

Jcomp
03-10-2010, 08:45 PM
Crime: Men using smilies
Punishment: Temporary suspension of your Man License for a 1st offense. After that, more Draconian punishments may be enforced...

robeiae
03-10-2010, 09:20 PM
Crime: being KTC

Punishment: the same

kayleamay
03-10-2010, 10:09 PM
Crime: Joining AW
Punishment: decreased word count and degradation of social skills, assuming you had any to begin with.

tjwriter
03-10-2010, 10:15 PM
Crime: Pulling an LL Cool J look in your avatar photo.
Punishment: Having to wear a fro ala Yo Gabba Gabba

(Sorry. Couldn't resist. :D)

rhymegirl
03-10-2010, 10:38 PM
Crime: being KTC

Punishment: the same

Now that's funny.

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 05:33 AM
So, KTC, like virtue, is his own reward.

That's pretty cool, but birthdays must get boring...

Silver King
03-11-2010, 06:43 AM
Crime: Start a thread that no one responds to, even after hundreds of views.

Punishment: That is your punishment.

mscelina
03-11-2010, 06:55 AM
Crime: tackle hugging Silver King.

Punishment: tackle hugging Haggis.

:D

thethinker42
03-11-2010, 07:33 AM
Crime: Having a bunny for an avatar.

Punishment: Tongue-kissing Haggis.

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 07:48 AM
CRIME: Having anything from "Avatar" as an avatar.

PUNISHMENT: Watching "Being John Malkevich" seventy times. In a hall of mirrors.

mscelina
03-11-2010, 07:51 AM
Crime: Having a bunny for an avatar.

Punishment: Tongue-kissing Haggis.

:Wha:

Crime: writing 25k words a day
Punishment: writing 25,001 words a day

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 07:56 AM
CRIME: starting a "rep farming" thread

PUNISHMENT: getting crits on your reps

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 09:52 AM
CRIME: repping people with questions and generic attaboys, to start rep conversation, another well-known rep-farming scheme

PUNISHMENT: One week of Post Leprosy. Every time you post, Cranky locks the thread with a particularly cutting and jocular comment.

mscelina
03-11-2010, 10:07 AM
Crime: not realizing that supersede is the only use of the 'sede' suffix in the English language.

Punishment: Every time you post, Cranky locks the thread with a particularly cutting and jocular comment that supersedes your previous one.

:D

Cranky
03-11-2010, 10:19 AM
Crime: Posting things that cost me a new keyboard.

Punishment: Every time you post, I lock the thread with a cutting and jocular comment.

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 10:35 AM
CRIME: having one or more ginormous JPG's in your signature

PUNISHMENT: all your posts are converted to hieroglyphics. You are inundated with spam for Egyptian cat fertility drugs.

mscelina
03-11-2010, 10:47 AM
Crime: Posting things that cost me a new keyboard.

Punishment: Every time you post, I lock the thread with a cutting and jocular comment.

Crime: Yelling "Neener neener neener!" at a cranky mod.
Punishment: A lovely martini in front of the fireplace as I close my laptop for the day and think to myself, "Well, Celina--you done good."

*hands Cranky a towel to mop up the latest spit take on her keyboard*

:D

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 10:53 AM
CRIME: Congratulating self in public for a mod "gotcha"

PUNISHMENT: "KICK ME" sign applied after logoff

:evil

^
|
-- Jcomp, the mancard's in the mail. It wasn't worth it, but rules are rules.

Cranky
03-11-2010, 10:58 AM
I can't think of a clever way to make this fit the Crime/Punishment scenario (it's late, gimme a break!), so let me just say:

:roll:

KTC
03-11-2010, 03:30 PM
Crime: being KTC

Punishment: the same

Crime: finally snapping and tearing robieaieiaieaieiaieiaeiiaeiaieiaieaiiaee's arms from his body and bashing him to death with his own knuckle dragging hands. and burning the remains.

Punishment: life of bliss

KTC
03-11-2010, 03:33 PM
CRIME: Having anything from "Avatar" as an avatar.

PUNISHMENT: Watching "Being John Malkevich" seventy times. In a hall of mirrors.

shut up. it's MalkOvich...and it's a REALLY good movie.

KTC
03-11-2010, 03:34 PM
So, KTC, like virtue, is his own reward.

That's pretty cool, but birthdays must get boring...

spoken like a true genius (who missed that one important class on the sheer coolness of the movie Being John Malkovich).

thethinker42
03-11-2010, 03:47 PM
shut up. it's MalkOvich...and it's a REALLY good movie.

"Malkovich." "Malkovich?" "Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich." "Malkovich?!" "Malkovich. Malkovich...Malkovich." "Malkovich."

KTC
03-11-2010, 03:49 PM
"Malkovich." "Malkovich?" "Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich." "Malkovich?!" "Malkovich. Malkovich...Malkovich." "Malkovich."

exactly.

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 04:25 PM
shut up. it's MalkOvich...and it's a REALLY good movie.
Shut up? Shut UP?!
Just for that, Archie, you're not in the gang anymore!


My orthography sucks... but it *is* an excellent film.


spoken like a true genius (who missed that one important class on the sheer coolness of the movie Being John Malkovich).

I was merely riffing on the recursion thing, y'know, an avatar of Avatar?

Sigh.

P.S. Today's anagram: KITSCH = KTC-ish

KTC
03-11-2010, 04:33 PM
yikes!

poetinahat
03-11-2010, 04:40 PM
yikes!

i.e., sky

:e2poke:

KTC
03-11-2010, 04:41 PM
ione, what?

KTC
03-11-2010, 08:37 PM
CRIME: Confusing movie star and wunderkind John Malkovich with Russian constructivist artist Kasimir Malevich!

PUNISHMENT: None. Fully forgivable, if you also happen to wear an adorable hat.

Angela
03-13-2010, 09:46 AM
Crime: Being away from AW for a really looooong time.

I'm open to suggestion on the punishment....:flamethrower

JoeEkaitis
03-13-2010, 08:03 PM
Crime: Trans-gender avatars.

Punishment: Trans-gender surgery . . . with only a local anesthetic.

Susie
03-13-2010, 11:58 PM
Crime: I gave lots o' AWers :Cake:s :Hug2:s

Punishment: I ought to get back lots :D

rhymegirl
03-14-2010, 12:00 AM
Crime: Being away from AW for a really looooong time.

I'm open to suggestion on the punishment....:flamethrower

Here's your punishment, Angela: You must read EVERY SINGLE POST in every single thread you've missed.

Welcome back!

Susie
03-14-2010, 04:40 AM
Punishment for Angela. Having to :Hug2: all the peeps who missed her on AW (and that's a lot!) :)

Angela
03-14-2010, 11:49 AM
Here's your punishment, Angela: You must read EVERY SINGLE POST in every single thread you've missed.

Welcome back!


EVERY SINGLE POST?? But how will I get my WIP finished??? LOL! Thanks for the welcome!



Crime: Not giving Susie Cake.

Punishment: Give Susie :Cake::Cake::Cake::Cake::Cake::Cake::Cake::Cake::C ake::Cake:


LOTS of cake!!

Angela
03-14-2010, 11:50 AM
Punishment for Angela. Having to :Hug2: all the peeps who missed her on AW (and that's a lot!) :)


Okay here's my first two hugs!

:Hug2:Susie

:Hug2:Rhymegirl